‘Vanderpump Rules’ Is On Its Last Leg—But Here’s How It Can Be Fixed

For the better part of a decade, Vanderpump Rules has been one of Bravo’s most beloved, top-tier shows; one might call it The Hills of the 2010s. I mean, this crew had everything you would want in a reality show—complicated love triangles, constant gossiping about one another, and everyone was broke, which meant they were extra thirsty for camera time—and everyone loved it. But over the years, the show seemed to slowly lose its spark, and with the recent season nine premiere falling flat both ratings-wise and reception-wise, it’s time that we address how boring the show has become. There’s a lack of connection throughout the cast, the personal storylines are tired, and the whole show has a general lack of direction. On the whole, it’s incredibly stale, and just doesn’t live up to the hype anymore. So let’s get into why one of the most dramatic reality shows on TV went from iconic to basic, boring, and unoriginal.  

Listen, it’s no mystery that people now are streaming more than watching live TV, so I was expecting a bit of a decline in the ratings for VPR. However, I was shook when I saw that the show’s new season premiered with 637,000 viewers, compared to last season’s premiere that brought in 1.27 million viewers. But somehow, it makes sense. The show lost four of its main characters (deservedly so), and whether you loved them or hated them, they did have big fanbases that tuned in every week.  In addition, the promotional efforts for this season felt weaker than usual, which does affect ratings, and yet, I don’t blame Bravo. What exactly is there to promote? See, I, for one, was excited for the show to focus more on the cast’s personal lives instead of them pretending to work at SUR. I thought this would finally be what the show needed, but boy, was I wrong.

That’s not to say that no one’s personal storylines are interesting. I’m happy for Scheana and Lala and their journey with motherhood; it’s wonderful to watch, and I feel like these two have brought the most drama so far. But other than them, what are we getting? I love Katie, but she was the snarky voice of reason with her BFFs Stassi and Kristen, and without them, she kind of falls flat. Tom and Ariana, while a very cute couple, are boring to watch. James and Raquel are doing fantastic, but I just can’t get myself to care. The issue here is that this season doesn’t have the one asshole that we’re all used to hating on. Jax Taylor, while absolutely terrible, was a reliable source of drama for the show for eight seasons. Jax was so bad that he made everyone look like an angel in comparison. 

The feuds that we see this season are nothing new. VPR has always been a show where everyone gets into conflict in almost every episode. However, now that a sizable chunk of the cast is gone, those feuds are lasting way longer than they should be. I understand why; the cast probably wants to make a great show. But it makes me wonder—what exactly is the show about now? What made VPR stand out was the cast’s connection through SUR. Without that connection, it’s just another boring ensemble show set in Valley Village. The show has also hit a point where I don’t believe that this group would be friends in real life, without the obligation of filming together.  I usually wouldn’t mind that because most Housewives franchises are set up the same way, yet because there isn’t any explosive drama happening this season, there’s just not a lot of material to work with.  I can’t help but feel like we need someone to play the asshole on the show, someone who is consistently unbearable and makes everything about themself. Even though Tom Sandoval checks all of those requirements (he’s horrible, I’m sorry), I do not see him becoming the new Jax any time soon, because he seems to be a favorite of production.  All of this in mind, maybe the way to save this show is by bringing in new blood? 

I do know that there was apprehension with adding too many people last season, and rightfully so. But I think the reason it didn’t work out was that the newbies didn’t mesh well with the OGs. There was a lack of connection and just an overall awkwardness within the cast. Also, there were just too many damn people and too many disjointed storylines to follow. However, next season would be the perfect time to focus on new people, especially now that the OG cast, who was the show’s central focus, is largely gone. I feel like Vanderpump Rules is one of the shows that could do well if they had a consistent cast rotation, a consistent revamp. I think TomTom would be the perfect place for this to happen. Shifting the focus from SUR to TomTom is absolutely the only way this show could become interesting again. There are so many different characters at TomTom from the glimpses that we’ve seen in the past two seasons, and some of those people must be willing to get messy on camera. We could keep the two Toms and their partners, and then build a cast around TomTom. If Bravo wants this show to continue successfully, they need to introduce new people and new vibes. Otherwise, it may be last call for LVP and her motley crew.

Image: Randy Shropshire/Bravo

I Asked 7 People Why They Were Blocked By Jax Taylor

Vanderpump Rules’ Jax Taylor is many things: a cheater, a liar, a manipulator, the Number One Guy In The Group. He is also one of the most notoriously sensitive people on social media, second only to Jonathan Cheban. And he’s fully aware that he can be extreme when it comes to blocking, telling Us Weekly“I’d rather block them, because they think they’re being cute, so I’m just going to block them. They want to say something and see what they can get away with, so I block them.” Jax is so quick to block people who call him out, in fact, that his behavior has inspired an Instagram account and “Blocked By Jax on Twitter” T-shirts and other apparel. When it comes to blocking, Jax does not discriminate. He has blocked his own cast mates including Kristen and Tom Sandoval, fellow Bravolebrities like Below Deck‘s Captain Lee, and many a random internet hater.

So I decided to speak to a few of those aforementioned internet haters and chat with them about the circumstances—and the offending tweets—that caused them to get blocked by Jax on Twitter.

Evelyn M, a member of the Bravo by Betches Facebook group, says she was blocked in March of this year after tweeting a reaction to a Vanderpump Rules marathon. In a bold move, she tagged Jax, which earned her a swift block.

Lmao all this #VanderpumpRules marathon proves is that @mrjaxtaylor has not changed

— Ev (@eviemacs) March 24, 2020

Amira A, another Bravo by Betches group member, said, “Jax blocked me on Twitter because I said Stassi dodged a bullet that Brittany has to deal with.” She didn’t even tag him directly, she said: “I tagged #vanderpumprules.” Upon finding the tweet, she said, “he proceeded to cuss me out and block me, along with whoever else was in the thread.” She recalled, “it wasn’t a good episode for him, and people were letting him have it I believe,” clarifying that it was the episode when Brittany famously told Jax to rawt in hail after finding out he had sex with Faith.

Twitter user and @bravobybetches follower @Lynn_S_A was blocked just last week, after tweeting some opinions on the Vanderpump Rules OGs. She tweeted in reply to Kristen Doute revealing that she went to Sandoval’s pool party because Jax had uninvited her to his, and was one of at least 170 replies to the tweet. She did not tag Jax, nor did she even write out his full name. That he was able to sift through so many replies to find the tweet is nothing short of impressive.

blocked by Jax

But Mr. Taylor does not only direct his ire at individual Twitter users—he’s blocked more than one meme account on Instagram after being the subject of an unflattering post. Steve, the creator of the popular Faces By Bravo account, revealed to us that he was blocked by Jax in December 2018 after posting this meme:

 

View this post on Instagram

 

🦀💎🦀💎 #VPR #pumprules #vanderpumprules #engaged #crabs #congrats #jaxtaylor #brittanycartwright

A post shared by Faces by Bravo (@facesbybravo) on

While making a joke about passing an STD onto his then-fiancé may not have been exactly nice, it’s far from the worst thing someone could say about Jax, and even far from the worst true thing one could say. However, this word play made @facesbybravo the lucky winner of a blocking.

@lucyontheground, another pop culture meme maker, was blocked by Jax on Instagram as recently as Tuesday night. She told me via DM, “I am so confused… it must have happened last night because I haven’t watched for weeks.” She elaborated, “I called him a man child last night and said he and Brittany just like to complain and be unhappy,” but added, “I don’t even tag him… he had to come looking.” A subsequent meme on her account poking fun at being blocked has racked up comments from other users who have also been met with the same fate.

Perhaps most perplexingly, @twobravosisters got blocked by Jax for sharing his now-wife, Brittany Cartwright’s before and after pictures with Kybella, an injectable treatment that decreases fat cells beneath the chin. Two Bravo Sisters put it on their Instagram stories back in 2018, which was when they got blocked. The perplexing part is that Brittany having had Kybella wasn’t some secret Two Bravo Sisters exposed—the very plastic surgery group Brittany used posted her before and afters on Instagram, and then @twobravosisters shared that post on their stories. They told us they were “confused” by Taylor’s reaction.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

Our beautiful patient @brittany received 2 sessions of Kybella injectable treatment to decrease the fat cells beneath the chin. The active ingredient in Kybella mimics the naturally occurring deoxycholic acid molecules in the body, which aid in breakdown and absorption of dietary fat. The best part is that once destroyed, these cells can no longer store or accumulate fat! 🙌🏼 #kybella #kybellabeforeandafter #kybellainjection #kybellatreatment #injections #face #neck #beforeandafter #medspa #plastic #plasticsurgery #plasticsurgeon #beverlyhills #beautiful #glow #neckfat #doublechin #allergan #vanderpumprules #reality #beforeandafter #realresults #liposuction #coolsculpting @vanderpumprulesoffical @bravotv @bravoandy

A post shared by Beverly Hills Plastic Surgery (@plastixdocs) on

From big to small accounts, from individuals to faceless meme-makers, no one is immune to Jax’s wrath. And while sometimes Jax just blocks and moves on, other times he starts all-out wars, and then blocks. This is what happened to Kaye, the creator of the original “Blocked by Jax” apparel, which she sells on her Etsy shop, Gold Half Moon.

In 2019 he announced that he intended to produce “blocked by Jax” merch via Kristen Doute’s clothing company, before promptly getting dragged for ripping off a small business—Gold Half Moon had been making “blocked by Jax” apparel for a while.

“I did have IRL beef when I made the blocked by Jax sweatshirts and he claimed I stole the idea from him and I was selling ‘cheap fakes’ that disintegrated in the wash,” she told me.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

* UPDATE 11/22 – Magen, co-owner of JamesMae, reached out via DM with an apology and to say that she didn’t know the sweatshirts existed before she RTed Jax’s announcement from BravoCon, and that they were “hold off on making the shirts” (verbatim) on producing them. In a follow-up comment she confirmed they are not making the shirts. Sharing her DM on my stories and in a highlight (JamesMae) with her permission. Thank you everyone for your support, comments, shares, kind DMs, etc, I am so so so grateful. Jax, if you’ve somehow unblocked me to read this: you’re still a dick. ✌🏼 ——————- Just putting this here for posterity to remind J*x that not only did he take my idea, he also spread lies about the quality of a product he’s never owned and called it a “knockoff” when as of now, “his” t-shirt doesn’t exist, all because he’s salty he didn’t think of it first. Please note the time stamp, this is after Ariana bought it earlier this month, then wore and shared it when she wore it at BravoCon (Tom too). Not surprised J*x would to try to profit from his shitty behavior AND fuck my business, but man, I’m disappointed.

A post shared by GOLD HALF MOON (@goldhalfmoonco) on

Despite Jax coming for her products, though, Magen, the co-owner of James Mae, quickly reached out to apologize for Jax’s remarks, explain that it was never her intention to go after Kaye’s business, and promise not to make the shirts. Despite James Mae and Gold Half Moon kissing and making up, Jax didn’t seem to have gotten the memo, and at least in November 2019, still had her blocked.

Nobody has to tolerate negativity or trolling, and everyone can do whatever they want with their personal social media accounts. But it’s one thing to block trolls who invade your comments, and another thing to personally go looking for any mentions of your name. It’s nothing short of hilarious to imagine a 40-year-old man spending his days trawling the internet for people who talk sh*t about him, who aren’t even in his mentions, just so he can block them. Jax can’t take the heat, but he also can’t stay out of the kitchen. Even better, he will go out of his way to look for any heat, so he can burn down the kitchen in a towering inferno of self-righteousness.

Oh, and I forgot one more person who’s blocked by Jax: me, surely, after this article goes live.

Image: Bravo / Contributor

‘Vanderpump Rules’ Recap: More Baggage Than Tumi

14 episodes into this season of Vanderpump Rules, and I still feel like nothing really of note has happened. Jax and Brittany’s wedding charade came and went. Kristen is spiraling further inside of herself. Lala is doubling down on her role as the cast bully. But are any of these actual events? This is nothing like Jax banging Kristen, or Kristen flying up Miami girl to accost Sandoval, or even Kristen wearing that desperate green dress to go “get her mail” post-breakup. I’m beginning to truly come to terms with the fact that Vanderpump Rules is so far removed from its heyday that it can never return. It is a shell of what it once was. Or am I being too idealistic? After all, even with all that said, I do think this has been comparatively a good season. 

When last week ended, Randall pranked Sandoval by way of Jax by getting him fake-arrested; the only person who vocally did not find it funny was Katie. This ends with Schwartz saying some truly gross things about his wife, and him being genuinely shocked that Katie does not still leave the party with him. Then again, these two just might be two toxic peas in a radioactive pod: Schwartz yells “that’s why I don’t f*ck her”; Katie screams about how his d*ck doesn’t work. A day in the life of the Bubbas.

This episode opens with Schwartz, Beau, Jax, and Max at a skate park—fitting considering all these guys have the emotional maturity of 14-year-olds. Jax asked Schwartz if he’s “squashed things” between him and Katie, and although I don’t think Jax is any kind of master—or even adequtae—wordsmith, given that he does not even know how to pronounce the word “inevitably”, I do find the fact that he refers to a serious issue in Schwartz and Katie’s marriage as something that needs to be “squashed” troubling. 

