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When it comes to TV viewing habits, we all have our own routines, and it can be difficult when anything—or anyone—encroaches on your sacred (couch) space. But unless you live alone and don’t let anyone into your space (which like, respect), inevitably you’re going to have to watch TV with others at some point. And unfortunately, that even includes watching Real Housewives with the straight men in your life. Whether you live with a significant other, are staying with your parents for a while, or just happen to be in the vicinity of any non-Bravo-watching man, just know that you are so strong. Today, we’re bringing you a vital resource to make it through this trying time: ideal responses to some FAQs that your dad/husband/male friend will undoubtedly be asking over the course of a 43-minute episode. Godspeed. 

Who are these people?

When faced with a question like this, it’s easy to overshare and dive into the origin story of each Housewife, but that’s not what your dad/boyfriend/brother/pizza delivery guy who got too sucked in is asking. He probably doesn’t even know what city you’re watching, so start with broad strokes (are we watching New Jersey or Beverly Hills?), and get more specific (which woman is planning a vow renewal as a last-ditch attempt at saving her marriage?) if he signals interest. If one of the women has been arrested or married to an athlete, I recommend dropping that into the conversation at the first opportune moment.

Who’s the blonde one?

If your male viewing companion asks the name of a specific cast member, this is a fundamentally different question than a general “who are these people?” Whoever he’s asking about, he thinks she is HOT, and he’d like to look up her Instagram to see if she’s worth a thirst follow. I won’t tell you how to live your life, but if it’s your boyfriend/husband/significant other, shut that sh*t down and tell him he doesn’t need to know. If it’s your dad, just let him have this one.

Is she the one that sells alcohol?

This is a bit of a trick question. Based on the sheer volume of Bravolebrities with liquor brands, chances are whoever he’s asking about does sell alcohol. This could apply to women on nearly every show on Bravo, so it’s kind of like asking if a millennial in New York has a leopard print midi skirt. Like, probably! But he’s actually thinking of Bethenny Frankel, so unless you’re watching seasons 1-3 or 7-11 of RHONY, the answer is no.

What are they fighting about?

If he’s inquiring about the source of tension within the group, congratulations, you’ve gotten his attention. He might pretend not to care about what’s happening, but now he’s invested enough to want the backstory so he can form his own opinion about whether What’s-Her-Name was being shady to The Tall One. He’s no longer trying to grab the remote to change the channel to “check the score of the game” every five minutes, and if you do a good enough job selling him on the storylines, he might even tell you to play another episode when this one ends. Good work.

How do you watch this stuff?

As a dedicated Housewives viewer, it’s important to stand your ground, and not to let anyone disrespect the blood, sweat, and tears you’ve put into this journey. If a man in your life is spewing negativity, feel free to remind him of the many hours he’s spent watching Bitcoin YouTube videos, or random strangers play video games on Twitch, or *shudders* golf. We all have our different viewing habits, and trust me, there are way more embarrassing things to be obsessed with than Bravo.

Images: Steve Dietl/Bravo

It’s been nearly 15 years since the creation of the first Real Housewives show, and the concept has grown and changed into a reality TV empire with millions of devoted viewers across multiple continents. There are many things to love about Housewives, but there really is nothing like a reunion. Every time Andy Cohen sits down with these women, it feels like a must-see television event, and the level of glam has risen accordingly.

But while the Housewives have full teams prepping them to be camera-ready for a grueling day on the couches, not all reunion looks are slam dunks. From decent concepts that fell flat to looks that are just painfully outdated, these are the most tragic reunion looks of all time.

Danielle Staub – New Jersey, Season 2

Danielle Staub is tragic in many ways, but this iconically bad reunion look tops the list. Certainly, the reunion dress code was more casual back in the day, but while the other women wore cocktail dresses, Beverly Danielle showed up in a white tank top and a sequined mini skirt that’s giving me strong Wet Seal vibes. She finished off the look with a statement necklace and some black peep-toe booties, which thankfully you can’t see in this picture, because they may have actually made the outfit worse.

Tamra Judge – Orange County,  Season 7

The season seven RHOC reunion is like a time capsule, because it’s a jarring look at the brief time that Tamra didn’t hate Gretchen Rossi. For this reunion, Tamra was clearly taking style cues from Gretch, as evidenced by her massive pageant hair. The two sat next to each other wearing the exact same color dresses and similar hairstyles, like some Newport Beach Us tethers. In a technical sense, Tamra looked good at this reunion, but the Gretchen cosplay is just not for her, and soon enough, these two went back to being enemies.

