Crazy Wedding Story Of The Week: Bride Makes 8-Year-Olds Cry

Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.

Do you ever sometimes just want to be a bride for a day so you have the “excuse” to act like a batsh*t psycho, be mean to little kids, and tell everyone it’s YOUR SPECIAL DAY? Me too. I was already a bride, though, so my time has come and gone. So instead, I’ll have to stick to living vicariously through demanding internet brides, which is why we started a Crazy Wedding Story of the Week series. If you missed the inaugural Crazy Wedding Story, click here. If you’re caught up because you live for this stuff as much as I do, then get ready. The subject of today’s crazy bride story made little kids cry, which, #goals, and also, #respect. Let’s just dive right in, because I don’t have all day.

WTF Happened?

Posted in the AITA subreddit (Am I The Asshole, for those of you who don’t internet quite so hard as I do), a bride felt she had to “choose” between two flower girls and her methods for choosing were, in a word, shallow. Things spiraled from there.

She writes:

“Got married last weekend and had a lovely day, but had some commotion early on the wedding day.

For flower girl, we had a choice between my two nieces, Amber and Katie. They’re both eight and it was a tough decision. Unfortunately for my perfect day I felt shallow and since Amber has more of a typical angelic ”cute” appearance (very long hair, glasses, big smile) I picked her. Her parents also convinced me she deserved it because she got top marks in some assessment her school did.

During the wedding prep Katie and her dad (my brother) kept telling me that Amber had been bullying her about the fact she didn’t get the job. The girls have never liked each other for reasons I don’t know. I didn’t pay too much mind to it since I was too caught up in myself.”

Alright, this starts out tame enough. I mean, I’m not really grasping why this woman couldn’t just have two flower girls, but I guess we wouldn’t have a Reddit thread to make fun of then, would we? Also, I’m dying at the fact that the bride admits she was feeling shallow and that she actually pretended to give a f*ck about Amber getting good grades. We all know that didn’t even remotely affect your decision. Just say you were doing it for the pictures and keep it moving.

The Bully Battle

Because 8-year-old girls are some of the meanest creatures known to man, naturally, they start bullying each other and it takes a wild turn.

“On the wedding morning I got to witness the bullying myself and it was pretty cruel. Amber (and keep in mind this is an eight year old child) told Katie that she’d never get married because she’s too ugly. I could imagine how upsetting this would be for a child and I made Amber apologise and also took away the flower girl job and gave it to Katie. Amber was crying throughout the wedding day, and for the past days I haven’t heard anything from her dad my other brother.”

First off, jazz snaps for the classy Queen’s English spellings (I assume this epic Reddit thread was written from the UK, and like to imagine that Kate Middleton is actually the author). Secondly, LOL at switching flower girls ON THE DAY OF THE WEDDING. Like, could you not just say “hey, now we have two flower girls and you have to share because being an asshole gets you nowhere in life.”

Additionally, I have SO many questions related to hair, makeup, and dresses for these little monsters. Didn’t Amber already have a dress? Had she already rehearsed exactly how to walk down the aisle and use her cuteness to charm literally everyone? How would Katie know what to do? Did she have something acceptable to wear? Did she make Amber give her the dress? Are they even the same size??? *Takes deep, calming breaths* you’re right, I’m too deep into this story. But somebody has got to ask the important questions.

The Aftermath

Now everyone’s mad and nobody wins, except, I guess, the bride, who’s about to experience a super fun honeymoon without any (literal) middle school drama. OR SO WE THOUGHT:

“My husband and I are going away on our honeymoon on Thursday, and i was anxious to get in touch with my brother before we leave. He finally called me and was extremely angry at me for taking the job away from his daughter. He said Amber has been crying the past two days and felt really humiliated, and was really looking forward to the job.

As someone who was bullied myself growing up, it felt like the right thing to do after Amber’s behaviour towards Katie. I can’t imagine how upsetting those comments would be, and at that point Katie, who had never been anything other than well behaved deserved it more than Amber.”

