Let’s be real: we’re at the point in quarantine when all of those “what day is it?” memes are starting to feel a little too on the nose. Tensions are running high, and the only people you’re allowed to see are most likely the ones responsible for pissing you off. Even if you previously loved your roommate(s), you might be starting to find yourself annoyed at the mere sound of their door opening. (And if you already hated your roommates, well, let’s just hope they’re still alive.)
If this resonates, take a deep breath: your relationship with your roommate doesn’t have to suffer just because you’re now seeing one another more frequently than twins in utero. Personally, I’m one of the most easily annoyed human beings on the planet and I’ve somehow… gotten closer with my roommates? Whether it’s the collective trauma, or our pathetically earnest attitudes to keep the peace, or the sacred gift that is wine delivery, we’re finding ways to make these close quarters work. Here are some suggestions for you to do the same:
Try To Keep Separate Schedules
I may have not taken a math class since my freshman year of college, but I’m logical enough to know that the more you see your roommate, the more likely they are to start pissing you off. Maybe you’re feeling claustrophobic because you both keep trying to make dinner at the exact same time. Or maybe they won’t stop binging Five Wives when all you want to do is marathon Sex and the City. In any case, it’s frustrating to feel like your space isn’t truly yours.
Try to combat this by adhering to separate schedules. If your roommate is in the main area, maybe take some solo time in your room for FaceTime dates, catching up on a good book, or testing out a DIY face mask you used to never have time for. If you show that you’re respecting their space (and they’re a decent person), they’ll hopefully do the same for you.
Distract Yourselves With A Shared Project
Please do not bring your Tik Tok dances to the bars when they open
— Tay (@g0nefisching) April 20, 2020
Whether it’s finally organizing the hallway closet, a Pinterest craft, or getting TikTok famous, connecting over a shared project eliminates boredom, and thus some of the tension that may arise when quarantining with another. Plus, a shared project gives you and your roommate something to bond over. Months from now, you can look back at that gallery wall and think, “Aww, remember how we survived this incredibly anxiety-inducing time together?”
Give Yourself Some Date Nights
One of the first things a couples therapist will suggest to struggling partners is to find ways to “rekindle the magic.” Try to do the same thing with your roommate, but without making it weird. (Unless you both want that, in which case, godspeed.)
Find something you share in common and make an activity out of it. This could include having a DIY cocktail night, ordering a huge spread of Chinese takeout, or busting out a puzzle. Quarantine can be brutally depressing for everyone, but by finding ways to make it more fun, you’ll squash some of those bad vibes and create adorable memories.
Build An Apartment Registry For Stuff You Want To Buy
Nothing brings people together like adding things to your online cart and never actually buying them. At the very least, it will get you both onto your computers and out of each other’s faces. Check out some of the killer online sales right now, or scan Etsy to support small businesses. If you don’t have similar tastes, stray away from things like art and throw pillows and look more at utilitarian pieces like vacuums, vegetable spiralizers, and Vitamixes.
Have An Honest (But Chill) Conversation About Cleaning And Social Distancing
Cleaning is inarguably more important during a pandemic, which can be a real problem if your roommate is a Joey and you’re a Monica. To protect yourself from potential resentment, sit down and discuss what you’re going to do to be safe and responsible over the next few months. Also consider using this time to discuss social distancing etiquette—it’s best to be super clear so your roommate isn’t bringing a rando Brad over for the umpteenth time.
If your roommate isn’t taking hygiene or social distancing seriously, lead with empathy and facts: I know you that really wanna hook up with right now, but I don’t feel safe. If they’re still breaking the rules, call the cops. (JK, but maybe consider getting a new roommate after all of this is over.)
Revisit Some Classic Rom-Coms
Just watched You’ve Got Mail. Such a cute movie OMG. Who knew Dave Chapelle was in it!!
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) May 3, 2020
It’s hard to feel any sort of negativity when you’re watching Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks fall in love against a Seattle skyline. Or watching Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks fall in love in a NYC bookstore. Or watching Meg Ryan fall in love with Billy Crystal amidst a picturesque fall backdrop. If 90s rom-coms aren’t your thing (first of all, how dare you) find something else like, Harry Potter… or IDK, Jurassic Park. Just pick something you both sort of enjoy, shut up, and let your eyes glaze over as you bond over the gentle escape to a pre-COVID-19 world.
Celebrate A Random Holiday
We’re hoping to be let out of this metaphorical prison soon, but in the mean time we might as well find something to celebrate. Luckily, there are a ton of random holidays in May and June that make it acceptable to throw a “roomies only” party. Pick one and make a big to-do about celebrating it—holidays include National Chocolate Chip Day (May 15), National Wine Day (every day May 25), Hug Your Cat Day (June 4), Best Friends Day (June 8), International Sushi Day (June 18), and National Selfie Day (June 21). Interpret as you will.