Ashley Darby – Potomac, Season 4

For RHOP’s legendary fourth season, they went with an all-white reunion theme, to varying degrees of success. Ashley’s outfit was definitely the worst of the bunch. The fully-sheer lace bottom half was a choice, as was the large mesh boob panel, but my greatest issue is with the cape. First of all, why wear a cape in the first place? You’re sitting the whole time, so it’s just an extra piece of fabric that’s going to be bunched up on the couch under you. But also, the strip of fabric across her chest that held the cape in place made the actual dress look even worse. It’s a no from me.

Luann de Lesseps – New York, Season 7

Sometimes you can tell there’s a good idea somewhere within a look, but the execution just doesn’t work. For this reunion, I liked that the Countess was giving us more of a fun disco vibe, but this dress looks beyond cheap. Stretchy metallic fabrics are tough to get right, and while money can’t buy you class, it could have bought Luann something that looked a little more high-end. This was before her iconic partnership with Jovani, and it shows.

NeNe Leakes – Atlanta, Season 1

In more recent years, the Atlanta women have consistently turned out the best, most glamorous reunion looks of any franchise, but season one was… rough. No one came dressed to impress, but NeNe’s extra-long cowl-neck top paired with black pants is absolutely disastrous. Over the past 12 years, NeNe’s style transformation has been something to behold, and it’s wild to think that this was probably considered cute back in 2008. We have truly been through so much this these women.

Kim Zolciak – Atlanta, Season 1

NeNe’s first reunion look hasn’t aged well, but I’m pretty sure Kim Zolciak’s first reunion look is timelessly fugly. This was back in the Big Poppa era, and it’s absolutely shocking to realize that Kim was still in her 20s during RHOA‘s first season. Here, she wore a mustard-yellow silk blouse, topped with a black vest and paired with black slacks. Kim looked more like a blackjack dealer at a third-rate casino than a Real Housewife. This was also during the prime ~wig~ era, and that synthetic-looking blonde hair makes me itchy just from looking at it.

Denise Richards – Beverly Hills, Season 9

Nicole Weingart

The cast of RHOBH doesn’t take their glam lightly, and though she’s the most famous person on the show, Denise was clearly unprepared for her first season. Aside from the fact that I don’t think this beige dress is particularly cute or flattering, the dress and ponytail combo is about seven notches of glam below everyone else’s looks. I mean, Dorit had 10 pounds of metal clips on her head, and Kyle Richards was in a floor-length neon gown. I love Denise as a housewife, but she’s never going to win any fashion awards around these ladies.

Kameron Westcott – Dallas, Season 4

If you don’t watch RHOD, Kameron is basically a Barbie doll come to life, so suffice it to say that her sense of style doesn’t appeal to everyone. I think a lot of her head-to-toe pink looks are actually really cute on her, but this red dress from the most recent reunion just wasn’t it. From the floor up to the chest it’s pretty! But then you get to the shoulder region, where two pieces of tulle come together into giant puff-balls that literally touch her ears. Considering we mostly see the women from the waist up, it was incredibly distracting to constantly see Kam’s earrings get caught in her dress. This whole reunion was a mess, and this look wasn’t helping.

Gretchen Rossi – Orange County, Season 8

Gretchen has an interesting sense of style (see Tamra’s pageant look above), but I really can’t with the glorified figure skating costume she wore to the season eight reunion. Turquoise is a hard color to pull off, and the weird one sleeve/neck choker silhouette combined with the bedazzled waist adornment is just too much. This would’ve looked great on Tonya Harding, but it’s not a dress that should be worn anywhere other than an ice rink. Also, with all of her hair bunched on the same side as the dress’s fabric, this whole look feels imbalanced.

There have been many other reunion misses over the years, but these were the ones that I just couldn’t ignore. Let me know in the comments what your (least) favorite looks of all time are, because I could talk about this for days.

