In case the world wasn’t already going to shit, apparently now your makeup could be sabotaging your Instagram photos. So should I just step in front of a moving car now or?
So if you were hoping to be the next face of hair vitamins or laxative teas on Instagram then listen up betch, because here’s a full list of all the ways you’re fucking up your Instagram photos with your makeup choices. You’re welcome.
1. Over-Powdering And/Or Skipping Powder
Unless you are the next face of Maybelline, you need to powder your fucking face. But not, like, too much or your skin will look start to look flat and dull. Ew. To appear fresh-faced and like you didn’t just spend last night making work happy hour your bitch, only powder the t-zone area of your face, i.e. your nose, forehead, and chin.
2. Not Matching Your Base To Your Face Makeup
This is a rookie mistake that is only acceptable to make your freshman year of college and that one time in Miami you got too drunk by the pool and just said fuck it when you were getting ready to go out. THOSE ARE THE ONLY TIMES. Because even though you might think you look fine you fucking don’t. So for god’s sake, make sure you blend your foundation down your face, neck, and chest because no one wants to see that shit.
3. Doing The Most With Your Eyebrows
PSA: Those eyebrows that you spent an embarrassing amount of time sculpting this morning might make you look like Olivia Culpo up close, but from afar you look like you should be preforming at a drag brunch. For selfies and your Bumble profile picture stick to the opaque and overly sculpted look, but for group photos and, like, life maybe go with a fuller, fluffier brow.
4. Going Batshit With Your Highlighter
There is a fine line between “gorgeous glow” and “dear god you’re blinding my eyes with what’s happening on your cheekbones rn.” Too much highlighter can emphasize uneven texture and the size of your pores. Dab a cream highlighter like RMS Beauty Living Luminizer on the tops of your cheekbones, cupid’s bow, and inner tear ducts. Avoid at all costs the center of your cheek and forehead or I will fucking call you out for it.
5. Being Stingy With Your Mascara
Tbh I feel like this one is sort of elementary, but don’t be stingy with your mascara. Short, straight lashes can make the eyes look tired AF. Makeup artists suggest curling lashes for at least 30 seconds and then applying several coats of carbon black mascara to lock in the curl. Or you could just buy eyelash extensions like a fucking adult.
And, no, I’m not talking about your Bumble boyfriend who just fell off of the face of the earth after you used the term “monogamy” for the first time. I’m talking about the kind of ghosting where you’re in the club and it’s too dark to take a selfie so you turn on the flash and all of the sudden you look paler than Anne Hathaway at the beach. You can blame the SPF in your moisturizer/foundation for that. If you’re trying harder than a former Bachelor contestant to get likes on a photo, then maybe go for a foundation with a lower SPF rating. Or just use a weird Instagram filter to make you look “artsy.” Idk seems to be working for Kim Kardashian these days.