OK, there’s a lot to unpack here. First of all, I get the brother being mad that his kid got shafted out of flower girl duties at the last minute. However, he needs to recognize that number one, this is not a big deal at all, but number two and more importantly, his kid was, without mincing words, a total asshole. I feel like this is a valuable parenting/teaching moment. I get the impulse to deflect responsibility, but your kid is not going to get anywhere in life if they never face consequences for sh*tty behavior.

Also, where are Katie’s parents in all this? I feel for this kid. Someone buy her a stuffed animal or some cotton candy!

The post author, our bride, has been voted an asshole, for those who are interested. I’m inclined to agree if ONLY for the fact that both girls should have been flower girls to begin with. (To her credit, and not to pile on her too much, the bride says that she just genuinely did not think to have two flower girls.) Also, she was kind of an asshole for picking a kid strictly based on cuteness instead of whether or not she was a mini Regina George. I do hope, though, that these third grade monsters and their parents don’t ruin this bride’s honeymoon. Nobody deserves that for a “job” that is just scattering some flower petals.

Images: Shutterstock.com / Unsplash; Giphy (2)

Did This Bridesmaid Get Kicked Out Of A Wedding For Having Cancer?

At this point, we’re all pretty accustomed to hearing crazy bridezilla stories. Whether it’s someone you’ve had to deal with in real life, or you just like reading about psycho brides on Reddit, we all love good wedding horror story. Well, the one we’ve got today might just top them all. When I first saw it, my jaw literally dropped, and I’m still not sure I’ve fully processed it.

This particularly story was posted in the subreddit r/bridezillas, and the title of the thread is an immediate sign that something went very wrong here: “I think I was kicked off the bridal party for refusing to wear a wig.”

Oh yikes. Before even knowing any of the context, you know this isn’t going to be good. Any story that involves someone telling a woman what to do with her hair or appearance in general usually doesn’t end well, and when a wig is involved? You just know sh*t is about to hit the fan.

Here’s how the story starts:

I am very good friends with the bride to be, lets call her Karen for simplicity. She got engaged about 1.5 years ago and immediately asked me to be a bridesmaid which I was thrilled about (she was my maid of honor for context). To make a long story short I got some real bad news in the past year and had to undergo radiation and chemotherapy. I don’t want to go into details about this because its still very traumatic for me. My hair fell out and I am recovering but my hair is still very short.

Wow. Okay, so Karen and the person who posted (let’s call her Jessica) were really close, so it seems like a total no-brainer for Jessica to be a bridesmaid. The medical situation is incredibly unfortunate, but luckily she came out the other side.

I have also been very active in the survivor community and have been involved in fund raising and public speaking.Karen has been super supportive through all of this. She is a nurse and it has been nice to have someone with medical background to chat about some of this issues about this.

Okay, so not only have Karen and Jessica been super close in the past, but it seems like Karen has been a pretty good friend during the whole cancer ordeal. That’s why the rest of this story is so shocking. When Karen invited her friend out for a celebratory day, things seemed to be going well, until they really weren’t.

At the end of the day she takes me to a special hair salon which specializes in high quality wigs. I am a little taken aback by this because Karen knows that a lot of the work I have been involves psychological treatment in cancer patients and avoiding the shame associated with hair loss for instance. I politely go through the appointment and even try on some wigs although I was quite upset honestly. I politely decline when she offers to pick one out and try to forget the whole ordeal.

What the f*ck? What kind of friend would do this, especially when they know exactly what the other person has been through for the past year? Of course, anyone is welcome to choose whether or not to wear a wig, but Jessica had clearly made her preference known. Dealing with hair loss is a deeply personal issue, so this isn’t the type of thing that should ever be planned as a surprise.

This is where things get really shady:

So she calls me yesterday and tells me that I can’t be in the bridal party any longer because the minister stated there are too many people in the bridal party. This completely floors me because basically I am her number 2 girl after her sister (who she barely gets along with).