I spent all this time using my creative writing degree, and came back into the other half of this cast at axe throwing, where Raquel is very good (respect) and Dayna is telling Brett about his big d*ck energy. Is this flirting now? You just… tell the guy he has a big d*ck? No wonder male mediocrity is at an all-time high.

At SUR, Charli tells a table of patrons that she is a picky person about her cheesecake so she goes to the Cheesecake Factory. We truly do not deserve her.

Guillermo comes up to Lisa to air some grievances about Danica. She apparently screwed up her food order at one of her two tables, which somehow resulted in one table getting overcharged $200? I’m not really clear on how that happened. I don’t really think it’s important, what is important is that Lisa clearly regrets hiring an Instagram model to manage one of her restaurants.

The next day, Schwartz and Katie are like, debriefing on their fight or whatever and Katie says she feels the prank was a little insensitive given the times we’re in. Uhh… do we… stan a woke queen? No, you’re right, the bar is so f*cking low for this show that I’ve deluded myself. But, we are cool with an aware person. I’ll say that.

Schwartz’s immediate response, though, is to snap, “don’t be a social justice warrior,” which is equal parts disappointing and unsurprising. Sheesh, read a f*cking newspaper. Ok, no you’re right, that’s asking too much. Read a f*cking tweet or two.

Hold on hold on hold on. Schwartz feels that Katie’s reaction to a prank on a 40-year-old was dumb and immature? But the prank itself was, what? The height of comedy and maturity? Am I living in the Upside Down?

This fight is completely glossed over with one half-assed apology and a little bit of baby talk from Schwartz, which is all it takes for him to get away with anything. I could see this scenario 100% happening:

Judge: On the charge of first-degree murder, how do you plead?
Schwartz: Your honor, I just like, don’t know, did I mess up? Yeah I guess, but, I’m trying my hardest… *puppy dog eyes*
Judge: You’re absolutely right, case dismissed and I award the defendant $1 million for his pain and suffering.

The next day, Katie, Stassi, and Kristen meet to talk about planning a Witches of Weho party. Stassi admitting that she’d rather be a dictator than part of a democracy is probably the most on-brand thing she has ever said. Anyone remember the “Nazi chic” scandal? It’s important to know yourself, I guess.

Lisa and Stassi’s mom join them for some reason, and Lisa spills the beans about seeing everyone in Vegas. The tea? Katie and Tom are getting married for real there, and Kristen. Isn’t. Invited. Wow, this sh*t is for real, then. 

Dayna and Brett are… meeting for drinks? *Checks screen again* they’re on a date? Huh? All it took was one BDE comment and they’re on a date already? This is hella strange. What’s also strange is that on this “date”, they’re like, pretending to psychoanalyze each other. 

Brett: I feel like you have a good head on your shoulders.
Dayna: I’m getting a sense that you may have a complicated relationship with a father figure, whose name starts with J?

Like, did they just add each other on Co-Star? Why are they doing this?

Dayna opens up about losing her mom. And I don’t even open up about any of my traumas until I get to the altar. Not sure if I should be scared or impressed with her. But how long do we think she had that “I have more baggage than Tumi” comment in her back pocket? And furthermore, is it okay if I steal it? 

So while Stassi is bitching to Lisa about how Beau hasn’t proposed yet, Beau is commandeering Katie and Schwartz to help out with the proposal, because he says they’re the only people he knows who can keep a secret. Has he met Schwartz? Schwartz can’t even keep a bartending shift.

Naturally, Kristen calls Scheana to ask what the deal is with Vegas, and naturally, Scheana spills all the beans. Gotta say, I’m kind of into this subplot of Scheana being Kristen’s informant all season. It’s so random, but such a necessary little deus ex machina.

Brittany walks into SUR and greets Peter, and you can tell she’s just waiting for Peter to say something about how she’s a married woman now. Thankfully Peter doesn’t take the bait. I love it.

The fact that we are supposed to believe that Brittany is taking a waitressing job at Sur to support herself is actually offensive. Offensive that they think we, who have been riding or dying for the past 7.5 seasons, will believe this. 

Ariana, Lala and Dayna are hanging out, and I’m not getting into this p*ssy tasting conversation, y’all, so don’t even ask. It’s kind of funny listening to Dayna give some fake justification why she’s ~suddenly~ into Brett (hint: a story line). Also funny that Dayna made a big show out of inviting Max to her birthday party, when in fact she did no such thing, but claims her party is an “open invite.” An “open invite” does not an invitation make. If it does, I’m pulling up next year.

Stassi and Beau are at dinner, once again fighting about whether or not they’re getting engaged. Instead of being like, “it’s coming, I have the ring, just chill out,” he’s like “nahhhh I’mma make it seem like I don’t really wanna get engaged and f*ck with her emotions and I’m stringing her along so she’ll be extra surprised when I finally pop the question.” That is an incredibly sh*tty take. And they are supposed to be the most stable VPR couple. Yikes. I’m beginning to see why the people in my Facebook groups aren’t as impressed with Beau as the general public seems to be.

Anyway, it’s time for Dayna’s birthday party. Unrelated but equally important: Charli named her boobs Tia and Tamera. Again, we don’t deserve an unintentional comedy queen.

Kristen takes Katie outside, and she’s already crying. Yikes haha, this isn’t going to end well. If there’s one thing Katie has disdain for, it’s open displays of emotion. And Kristen.

Katie and Kristen could not be on two more different pages. They’re not even in the same book, or on the same bookshelf. Katie is like, “Kristen, we haven’t been friends in a long time.” Meanwhile, Kristen is still insisting that she loves Katie and would jump in front of traffic for her. I too, would probably jump in front of traffic with respect to Katie, but with a different motive than Kristen for doing it.

Dayna hears that Scheana is actually upset about that she’s dating Max. No wait, Brett. I can’t keep up. Scheana is like, mad that Dayna didn’t clear the date with her? I thought she did that earlier at SUR? I’m very confused. I wish for once Scheana could call a spade a spade and just admit that she’s either A) just upset because she’s hormonal (this is me being generous) or B) upset because she wants to date Brett. 

The more Scheana insists she doesn’t like Brett, the more I just want to scream “the lady doth protest too much”. She really doth, though!

Holy sh*t, thank God Lala finally called out Scheana for taking in all these stray f*ckboys as her “best friend” du jour when she really has an interest in them. Is sober Lala… me?

Damn, I do feel bad for Scheana. Spoken as the designated single friend who’s always witnessing everyone around her find happiness with “their person”, it like, gets kind of annoying being by yourself for yet another significant life event.

Anyway, the episode ends with some sappy speech from Dayna, and then she and Brett, covered in cake, making out. Plus a final gem from Charli, who tries to run away from the cake but ends up with it on her face and in her hair: my skincare routine is too expensive for this sh*t.

Images: Bravo

‘Vanderpump Rules’ Recap: Save The Toilet Paper

Hey all you cool cats and kittens, it’s Sara here, with this week’s Vanderpump Rules recap. Before we get started I must confess that I felt regret about possibly not going hard enough at Lala last episode. Many people on the internet pointed out that it was f*cked up of her to have outed James on television, and truthfully, that fact escaped me. I thought this was old news, and Lala was simply being messy. However, outing someone is a whole different ballgame, and one that is never okay.

Who also acted messy last week? Just about everyone. From Katie and Stassi openly kicking Kristen when she was down to Jax acting like a little bitch about having to put on a damn costume. And with that, the episode opens this week at Lisa’s stables. Oh, I forgot that Ariana is a horse girl but seeing this brought back up is giving me some semblance of joy. At least, I think, it’s been so long since I’ve felt that emotion. However, all the interactions that ensue with said horse have immediately killed whatever approximation to happiness I just felt. First off, there’s the fact that the horse responds to French. Is that really necessary? No. It is just a flex for Lisa to show off the fact that she speaks (okay) French. And also, there’s the thing with the horse penises (I swear, I had to check with my Assistant Editor to make sure this really did happen and I didn’t dream it last night). Did Lisa… try to jack off her horse? Hearing her and Ariana talk about their horses’ dicks just sent me. Goodbye to you all, I shall continue writing this recap from beyond the grave.

And on that note, we are back in Weho, or wherever Stassi lives, where Katie comes bearing In-N-Out for Stassi’s massive hangover.

Actual footage of Katie:
mcdonald's

They go over the guest list of Katie’s Wine Night party, and it is the entire female work force of SUR, Pump, and TomTom, plus the female population of Weho, minus Kristen. Yes, I see this ending swimmingly for all parties involved.

