Lisa Page, Trump’s Favorite FBI Target, Is Breaking Her Silence

It’s hard to keep track of all the people Trump starts drama with on Twitter, which is something I hoped I would never have to say about a president of our nation, but here we fucking are.

Being a victim of Trump’s Twitter tantrums undoubtedly takes a toll on a person, especially when Trump weaponizes their personal life and qualities. This has very much been the case for former FBI lawyer Lisa Page, who recently decided to break her silence and defend herself against Trump’s gross attacks. Page spilled the tea in an interview with The Daily Beast published today, and to be quite honest, we are here. for. it.

Recaps are v necessary in the age of chaotic evil that is the daily news, so here is a refresher on Lisa Page and the shit that went down between her and Trump. Page was one of the two FBI employees whose text messages about their apparent dislike for Trump were revealed in a Washington Post article. The other person implicated in the reporting was former FBI agent Peter Strzok, the man Page had been texting and, as the texts revealed, the person she was having an affair with.

The portion of the texts that caught everyone’s eyes was when Page asked if Trump would really become president, and Strzok responded, “No. No he’s not. We’ll stop it.” The two had worked on the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails (idk if you’ve heard of these…) as well as the investigation of Russia meddling in the 2016 election, so their texts made some people concerned that they had a bias against Trump.

As you can imagine, Trump had a field day with this. What’s worse, is that although Page was made to believe that her affair would not be part of the reporting, the Washington Post included it in the story and suddenly her personal life was on display for the world. Page decided to remain quiet and wait for it to pass, until now.

^ Me sitting down to read Lisa Page’s side of the story.

So, what made Lisa Page snap? According to Page, the “straw that broke the camel’s back” was Trump talking about her at a rally in October, by faking an orgasm while saying her name (the president of the United States, ladies and gentleman). After that, Page decided it was time to take the narrative and her power back.

In the interview, Page stands by the idea that she did nothing wrong. The texts may have looked bad, but she cites her rights under the Hatch Act and the First Amendment when defending herself. She says, “I don’t engage in any sort of partisan politicking at all. But having an opinion and sharing that opinion publicly or privately with another person is squarely within the permissible bounds of the Hatch Act.” She also points out that the texts were taken out of context. She says, “And of course, you know, those texts were selected for their political impact. They lack a lot of context. Many of them aren’t even about him or me. We’re not given an opportunity to provide any context. In a lot of those texts we were talking about other people like our family members or articles we had sent each other.” As someone who has had their texts screenshot and sent to a group chat, let me just tell you…context is crucial, hennie.

But, of course, Trump never paid attention to Hatch Acts or context. He went straight to weaponizing Page’s texts and her personal affairs, and turning her into a punching bag for his army of devote followers. In the interview, Page talks about how traumatizing it has been to be someone Trump attacks publicly. “It’s like being punched in the gut. My heart drops to my stomach when I realize he has tweeted about me again,” she says. “The president of the United States is calling me names to the entire world. He’s demeaning me and my career. It’s sickening.”

Trump wasted no time tweeting a response to the piece.

Page is further haunted by the daunting reality that Trump holds power over her and what the public thinks of her. She explains:

“But it’s also very intimidating because he’s still the president of the United States. And when the president accuses you of treason by name, despite the fact that I know there’s no fathomable way that I have committed any crime at all, let alone treason, he’s still somebody in a position to actually do something about that. To try to further destroy my life. It never goes away or stops, even when he’s not publicly attacking me.”

Trump is the ultimate troll, and unlike most internet trolls with a picture of an egg on their profile and a measly 0-10 followers, Trump has the entire world as his platform. Being one of his targets means being a target of an entire movement built on hate, lies, and often times misogyny. It’s not surprising that Page’s affair has been made part of this scandal, seeing as she is a woman. When attacking women, Trump almost always brings their personal affairs into it. And the results are life-altering.

