Welcome one, welcome all, to the first of what I hope will be at least a few Are You The One: Second Chances recaps, a show I may or may not have found out about only yesterday because I was stalking Derrick’s Instagram seeing what MTV has been up to lately. Before we get started, I’d just like to point out that no, the byline is not a typo. Our beloved Betch Waldorf will not be recapping this season, and I will do my best to honor her legacy.
Oh who am I kidding? We all know you are all just going to comment about how much better her recaps were, week after week. What can I say, I’m a masochist. Apparently. But luckily for me and unluckily for you, I don’t read the comments. Look and you’ll find that in my three-year history of writing for Betches, the only time I felt so strongly moved to comment was to defend my choice not to include Simba in a ranking of Disney princes by hotness. I think that tells you anything you need to know about me.
Anywho, let’s get into this recap.
This is really like a walk down memory lane. If memory lane consisted of my favorite idiot misfits. So okay, yeah, accurate.
Hopefully the first episode, which is a glorified one-hour intro sequence, is not indicative of how starved for drama the rest of the season will be. If it is, I think I speak for all of us watching when I say: kill me now.
We open with Devin and Rashida, who are trying entirely too hard to make “Team Puppet Master” happen. A team name like that doesn’t make you sound like the evil masterminds you think it does. It just makes you sound creepy.
Season 4’s fave couple, Cam and Mikala are back. I have nothing bad to say about them, I hope they get married and MTV films the wedding. We will, obviously, recap that wedding. I will not be going through a list of every couple who’s appearing on this season because you’re all watching it, yes? Ok good.
Since we last caught up with Ellie, she has darkened her hair and learned how to put on one swipe of eyeliner. She has not, unfortunately, figured out how to speak coherently.
I feel duped that Derrick is on this show, as glad as I am to see his face, because I came across his Bumble profile a few weeks ago and the only reason I’ve kept my profile is in the vain hopes he’ll match me. Should I have admitted that on a website he or his friends might read?
His team name with Cas is “Team Dark and Sassy,” which doesn’t even rhyme, nor is it a pun. I wonder if coming up with corny team names was a prerequisite to the competition, or they all just thought they were entering a beer pong competition at a dive bar?
Why are all the teams holding GoPros when they’re all being filmed by a camera crew? It makes about as much sense as Max’s job on Catfish.
I think the biggest disappointment thus far, aside from Gio’s presence, is the fact that Ryan Devlin is not hosting. Like, do you really expect me to believe he has something better to do? Star as another pedophile priest on an episode of Law & Order: SVU? I don’t mean to sound like the popular guy in a teen drama, but I don’t trust this new guy.
So basically what I and my two-margs-deep mind are gathering is that this show is The Amazing Race meets The Challenge meets half the IQ and physical stamina required to be on either show. Great!
THE CHALLENGE
We waste no time getting to the challenge, which is that each team has to find their way to their house. In Melbourne, Australia. From the back of a cab. How EVER will they do it??
Glad to know MTV is still trying to make the slo-mo happen.
Mike: Alicia and I have a lot of chemistry but the only thing that was missing was the romantic side the fact that she fucked everybody’s match.
Like, really, the first challenge is to find your way to a house using various cabs in an English-speaking country? TELL ME HOW THIS IS HARD. Ok so maybe Ellie doesn’t speak English, I will concede this will be difficult for her.
The first task: Find 5 emojis on a giant wall of graffiti. This is like, what I do every morning on Instagram at 5am. I could, and in fact do, literally do this in my sleep. And then there’s a crossword puzzle involved. So we’ve gone from: my drunk Saturday night activities to my Sunday morning hungover pasttime.
Ellie is looking at a map of Australia aka the country SHE IS IN RIGHT NOW, and miscorrectly identifies it as Great Britain. Someone please send this to Betsy DeVos as a reason why we fucking need money for the schools. SAVE THE CHILDREN.
Tori: IDGAF how dirty this alley is.
I would hope not, seeing as you’re from fucking Queens. This alley is probably nicer than your apartment.
So I didn’t watch AYTO OG aka season 1 but Shanley sounds like a summer beer I might drink.
They live at 100 Match Road. Somewhere, Ryan Devlin is chuckling to himself. “You’re crazy for this one,” he whispers.