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Images: Charles Sykes, Heidi Gutman/Bravo; Andrei Jackamets, Vivian Zink, John Crooms (2) /NBCU Photo Bank/NBCUniversal via Getty Images via Getty Images; Charles Sykes, Nicole Weingart (2), Evans Vestal Ward /Bravo/NBCU Photo Bank/NBCUniversal via Getty Images

Over the course of The Real Housewives of New Jersey’s 10 seasons, it has often felt like we were watching some kind of mafia saga. From Caroline Manzo’s philosophy that family always comes first, to Teresa and Joe going to literal prison for tax fraud, the mobster undercurrent has always been there. We were always vaguely aware that the Manzo family had some shady connections, but according to a new report from the Department of Justice, this sh*t is darker than we even knew.

On Tuesday, Thomas Manzo, ex-husband of RHONJ OG Dina Manzo, was indicted on charges of “committing a violent crime in aid of racketeering activity and conspiracy to commit a violent crime in aid of racketeering activity,” as well as “falsifying and concealing records” related to the investigation of that violent crime. The charges stem from a 2015 incident, when Thomas Manzo allegedly hired John Perna, a member of the infamous Lucchese crime family, to assault Dina’s boyfriend. The boyfriend in question is David Cantin, who is now Dina’s husband.

The assault was carried out in July 2015, and the next month, Perna had a “lavish” wedding reception at Manzo’s Brownstone Restaurant, which was done “for a fraction of the price” in exchange for Perna’s ~services~. The leftover cost for the wedding was paid by another member of the Lucchese family, whom the DOJ says was a “close friend” of the Manzo family. If you’ve ever watched an old episode of Jersey Housewives, you’ll clearly remember the Brownstone, which was owned by the Manzo brothers, and hosted some of the show’s earliest iconic moments (like Ashlee pulling Danielle’s hair, which I could watch forever). According to the DOJ, the wedding was attended by approximately 330 people, including many members of the Lucchese crime family, which is one of the fabled “five families” of New York organized crime.

The charge of falsifying and concealing records are related to the federal investigation into Perna’s wedding. The DOJ says Thomas Manzo ignored “federal grand jury subpoenas” that were sent to the Brownstone, requesting documents in relation to the Perna wedding. Later, it is alleged that Manzo “deliberately submitted a false document regarding the reception to the government, along with a false certification.” The government finally carried out a search warrant at the Brownstone in 2019, seizing “invoices” and “other relevant documents” that Manzo repeatedly failed to turn over.

All of this is just alleged for now, of course, and I’m not a legal expert, but usually I feel like where there’s smoke, there’s fire. The maximum sentences for the three charges against Thomas Manzo add up to over 40 years in prison, so he better hope he has a better lawyer than Teresa and Joe Giudice.

Images: Joe Seer / Shutterstock.com

It’s no secret from my many articles on the subject that I’m a Bravoholic with an affinity for all things Real Housewives. And while I didn’t think my appreciation for these women could get any deeper, I’ve been especially thankful for them while battling bouts of boredom and anxiety in self-quarantine. In honor of Mother’s Day this Sunday, it’s only right that we pay tribute to the amazing women that not only gave life to our Housewives, but who have made a lasting impression in their own right while appearing onscreen.

10. Ms. Diane, ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’

Ms. Diane is an angel. She ranks this high on the list because she’s one of the most normal and seemingly sane mothers this franchise has ever seen. Her calm demeanor and unwavering support of Porsha through everything from the divorce from Kordell to the infidelities of The Hot Dog King is truly heartwarming. Porsha is one of the few lucky ones.

9. Judy Stirling, ‘Real Housewives of Orange County’

Lydia’s mom, Judy, made an immediate impression when she breezed her way into the OC from what seemed like another planet entirely. She sprinkled fairy dust on her grown daughter, smoked a ton of pot, and even managed to get into it with Vicki’s aggro son-in-law over having her feet on Vicki’s couch. In short, she was a lot more interesting memorable than Lydia.

8. Dr. Deb, ‘Real Housewives of Orange County’

Dr. Deb is what you would get if you swapped out Judy’s weed for acid and proceeded to have a really bad trip at Burning Man. When she first appeared on the show, Dr. Deb intrigued viewers with her multicolored dreadlocks and general IDGAF attitude. She really got into the mix last season at “OC Fashion Week” (I refuse to believe that’s a thing) by fighting with another attendant and allegedly using a racial slur. Clearly used to chaos, it’s no wonder Braunwyn decided to have seven kids.

7. Ms. Dorothy, ‘Real Housewives of Potomac’

Ms. Dorothy made an impression from the moment we met her in season 3. Between her monthly stays at the house she bought for with Candiace and Chris and her attempts to control every aspect of their wedding, this therapist seems to have a blind spot when it comes to respecting boundaries with her daughter. Last season she took this to another level by slapping Candiace upside the head with a purse. It be ya own mother.