Page says that her day-to-day life has changed in a devastating way. “I’m someone who’s always in my head anyway—so now otherwise normal interactions take on a different meaning. Like, when somebody makes eye contact with me on the Metro, I kind of wince, wondering if it’s because they recognize me, or are they just scanning the train like people do? It’s immediately a question of friend or foe? Or if I’m walking down the street or shopping and there’s somebody wearing Trump gear or a MAGA hat, I’ll walk the other way or try to put some distance between us because I’m not looking for conflict,” She says.

“Really, what I wanted most in this world is my life back.” God, someone get this woman a drink or twelve.

This all comes right before the release of the Justice Department inspector general report into Trump’s charges that the FBI spied on his 2016 campaign on December 9. Leaked press accounts show that Page will be exonerated for acting biased against Trump in this report, but Page isn’t quick to find solace in this. She says, “While it would be nice to have the IG confirm publicly that my personal opinions had absolutely no bearing on the course of the Russia investigations, I don’t kid myself that the fact will matter very much for a lot of people. The president has a very loud megaphone.”

^ Trump and his unfortunately loud megaphone.

And therein lies what is so scary about this story, and others like it. The truth, in the Trump era, doesn’t seem to matter, so long as Trump himself is screaming over it. None of this is lost on Page. At the end of the interview, she eloquently states.

“It’s very painful to see to places like the FBI and the Department of Justice that represent so much of what is excellent about this country, not fulfilling the critical obligation that they have to speak truth to power,” she said.

Hostile reminder to vote in the 2020 election, so long as you don’t want a bully who doesn’t give a fuck about the truth in the oval office. Just a thought!

Images: Twitter (1), Giphy (3)

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Here’s What We Learned From Robert Mueller’s First IRL Statement

Everyone shut up! Robert Mueller has something to say. Today, the man behind the curtain came forward in a very rare public appearence to get a few things off his chest. When a man of power, well-tailored suits, and possibly information to kick Trump out of office speaks, we listen with bated breath.

So what did we learn?

He Is Resigning And Closing The Special Counsel’s Office

Unfortunately, the “he” in this case is Robert Mueller and not Donald Trump. With the conclusion of the Special Counsel report, Mueller is closing the office and retiring to private life. I doubt there’s going to be a big bash with goodbye tequila shots for his departure. More likely there will be a solemn greeting card from CVS passed around the office that everyone has to sign.

He Did Not Clear Trump

While Trump’s fingers are about to fall off from tweeting NO COLLUSION NO OBSTRUCTION 200 times a day, Mueller restated that this was not the point made by his report. “If we could say with confidence that the president clearly did not commit a crime, we would have said so,” he said.

There it is folks

— The Betches Sup (@Betches_Sup) May 29, 2019

Take your time untangling the double negatives, but basically, he is saying Trump is up to some shady stuff. He emphasized that his office chose to follow a Justice Department policy that states a sitting president cannot be indicted “even if the charge is kept under seal and hidden from public view,” Mueller said, adding: “Charging the president with a crime was, therefore, not an option we could consider.”

As such, the report states that Mueller’s team “determined not to apply an approach that that could potentially result in a judgment that the president committed crimes.” Def thought that’s what they’ve been doing for two years, but okay.

So because Trump could not be indicted, Mueller determined it would be inappropriate to pursue any conclusion that would result in charges. Why? Because any trial that could prove guilt or exonerate Trump would have to wait until after his presidency or it would, obviously, impact his ability to govern. (Is that what we’re calling it?) However, the hottest tea from today’s statement — or at least, tea that’s become lukewarm since the report and Mueller popped in the microwave for a minute — relates to whether the office determined that he did not commit a crime. Mueller encouraged us to highlight and underline the parts in his report that say “we can’t say he didn’t commit a crime” and to rest assured that if they had determined “no obstruction,” they would have said so.

Today’s statement also affirms that Attorney General Bill Barr dramatically understated how limited Mueller felt by the Justice Department’s policy. Barr had previously suggested that Mueller found no evidence of a crime and the policy barring him from bringing charges was almost irrelevant. Based on Mueller’s report and statements today, that is not the case. The policy, it seems, had a definitive impact on the investigation.