Shanley: How do you hail a cab? I don’t know how to hail a cab. How do you hail a cab?
Adam: Like this *sticks arm out*
Gio: We should take their bags to slow them down.
Jesus Gio, this isn’t the homeless shelter. Have some chill. Wait. EPIPHANY: Gio is the Chad of Are You The One.
Kaylen is back with Asaf and I’ve gotta say, I’m liking this new hair/new scarf/new vibe. Also I totally forgot they were a match. Whoops.
Asaf: Once you slide in you can’t go back.
Glad to see nothing’s changed re: Asaf’s incoherent, sexually charged, made-up idioms.
Devin and Rashida come in first and win …. their first choice of bedrooms.
And $40,000. Ok, fine.
Of course Asaf came in second. This dude was in the fucking IDF (I assume). If so, he probably could have found his way to this spot blindfolded, through a sand storm, with nothing but the latitude and longitude coordinates of an abandoned lot two miles away.
Shandy and Adam come in third. Asaf pops a bottle screaming Yolo because the phrase “Yolo” probably only arrived in Israel six months ago, along with Notorious B.I.G.’s smash hit “Hypnotize”.
Nathan looks totally different and somehow like even more of a little bitch since season 2. He insists he and Ellie are just friends even though they talk all the time for a few months, get in a fight and stop talking, which kind of sounds like a relationship to me.
Derrick is just like, too much of a fucking Southern gentlemen to ask for some directions. Come on, Derrick. You’re hailing a cab, not asking a woman her age.
Derrick and Cassandra come in last. Kind of a metaphor for their entire reality TV career so far.
Mike and Alicia enter the house and are far too cocky for two people who came in 9th place out of 10.
Cas: Derrick I’m so sorry I felt like I could have done a little more.
This is an accurate statement, because literally anything is more than the absolute nothing she did.
Derrick, however, is like “it’s not your fault, it takes two.” HOW IS THIS MAN SINGLEE? HOW??!? I’m starting to think that Derrick is not real and is just a character created by women’s magazines and Shonda Rhimes.
Gio goes off on his own because the sky is blue and Alicia is like “it’s weird you’re alone.” Alright, who put their money on 10 minutes until Alicia moves in on her new target?
Gio: It wasn’t weird when I was alone on my season. It wasn’t weird when nobody gave a fuck about me. It wasn’t weird when I grew up on the block, with my thang cocked, possibly sitting on a drop now.
Alicia “has seen where Gio comes from” and I’m getting major Kaylen vibes. #Tbt
Alicia steals Gio’s hat — classic girl flirting move.
Carolina is trying to convince Hayden that she is a better girl for him than Gianna. She’s like, one move away from breaking out into a Sam Smith song.
Hayden’s like “my relationship with Gianna is so strong she’s apartment shopping for us right now.” While you’re in Australia. Playing a game based on love and trust. With the girl a bunch of scientists producers said is your perfect match. Can’t imagine what could go wrong with this scenario.
Ugh did this new host really just dab? Get this guy outta here.
New Guy, whose name I refuse to learn on principle, explains how elimination is going to work. All the perfect matches vote on who will go against Derrick and Cas. Elimination is called “the choice,” and although we have no idea WTF it entails, we know one thing: it was not created by the GOP. We do know it’s a “high-stakes game to test your trust in your partner,” so I’m envisioning some kind of stunt where they suspend them all off a building or some shit. Or like, maybe they’ll fuck with all the girls’ birth control and not tell them.
Tori is like “Morgan and I don’t really have trust since I dumped him for his roommate.” Like, yeah, that’s generally how it works.
Devin and Rashida still haven’t given up their whole Disney villain persona and are bragging about their amenities. I can’t wait to see this bite them in the ass later on in the season.
Devin: As you guys sleep six inches off the ground like the peasants you are, I will be in a king size bed.
As if any of this is news to Tori and Morgan, since they live in New York. And actually, a mattress on the floor is probably a luxury Gio has never known.
So what does Gio do? Strip and jump on their bed. For the record, that bed is king size like my fuckboy’s dick is 10 inches. AKA no way in hell.
Alicia and Gio just kissed. Who saw that coming? Oh right, all of us. Moving on.