6. Lois Rinna, ‘Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’

 When we first met Lois, she charmed us with her happy-go-lucky attitude and positive energy. Little did we know that this ray of sunshine nearly died after surviving an attack by a literal serial killer. And not only did she survive that, she also managed to sit through dinner while Camille defended Brett Kavanaugh and served us some epic facial expressions like this in the process:

5. Marge Sr., ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’

As if Marge Jr. weren’t enough of a gift to the show when she was cast in season 8, we got the added bonus of Marge Sr. Dating well into her seventies and even admitting that she’s had sex in a cemetery, Marge Sr. is the Hungarian Samantha Jones. We have no choice but to stan.

4. Mama Elsa, ‘Real Housewives of Miami’

Almost exactly one year ago, the world lost a legend. Mama Elsa was the indisputable star of the otherwise lackluster Real Housewives of Miami. With her strong Cuban accent, flair for drama, and witchy sensibilities, she stole every scene and gave us so many hilarious moments. The world was a wonder while she was here.

3. Dale Mercer, ‘Real Housewives of New York’

Regardless of whether Tinsley decides to return to RHONY, her mother Dale would be a welcome addition to the show. She never misses an opportunity to shade her own daughter, whether it’s pointing out to Tinsley that she’s wearing shoes designed by Tinsley’s ex-husband’s new wife, or implying that her relationship with Scott is doomed. And, of course, we can never forget her indulging Tinsley’s crazy and crying with her over Tinsley’s frozen eggs “babies” while Tinsley tries on wedding dresses despite not actually being engaged.

2. Mama Dee, ‘Real Housewives of Dallas’

Speaking of women that take pleasure in shading the hell out of their spawn, no one does it like Mama Dee. Watching D’Andra squirm while asking her mom for more money to let her take over the business and Dee revel in the power dynamic is truly captivating television. Is this a healthy mother-daughter dynamic? No, but I really don’t give a dog’s rip.

1. Mama Joyce, ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’

Love her or hate her, Mama Joyce is the G.O.A.T. of outrageous Real Housewives moms. She never misses an opportunity to harass her son-in-law, whether it’s butchering the lyrics to “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” to make a threat, or recounting a childhood trauma about a lunchbox to allude to her distrust of him. The thirst doesn’t stop there. She tried using a shoe as a weapon against Carmon during Kandi’s wedding dress shopping trip, and put on an actual trench coat to dig up dirt on Phaedra, giving us this iconic moment:

She may be a monster hellbent on destroying anyone that gets too close to her daughter’s money, but she’s given us some incredible moments in the process.

Whether you love them or hate them, there’s no denying that the moms on this list make for great TV. Which Real Housewives mom is your favorite? Let me know in the comments!

Images: Bravo (2); Tenor (5); Trash Talk TV; 1drdeb / Instagram; Giphy (2)

During this quarantine, I’ve been watching a lot of Bravo. Okay, I’m always watching a lot of Bravo, but with no meaningful plans for the last two months, my streaming habits have been off the charts. From Real Housewives to Vanderpump Rules to the million other Bravo shows that always bring the drama, there’s just so much good material. Whether you’re discovering these shows for the first time or watching for the millionth, there are certain moments that never get old.

I’m a messy bitch who lives for drama, and luckily, so are all the cast members on these shows. In case you need ideas about what to watch, here are some of the most dramatic feuds that we’ve watched over the years. From drawn-out messiness to explosive reunions, these feuds always deliver.

Bethenny Frankel vs. Jill Zarin

In the first two seasons of RHONY, Bethenny and Jill were the first iconic Real Housewives BFFs. Jill was like a mentor to Bethenny, who was kind of a scrappy underdog at the time. But the dynamic changed before season 3, when Bethenny’s business took off, and Jill felt threatened. After Bethenny left Jill a voicemail telling her to “get a hobby,” things were never the same. Despite the rest of the cast trying to bring them together, they fought constantly during season three, and then Bethenny left the show. They didn’t reunite until years later, when Bethenny set aside the drama to attend the funeral for Jill’s husband. It was a tender moment, but they’re still not close, and I doubt they ever will be.

