If there’s one thing I strive for in this life, it’s the pursuit of
happiness the perfect selfie. Whether that pursuit is a means to trap a man or to make my sorority sisters from college jealous or just because I think I’m, like, really pretty, sometimes the pursuit of the perfect selfie isn’t always as easy as people think it is. First, it involves my face, which 9 times out of 10 is working against me for reasons that are unclear to me. Then there’s the fact that half the time my foundation is blackmail causes me to look like Casper in all my Insta stories. Thankfully, not all foundations are sabotage (just the ones I got conned into buying at Sephora). Anyway, here’s a list of all the foundations that are better than Instagram filters and will give you fire selfies.
There’s a reason this foundation has a 5,000+ wait list, and that’s because it
is motherfucking sorcery makes you look better than your Facetune app can. The #FauxFilter foundation is the brain-child of Huda Kattan aka person who looks eerily similar to Kim K one of the best beauty bloggers in the game. The foundation itself is highly pigmented but instead of feeling mask-like and weighted down, it actually goes on creamy AF. It blurs out pores, blemishes, and redness for an airbrushed finish that’s practically guaranteed to have your ex sliding back into your DMs (I paraphrase). Beware because this shit is long lasting AF, as in will outlast you and the six vodka crans you “accidentally” downed at the bar last night watching the Super Bowl, and you will be scrubbing off after work later along with the remnants of your dignity. Plus, it has serious range with over 30 different shades that cater to literally any skin type. Blessings.
Okay, so technically this is a primer, not a foundation but, whatever, I’m still including it because it’s fucking magic. Last year Milk Makeup launched their Blur Stick and people lost their goddamn minds over it. Mostly because it does more work hiding facial imperfections than Kim Kardashian before she posts a nude on Instagram. Like its predecessor, the new Luminous Blur Stick still absorbs excess oil, smoothing over pores and fine lines, but now it also leaves skin with a v healthy glow. Plus you can use this product in lieu of an actual foundation for that “I just woke up like this, I don’t know makeup” look.
We reviewed Rihanna’s Fenty beauty line when it first dropped last fall, and, while normally all Rihanna has to do is breathe in the same vicinity as a product and I’ll buy it, I wasn’t super impressed with her foundation. That said, it gets an honorable mention here because it’s inclusive AF with over 40 different shades available. If you have oily skin then this foundation is about to change your whole damn life. Seriously. Think Kardashian Fam 2008 to 2018 transformation goals, but, you know, minus all the plastic surgery that went into that transformation. Plus, if you buy this product then you’re, like, one step closer to being a part of Rihanna’s inner circle. Or at least that’s what I whisper to myself every time I use a Fenty beauty product.
For all my betches on a budget, you’ll want to try Revlon’s Photoready Airbrush Effect Makeup foundation. It’s a light, buildable foundation with a natural-looking matte finish that costs less than the bottle of wine you just bought. Plus it holds up better than my Hinge dates when I ask them “what we’re doing” after 10 dates. But beware because this foundation does have a sparkly finish to it. From far away (and, most importantly, in all your selfies) you’ll look fucking fabulous but up close you might resemble Bella Thorne after a
rave chill night in. That said, I’m just going to point out once more that IT COSTS LESS THAN A BOTTLE OF WINE. You’re welcome.
In case you have no idea what’s going on in the beauty world rn (honestly I don’t blame you, some of that shit is frightening), Rihanna just came out with a new beauty line and people are losing their goddamn minds over it. Seriously. I went to Sephora the day after it launched and the sheer panic I saw on some people’s faces after they realized certain products were out of stock was akin to the panic I feel when I realize my roommate “mixed up” our wines the night before and now I’m stuck with warm moscato. But this is also coming from someone who
will do anything not to interact with other humans prefers to online shop. Whatever. But, like, is braving a slightly deranged crowd with nothing but your bare hands to protect yourself with even worth it for Fenty? Lol of course it is, because everything Rihanna touches is fucking gold. Seriously, Rihanna says “jump” I say “how many bitches do you want me to cut for you?” And if you’re still feeling like you’re scared to spend all of your money at Sephora unsure about the beauty line, let me break it down for you because, yes, I’ve been there, tried the products, and tested the selfies. I take my journalistic integrity v seriously. So here’s an exclusive look at Rihanna’s Fenty line: the good, the meh, and the wtf did I just buy. You’re welcome.