Derrick: Do you think the challenge is physical or mental?
Cas: IDK as long as you trust me. Do you trust me?
Derrick: I trust you, Jack.
Derrick says they’re more confident than ever going into elimination, which is eerily what the people who get their asses handed to them say. I hope I’m not right, but I usually am about these things.
In an unexpected bit of behind-the-scenes footage I did not need to see, Derrick wants to put a hickey in the spot right under Cas’s chin. Over her mole.
Welp. Attraction gone. Thank you.
Mikala and Cam are that annoying couple who’s PDA all over the place. They probably make out in parks and shit. Honstly, not even mad because y’all are so beautiful and in love. It makes me sick.
Morgan and Tori have a conversation and decide to go by the name Team Awkward As Fuck. Which is one way to deal with your problems. I guess.
Tori wants to put her head on his chest and shit and Morgan’s like “I wouldn’t mind being friends.” Curve level: expert.
“I wouldn’t mind being friends” = what I’m going to say to every ugly guy I meet on Bumble now.
Everyone’s forming alliances and naturally people are worried Devin is going to fuck them over. Because he’s Devin.
Devin: If I’m gonna stab you I’m not gonna stab you in the back I’m gonna stab you in the fucking heart.
If you’re not convinced I’m sure Kiki can corroborate that statement.
Devin forms an alliance with Ellie and Nate and Shannon and Adam straight off the bat.
Devin: We’re pulling the strings. We’re the puppet masters they’re the puppets.
Isn’t that ALSO word for word what you said about Kiki? Let’s roll the tape.
Devin: We have ducks on the pond. If we don’t shoot them, they’re gonna fly away.
Devin probably prepared for this show by reading The Idiot’s Guide To Becoming A Cartoon Supervillain. Step 1: Give yourself a creepy name. Step 2: Speak only in unnecessary metaphors.
Hayden doesn’t want to form an alliance because he “was taught to take on the best, take on the strongest, take on the fastest,” or in layman’s terms, “male fragility.”
Devin: Your partner wants to be with us? Where the fuck do you wanna be, brother? Where the fuck do you wanna be?
Also Devin: Let the fucking games begin, baby!
Devin. You’re already the villain of this season. You can chill with the one-liners (that’s Step 3, btw).
THE CHOICE
Carolina and Hayden get voted into The Truth Booth elimination.
Devin: Immune looks good on us, Rashida.
Please. Please stop. We already hate you. You’ve done your job.
I’m really glad they brought their B-list outfits for the spinoff show. Except for Franny’s vampy lipstick and tattoo choker which I am LIVING FOR. Also please note that Gio is literally wearing his third eye. He is not one for subtlety.
Gio: Devin thinks he’s the shit because he got first place in the first competition. At the end of the day over my dead body will you leave here with a fucking dollar.
Seems a little extreme to threaten to kill yourself so someone else doesn’t win money, no?
Devin: Better start digging your grave then.
Gio: You’re a pussy and I’m gonna keep you here to ensure that you leave here with nothing.
I don’t think Gio understands how the game works. You want to eliminate the people that—nvm.
So it seems like these challenges are just a series of prisoners’ dilemmas. Which seems great because I‘m sure none of these idiots have ever taken Micro Economics. Reason #452 I need to disappoint my dad apply to be on Are You The One?
OK here’s the deal with this choice: Hayden and Carolina go up to these podiums with the lock in screen you remember on Are You The One? because MTV has all but run out of ideas. Each person can choose to “share” or “steal”. If both people share, it means they stay in the game together and Cas and Derrick go home. If one person steals, they take the entire bank for themselves and bounce, leaving the other high and dry. If they both pick steal, they both go home and Cas and Derrick get all their money AND stay in the game. In other words, this is just a poor man’s prisoner’s dilemma/every psychology experiment on altruism ever. Wait, what if… this show is one big social experiment? #HighThoughts
Carolina: I get the trust thing now. I get it.
Hayden: Welp. I’m fucked.
Tori: I feel bad for Carolina. You should never have to sell yourself for a shitty match.
Incidentally that’s what I tell myself every time a Tinder date gives me shit for not putting out.
The Squid: I want to give you both a moment to tell your perfect match exactly how you feel about them.
