You’d think after Tina Fey helped her be the funniest woman of 2008 that Sarah Palin would be used to being taking a joke. After comedian Sacha Baron Cohen used her for his new Showtime series, “Who is America,” set to premiere July 15th at midnight, Palin is one unhappy Alaskan. When Cohen prank-interviewed her disguised as a veteran, Palin took to Facebook and wrote, “Yup – we were duped. Ya got me, Sacha. Feel better now? I join a long list of American public personalities who have fallen victim to the evil, exploitive, sick ‘humor’ of the British ‘comedian’ Sacha Baron Cohen, enabled and sponsored by CBS/Showtime.” Ok, Sarah, just because you don’t think a comedian’s joke is funny doesn’t mean you have to put quotation marks around the word comedian. It’s not like I’m calling Trump the “president.” Ok, maybe I am…
Palin’s distaste for the way Cohen and Showtime handled her and her daughter’s interview continued as she described sitting through “a long ‘interview’ full of Hollywoodism’s disrespect and sarcasm – but finally had enough and literally, physically removed my mic and walked out, much to Cohen’s chagrin.” Damn, what is a Hollywoodism? Also, did Sarah Palin just try to beat Obama’s mic drop? You can’t do that with body mics, Sarah!
Palin reported that the production company purposefully dropped her and her daughter off at the wrong D.C. airport so that they would miss their flight back to Alaska, which would be pretty petty for a major television network. To compensate for her humiliation and inconvenience, Palin suggested that the proceeds of the show be donated to “a charitable group that actually respects and supports American Vets.”
While most of the details about the show’s concept are still under wraps, Cohen tweeted two teasers for the series on Twitter, one of which features former Vice President Dick Cheney being asked to sign a waterboarding kit. Cheney, who told “Meet the Press” in 2014 that waterboarding was “not torture,” agrees to sign the kit and says, “That’s a first. That’s the first time I’ve signed a waterboard.” So. Looks like it’s pretty safe to say this show will be amazing.
— Sacha Baron Cohen (@SachaBaronCohen) July 8, 2018
Palin ended her Facebook rant with a spicy stab of “By the way, my daughter thinks you’re a piece of ****, Sacha. Every honorable American Vet should feel the same.” However, Showtime CEO David Nevins defended Cohen and the series adding, “He is the premier provocateur of our time, but not for the sake of ‘gotcha’ moments. Behind the elaborate setup is a genuine quest for the truth about people, places and politics.” Hell yeah, this sounds like “60 Minutes” meets “Between Two Ferns.” Now let’s just hope he edits Tina Fey into the interview after Palin’s mic drop.
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There’s a popular saying that goes, “you either die a hero or live long enough that you’re forced to promote skinny tea on Instagram.” Unfortunately, Sarah Palin isn’t dead. (JK JK JK) The former vice presidential candidate and mother to children with names that sound like sporting goods brands, has taken on a new business venture. In a post yesterday, she praised the health benefits of Teami Blends Skinny Tea. That’s right, Sarah Palin is selling skinny tea on Instagram. Supposedly it keeps you awake and it definitely makes you shit a lot. That’s how the stars stay skinny, honey!
While there was truly so much going on in this photo — her distant gaze into the abyss — what is missing from the post is anything clarifying that it’s an ad. The Federal Trade Commission requires that posters disclose if their posting is an #ad or #not. So technically, Sarah Palin is breaking a law unless she really genuinely just loves #TeamiBlends and happens to miraculously have a discount code. #TeamiBlends won’t address directly if Palin was paid for the post but they did release a statement saying, “We are very lucky that she chose to share her Teami experience with her audience.”
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What an Instagram diet tea considers luck I consider a depressing downward spiral into financial destitute. Potato potato, y’all. And yes, I just became aware that that saying doesn’t work when you write it out.
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Oh, great, the Palins are back in the news, and this time it’s for Track – yes, “Track” – beating up his dad. Incred. Track Palin is the 28 year old son of Sarah Palin, who, casual reminder, ran for VP in 2008 and famously claimed that she could see Russia from her house. A whole family of winners, really.
According to reports, Track broke into his parents’ house, assaulted his dad to the point of bloodying him, and then called the police officers “peasants” as they arrested him. Also, the fight apparently started because Track wanted to come get his truck and his dad told him no.
TRACK PALIN: I’m coming to get my truck.
DAD PALIN: No, don’t come over.
TRACK PALIN: Time to beat up dad.
Okay, let’s unpack here. First of all, can we just take a second to imagine beating up your dad over…a truck. Cool cool cool. Second, lol to breaking and entering your parents’ home. My parents literally bribe me into coming home with free alcohol food and access to a washer and dryer unconditional love. Lastly, who the fuck uses “peasants” as a sick burn if they’re not literally Scott Disick? Track, stop trying to make peasants happen. It’s not going to happen.
He was charged with felony burglary, assault in the fourth degree, and criminal mischief, which I’m pretty sure are just the official terms for “daddy issues.” This is not his first arrest, and Sarah Palin has noted that this kind of behaviour stems from his PTSD from serving in the military and spending a year in Iraq. PTSD is a v real issue, and clearly Track is struggling with it. Casual reminder that the government needs to have more liberal laws about supporting and providing for veterans. Just something for all of us and Sarah Palin to think about.
Anyway, if you’re feeling some dread about going home for the holidays, just remember that at least you didn’t get arrested for beating up your dad. Or more importantly, at least your name isn’t fucking Track.
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