Vent To An Unrelated Friend Or Family Member
Despite all of your efforts, there very well might be a time when you just cannot with your roommate. If that’s the case, lock yourself in your room, make sure the walls are soundproof enough (and if not, turn on some music) and call a family member or unbiased friend to complain. If you’re still worried about your roommate hearing, wait until they’re on a walk, or write it out. Getting your feelings out privately will release some of the tension without having to jeopardize your relationship.
Find Something (Or Someone) You Both Hate And Trash Talk Together
really sad I won’t be able to judge celebs at the met gala while wearing sweatpants this year
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) May 4, 2020
If my corporate career taught me anything, it’s that one of the best ways to bond with someone is by trash talking someone else. What’s something everyone can dislike? Donald Trump? Influencers who aren’t following social distancing rules? The supporting cast of Gossip Girl? Whatever it is, pour a glass of wine and cozy up to complain. Not only will you get out that negativity, but you’ll also bond over your mutual hatred! So cute.
Distract Yourself If You Feel Like Fighting
According to my therapist, our brains are in a constant state of Fight or Flight mode right now—meaning it’s going to be a lot easier for your buttons to be pushed. If you feel yourself starting to spiral into meltdown mode, give yourself some privacy. Go into your bedroom and rage journal like you’re 13 and your younger sister just drew a moustache on your American Girl Doll. Do a hair mask, watch TV on your laptop, take a shower, just do something to save yourself from starting World War III. While it may not be as satisfying, it will save your relationship, and thus your sanity, in the long run.
Remember That This Time Sucks, And Empathize
Quarantine feels terrible for everyone, and it’s not like you and your roommate can slide into each other’s brains and automatically know one another’s feelings. Maybe your roommate is being cranky or lazy because they’re stressed with work, coping with a layoff, or homesick. Their being kind of rude probably has nothing to do with you. It might be hard, but in the moments when you’re feeling annoyed, consider taking a step back and looking at your roommate with affection rather than aggression.
In other words, the world is kind of scary right now and we’re all feeling a little anxious. Be the voice to soothe that anxiety, rather than contribute to it. Not only will this keep you from hating your roommate, but it might even (gasp) bring you closer together? Who knew.
Images: Jorge Flores / Unsplash; gonefisching, kimkardashian, betchesluvthis / Twitter
Everyone does something they don’t realize is annoying AF. And honestly, college only brings out these habits even more (often because alcohol is involved). Living in ignorance can truly be bliss, but we’d all be better off if someone would call us out for our bad habits so we can all stop being so f*cking annoying! Thankfully, I’m here to do just that. Hopefully by the end of this, we’ll all learn to stop stealing people’s booze and get off our goddamn high horses about our majors.
The Obnoxiously Late
Being late to class is one thing, but making a big show out of it is just obnoxious (and a display of your complete lack of self-awareness). Just come in, sit the f*ck down, and make as little noise as possible. You really think everyone wants to hear about your alarm “not going off” and how there were “actually zero parking spots” and all your other bullsh*t excuses? Literally no one cares. And if you think you’re in the clear because you don’t spit out a litany of excuses as you rush to your seat, think again. The performative dumping of your backpack onto your desk, typing aggressively on your laptop, and flipping through your notebook as fast as possible needs to stop, too. We geeeet ittt. You’re late. Tragic. But the dramatic display of trying to prove how stressed you are about it doesn’t make me hate you less, or make you any less late.
The “Busy” Bitches
Oh, you’re taking a full course load, are involved in extracurriculars AND have a job? Crazy how absolutely no one else does. There’s not a single person on the planet who’s ever done as much as you. I bet your schedule rivals that of an influencer during fashion week! *Cue eye roll*
First of all, you’re not the busiest person in the world (or at your school, for that matter) just because you color-code your planner. Secondly, “busy” is not a personality trait or a badge of honor. Literally everyone can tell that when you complain about how you “basically live in the library” or “just have so much going on right now,” you’re not-so-subtly trying to say you think it makes you better than others. Hot take: being busy doesn’t make you important.
The People Who Sh*t-Talk Your Major
Listen, I’m a theatre major, so I know how “useless” and “easy” it seems to all you pre-med and engineering majors. But would YOU like to stay up until 4am figuring out how to attach a life-sized puppet to your body while someone nearly drills a screw into your collarbone!? No? Didn’t think so. Just like I don’t want to spend an entire afternoon staring into a microscope watching cells do…whatever it is cells do. Everyone has different skills and interests, because duh, everyone’s different. Quit sh*tting on everyone else’s major just because it’s different than yours.