I’m sorry, but this is just not how weddings work. The post says that this is happening just two weeks before the wedding, which is wayyyy too late in the game to be making decisions about how many bridesmaids you can have. At this point, everyone’s already bought a dress and everything, so just suck it up and have one too many bridesmaids. And why would the minister even be thinking about something like this? Like, go pray or something.

I had my doubts about this excuse, and so did Jessica:

I call around and although some of the other bridesmaids are reluctant to tell me anything hint at the fact that Karen was worried about how the pictures are going to look with someone with a bald head. I was so upset, I tried to call her but she did not respond. I am thinking I am may not go to the wedding but want to make sure I am not overthinking this.

Hey girl, can I have Karen’s number? I just have some questions. Whatever the final reason was for Karen asking her friend not to be in the bridal party, it’s messed up that she was talking to the other bridesmaids about how the photos would look. Girl, you have an entire wedding to plan, so worry about something that matters.

That was the end of the original post, but then Jessica updated us after the finally got a hold of Karen. And it only gets worse.

She told me that it was definitely not because of my hair but because the minister was adamant that six maid of honors was too many. She went on to say that I have been really distant the past year and that I didn’t seem interested in helping her with the wedding which is why she decided to select me to be off the wedding party. She said she helped me a lot and that I’m not returning the favor by being a team player. She said that she knows I am going through a lot but that my personality “has changed” and that I’m not the friend she knows from childhood. I’m still conflicted but she brought up the wig again almost like if it wear it I can be back on the team. She didn’t actually say that but kind of a weird feeling I got.

I can smell bullsh*t a mile away, and Karen is so full of it. First of all, your friend had CANCER. Sorry if she didn’t have time to go to your wedding cake tasting in between her chemo appointments, isn’t she such a bitch?! Unless Jessica is leaving something important out, it really doesn’t seem like anything happened that was drastic enough to warrant being kicked out of a wedding two weeks beforehand. And by bringing up the wig again, Karen just digs her grave the full six feet under. Babe, if that truly wasn’t the reason, you wouldn’t even bring it up. Girl, bye.

Is this the craziest bridezilla story yet? Perhaps. It’s certainly one of the most personally hurtful. At the end of the Reddit post, she says she’s done with Karen, and that she won’t be attending the wedding. Given all that’s gone down, that seems like the right choice. Or maybe she should go just to sabotage the wedding? Idk, just an idea.

Images: Shutterstock; Giphy (2)

The Best Man Cheated On The MOH In The Messiest Bridal Party Story Ever

Buckle up, cause we’ve got another atrocious yet hilarious viral bridesmaid/wedding horror story for your viewing pleasure. Honestly, what did we do at work BEFORE Reddit? Like, actually work? Lame, fam – let’s revel in other people’s drama.

Because at our core we’re really all just messy b*tches, this story about a bridesmaid who’s been pushed too far is giving us life. Fox News, Trump rag extraordinaire, carried the story last week, and after digging around on the internet i.e. clicking the links that the good people at Fox provided (um, you’re welcome), I’ve got the full insane picture of this absolute nightmare scenario.

Crappy Massages And Prostitutes

This whole story starts out as an “Am I The Asshole” thread, led by a soon-to-be bridesmaid in an upcoming May 11 (this f*cking weekend) wedding. Basically, said chica is being asked to walk arm-in-arm down the aisle during her best friend’s wedding with her now ex-fiancé. Normally, this would be a typical, “hey, suck it up” scenario. However, what the ex-fiancé is accused of doing is laughably sh*tty:

“Jump into the worst week of my life. I was with my ex fiancé for 6 years. Loved him with every fiber of my being, wedding planned for August. Refused a job offer so could move with him for his next Air Force assignment. Monday a call girl from a website called massage republic texts him in the middle of the night saying she’s reaching out to old clients because she’s back in the game (his phone was at my house while he was flying) I text back she must have wrong number. She says she doesn’t. In a moment of brains I pretend to be him instead of the jealous girlfriend and call girl gives me all the details. I’m such a fool this had been happening under my nose for years.”