Carolina: I don’t trust this guy for shit. He led me on in the honeymoon suite. It happened 2 weeks ago. I’m not gonna fuck you over, I have the best intentions for you.
Me:
Hayden: You is kind. You is smart. You is important.
K that’s not really what he said but I took some liberties and jazzed it up a bit. As far as eliminations go, this is anticlimactic af. I’m literally just watching two people press a button. Where’s the bloodshed? Where’s the pizzazz?
REAVEAL TIME
Karolina chose share.
Hayden chose … share.
That means they both stay in the house which means Derrick and Cas are going home. Which is kinda bullshit because they didn’t even get to go head to head/get a chance to defend themselves. I’m kinda pissed for them. But maybe that means Derrick will be back on Bumble …. So blessed. So moved. So grateful. Can’t believe this is my life.
As a final thought, watching Rashida act as Devin’s sidekick is extremely cringeworthy. She’s like the LeFou to his Gaston. You know what, I would be down with her having a gay moment on this season. Stay tuned.
Catch Up On Last Week’s ‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Hi, My Name Is Tyranny And I’m An Alcoholic
Welcome back. You may have missed my last recap because it was a little late (my b, my b) but you can go read it now and get yourself caught the fuck up. Let’s be real—we all know you only watch this show for my recaps. I’m still waiting for MTV to acknowledge that these def made that show relevant again.
Betch Waldorf, making reality TV great again!
Anyway, let’s begin.
AFTER GETTING ANOTHER FOUR BEAMS…
They get four beams, again, are like TIME TO CELEBRATE! These idiots could literally find any reason to celebrate. Ah, the benefits of being stupid.
OSVALDO/ME EVERY SINGLE NIGHT: Where is the Henny?
They are like “yay we are mixing strategy with love” which is a weird way of saying “we have one thing in common and think we’re going to be together forever.”
Tyler is legit chain-smoking while Shannon is running around saying dumb shit including: “fuck a side chick ‘cause I ain’t one.” It’s very hard to take anything she says seriously when she sounds like a character from Sesame Street.
They’re like WE’RE A PERFECT MATCH and proceed to film the most subtle Trojan condom commercial ever. Seriously, MTV? You’re doing a product placement for a condom now? How bad are ratings, really?
Taylor and Andre are talking about how they both like their family and want a healthy relationship. Two things that are totally unheard of and so rare! Like wow, you must be a match! I mean, what are the odds? What’s next? You’re going tell me you both drink water?! GET OUTTA TOWN.
Andre is like, “lol shoutout to Tyler for being a dumbass.” Which is also going to be my newest slogan for daily life.
ME: *something happens*
ME: Shoutout to Tyler for being a dumbass
Andre and Taylor start making out in a closet because Tyler’s a dumbass.
Meanwhile, it’s pouring rain and Eddie and Alicia are in the pool. Didn’t anyone teach you this is how you get sick? Who raised you people?
Alicia is like “WE’RE BOTH EDDIE’S POTIENTIALS, BUT FRIENDSHIP.” She swears she would never do that to Kam. Has Alicia ever seen reality TV? Because that’s not how friendship works.
ALICIA: I am such a good person.
ME:
Ozzy and Hannah are a thing and he starts talking about how his dad is basically a pimp. Not like, a cool pimp. Like a “does sketchy shit with women” pimp. At least that’s what I got from the convo. I could be for sure spreading rumors. Oops.
Nothing makes Hannah’s panties wetter than daddy issues that aren’t her own.
THE CHALLENGE
This is basically a lie detector test and everyone is freaking the fuck out. They’re like, “mmmm no let’s do an obstacle course instead plz.”
Of course, it’s girls vs. guys and the team that answers honestly gets to have people pick the dates. Calling it now, the girls are going to win.
Joey’s first and he’s like “I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT ANYONE THINKS ABOUT ME!”
Joey admits to taking Viagra and Rush Boobs is into it. Honestly when you’re a trashman, I feel like not getting your dick hard is the least of your problems.
Gianna is next and she looks miserable. She admits that sex with Hayden isn’t the best she has ever had. I imagine it was pretty vanilla and that Gianna just fucking talked the whole time because she never shuts the fuck up.