The Greedy GroupMe Girl
Dorm GroupMes are totally fair game for sourcing uncommon items, like a vacuum or mouse ears for whatever trashy themed party you’re going to this weekend (but honestly, if you don’t have a pair of animal ears, you’re not prepared for college). But there’s a line. It’s one thing if you need to borrow my clothing iron, but I’m sorry, now you need me to spare you some toothpaste, laundry detergent, and alcohol? The line has to be drawn somewhere. Asking your hall mates for a favor should be a last-resort solution, not your go-to way of avoiding going to the grocery store for the fifth week in a row. No one likes a moocher.
The Devil’s Advocates
Passing along this tweet…
“We were talking about the holocaust in my history class today and this white guy raises his hand and goes, “if I could play the devils advocate?” and my professor said, “no you may not.” And went on lecturing.”
Exactly
— Richard Sugarman (@sugman) November 3, 2019
You know them. You probably hate them. And you dread any time they raise their hand in class. I’m talking about those people who are inclined to disagree with every argument just for “discussion’s sake.” Bull! Sh*t! More often than not, devil’s advocates either have some need to prove they have a ~unique~ way of thinking, or just don’t have the balls to actually admit it’s their real opinion. Instead, they hide behind the pretense that it’s just something someone else might say. Either admit your clearly unpopular opinion is what you really believe, or just shut the f*ck up. Please. Class is miserable enough without your input.
The Venmo Ghost
We all know someone who shows up to every pregame empty handed, and apparently “completely broke” too. They manage to polish off the entire bottle of your favorite alcohol, and leave with the promise they’ll pay you back. Nevertheless, days and even weeks will pass without them completing your Venmo request, and you swear on your fake Gucci belt you’ll never let them get away with it again.
Now, I’m not saying I’ve never forgotten to pay someone back, especially in the old days when Venmo didn’t exist. We’re all probably guilty of forgetting (or blacking out and not even knowing you needed to), but after the third Venmo reminder, you better pay up.
Those Ones Who “Never Sleep”
Now, this is the hill I am prepared to die on. If I hear one more person try to compete to be the one who gets the least amount of sleep, I might do something drastic. You know, like make a TikTok calling them out. I’ve never understood why people think not sleeping is cute or something to be proud of. Congrats, you’re not good at taking care of yourself, I guess? Here’s hoping this is something you just grow out of, but I know people have been doing this since high school and it still hasn’t stopped. When will they learn that lying about how little you’ve slept (because let’s be real guys, everyone who does this is exaggerating) to prove you’re the one who studied the most for an exam doesn’t actually increase the amount that you really studied for that exam? Probably never, tbh. Sad.
Listen, nobody’s perfect. No, not even Gigi Hadid. And college is the perfect time for self-improvement. While we probably can’t completely kick all of our bad habits for good (as much as I wish my roommate would stop throwing her used contacts on the floor… nasty), a little self-awareness can go a long way! If you think you’re the exception and don’t do anything bothersome, just ask your roommate. Chances are they could do an entire Ted Talk ranting about all the annoying sh*t you do.
Images: Eliot Reyna / Unsplash; offcampus / Instagram (2)
I go to a university, like many, where roommates are completely random your freshman year, so I didn’t have the luxury of scrolling through a Facebook group to shop for someone who had the same degenerate tendencies as me. I was lucky in that the worst I had to deal with was a snoring Wisconsinite with good intentions and poor taste in decor, but this also means that I have little to show for any spicy roommate drama. I thus have to live vicariously through others when it comes to terrible roommate experiences, and my best friend from home provides the perfect example. I was constantly receiving text messages about the absolute barbarian she called a roommate, so strap in thots, it’s story time.
My friend showed up to school freshman year after her roommate had already moved in, and given, like, the rules of college, this means that she got the sh*ttier room situation. Yes, you read that correctly. ROOM. Apparently her school is a f*cking resort, because not only did she have her own room, but she also had a built-in kitchenette and bathroom. Would I ever use said kitchen? No, absolutely not. But would I also love the opportunity to pretend that I’d cook more than a literal Dorito for myself every once in a while? Hell yes. Anyway, enough about me.
The storage in their suite was complete with two built-in drawer/walk-in closet combos, presumably one for each roommate (I know, like they live in the f*cking Ritz or something). Given this built-in/walk-in situation, the beds, and other pieces of furniture, there was little room left for any extra storage in the suite. My friend finally makes it to campus to move in, and while unpacking, she slowly starts to realize her roommate has put her clothes in literally every single storage space; both closets and all the bathroom storage are completely filled with her sh*t. Not just any sh*t, we’re talking designer everything: a fugly Gucci tracksuit à la Jeffree Star, Balenciaga sneakers, Hermès belts, the works.
