Farnoosh Torabi is a financial expert, host of the podcast So Money and co-founder of Stacks House, a massive experiential museum for female financial empowerment. Currently stationed in downtown L.A., Stacks House, together with its presenting partner Zelle, as well as Charles Schwab and Day Owl, plans to travel the country and make financial literacy fun. Use this link for 40% off your ticket.

Women, I’m told, are obsessed with retirement. Over the past four years as the host of a financial podcast, my largely female audience has been sending me their biggest money concerns over email, Instagram DMs, and during chance run-ins on the A train. One of the most pressing issues I hear from listeners is how to prepare for retirement. Specifically, women want to know: Where do I begin investing so that I can have enough when I retire? Our obsession makes sense. We’re living longer than men (on average) and have the wage gap to battle, which makes shoring up money for the golden years all the more stressful. In a recent survey by Charles Schwab, three out of four young women said putting together a financial plan is very important to reaching their financial goals—versus 64% of young men. Should I invest in a 401(k)? How about a Roth IRA? And, wait. There’s a Roth 401(k)?

The questions I field often relate to all the different accounts and how they work. If all the financial lingo is getting in the way of you and your older, richer self, I have some help. Here’s a breakdown of some of the most common retirement accounts and whether they’re right for you.

Workplace Retirement Accounts

what (and I cannot stress this enough) the fuck is a 401k

— Betches (@betchesluvthis) February 15, 2019

Best for: Those with access to a plan that carries a company match. If you’re not sure where to begin investing and have access to a 401(k) through your job, this may be a great place to start. Named after a section of the IRS code, the almighty 401(k) is the most popular retirement savings vehicle. Recent numbers show about 80 million people are actively participating in a 401(k) or a “defined contribution plan.” Many employers offer 401(k)s as a workplace benefit. (If you work for a non-profit, school or government office, your plan is probably called a 403(b). It basically works the same way.)

You get to contribute automatically out of every paycheck. And with the help of the plan provider, you can select your investments within the plan to reflect your risk tolerance and retirement age. Annual contributions are capped
at $19,000 in 2019 or $20,000 if you are age 50 and over and can be deducted from your taxable income, which helps you save on your taxes today. Your tax burden is then pushed off until you start making qualified withdrawals at age 59 ½.

Bonus: Some employers will throw in a match. For example, they may provide a dollar for every dollar you invest, up to, say, 5% of your salary. And if that is the case, you should absolutely invest in a 401(k) to at least earn the company match. It’s sort of like free money!

Traditional Individual Retirement Accounts (or Traditional IRAs)

Best for: Those who may not have access to a workplace retirement account and want to save on taxes today. The traditional IRA (Individual Retirement Account) is a popular retirement savings vehicle that you can open up at a financial institution or bank. Like a 401(k), contributions made to a traditional IRA are tax-deductible up to $6,000 in 2019 ($7,000 if you’re 50 or older). Funds aren’t taxed until they’re withdrawn, but there is a penalty for taking money out before age 59 ½.

Roth IRAs

At this point my retirement plan is just banking on the fact that climate change will kill us all by 2030

— Betches (@betchesluvthis) February 15, 2019

Best for: Those who think they’ll be in a higher tax bracket in retirement (i.e. most young people). Or, those who want to save for retirement, but are concerned they may need the money sooner. A Roth IRA is another type of individual retirement account. It is similar to a traditional IRA as far as the contribution limits go. This year’s cap is $6,000. The major difference is that you can’t deduct your contribution from your taxable income today. Instead, the tax benefit arrives later down the road, when you pay zero taxes on all future withdrawals in retirement (and when adhering to Roth IRA rules).

Another thing to note about Roth IRAs: You can’t contribute if you earn too much money. This year, if you’re filing taxes single, you’re no longer eligible for a Roth IRA once you earn $137,000 or more. For married couples filing jointly, you become ineligible at $203,000. The Roth IRA is also unique in that you can take out your contributions (note: not your earnings on the contributions, just contributions) at any time without facing a tax or penalty. Some really like this benefit because it provides better flexibility of accessing your money if you really need it.

Pro tip: If you already have a 401(k) or another type of employer-sponsored retirement account where contributions are tax-deductible—and you’re looking to diversify your tax exposure in retirement—a Roth IRA can be a solid vehicle for that purpose.

Roth 401(k)s

Best for: Those who want the best of both worlds. Now that we’ve reviewed the basics of 401(k)s and Roth IRAs, you can probably imagine how a Roth 401(k) works. Like a 401(k) this is an employer-sponsored investment savings account. The money you set aside, like a Roth IRA, is done so with after-tax dollars. You don’t get to deduct your contribution from your taxable income today, but you can make qualified withdrawals in retirement tax-free. Roth 401(k)s offer the higher contribution limits of a 401(k). And while a Roth IRA limits who can contribute based on income, a Roth 401(k) doesn’t have that rule.

Shop Betches What’s A 401k Tee

Images: Alexander Mils / Unsplash; betchesluvthis / Twitter (2)

Dear Betch,

I met this guy about six months ago. He lives in another state, came up to my state for a week for work and we hung out for that entire week and really clicked. Since then he has come and visited me twice, but that’s it. He is terrible at texting (we never have conversation over text) and he has only called me just to “chat” once. Still, I REALLY really like him, and I have a feeling he likes me too, or he wouldn’t still keep me in his radar, or fly across the states to visit me, etc., My question is: Am I an idiot for holding on so long? Do I need to let him go?

And if there is ANY hope at ALL for us, how do I deal with his non communication while he lives in another state? We have talked about it, but I don’t really think he will change.