Michael’s like “well she’s never had me” and it’s like, mmm please stop though.
Ryan’s like “HEY HAYDEN HOW DOES THAT FEEL???” Damn, shots fired. He’s like “well we had to be sneaky.” Yeah, okay. Whatever you gotta tell yourself.
Derrick admits to eating his boogers. Him and Carolina should build a house out of boogers and then eat it all up. Omg I might actually vomit.
KARI lies about having a threesome with another girl. Everyone freaks out and KARI’s not even phased.
KARI:
Carolina lies about thinking she is the hottest girl in the house. Who wouldn’t lie about that though?
Tee admits to bitch slapping someone. Shocking.
Shannon admits that when she’s not sucking up helium and playing with her dollhouse she enjoys taking pictures of her poop. Eddie’s like “ME AF.” Y’all motherfuckers need Jesus.
Ozzy gets a weak one about “is there someone who can make you open up?” BOOOOOO. What’s that shit? KARI gets one about her sex life and Ozzy gets this fuzzy dogshit? BOOOOO.
Of course he says yes and that it’s Hannah. Now they are in love idk.
Tyler is the final question and it’s tied and we ALLLLL know Tyler is about to lie his pretty little ass off.
Does Tyler believe in the matchmaking process? Of course he lies and says “yes.” MTV, let me answer this question right the fuck now for you. Tyler is not here for love. He’s here for an acting career, I assume.
I mean, have you seen his chisled face? You think this fool needs help finding love? Hard no. He needs help landing an audition or some shit. He may even find success as an extra in a CW show or something. Eventually he’ll end up modeling shirtless for romance novels that my aunt in Montana reads.
This ain’t my first rodeo.
Shannon is like “OH WELL HE WILL LOVE ME.” Poor, stupid little Shannon.
The girls won and the daters are decided by whose name is under the numbers—since the girls won by one point, number 1 is the first girl to go on a date. It’s Kam and therefore it’s also lit. She picks number 8, which is KARI.
Kam picks Eddie to go on the date and KARI takes Little Mike.
Alicia is like “I wish it was me with Eddie.” WE KNOW.
I imagine Alicia standing outside the date with a boombox in her hands playing “You Belong With Me” by Taylor Swift. But I mean, she would never do that because #friendship, right?
BACK AT THE HOUSE
Jaylan is fucking pissed that someone left a chicken wing on the counter—because it’s fucking gross and he hates litter.
Cas is like “he’s goofy and I like that” which is like saying “he has eyes and I like that.” Looks like miracles do happen and Jaylan is finally getting air time.
Gianna is legit pouting like a little girl in the pool while Hayden caters to her every whim. I must know—what is this denim vest Hayden is constantly wearing? Could he not afford sleeves? Or were they ripped off by Gianna’s man hands during their shitty sex? Let me know!
Carolina is like “Gianna is needy AF and only likes Hayden because he gives her attention!!” And Carolina would fuckin’ know because she like, practically invented that, ya know?
Eddie is like “I could be a match with Kam or Alicia”, which, yeah, that’s pretty much how this game works. He is talking to Alicia about it and she’s like “I’m jealous but girl code!!!”
On a scale of 1 to Kellyanne Conway, how full of shit is Alicia?
Carolina is like, trying to talk Hayden and he’s being a dick. She’s like “why do you hate me? I’m just trying to be nice and suck your dick and stuff.”
Meanwhile Gianna is pouting to Michael, another confirmed non-match. She’s like, hugging all on him, begging him to kiss her in the closet. Why are they always in the closet? Are there no other rooms in this house? Like, why you gotta do the nasty on Jaylan’s clothes?
Gianna’s like “IDK why I’m kissing other people. Maybe I deserve better.” WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY? YOU DESERVE BE…You know what, I cannot with her right now. I need more wine—and Gianna, you need to go fist yourself.
THE DATE
They go on a riverboat cruise, one where I’m sure Ozzy’s dad has pimped out many women in his day #alternativefacts.
Mike’s like “why did you pick me?” and I’m like FOR REAL. KARI says it was unattractive for him to have sex with Rush Boobs on the first night, but she believes in second chances and some other stupid shit.
Mike wants a girl who will stand up to him, which shouldn’t be hard because most girls are taller than him.
Eddie asks Kam a fun fact and she said that for a year she didn’t have sex, which can all agree is a very sad fact. *tear*
They are talking about how they “connect” in so many ways.
KAM: We connect mind, body and soul
EDDIE: 10/10 would send poop pictures for you
TRUTH BOOTH
Eddie and Kam obviously get picked to go in. Alicia is pissed but *in sing-song voice* I don’t give a fuck.
Ryan’s like “not trying to stress you out but if they get a no match you’re all fucked. Tootles!”
Thankfully, THEY ARE A PERFECT MATCH!
Everyone is pumped except Debbie Downer Alicia. She starts crying and people are like:
Michael and KARI are talking about Little Mike and KARI’s like “I can change him!” Sorry KARI, they don’t have height extension procedures yet.
Michael is like “you’re dumb” and proceeds to give very wise advice while still also making a Trump impression. I think I’m in love with him? KARI, date Michael. Or let me. Whatever.
Alicia and Eddie get up at 3am “to get water and go to the bathroom.” MMMhmmmm, sure.
EDDIE: Oh no, the bathroom and kitchen are locked. Looks like we’ll have to go to the boom boom room.
Kam and Tee wake up and are like “shit is sketch.” Kam’s thot senses are tingling.
Alicia and Eddie are legit hooking up and I’M YELLING AT THE TV RIGHT NOW.
REAL PICTURE OF ME:
Alicia goes up to Tee and is like “feel sorry for me, idk what to do!” Tee’s like “wtf do you mean?”
She tells her that she “kissed” Eddie and Tee is like YO FUCK YOU. *starts taking off her earrings, yells “YO HOLD MY POODLE” (name that movie)*
Tee tells Osvaldo because Tyler is a dumbass. Told you that saying works anywhere.
Kam goes up to Alicia and is like “I heard you kissed my match. Let’s talk.” IT’S LIT.
THE HOUSE RIGHT NOW:
Alicia is like “it’s not all me!” You’re right, but yours is worse. Alicia kind of apologizes and Kam is like, “not accepted you fuckin’ skank.”
KAM: See this? This is our friendship bracelet. I’m taking it off and it’s going in the dirt! (name that movie)
Eddie is like “damn I fucked up.” He’s like “it’s my last night in the house and I enjoy it with everyone” and “I’m here because I do dumb shit.”
KAM: I’m not even mad
EDDIE: Good, it was a mistake
KAM: I just think it’s kind of funny how….
“Eddie does dumb shit” the newest child books series I will be writing. Sequels include “Eddie learns how to poo poo” and “Eddie learns to take pictures of poo poo”.
THE MATCH-UP CEREMONY
Ryan calls down Kam and Eddie and asks if they are excited for the honeymoon suite. Kam’s like THE FUCK RYAN YOU KNOW I’M NOT. She throws Alicia under the bus because fuck her.
Andre is giving the best commentary throughout it all though. He’s low-key stirring the pot and I support it forreal.
Ryan asks Alicia if it was just a kiss.
REAL PICTURE OF ALICIA AS SHE LIES TO EVERYONE:
Of course, Alicia admits they had sex later on. Friend of the year, everyone.
Derrick tells Andre to shut up and NO ONE PUTS DRE IN THE CORNER.
Derrick is like “he still likes Alicia” and Andre is like, and I quote, “this isn’t about Alicia it’s about you being a little bitch.” FUCK YES LET’S GET READY TO RUMMMMMBLE.
Derrick gets up and all the guys get up to stop this, ruining my fucking fun. BOOOO! *throws popcorn*
Michael is like “THESE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING INSANE. IT’S VERY HARD FOR ME TO BE HERE.” I’m extending the invite for you to sit on my couch and drink wine with me. You’re welcome.
Kam is like, no shade but there are some BOMB-ASS BITCHES IN THIS HOUSE.
HAYDEN: Kam do you want me to get you some tea to sip? I was going to get some for Gianna as she requested but I can grab you some too…
GIANNA: *cracks whip* DON’T SPEAK UNLESS SPOKEN TO
Hayden will now be referred to as Reek throughout the remainder of these recaps.
Hannah is like, “if she goes after Ozzy I will drop a bitch.” Fuck yeah you will.