My friend texts this girl to let her know she’ll be moving some of her things, because you know, she needs to have clothes accessible like a normal human being. This girl responds saying, “Don’t! I left you storage in the KITCHEN CABINETS.” Bitch what!? My friend understandably gives the girl a heads up and tells her won’t be using the spice rack as a closet, and is planning to move some of her roommate’s things out of the walk-in and onto her bed. My friend claims to have laid everything out nicely, but the way this girl reacted would make you think that my friend flushed this girl’s LV bag down the toilet.
My friend notices her roommate didn’t come back for the night, but decides to chalk it up to her wanting to spend more time with her mom before orientation in the morning. The next day my friend leaves her room for orientation, having not seen her roommate all day, and when she gets home, there’s a 50-something-year-old woman sitting on her bed. I’m not trying to be dramatic, but this is the point where I’m calling the RA.
Turns out the woman is the roommate’s mom, who begins to lecture my friend by explaining how my friend, and I QUOTE, “does not understand the price nor value” of the things she “treated so recklessly” and how she’s willing to forgive her for her actions because she, “would not expect her or someone of her background to understand.” Ugh, what a saint! I’m so thankful that she was so understanding—I hate when the middle class touches my things too. She really went out with a bang, however, by telling my friend if she ever “assaulted” her daughter again, she would call the cops, get her scholarship revoked, AND get her tossed out of the university. Lol. Ok, Nancy, how about you watch one episode of SVU and get back to me with some more substantive charges?
Needless to say, my friend decided to GTFO and is now living with two amazing girls in an apartment off campus. Personally, I would’ve stuck around a little longer to see if I could cop some designer items, but to each their own. Just remember, if you think your roommate is crazy, at least you don’t have a psychotic, entitled mother in your bed threatening to call the cops on you! Or, if you do—submit that sh*t to [email protected]!
Images: giphy (2)
If you’re starting college this fall, you’re probably v stressed about a lot of things right now, but of all the things you have to worry about (Will I gain the freshman 15? What if I hate my major? Are all these guys fuckboys?) the most legit concern are your fears about having to live with a roommate. Here’s the truth: You’re going to have, like, zero personal space, and you might fucking hate each other not always be best friends. So whether you got randomly assigned or shacked up with met someone you met at orientation, here are some red flags you should watch out for.
1. Extreme Homesickness
It’s normal to be a little homesick at the beginning of college. You used to have a mom to do all your shit for you and tell you you look pretty every day. Now you have to do shit for yourself and write things like “You’re beautiful!” in lipstick on your mirror as a confidence booster. It’s bleak. But most people adjust (aka start drinking heavily) pretty quickly. If your roommate is choosing to talk to her mom all the time instead of going out, drop that bitch like she’s an 8am calculus class. Or just like, wait it out. She’ll be transferring to her local community college by spring semester, and then you’ll have the room to yourself.
2. Gone Girl
If she goes home random weekends that aren’t even breaks and has yet to unpack a single one of her suitcases, there’s definitely going to be a problem. Like, if there’s a wedding or something we get it, but why is she literally always leaving? Who is she meeting? Is she a Russian spy? These are all valid questions. But she’s probably just going home to do laundry.
3. The Boyfriend Girl
We also need to talk about boyfriends. Plenty of girls go to college and stay with their boyfriends from high school, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have a social life of their own. If she regularly turns down social invitations because she “has plans to Skype with Anthony,” that means she’s more invested in that dumb guy who could only get into a state school than her actual college experience. Unacceptable. Also, be ready for the day you come home to her in a pile on the floor screaming about how he cheated on her with some slut on his hall. Then prepare yourself for the day he shows up at your dorm room door with flowers demanding entry like you don’t also fucking live there. These things will happen, and they will be annoying AF.
4. Best Friend Roulette
It’s important to pick up social cues about your roommate, because you’re going to be spending a lot of time together. Is she the kind of girl who has a new best friend every two weeks? Like, she’s obsessed with this girl Yasmin but then there’s some drama with a guy or something and then you literally never hear about Yasmin again and you suspect she might have been drowned in a water tank somewhere slightly off-campus? If this happens repeatedly, your roommate is absolutely the problem. You can still be, like, casual friends with her, but she is not bridesmaid material.