Kristen Doute vs. Stassi Schroeder

If you’re up to date on Vanderpump Rules, you know that Kristen and Stassi have recently fallen out over Kristen’s never-ending breakup with Carter. But way before Carter ever came in the picture, Kristen and Stassi were already in an epic feud. The best friends butted heads in season two, over rumors that Kristen banged Jax, who used to date Stassi. Kristen denied the rumors for months, even after Jax admitted it happened, but she finally came clean to Stassi. As you can see in the above GIF, it didn’t go well for Kristen. Somehow, these two made up and remained friends for years after this incident, but now, in season 8, things have taken a turn for the worse. Stassi has said Kristen isn’t invited to her wedding, and I don’t really know how you come back from that.

Phaedra Parks vs. Kandi Burruss

There have been hundreds of petty arguments on Bravo shows over the years, but the RHOA feud between Kandi and Phaedra got a little too deep. These two were best friends for years, but after hitting a rough patch, sh*t hit the fan in season nine. Throughout the season, the cast dealt with the fallout surround a rumor that Kandi and her husband tried to drug and sexually assault fellow housewife Porsha Williams. Porsha brought the rumor to the table, but during the season, she never revealed the source. But at the reunion, she exposed Phaedra for making up the story, and it was one of the most shocking moments in Real Housewives history. Phaedra was fired from the show for this, and obviously Kandi isn’t friends with her anymore.

Kim Richards vs. Lisa Rinna

From the moment Lisa Rinna joined the RHOBH cast in season five, she and Kim Richards didn’t click. Things got off to a rough start when Lisa questioned Kim’s sobriety, and they didn’t get better from there. That season, they got into it on the Amsterdam trip, in what is one of the more iconic fights in Bravo history. Kim threatened to spill tea about Lisa’s husband, and in turn, Lisa smashed a wine glass on the table. Ugh, it never gets old.

Though Kim left the show after that season, things got reignited in a major way at the season seven reunion. Earlier in the year, Lisa gave Kim a large stuffed bunny as a gift for her new grandson. At the reunion, Kim gave the bunny back to Rinna, saying she “didn’t feel like it had good energy.” Lisa Rinna’s single tear rolling down her cheek is a huge mood, and Kyle looks like she would rather crawl out of her skin than sit through this awkwardness. These two finally put their past behind them when Kim appeared on season nine, but I don’t think they’ll ever be best friends.

Thomas Ravenel vs. Kathryn Dennis

I wasn’t going to include exes on this list because that feels like a different category, but I had to make an exception. For the first five seasons of Southern Charm, we followed the saga of Thomas and Kathryn’s relationship, and watched as he f*cked her over time and time again. Kathryn’s erratic behavior didn’t help things, and it got to the point where you knew things were going to explode any time they were together. And in season five, Thomas’ new girlfriend Ashley (a living nightmare of a person) only made things worse. Ultimately, Thomas got fired from the show over disturbing sexual assault allegations, and Kathryn has gotten her sh*t together and gotten custody of their kids, so it’s safe to say that she won this war.

Monique Samuels vs. Candiace Dillard

I firmly believe that The Real Housewives of Potomac is the most underrated show on Bravo, and feuds like this are why everyone should be watching. As the two newer members of the cast, Monique and Candiace were friends at first, but that just wasn’t meant to last. Candiace got mad at Monique over her friendship with Ashley Darby, and they clashed at the hoedown party last season. Honestly, just put “DRAG ME, MONIQUE” on my grave. Season five has sadly been pushed back to later this summer, but during filming, these two got in an epic physical altercation that resulted in Monique getting charged with assault, so I can’t wait to see how that plays out.

Danielle Staub vs. Everyone

Danielle Staub is probably the most villainous figure in all of Real Housewives, so it makes sense that she’s had trouble keeping her friendships intact over the years. Throughout the second season, the whole cast couldn’t even be in the same room because everyone hated Danielle so much. She left the show after that, because you can’t really be in an ensemble cast if no one else in the ensemble will even film with you.

Danielle returned to the show in season eight, thanks to her friendship with Margaret (and her newfound friendship with Teresa), and she was quickly causing problems again. After pissing everyone off during her disastrous wedding weekend, and sending Margaret to the hospital after a physical altercation, her days on the show were numbered. After she ruined her one remaining friendship with Teresa at the end of season 10, she “retired” from the show, which is a nice way of saying she’ll never be asked back. It’s probably for the best.

