Back in March, who could have predicted that basically nothing would change by the end of 2020? Okay, a few things have changed, but assuming you’re not one of the lucky few who have already gotten their hands on the vaccine, your ass is still glued to the couch, and you’re still f*cking bored. Luckily, the TV gods understand our need for constant stimulation, so there’s plenty of good stuff coming to a device near you in the next few weeks. Here are the most important new shows and seasons coming soon that you won’t want to miss.
‘Bridgerton’ – Netflix, 12/25
Back in 2017, Shonda Rhimes made history with a record-breaking deal to set up shop at Netflix. It’s taken a few years, but we’re finally getting our first Shondaland Netflix show, and Bridgerton looks like the exact kind of thing I want to binge in 1-2 sittings. Based on a series of novels set in 19th century England, this soapy drama centers on two young nobles who pretend to be in love, each with their own motives. With a diverse cast, gorgeous visuals, and Julie Andrews as the narrator, this is the event of the TV season.
‘Chilling Adventures of Sabrina’ – Netflix, 12/31
If you’re still watching Netflix’s Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, congratulations, you’ve made it to the end. The fourth and final part drops on New Year’s Eve, and as always, it looks creepy and thrilling. But the most exciting part, by far, is the news that the OG Aunt Hilda and Aunt Zelda from Sabrina The Teenage Witch will be making an appearance. Idk how this factors into the plot, but my sense of nostalgia is happy.
‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ – VH1, 1/1
The last time I was indoors at a bar was a viewing party for RuPaul’s Drag Race season 12, so the fact that we’re already getting a new season puts into perspective how long this year has felt. Season 13 features 13 new queens, and whether you’re a Drag Race super fan or have yet to watch an episode, trust me, you’ll love it. From the runway looks to the hilarious challenges to the SHAAAAADE that the queens throw at each other, Drag Race is the perfect competition show.
‘The Bachelor’ – ABC, 1/4
I don’t think The Bachelor needs much introduction around here, but I keep forgetting that Matt’s season premieres just two weeks after The Bachelorette wraps up. Filmed in a quarantine bubble in Pennsylvania, this season is sure to be (say it with me) the most dramatic season ever, and judging from the contestant bios, we might have more than one woman trying to secure the villain spot.
‘The Real Housewives of Dallas’ – Bravo, 1/5
I couldn’t talk about The Bachelor without also including a Bravo show, and the Dallas housewives are back in January for their fifth season. This season was filmed during the pandemic, so we’ll see how the ladies incorporate face masks and shields into their glam routines. Mainly, I’m curious to see how the cast fares in the aftermath of LeeAnne Locken’s problematic behavior and subsequent firing, because that sh*t was messy. Judging from the trailer, newcomer Dr. Tiffany Moon seems like a promising addition, and the ladies of Dallas are often underrated.
‘Dickinson’ – Apple TV+, 1/8
With so many streaming services available, a lot of people sleep on Apple TV+, but Dickinson, one of their breakout original shows, is already coming back for a second season. Hailee Steinfeld plays a young Emily Dickinson who’s struggling with the confines of her 1800s New England life. With modern music and dialogue, this show is super fun, and I found myself laughing out loud regularly during the first season.
‘Everyone Is Doing Great’ – Hulu, 1/13
James Lafferty and Stephen Colletti (aka Nathan and Chase from One Tree Hill) teamed up to create and star in this comedy about two actors who are trying to figure out wtf to do years after starring in a hit TV show about vampires. So One Tree Hill wasn’t about vampires, but I’m pretty sure this is low-key autobiographical. Also, yes, this is the same Stephen Colletti from Laguna Beach, which is reason enough to watch.
‘Search Party’ – HBO Max, 1/14
After moving to HBO Max last spring for its third season, Search Party is already back for season four. Going forward, I would appreciate if all of my favorite shows could start putting out new seasons every eight months or so. Dory, Drew, and the gang are still dealing with the aftermath of Keith’s death, and if you know anything about this show, things probably won’t go according to plan. Can’t wait!
‘WandaVision’ – Disney+, 1/15
When Disney+ launched, one of the main draws of the streaming service was the promise of new shows in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It took a while, but the first one is finally here, and WandaVision looks like it’s going to be a f*cking trip. Wanda and Vision, two of the more under-used characters from the MCU movies, are the perfect TV couple in this supernatural sitcom through the ages. Tbh, I have very little idea what this is actually about, but it’s going to be a big deal.
‘Servant’ – Apple TV+, 1/15
Along with Dickinson, Apple TV’s Servant is also returning for a second season next month. This psychological horror show is produced by horror icon M. Night Shyamalan, and it follows a family who hire a nanny for their child… who is actually a doll. Sh*t gets weird, obviously. Season one got solid reviews, and Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley) is in this, which is reason enough to watch.