If anyone knows how to take your lip game next fucking level it’s Rihanna. The Glass Bomb Universal Lip Luminizer was my favorite product hands down of her new line. Instead of creating 50 million shades with names like “Tiger Orgasm” and “Underage”—looking at you, MAC—Rihanna decided not to fuck with any of that and chose to create just one shade in just one finish with the end result being rose gold perfection. The gloss has just the tiniest bit of shimmery particles in it, but it doesn’t feel super clumpy or sticky. Plus it’s loaded with shea butter so it’s hydrating AF.
I’ll admit I was v skeptical going into this because normally I prefer my lip color to be as dark as my soul and, like, what would a rose gold lip gloss say about me? That I’m open to people approaching me? That I’m pleasant to be around?? Nah, that sounds terrifying. But I should have known that Rihanna wouldn’t make a lip gloss unless it was edgy AF. Even though it’s a shade I wouldn’t normally wear, it enhances your pout in all the best ways and, honestly, I can’t argue with that.
Also, apparently Rihanna said she made this lip gloss because she “wanted the girls to get kissed more.” It’s good to know that Rihanna appreciates
me and my lifestyle a hoe just trying to hoe.
“Meh” is maybe too negative of a word to encapsulate my feelings regarding the matchstick. Maybe the category could have been more aptly named “will buy to feel closer to Rihanna” because I actually liked the product overall, I just didn’t love it enough to endorse on my personal Instagram story. The matchsticks come in two different versions: SHIMMER to “highlight, blush, and enhance” and MATTE to “conceal, correct, and contour.” I went with a shimmer matchstick in starstruck because I am extra and I know it. The color was bomb and I felt like Rihanna right before she claps back in a press interview.
^^Literal mood wearing this highlighter
The matchsticks come in 10 shades so you can get as basic or as Bella Thorne as you want with it. And they’re all long wear, weightless, blendable and “LIVE to be layered.” My only complaint is that the matchstick didn’t rub in as easily as I expected it to. You really have to
give a minimal amount of effort put some elbow grease into blending it, lest you end up looking fucking iridescent at your 9am department meeting.
THE WTF DID I JUST BUY
So I know I’m about to make myself v unpopular but I really didn’t like the foundation. *waits to be skewered in the comments* Something that may or may not have influenced this review was buying the wrong shade for my skin tone because the saleslady was looking at me like I was fresh meat and I panic in situations where I have to interact with strangers for more than five seconds. You know, hypothetically speaking of course. Even though I bought a shade of foundation that better complements the skin tone of a corpse, I found other issues with the product as well. But first let’s talk about what impressed me:
THE PROS: There’s over 40 shades of foundation to choose from and all skin tones are represented so, like, I’ll slow clap for that. It’s a beauty line that gives representation to women of color, which is fucking amazing and frankly way overdue.
THE CONS: It’s quick to dry so you need to move fast AF if you want to rub it all in before it dries. And since my average speed is “DMV worker” let’s just say I don’t move fast enough. When it does dry it has a super chalky finish to it. Instead of hiding all of my imperfections (lol as if I have any of those) it was magnifying them (again, if I had any). Seriously, there were pictures that were supposed to along with this review but they had to be destroyed because I looked like an actual mole person.
^^Actual footage of my trying on this foundation. #MaybeShesBornWithIt
Tbh I probs just don’t have the skin type for this shit. If you have more oily skin then you’ll love the Fenty foundation. If you have drier skin because you drink wine like it’s your suggested daily water intake then I’d suggest moisturizing the fuck out of your skin before applying the foundation. Using primer is also a must for this foundation prep. Since I like to do the literal bare minimum when it comes to my beauty routine, I wasn’t too impressed. Sorry, RiRi, but it’s a no from me.
Honestly, Rihanna could try to sell me shoe polish and call it a beauty product and I’d STILL be here for it. All my shit talking aside, let’s not pretend like I won’t spend this month’s rent on the rest of her beauty products.