Porsha Williams vs. Kenya Moore

In her time on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kenya Moore has feuded with pretty much everyone. She’s one of the messiest people on the planet, so drama tends to follow her. And we love her for it! When she and Porsha joined the show in season five, they clashed immediately. Porsha didn’t care about Kenya’s Miss USA title, and it bothered Kenya to no end. After two seasons of riveting back-and-forth (“bye ashy!”), things came to a head at the season six reunion, when Kenya’s megaphone-fueled provocations led Porsha to literally drag Kenya off the couch. As a result, Porsha was demoted for a season, props were banned from reunions, and we got a truly iconic TV moment.

James Kennedy vs. Katie Maloney

James Kennedy has always been a polarizing figure on Vanderpump Rules, and he’s feuded with pretty much everyone at one point or another. Kristen has hated him ever since their breakup, and Jax seems to hate him for no real reason, but his drama with Katie was really the final nail in the coffin for his chances with the core friend group. Last season, after he made body shaming comments about Katie, she got him fired from DJing at SUR, and he’s barely been a part of the group since then. James getting sober has definitely helped him make better choices this season, but I’m not sure Katie and her clique will ever give him the time of day again.

Tamra Judge vs. Alexis Bellino

The Real Housewives of Orange County is the show that started it all, and there have been countless fights, feuds, and arguments over the past 14 seasons. But one of my favorites—and I feel one of the most underrated—is the feud between Tamra and Alexis. Tamra’s “Jesus Jugs” line is an all-time winner, and she nearly got sued for it. The next season, their drama continued, when Tamra kicked Alexis out of her fitness studio, prompting Alexis to claim that she had to go on Xanax because of Tamra’s bullying. It’s like a soap opera, but better. Tamra also claimed that Alexis dropped her kids in the pool while they were strapped to a stroller, which I’m not sure we ever found out was true or not? I love mess.

Which Bravo feud do you think is the most iconic? There are so many good ones, and each of them is memorable for a different reason. I could talk about this forever, so please let me know in the comments.

Images: Giphy; Sam Aronov / Shutterstock.com; Bravo / YouTube

There are a number of traits that all good Real Housewives have in common. An aspirational lifestyle, a highly suspect business venture, and a toxic husband are par for the course, but what really sets a Housewife apart from her castmates is the ability to deftly lob an insult, especially at another Housewife. This requires quick thinking and a way with the English language that few of us mere mortals possess, and when it’s done right, the results are simply magical. Below, I’ve rounded up some of the best Real Housewives zingers in history and provided real life scenarios where you can use them, so you too can feel like a friend of seasoned Housewife. You’re welcome.

“Well, Even Louis Vuitton Makes Mistakes”

Whether you love her or hate her, you can’t deny that Luann has had some of the most iconic lines in the history of The Real Housewives of New York. One of her absolute best came in season 4 when insulting castmate Alex McCord’s “Herman Munster shoes.” Alex immediately clapped back saying they were Louis Vuitton, and without missing a beat, Luann gave us this gem of a comeback, both winning the argument and proving she belongs in the Housewives Hall of Fame.

When To Use It: We’ve all known someone who never misses an opportunity to brag about the various labels they’re wearing. Next time Dorit that person pipes up, you can hit them with a variation of this epic line. For example:

Dorit: OMG could you die over this new purse?! It’s Gucci!
You: Well, even Gucci makes mistakes.

“, You Bald-Headed Scallywag”

OK, so Marlo may not technically be a Housewife, but she is putting in more work this season than many a cast member of The Real Housewives of Atlanta (looking at you, NeNe). She’s long overdue for her peach, and no moment proved this more than in a recent episode on the cast trip to Toronto. As SnakeGate continued to unfold, the entire cast seemed to get into it with each other, with Marlo and Cynthia going head to head about the accusation that someone recorded Cynthia talking smack about NeNe. Cynthia loses it and goes off on Marlo, and out of the clear blue, Marlo refers to Cynthia as a “bald-headed scallywag.” The creativity in busting out a term not used in the mainstream lexicon since the wake of the Civil War leaves me no choice but to stan.

When To Use It: Although Marlo was referring to Cynthia, another woman, I think this jab would work perfectly for that f*ckboy in your life who you’re not quite ready to cut, but who continues to annoy you with his games. If he’s bald or balding, great. If not, then you can take a page out of his textbook with a neg that will surely have him considering a Rogaine purchase. The exchange could go something like this:

F*ckboy: Sry, forgot to press send. U comin over later?
You: Chad, you bald-headed scallywag

“Not Well, Bitch!”

Although Dorinda joined The Real Housewives of New York in season 7, it feels like she’s been there from the beginning. In just a few seasons she has become a fan favorite, and her incredible one-liners have everything to do with it. In season 9 she gave us this wonderfully versatile response when asked by Sex and the City author Candace Bushnell, of all people, how she was doing after a particularly heated argument with castmate Sonja Morgan. In turn, we were gifted this simple, yet incredibly effective phrase. Dorinda, we thank you for your service.

When To Use It: The beauty of this one is that it can be used in so many different scenarios to capture your mood. The “I’ll tell ya how I’m doing” preamble is optional, but when you use it, it hits so much harder. Either way, it’s a fantastic way to shut up that annoying co-worker Karen who cheerfully asks you how you’re doing at 9:03am on Monday before you’ve even had a sip of your iced coffee. Or it’s a perfect response to the group chat attempting to piece together a blackout girls’ night. Like so:

Jackie (to the group): Really hurting this morning. How are you guys doing?
You: I’ll tell ya how I’m doing: not well, bitch!

“I Don’t Know If She Wants To Be Me, Or Skin Me And Wear Me Like Last Year’s Versace.”

Dina Manzo only appeared on the first two seasons of The Real Housewives of New Jersey (and randomly season 6), but she will always be remembered for her biting zingers, chief among them being her description of the one and only Beverly Ann Merrill Danielle Staub in season 1. After a bizarre encounter where Danielle hugged Dina over and over and awkwardly complimented her boobs, Dina delivered this perfect description of Danielle’s strange obsession with her. We miss you, Dina.

When To Use It: This line is best used when you want to highlight the Single White Female in your life who is seemingly always around and annoying the ever-loving shit out of you. Whether she keeps going after the guys you like, insincerely compliments you in a backhanded way, or is always showing up to frat parties in a sad variation of your outfit from last week, you can describe her as such:

Your Bestie: What’s up with Hannah? She’s basically wearing the same dress you wore last weekend.
You: I don’t know if she wants to be me, or skin me and wear me like last year’s Versace.

“Is Your Ass Jealous Of The Sh*t That Comes Out Of Your Mouth?”

I can’t say I’m going to miss Tamra now that she’s gone, but she did leave us with some truly memorable jabs. Tamra does her best work when she’s angry (never forget Jesus Jugs) and she exploded during the season 6 reunion when she sensed that Gretchen was being less than truthful, giving us this truly excellent insult. RIP, Tammy Sue.

When To Use It: This one comes in handy whenever you want to call bullsh*t on someone who is obviously lying. Of course, you can use it for more serious lies like Tamra did, but it also works when you want to joke around with someone close to you about a more harmless lie. Case in point:

You: Hey, just got here. What’s your ETA?
Friend (just got out of the shower): On my way!
You: Does your ass get jealous of the sh*t that comes out of your mouth?

Of course, there are far too many incredible Housewives insults and many of the very best had to be left off this list. What are some of your favorites and how would you use them in the real world? Sound off in the comments. Until then:

Images: Bravo; Tenor (2); Giphy (4)

Just weeks ago, a grown woman was caught on film having a meltdown while on the job. She yelled at her boss, suggested that she was the reason for his success, and publicly shamed a coworker with same-sex proclivities, saying, “We don’t do that” and “Turn it down!” In any other functional workplace, this behavior would get a person immediately fired, but in Real Housewives land it gets you ratings and a promotion. Of course, this isn’t the first time Vicki Gunvalson has gone off the rails, but it is the first time it has felt like a palpable line had been crossed. After her entitled and delusional outbursts at The Real Housewives of Orange County season 14 reunion, it became clear that she had fallen prey to some classic Real Housewife pre-retirement symptoms, suffered by many fellow Housewives, past and present. Read on for the signs a Real Housewife should leave the party.