Thanks,
Helpless

Dear Idiot,

Well, that answers your first question. I don’t really have the time for this, because this guy is just not into you. As you get older and less stupid, you come to realize that guys will do ANYTHING to keep a woman on their radar, including continuing to text them “You single yet?” every few months even though you told him in no uncertain terms that you would not date him if you were single, taken, or the last woman on earth. That was a hypothetical example that definitely did not happen to me… Anyway, yeah, he’s not flying across the state to visit you, he’s doing it for work. You and your vagina are just a perk, which is why he doesn’t put in any effort the other like, 90% of the time.

Cut It Off,

The Betches

Dear Betches,

I recently got a new job and with it came about a 50% raise. While my negotiating skills are obviously up to par, my long term money management skills maybe aren’t. I was talking to my live-in boyfriend of 3 years about a few purchases that I had planned to spoil myself with, to which he replied “You should probably consider a retirement plan…” While I do have stocks, Daddy-dearest manages it for me and it does not include a retirement plan. Daddy-dearest is of course my go-to for all things adult, but my boyfriend is a CPA. I said I was open to the idea, but he said he would want to look at my financials. I don’t know how comfortable I am with showing him my bank accounts/etc. because that is a very private matter.

How long do people wait before sharing intimate financial details with their significant other? We aren’t getting married anytime soon so like isn’t this a little premature?

Xoxo,
What is Adulting?

Dear Adult,

First off, congrats on the raise! Please DM me your negotiating tactics. I’ll just get right to the advice: I agree with your boyfriend that you need a 401K or IRA or other retirement plan, BUT I do not think you should give him access to your finances. That’s just a recipe for disaster IMO—save that shit for marriage. As long as you’re not in crippling debt, keep your financial info private. Fortunately, setting up a retirement plan is super easy! First check with your HR/benefits person at your job to make sure that your company doesn’t already provide some type of retirement saving. If they do, you are living the fucking life. Contribute as much as you can out of each paycheck, especially if they match—that is free money!!

If not, call up your local Fidelity or wherever and talk to someone and they’ll walk you through it. Ask your dad for advice on a plan if you’re not sure what to do or like, don’t *really* know what the difference between a 401K and an IRA is (and then LMK what he says, asking for a friend). I think I read somewhere that you should try to contribute 6-10% of each paycheck to your retirement savings, but I can’t find that info now in the 30 seconds I took to Google it so maybe I made that up.

For the record, it’s okay to treat yo’self yourself a little bit, but you ALSO definitely need to start saving for retirement.

As my dad says: Age is temporary, immaturity lasts forever.

Financially Responsible Kisses,

The Betches

Hi Betches,

I have been in a serious relationship with a guy on and off since 2008. We have been steadily dating for the last 4 years and we recently got engaged. Everything was great and I talked about the wedding a lot (what girl wouldnt!?) and he started getting upset. We talked  and we argued and thought everything was settled.

A few weeks ago he told me he was going to work on a case with a friend of his (who I know and never liked because she’s super fake) and he left and didn’t call or respond to any of my messages. he called me at 11am and said he’s gonna see some friends and hell see me tonight…. after 8 hours of calling and texting i finally called his friend to be like “where are you” and they said they’re in a hotel and he doesn’t want to talk to me. He never responded until 4am the next day.

He came home the next day saying he had a mental breakdown and that I was the cause of him being upset and having a mental breakdown in a hotel. He blamed me for everything. I left town to heal and then he told me I abandoned him. Everything progressively got worse every single day and I was blamed for absolutely everything. He called me horrible names and said mean things to me all while I was still trying to hear him out.

Anyway, a lot of things escalated and at the end of it he told me he doesnt want a “break” and wants to just break up because I “don’t get it” and I “abandoned him”. Please help me.

I love him. I have loved him for almost 10 years. I imagined my entire life with him and now he is someone I don’t recognize anymore. I know I should walk away, but I just can’t. Please give me your betchiest advice.

Thank you so much.

Dear Molly Jensen,

I called you that because:

As a completely objective third party with absolutely no interest in the matter, I think this guy did you a favor. I think it’s in your best interest to pull a Chris and GET OUT. Sorry for the bad joke, but seriously. Let me break down all the ways in which something is seriously wrong here.

1. He’s disappearing on you for hours/maybe days?—I don’t care what the circumstances are, that is just not ok.

2. He blames you for everything—you cannot cause someone’s mental breakdown (unless you are like, abusing them I guess). But it seems like he just went off, probs did something shady, and then so you don’t get suspicious is turning the blame back around on you so YOU will grovel for HIS forgiveness and forget that he was the one who fucked up in the first place. 

3. He’s invalidating your feelings (i.e. “you abandoned me”) and is calling you horrible names and saying mean things to you. Nope, nope, nope.

Look, I can understand on a theoretical level (because I don’t have feelings) that loving someone for 10 years and leaving is incredibly hard. But you guys aren’t even married yet, and he’s already giving you a glimpse of what married life will be like. Do you really want this for the rest of your life? Do you really want him disappearing for days and leaving you alone with the kids or whatever and then having the gall to call you a shitty partner when he finally returns? I hope you don’t.

Here’s what you do: Take him at his word and block him on everything. Treat it as if you’re actually broken up. I would bet my entire (meager) retirement plan that he’s not serious about breaking up with you, and this is a manipulation tactic to get you to forget that you were (rightfully) upset about him ghosting on you for days. He’ll be back in a few days or weeks, “graciously” willing to “forgive you” if you just apologize and agree to let him do whatever the fuck he wants with no consequences—don’t fall for it. I would also be willing to bet the same aforementioned sum that this isn’t the first time he’s done something like this, and this is just another in a long line of manipulation.

You know you should walk away, and he’s given you the chance to do it. Take the out. 

You Can Venmo Me If I’m Right,

The Betches