So, first off, “he was flying” leads me to believe this asshole is a pilot. RULE NUMBER, LIKE, THREE OF DATING BROS – Never marry the pilot. I’m sure there are great non-cheating pilots out there, but these guys are NOTORIOUS for bangin’ round the world.

“I’ll Make It Up To You”

“I confront him, he claims to be a sex addict and promises to change. I consider it for half a second and say no. Cue uncontrollable crying, self doubt, a battery of STD tests, awkward encounters with him, fight over the ring, his mom (who I loved) calling me non stop and begging me to reconsider and on and on.

And on top of all this my best friend is marrying his best friend may 11th. Groom doesn’t want to rock the boat at this late date and selecting a new best man. Bride says she has way too much in her plate and is begging me to just go through with it and she’ll ‘make it up to me.'”

I’m sorry, but am I the only one who thinks the bride here is kind of an asshole for making the scorned bridesmaid walk down the aisle with this mouth breather?! I would NEVER ask one of my friends to suck it up in this situation.

What To Do?

This poor girl continues to, well, spiral through her emotions via Reddit. Not only is she feeling self doubt and horror at her current fiance situation; she’s also caught wondering if she’s a bad friend for NOT WANTING TO BE WITH HER PROSTITUTE-LOVING EX.

“I’ve never hated a human being as much as I hate him. I can’t be in the same room with him let alone walk arm in arm with him. I understand the whole wedding doesn’t need to fall apart because I’m upset. so I just want to not go and spend the day downing the left over percocets from my wisdom teeth operation, fucking as many tinder dudes who can stand to be around me after not showering and burning all his shit.

Would I be the asshole if I back out of the wedding?”

May I be the first to say, “baby, what is you doin?” This bridesmaid shouldn’t be made to go through having to even TOUCH this man, let alone walk with him and pretend it’s all whatever. She’s a pretty good person, in my book, for even stating that “the whole wedding doesn’t need to fall apart because I’m upset.” If it were me, I’d probably try to highjack the entire wedding and make sure EVERYONE knew this guy was a radioactive asshole. But, I’m not a nice person, so…

Wrap It Up

After Fox News (and other fake news outlets) blew up this thread, the bridesmaid returned to answer a few questions and fill in the blanks for those of us VERY invested in this whole ordeal.

“I have to clear up people calling my best friend the asshole. That just isn’t the case, at all. I love her as much as I love any person on the planet and she has my back. But this wedding is now a week away. It’s not a simple thing of kicked me out or asking ex-fiancé not to come. Everyone is furious with him but only she, me and he know the details of call girls. My ex’s parents, grandparents and everyone else are going to be at the wedding. He’s as close with the groom as I am with her. If they make big changes now then the day becomes about what HE did, not about the wedding. It’s not my place to demand the groom change his best man… a week out no less…plus like I said he knows my ex cheated, he doesn’t know my ex was sleeping with prostitutes. If I bring that up then this whole week becomes about THAT. My best friend and her groom being assholes isn’t even an option on the table. They didn’t do anything wrong and just reacting with the best information they have. My friend has offered me the chance to allow me and ex-fiancé to walk in with other people or even separately, but I’m not going to do that. First of all because I think it will look weird. And secondly I foresee getting a sick since of satisfaction of touching him ONE LAST TIME–FOREVER and have him know that that spark he feels…could have been forever come August but he fucked it up.”

Hmmm, so I can sort of see why she almost has to suck it up in this case. Cheating is one thing and is, yes, horrible, but since no one knows the ex cheated with a bunch of dirty hookers, it has to stay on the DL … at least until after the wedding. If it were me, as soon as the dust settles, I’d put that motherf*cker on blast.

Mood AF

Parting mood courtesy of this bridesmaid who, honestly, honey, if you read this, let’s be friends: “I’m going to suck it up, participate, have fun, make my lock screen image the text from “Panama” where she said “remember, you liked tounging my asshole?” so when I get sad I have an instant reminder of who he really is. And then when it’s all over I’m going to scream myself hoarse and beat the ever living f*ck out of my pillows.”

Images: Andre Hunter / Unsplash; Giphy (5)