1. Not Fully Participating in Filming and Reunions

There are always going to be parts of our jobs that we don’t like, for example, having to interact with other human beings partnering with coworkers on group projects. However, we’re paid to fully execute our responsibilities, and a Housewife’s duties are no different. This means showing up to all filming obligations, regardless of whether you feel like it or are getting along with your fellow castmates. Unfortunately, Lisa Vanderpump didn’t seem to understand this concept throughout season 9 of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, when she just decided to stop filming midway through and chicken out on the reunion because she wasn’t getting along with the other women. It’s no wonder she was fired won’t return for the upcoming season. NeNe Leakes is also currently suffering from a similar delusion on this season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. She’s barely been a presence and is leaving the heavy lifting to “friends of” like Marlo Hampton. It’s like asking an intern to bear your entire workload. Aspirational, but not how it actually works. If the Bravo execs have any sense, they’ll give Ms. Leakes her walking papers.

2. Forgetting The Show Is An Ensemble Effort

It’s natural that in any season there are going to be fan favorites and breakout stars. But Housewives get into trouble when they start believing their own hype and convincing themselves that they are the stars of their shows and their fellow castmates are merely supporting players. Vicki demonstrated this over and over again on the season 14 reunion, constantly making references to “my show” and saying “Get her off my show!” in reference to Braunwyn. Teresa Giudice is also guilty of using similar language on multiple occasions. What both Vicki and Teresa fail to realize is that they are on a show that thrives—nay, depends—on the interactions between cast members. Unless you’re Bethenny Frankel, you’re not compelling enough to carry your own show. Suck it up and know your role before you find yourself out of a job.

3. Crossing Moral And/Or Legal Boundaries

As Housewife fans, we live for drama, but when that drama derives from behavior that is immoral or downright illegal, it becomes hard to stand by the Housewife in question. We can never forget Vicki’s entanglement with real-life Dirty John Brooks Ayers, who spent the bulk of season 10 perpetrating a cancer scam, and although she was fully aware of this claimed to know nothing about it, she lost a lot of her luster with fans and the storyline was widely considered a low point for the series. Behavior that goes even further and ventures into criminal territory will get you fired, as Phaedra Parks learned after the revelation during the season 9 Atlanta reunion that Phaedra spread defamatory rumors claiming Kandi and Todd wanted to drug Porsha in order to take advantage of her. Attorney Phaedra should have known better than anyone that no one wants to deal with lawyers.

4. Being Inauthentic

We’ve all deduced by now that “reality” television is hardly real in the way, say, documentary footage or live news reporting is real. Plots need to be fleshed out, and at times that leads to storylines that can come off a bit contrived. However, when a Housewife herself is inauthentic, it’s a deal-breaker, and a telltale sign that she has no business being on the show. Tamra Judge on Orange County is a perfect current example. A woman who was once a pot-stirring firecracker prone to taking her top off is now, over a decade later, a pot-stirring firecracker prone to taking her top off. Only now it’s no longer novel and comes off as a desperate attempt to stay relevant on a show that is evolving without her. Another party guilty of inauthenticity of a different type is Dorit Kemsley on Beverly Hills. Forgetting about her put-on accent, Dorit’s refusal to air any of her real-life controversies makes her one of the phoniest Housewives we’ve ever had. It’s unclear what she brings to the show, other than a piggish husband and a penchant for over-the-top, label-displaying fashion she can’t actually afford. Yawn.

5. Avoiding Drama

Just like part of the job is showing up to filming at the appointed times, another integral part of being a Housewife is getting into it with other Housewives. Yet, year after year, there are always several women who complain that they “don’t want any drama” and refuse to go toe-to-toe with the others. In fact, aside from Puppygate, the entire cast of Beverly Hills built a whole season around this ethos, leaving us with one of the most boring seasons of the show we’ve ever seen (and that’s saying something). Even Namaste Teresa is a shell of the table-flipping, prostitution-whore-calling woman she once was, staying out of the fray and letting other people like Danielle Staub do her bidding. One might say this is growth and one might be right, but we all know dignity and maturity have no place on reality television. If I wanted to watch respectful and thoughtful people politely interact with one another, I’d put on The Great British Bake Off. Pick a lane, people!

It will be interesting to see what Bravo does with its OGs, who are some of the worst offenders when it comes to this list. While there’s something comforting about keeping around those who have been there from the beginning, getting rid of the women who aren’t pulling their weight keeps the others on their toes, especially those who lack the self-awareness to course-correct like Lisa Rinna, who does her best despite her drama-eschewing castmates. What other signs are there that a Housewife needs to go and who do you think needs to get off our screens? Let me know in the comments!

Images: Paul Morigi/Getty Images; Giphy (4); Tenor (1)