He’s Not Going To Testify

What we read is what we’re going to get. Despite many of us wanting an extensive Sparknotes version of the report, Mueller is being an annoying English teacher and is like “the text speaks for itself.” He does not want to testify any further and kept referring to his report as the final word. He’s pretty clear about that. It’s like his old man version of constantly reminding everyone he studied abroad. We get it.

Mueller's statement about whether he will or won't testify is so confusing. In it he:
1. says his report is his testimony
2. says he will not add anything addition if he does testify
3. says he does not want to speak about other departments
4. does not expressly refuse to testify

— Amee Vanderpool (@girlsreallyrule) May 29, 2019


Is It A Call For Impeachment?

Some folks, especially the Democrats (duh) believe this is Mueller advocating for an impeachment. When Mueller reiterated that his office was unable to make a determination on obstruction of justice or suggest a penalty for any wrongdoing they did find, he noted that “the Constitution requires a process other than the criminal justice system to formally accuse a sitting president of wrongdoing,” he said. Incidentally, that process is impeachment.

If that’s what the tea leaves are saying, so be it. Happy to clear my important schedule of watching RHONY re-runs and watch an impeachment hearing. Nancy Pelosi continues to stall on impeachment, but many lawmakers (especially ones running for president, which is most of them) took Mueller’s words as a call to arms.

What Robert Mueller basically did was return an impeachment referral. Now it is up to Congress to hold this president accountable.

We need to start impeachment proceedings. It's our constitutional obligation.

— Kamala Harris (@KamalaHarris) May 29, 2019

It's time for Congress to begin impeachment hearings and follow the facts. Robert Mueller clearly expects Congress to exercise its constitutional authority and take steps that he could not. We can't let the president defy basic accountability measures built into our Constitution.

— Kirsten Gillibrand (@SenGillibrand) May 29, 2019

Mueller’s statement makes clear what those who have read his report know: It is an impeachment referral, and it’s up to Congress to act. They should.

— Elizabeth Warren (@ewarren) May 29, 2019

Robert Mueller’s statement makes it clear: Congress has a legal and moral obligation to begin impeachment proceedings immediately.

— Cory Booker (@CoryBooker) May 29, 2019

Mueller to Congress

— David Dennis Jr. (@DavidDTSS) May 29, 2019


The 5 Craziest Quotes From A Former Trump Aide’s TV Meltdown Yesterday

There literally wasn’t one single channel you could’ve had on yesterday that former Trump aide Sam Nunberg wasn’t having a massive and unparalleled mental breakdown on yesterday. The 36 year old (girl, we know…) was subpoenaed by Robert Mueller’s special counsel and asked to hand over his email correspondence from 2015 with Steve Bannon, Roger Stone, and others involved in Trump’s campaign. Instead of complying, he went on a full out media tour lambasting Bob Mueller and having an epic meltdown about how much work finding those emails would be. To be totally fair, I have felt similarly when told to do anything and he is just brave enough to rant about it on air. But also, on the other hand, I know how to use Gmail’s search function.

Nunberg might’ve been drunk it isn’t totally clear, but whatever he was the case he was spilling tea like a drunk girl in a bathroom bar and like that scenario, I’m all ears. Here were his craziest quotes.

“I’m not going to get sent to prison.”

Honey, you literally probably are. This feels like you’re jinxing it.

“Trump may have very well done something during the election with the Russians.”

I mean we all knew that but like…what?

“I believe Carter Page was colluding with the Russians.”

We knew that but like…what? Part deux.

“Okay, fine, yeah, unattractive, she’s a fat slob. But that’s unrelevant”

In the name of feminism: rude. Also “unrelevant” isn’t a word.

“Do you think should I cooperate?”

After spilling all of this tea on air, he asked Jake Tapper this. Like he was already starting to sober up and realize he’d made a huge mistake. And Sam, sweetie, you’ve already uncooperated. 

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