Images: Liam Daniel/Netflix; Netflix, RuPaul’s Drag Race, Bachelor Nation on ABC, Bravo, Apple TV, Hulu, HBO Max, Marvel / YouTube
It’s no secret from my many articles on the subject that I’m a Bravoholic with an affinity for all things Real Housewives. And while I didn’t think my appreciation for these women could get any deeper, I’ve been especially thankful for them while battling bouts of boredom and anxiety in self-quarantine. In honor of Mother’s Day this Sunday, it’s only right that we pay tribute to the amazing women that not only gave life to our Housewives, but who have made a lasting impression in their own right while appearing onscreen.
10. Ms. Diane, ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’
Ms. Diane is an angel. She ranks this high on the list because she’s one of the most normal and seemingly sane mothers this franchise has ever seen. Her calm demeanor and unwavering support of Porsha through everything from the divorce from Kordell to the infidelities of The Hot Dog King is truly heartwarming. Porsha is one of the few lucky ones.
9. Judy Stirling, ‘Real Housewives of Orange County’
Lydia’s mom, Judy, made an immediate impression when she breezed her way into the OC from what seemed like another planet entirely. She sprinkled fairy dust on her grown daughter, smoked a ton of pot, and even managed to get into it with Vicki’s aggro son-in-law over having her feet on Vicki’s couch. In short, she was a lot more interesting memorable than Lydia.
8. Dr. Deb, ‘Real Housewives of Orange County’
Dr. Deb is what you would get if you swapped out Judy’s weed for acid and proceeded to have a really bad trip at Burning Man. When she first appeared on the show, Dr. Deb intrigued viewers with her multicolored dreadlocks and general IDGAF attitude. She really got into the mix last season at “OC Fashion Week” (I refuse to believe that’s a thing) by fighting with another attendant and allegedly using a racial slur. Clearly used to chaos, it’s no wonder Braunwyn decided to have seven kids.
7. Ms. Dorothy, ‘Real Housewives of Potomac’
Ms. Dorothy made an impression from the moment we met her in season 3. Between her monthly stays at the house she bought for with Candiace and Chris and her attempts to control every aspect of their wedding, this therapist seems to have a blind spot when it comes to respecting boundaries with her daughter. Last season she took this to another level by slapping Candiace upside the head with a purse. It be ya own mother.
6. Lois Rinna, ‘Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’
When we first met Lois, she charmed us with her happy-go-lucky attitude and positive energy. Little did we know that this ray of sunshine nearly died after surviving an attack by a literal serial killer. And not only did she survive that, she also managed to sit through dinner while Camille defended Brett Kavanaugh and served us some epic facial expressions like this in the process:
5. Marge Sr., ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’
As if Marge Jr. weren’t enough of a gift to the show when she was cast in season 8, we got the added bonus of Marge Sr. Dating well into her seventies and even admitting that she’s had sex in a cemetery, Marge Sr. is the Hungarian Samantha Jones. We have no choice but to stan.
4. Mama Elsa, ‘Real Housewives of Miami’
Almost exactly one year ago, the world lost a legend. Mama Elsa was the indisputable star of the otherwise lackluster Real Housewives of Miami. With her strong Cuban accent, flair for drama, and witchy sensibilities, she stole every scene and gave us so many hilarious moments. The world was a wonder while she was here.
3. Dale Mercer, ‘Real Housewives of New York’
Regardless of whether Tinsley decides to return to RHONY, her mother Dale would be a welcome addition to the show. She never misses an opportunity to shade her own daughter, whether it’s pointing out to Tinsley that she’s wearing shoes designed by Tinsley’s ex-husband’s new wife, or implying that her relationship with Scott is doomed. And, of course, we can never forget her indulging Tinsley’s crazy and crying with her over Tinsley’s frozen eggs “babies” while Tinsley tries on wedding dresses despite not actually being engaged.
2. Mama Dee, ‘Real Housewives of Dallas’
Speaking of women that take pleasure in shading the hell out of their spawn, no one does it like Mama Dee. Watching D’Andra squirm while asking her mom for more money to let her take over the business and Dee revel in the power dynamic is truly captivating television. Is this a healthy mother-daughter dynamic? No, but I really don’t give a dog’s rip.
1. Mama Joyce, ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’
Love her or hate her, Mama Joyce is the G.O.A.T. of outrageous Real Housewives moms. She never misses an opportunity to harass her son-in-law, whether it’s butchering the lyrics to “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” to make a threat, or recounting a childhood trauma about a lunchbox to allude to her distrust of him. The thirst doesn’t stop there. She tried using a shoe as a weapon against Carmon during Kandi’s wedding dress shopping trip, and put on an actual trench coat to dig up dirt on Phaedra, giving us this iconic moment:
She may be a monster hellbent on destroying anyone that gets too close to her daughter’s money, but she’s given us some incredible moments in the process.
Whether you love them or hate them, there’s no denying that the moms on this list make for great TV. Which Real Housewives mom is your favorite? Let me know in the comments!
Images: Bravo (2); Tenor (5); Trash Talk TV; 1drdeb / Instagram; Giphy (2)
If you’re a fan of trashy reality TV, you’re probably already very familiar with the Real Housewives shows. But while the housewives of New York City, Beverly Hills, and Atlanta have been bringing the drama for the last decade, you might be sleeping on one very important group of rich women: The Real Housewives of Dallas. The third season premieres tonight, and if last season is any indication, it’s not to be missed. Here’s everything you need to know about the most underrated Real Housewives franchise, so you can jump right in for season 3.
LeeAnne Locken: LeeAnne is the breakout star of the show, mostly because she’s completely insane. Her favorite thing is casually making death threats to her fellow cast members, then acting like everyone else is just being dramatic. She’s not rich but still spends her time organizing charity events instead of having a job. Idk how that works, but I love everything about her.
Brandi Redmond: Brandi is a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader who really just loves making poop jokes. She and LeeAnne are total frenemies, which is perfect because they’re basically the two stars. Brandi seems sweet, but she can also be more manipulative than Lisa Vanderpump.
Steph Hollman: Steph is honestly so cute and I just want the best for her. Steph is Brandi’s longtime best friend, and she also hates LeeAnne. Her main storyline this season will probably be renovating the ridiculous house her husband bought without telling her. So like, cool.
Cary Deuber: Cary’s husband Mark is a creepy plastic surgeon who’s on the show almost as much as she is. The Deubers love stirring the pot and then acting completely innocent, which makes them perfect Bravo cast members. Last season, LeeAnne spread rumors that Mark is gay, and Brandi spread rumors that Cary was Mark’s nanny and that he slept with her while he was married to another woman.
Kameron Westcott: Kameron was new in season 2 and she spent most of the season creating her line of pink dog food and acting offended by a dildo that Brandi brought on their Mexico trip as a prank. Kam looks like a Barbie doll and loves claiming she’s better than other people (read: Brandi) because they don’t live in the same bougie zip code as her.
D’Andra Simmons: D’Andra was the other season 2 addition, and I love her. She runs the skin care company that her mom founded, and she revealed in the season 2 reunion that she has TWO TRUST FUNDS. Pardon me while I rage text my parents about my lack of even one trust fund. D’Andra has been besties with LeeAnne for years, but she gets sick of LeeAnne’s constant batsh*t behavior.
The first two seasons are pretty short and all the episodes are on-demand if you want to catch up. Let’s go over some of the most important moments. In season 1, the show focused on the Dallas charity scene, and LeeAnne claimed Brandi and Steph were too trashy to be at the events. Case in point: Brandi showed up to a hat show wearing a hat with grass and fake dog poop on it. LeeAnne was not amused. Later, on a trip to Brandi and Steph’s lake house, LeeAnne threatened to “gut” supporting cast member Marie. Thus begins the history of LeeAnne Locken’s death threats.
Season 2 ditched the charity stuff and ratcheted up the drama. BFFs Brandi and Steph were feuding at the beginning, and Brandi became close with LeeAnne instead. Steph and Brandi quickly patched things up, which LeeAnne was not happy about. LeeAnne also decided she hates Cary, which led to one of the best Housewives moments ever. When Brandi drove LeeAnne to her boob job (I love this show), LeeAnne unloaded on Cary behind a closed door. We got to listen as LeeAnne said that ” husband gets his d*ck sucked at The Round-Up,” and that she doesn’t have knives in her hands but “they’re just hands, and they work quite well.” It was very confusing, but the gist was that she was threatening to strangle Cary. Cute! Later in the season, there was an instantly iconic trip to Mexico that involved Brandi chasing Kameron down the beach with a dildo that LeeAnne nicknamed “sexual chocolate.”
Seriously, the season 2 drama was so good, I was basically on the edge of my seat for every episode.
The New Season
Season 3 features the same cast as last season, which is a great thing. There’s not a single weak link here and the trailer looks jam-packed with drama. It looks like there will be some major tension between LeeAnne and D’Andra, and it also looks like LeeAnne and Brandi will continue to scream at each other about who knows what. Oh, and we also get a glimpse of fights between Cary and LeeAnne, as well as Kameron and D’Andra. God bless these messy women. The trailer also features another instant classic rant from LeeAnne:
On Monday, Bravo finally released the new taglines for this season, and there are a few standouts right off the bat.
Brandi: This isn’t my first rodeo, so I’m not taking your bull.
This is an obvious reference to LeeAnne’s tagline from last year about how she’s “no bull and all horns.” If this means that we’ll get to see a massive showdown between Brandi and LeeAnne, I’m incredibly here for it.
LeeAnne: You don’t mess with Texas, and you don’t mess with me.
Ugh, iconic. Look at LeeAnne comparing herself to the entire state of Texas. She’s completely delusional, which is the best character trait for a reality TV star.
Kameron: I have heels that are higher than your standards.
Well, Kameron won. Seriously, how have I not already used this as an Instagram caption?
Long story short, you need to be watching Real Housewives of Dallas. You’ll thank me later.
Images: Giphy (4)