Incredible news: the reboot of Barack Obama is here and it’s much better than the reboot of Full House. In case I have made you too excited about the state of politics (which is illegal in 2018) with this opening sentence by making you think that Barack Obama is president again, let me clarify. Obama is not president (sad), but he is out on the campaign trail encouraging people to vote and talking sh*t about Trump (amaze). The former president spoke to a crowd in Wisconsin about the lies and corruption coming from the GOP and Trump Administration rn, saying, “In Washington, they have racked up enough indictments to field a football team.” Okay, Obama…slay!!!
Obama had another message for the crowd that we here at the Betches Sup fully stan, and it is that Trump is a liar. Obama dropped some truth bombs about how Trump and the GOP are straight up lying about their promises for healthcare, as well as using fear-mongering tactics in order to get votes in this election. Damn Obama, tell us how you really feel.
Unlike the current president who is like the Cookie Monster if the Cookie Monster’s thing was racism & McDonald’s fillet-o-fish sandwiches, Obama also used his rally to inspire the idea of Democrats and Republicans both working to be better for a greater tomorrow. He said, “There’s something at stake in this election that goes beyond party, what is at stake is a politics that is decent and honest and lawful, and tries to do right by people, and that’s worthy of this country we love. Because it shouldn’t be Democratic or Republican to say we don’t just make stuff up. It shouldn’t be Democratic or Republican to say you don’t punish political opponents or threaten the freedom of the press just because you don’t like what they say or write about you.”
Obama: “The president said he’d pass a middle-class tax cut before the next election. Congress isn’t even in session. He just makes it up … That is not spin … That’s lying.” (via CBS) pic.twitter.com/6Q57AZSxVG
— Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) October 26, 2018
Hearing Obama speak eloquently at a rally after having to endure so many of Trump’s speeches at his racist pep-rallies is so refreshing. It’s honestly makes me feel kind of…what’s that word…I haven’t used it in so long and thought it was gone forever because it means something positive…hopeful! It makes me feel hopeful. Casual reminder that midterm election is NEXT TUESDAY, November 6th, and we must get out there and vote and make Barack “Zaddy” Obama proud. As he said, “This one, it really is that important, the stakes really are that high, the consequences of anybody sitting out are high. America is at a crossroads right now.” And if I’m doing the math correctly, crossroads is the name of a film starring Britney Spears, Britney Spears is everything, everything that goes around comes around, and that essentially means the Democrats will take back the House. Yup, that math checks out. See you at the polls!
Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!
Another day of his presidency, another day Donald Trump has held a rally. I’d also like to hold rallies where people shouted in support of me every day, but this isn’t a freshman year dorm party where I’m doing my first keg stand. To no one’s surprise, Trump said a bunch of ridiculous BS at a rally for The Zodiac Killer Ted Cruz in Houston yesterday, which I’m sure the MAGA crowd is getting framed as inspirational Pinterest quotes or whatever. Here’s the worst of it from his rally for Ted Cruz yesterday.
Ted Cruz Has A New Nickname
A great joy of mine has been watching Republicans who once vehemently hated Trump now pretend like he is a a-okay dude. My favorite of these is Ted Cruz who Trump called Lyin’ Ted. Well, the prez has a new nickname for the Texas Senator and no it’s not Beta-Cuck O’Rourke. It’s Beautiful Ted, which maybe is meant to be a compliment but feels incredibly creepy coming from Trump.
Dems Are Releasing Criminals Like They’re Rabid Animals
Not like Trump has ever had anything very positive to say about Democrats, criminals, or undocumented persons, but he really outdid himself during this speech. His exact words were: “Democrat immigration policies allow poisonous drugs and MS-13 to pour into our country, and Democrat sanctuary cities release dangerous criminals from jail and into your neighborhoods.” Damn Donald. Tell us how you really feel.
Boat Party
For some unknown reason Trump seems to think that the people in Texas who lived through Hurricane Harvey were out in the storm on floating crafts, just like…chillin. Like, I think he is warning those people to not go out in boats, but nothing in this clip is a full sentence and I wouldn’t be heeding advice from this man anyways.
Move over Maya Angelou
Trump has figured out how to rhyme. This puts him right on track for entering first grade. His new favorite phrase is “Democrats produce mobs, Republicans produce jobs.”
Cat’s Out Of The Bag
Trump came right out and said he is a nationalist. We all sort of figured this but the idea is even if he is a nationalist, there ought to be some coyness to it, right? Like I don’t just come out and say I come home after work everyday, get into pajamas, and binge watch Netflix. I lead you to believe I am better than this. Other famous nationalists? Nazis! Just saying!
Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!
Donald Trump is forever on the campaign trail, but what he doesn’t know is that he’s already cemented first place as the worst person in the history of the world. Take a break, hon. You’ve won the popular vote on that one. For a man who probably mocks safe spaces, Trump sure loves his rallies where he’s comfortably swaddled by the harassing cheers of people who think Pizzagate is a real thing. At yesterday’s South Carolina rally, Trump made fun of the following people:
Mark Sanford
The president has decided to go all in on dragging US Representative and member of the Freedom Caucus, Mark Sanford for his extramarital affair. You might remember Sanford’s affair from a few years ago because he was the politician who lied about going to hike the Appalachian trail when he was actually with his Argentinian mistress.
Trump begins his speech in South Carolina with some shots at Mark Sanford: ” guy I have never liked too much. Never liked him too much. I wasn’t a big fan. The Tallahassee trail. Must be a beautiful place. Unfortunately he didn’t go there.” pic.twitter.com/PoqO779oio
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) June 26, 2018
Trump, if you want to drag someone, get the details right or it simply won’t hit. That’s dragging 101. Also, no one has ever gone to the Tallahassee Trail because it doesn’t exist. I mean, I guess I’m not surprised that Trump isn’t an outdoors kind of guy.
John McCain
Ya know, the president is still going hard on hating on the Senator with brain cancer. Very chill. He called the war hero as “the man that put the thumbs down”, referring to McCain’s no-vote on the healthcare bill.
Jimmy Fallon
The late night comedian denounced his interview with Trump this week, saying he regretted goofing off with him on the campaign trail. We all have hookups we regret, Jimmy. We get it. Of course Trump went immediately started calling out Fallon’s poor ratings and had to mention his hair is real. The lady doth protest too much, imho.
Retweeted CBS News (@CBSNews):
“He’s lost, he looks like a lost soul”: President Trump speaks to crowd about Jimmy Fallon, after the host said he was sorry for allowing the then-candidate on his talk show https://t.co/kQkgmtz2ce pic.twitter.com/G89wniLxD7
— Andrea Marie Henry (@positiveandy) June 26, 2018
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Trump couldn’t just insult one person’s TV ratings, he had to double down.
Trump indicates he thinks NBC owes him favorable coverage because he “made them a fortune” with “The Apprentice.”
Mocks Arnold Schwarzenegger for not doing as well as him on the show. pic.twitter.com/r8jb9jElTC
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) June 26, 2018
For the record, Schwarzenegger stepped down from hosting The Apprentice though said “I would absolutely work with all of again on a show that doesn’t have this baggage.” Referring to Trump as “this baggage” is enough to warrant months of online harassment from him it looks like.
Other important announcements the president made included the creation of the Space Force (note: Flint still doesn’t have clean water), that BMW sucks (one of South Carolina’s largest employers), and that obviously Fake News is our country’s biggest threat (we are holding children in cages without their parents).
I’m usually not one to support lying, but perhaps we tell Trump he has to campaign for the rest of his life, lock him in a gym with a bunch of crisis actors, and just work on getting our country back to normal while he is preoccupied yelling about Fake News.
Next the president is headed to North Dakota, obviously the country’s saddest state, and is going to yell into a microphone there hoping one day to find something close to the semblance of love. I wish him no luck.
Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!