5. Psycho Flirting
Pay attention to how she is around guys too. Does she seem like she’s trying to impress every single guy she meets? Is she on a diet but then starts screaming about how much she loves hotdogs whenever a penis is present? Does she act like she never thinks about boys but then kicks you out to have sex like, five times a week? All red flags. But the worst thing is if she acts overly attached to a guy who you slowly but surely realize has no fucking clue she exists. She will not make a good wing woman, and will almost certainly get jealous and petty every time you make eye contact with a man.
6. Shitty Decor
As we’ve discussed before, you can tell a lot about a person by their choice of dorm decor. While there’s no one right way to decorate a room, you should definitely use your best judgment. Like, why did you bring three stuffed animals to college? Do you really need four framed photos of your boyfriend? Marilyn Monroe did not fucking say that. It’s all in the details. Oh, and if she dares put up anything with the words “Live,” “Laugh,” or “Love” on it, fucking run. She’s seriously disturbed, and you should probably alert the FBI.
7. General Hygiene
Dorm living is close quarters, and you’re quickly going to learn a lot about your roommate’s hygiene and habits. Like, sweetie, why does your laundry hamper always smell like a family of squirrels is living in it? Can you please throw away that food you stole from the dining hall a week ago? Who do you think is going to clean out the coffeemaker if you don’t do it yourself? People are awful.
8. Bathroom Deal Breakers
Showers should happen daily. Deodorant is not optional. If she doesn’t wear shower shoes in the communal bathrooms, she’s a psycho who’s not to be trusted.
So stay vigilant ladies, and remember, if something seems questionable, it probably is.
You probably thought the rando you got paired up with freshman year was a psycho. Well, think again. A freshman at UCLA definitely takes the cake this year for craziest roommate ever, thanks to an email she wrote that got leaked by her own roommates.
Let’s just take a little look at what she wrote here.
“Okay so I’m not sure why neither of you responded back to my emails…”
Bitch, this ain’t the first email you sent?! Homegirl definitely double-texts dudes and then cant figure out why they don’t like her. Is there something she should be taking that she’s taken none of, or something she shouldn’t be taking that she’s taken a lot of? Pro tip: one Xanax should do, hun.
“I’ll take the top bunk bed that has a bottom and top bunk bed. I DO NOT want the single bunk where it has a desk underneath the top bunk so don’t try to leave me that.”
Flag on the play for flagrant misuse of caps lock with people she doesn’t know. I don’t know about you all, but my first interactions with my roommate made me seem like Mother Teresa so they wouldn’t hate me and fart on my pillow and give me pink eye. This girl gives absolutely no shits about a proper first or second impression.
“I’m also taking one of the white closets. There should be two white closets and I’m taking one of them. I don’t care for which one it is, just know I’m taking one of them. I want the desk near the window. Plain and simple.
“I won’t be in the mood for any arguing or other nonsense because one of you two decided to deliberately disregard this email. If needed be I’ll turn it into a bigger situation so don’t try me.”
This is the point where I show my dad the email so when he moves me in he can disassemble the loft kit for that coveted top bunk and put it in the hallway along with the desk next to the window. This girl definitely needs to be removed from the situation, and not just like, moved to a different room. She literally needs to be put in the back of a van and taken to a mental institution.
One of the roommates clapped back with a pretty sane response for how much crazy was delivered in that email.
And apparently the girls tried to vote this little psycho off the island like it was Survivor and the year was 2002.
The roommate, of course, responded again admitting she has anger issues. Hey, the first step is always admitting it.
These roommates should just find some off-campus housing or they’re going to wake up to all their hair being cut off in their sleep. I can’t even. I do not miss roommates like this.
Best of luck, girls, and the entire UCLA campus. Yikes.
The roommate relationship is extremely sacred. (Unless it began on Craigslist, in which case it’s just a miracle you weren’t killed.) You guys literally spend all day breathing the same air, sharing the same shower, and pretending to not hear each other fart cry. It’s like, more intimate than what you have with your favorite fuckboy. So, when your roommate goes and does something legit insane like getting into a relationship, the transition can be hard. Who is going to watch Netflix with me so that I can feel like I’m being social even though I haven’t left my bed in three days?!? And sure, you’re like “happy for her” or whatever, but you can’t help but notice there’s been a serious lack of companionship every since she wifed up. And don’t even get me started on having a new guy in your space all the time. Like, when did we agree it was okay for a man to start using our shower? I’m confused. Before you know it, they’ll be trying to set you up with one of his friends who is desperately single cool enough, and your entire relationship will be reduced to table texting about his B.O. while he’s in the bathroom. Honestly, the entire process of dealing with your roommate’s new boyfriend is an emotional rollercoaster, with many stages.
Check out this video to see exactly what we mean:
