For the past few years, all of us RHOC fans have watched Shannon Beador try literally fucking everything to make it work with her fuckboy of a husband, David. She defended the shit out of him when he cheated on her, went to therapy, renewed her vows. I mean, you fucking name it. Well last week, coincidentally on the exact same day of the reunion taping, she released a statement saying that she and her husband are officially calling it quits, which is v sad, but can I also get a “FUCKING FINALLY” from the crowd? **Waits patiently** Okay cool. I think I heard it.
The problems first started when it came out that David, father of three and husband of one (just for the record), had an affair. And not like, “whoops I was drunk and fell and my penis just landed there” affair. Like, “a full-on relationship that lasted eight months” affair. Fucking asshole. Not that the former is necessarily better or okay, it just requires a lesser level of deception to carry out IMO. And while things got better for a minute, shit appeared to suck again this season and so Shannon is outty. Tbh, I can’t believe she made it this long. If my husband of 15 years cheated on me with some hoe down the street, there’s no way in hell we’re getting to year 17. Fuck that.
In the official statement, Shannon talks about how “heartbreaking” the whole thing is, which is fair I guess. But she also manages to get in an acceptable amount of shade saying, “I felt alone in my marriage. You can do what you can to keep your family together, but you have to have willing parties. You need two people to make a marriage work, and that just wasn’t happening in our relationship.” Aka I tried my best but David continued to be an asshole so now we’re dunzo. Or at least that’s how I took it. Idk.
So far, she’s def winning the breakup. For one, she’s gonna get to talk mega shit on him at the reunion, which I fully expect to elicit a drunken “you go girl” from at least half a million people across the country. Myself included, in case you were wondering. That also means no one can come for her at the reunion without looking like an insensitive asshole. But most importantly, she looks fucking amazing. Shannon gained a shit-ton of weight this season, but based on the picture she posted post-reunion, losing the deadweight of shitty husband has done her hella good. She’s hotter than me and I’m 25, so that’s just fucking great. Maybe I should started dating a fuckboy and then break up with him. Just throwing some ideas out there that don’t involve exercise.