Hannah picks Ozzy and they start kissing. She’s taller than him. Womp womp.
Carolina is up next. Carolina is like “I like a boy that likes another girl.” Thrilling. Pick your person and let’s move the fuck on.
She picks Hayden.
GIANNA: I feel guilty that I kiss other people while Hayden is hung up on me.
ALSO GIANNA: But I like being selfish.
REAL PICTURE OF GIANNA:
Alicia picks Little Mike. Mike’s like, “yeah Alicia sucks…dick, am I right bro!?”
Tee picks little bitch Derrick.
Taylor picks Andre, without even saying his name. #Goals
Jaylan picks Cas.
Michael picks KARI.
Rush Boobs picks Joey. They’ll make such a lovely couple back home in Joey’s trailer park.
Gianna picks Osvaldo, who is just scared at this point.
Shannon picks Tyler. I can barely hear her say his name though. Only dogs can hear her speak 90% of the time.
Well, there is no blackout. They get 4 beams AGAIN. Damn, y’all are pulling a Joey and just cannot get it up.
ALS, deleted scenes reveal that GIANNA was the chicken bone culprit. I FUCKING KNEW IT. Add it to her tally. Jaylan hates her. Take a number, bro.
We’re excited to see another season of AYTO! This show has a large following, us included. Why do you think viewers love AYTO so much?
I think it’s 99% me, and 1% all the drama, hookups, heartbreak, and love. Or maybe it’s the other way around? Yeah, that’s probably more accurate. Look, this is a show unlike ANYTHING on television. Everyone either wins together or they lose together. Their perfect match is standing right in front of them…but will they be able to get past their terrible instincts and find him or her? This show has everything. I’m so stoked for this season!
You’ve been with the show all 5 seasons and we’ve watched alongside/prayed for you. What’s the craziest thing that a cast member has done on the show?
Some of it is so crazy we can’t air it ;). But what I can tell you is that things can get heated really fast. It’s an emotional rollercoaster from week to week—or hour to hour. These people are putting their hearts on the line, along with a million bucks, and the gloves come off really fast in some instances. Like last season, where Prosper started to come after me during a matchup. Or when Amanda and I really got into it with each other. It’s real emotion, and I can lose my cool too. But I think the fans like that sometimes!
Do you watch the episodes when they air? And while you’re watching them, what alcoholic beverage do you drink? (We assume you drink during these things. We do.)
A stiff cocktail is always recommended—during the filming AND airing. I try to theme my drinks to each season. Fireball season one, Pratt Juice season two, foamers (beer) season three, water season four (they were weak), and this season…I think I’ll go with tequila. And I’m going to need a lot of it, based on how the filming went.
Describe Season 5 in five words.
Hold on to your butts.
With that being said, what should viewers expect in Season 5? Drama? Actual romance? A glimpse into the beginnings of alcoholism?
A ton of twists and turns, starting in the first episode. Spoiler Alert (not at all a spoiler since MTV already announced it), this season we have 11 couples. 11 guys, 11 girls, and 1 host trying to remember everyone’s names. That means more chances at love…but also more heartbreak, hookups, and fighting. It’s going to be so lit! (The cast likes it when I try to talk like them.)
Each season’s cast is…well…different. What’s this cast like?
Probably the most “romantically free” cast we’ve had. These guys and gals don’t have any issues fooling around, with multiple people, all the time. No judgement, no shame, just testing out the waters before you commit to one pool. Or penis. I’m talking about lots of sex.
Be honest, do you read our recaps? Because we think we say pretty much everything you are secretly thinking.
I haven’t, but I’ve heard awesome things. Even some of the cast members were talking about your recaps this year when we were filming. So I’ll do my best to get my head out of my ass and follow your words this season. Hell, it’s gotta be better than anything I’m reading in the New York Times these days. (Writer’s Note: True AF.)
Finally, Ryan I’ve looked up your IMDb page and it says you were on Grey’s Anatomy. Very important question for you—McDreamy or McSteamy? If you don’t know what that is, we promise they are not burgers from McDonald’s.
McDevlin.
Don’t miss the Are You The One? season 5 premiere TOMORROW at 9/8c on MTV, and check for our recaps the following day right here at Betches!