Raquel confronts James about the rumor that he was drinking at the friend’s birthday party. James swears on his life that he didn’t, which is not really necessary if there is, in fact, video of this party. I sure hope this alleged drinking incident doesn’t become a whole Taylor/Kanye thing. Should we just release the tape?

At SUR, Scheana is in the middle of bragging about her whip from the other night to Raquel (nobody cares) and Raquel is thankfully given relief by Katie calling her to invite her to wine night. Would I rather listen to Scheana flex about her fake sexploits or drink wine with Katie? That’s a real Sophie’s Choice. I guess I’d choose the wine.

Brett has been “doing YouTube content” for four years, which is giving me major flashbacks to how “seriously” Ariana takes sketch comedy. He tries to give his fake elevator pitch for how #premium the content on his Youtube channel is, while the producers play us actual footage from his channel. It is clear the viewers come for one thing, and one thing only: his abs.

Scheana and Brett are having a hilarious moment where they think they totally understand each other and they could not be on more different pages. In the one corner, you have Brett all but telling Scheana he’d never so much as f*ck her blindfolded. In the other corner, you have Scheana saying in not so many words that she’s down to make him husband number two if he so much as bats his eyelashes in a suggestive way. In the third corner, you have me, dying of secondhand embarrassment.

The Toms, and Max for some reason, are discussing ways to prank Jax. Why is this a storyline, even for pretend? The guys agree to TP Jax’s house. Wasting toilet paper?? In this economy?! Should be a felony. Y’all remember the days when you could just like, waste toilet paper? Watching this is physically hurting me.

Predictably, Jax sees what they’ve done to his tree and does not find it funny, probably because he has no sense of humor unless he’s laughing at someone else’s expense. But also because the only person who would actually find this funny would be Greg Pikitis, and Jax is 40, not a student at Pawnee Middle School.

Brett comes over to film his TikTok or whatever, and Scheana manages to shoehorn in the fact that she had sex last night even though nobody, least of all Brett, asked.

Nobody:
No one:
Not a single soul:
Certainly not Brett:
Scheana: Yea so I didn’t sleep at home last night because I had sex four times.

Oh, Scheana. So sweet. So well-meaning. But so cringey all the same.

The thing about this f*ckgirl comment is that it made 100% sense. Scheana says she’s been dating f*ckboys, Brett points out that you attract the energy you put out, so does that make Scheana a f*ckgirl? He didn’t even really call her that, he asked if she would consider herself that. Big difference, if you ask me. Scheana completely goes ballistic that Brett would “call” her that (probably because, by extension, it means he wouldn’t take her home to mom), and has to assert for the billionth time that she’s just having fun and not looking for a relationship. Say it with me now:

Over at wine night, Katie is back on her mean girl bullsh*t—actually, that phrase implies that she’s ever gotten off of it—and says Kristen got herself not invited to this party. Like, no, you clearly extended this invitation to the entire female population of the U.S. minus Kristen. This is all you. These girls are brutal, sheesh.

Kristen learns about the wine night through Scheana who spilled the beans about this. Now, if this was seasons 2-5 Kristen, she would just crash the f*ck out of this lame gathering. But given that this is Sad Girl Kristen, and not Crazy Kristen, she’s probably just going to cry about it into her dogs. She really is a shell of what she once was.

Me: 

rooting for you

Damn I actually feel bad for Kristen that she wasn’t invited to drink wine with her own wine partner. Dark.

Okay, so Dayna arrives at wine night guns a-blazin’, saying that she grew up drinking 40s and vodka out of plastic gallons, as if that makes her unique or alternative and not just…. A person who was once a teenager. You’ve got to be f*cking kidding. I want to like this girl, but she is making it difficult.

It took Tom confessing for Jax to solve the mystery of who TP’d his tree. Damn, these people are not smart. Hopefully Jax never got all the toilet paper out of the tree because it would be really useful right about now.

Okay, so apparently Raquel was flaunting the fact that she told Scheana to shut the f*ck up, and Lala is taking it upon herself to, like, be Scheana’s mercenary. Or, she said it to Lala and Scheana is involved for unknown reasons? I don’t know. Guess that Real Housewife invitation never came in the mail, so this is what it’s coming to. 

In true gross Lala fashion, she says “people like Raquel need to learn to stay in their lane so people like me can run sh*t.” This seriously gives a dark glimpse into Lala’s own opinion of herself. It is… shall I say… overblown.

Lala basically tries to publicly shame Raquel for talking sh*t about Logan, and like, the whole group doesn’t need to be involved in this. This is weird. She’s like, the teacher trying to humiliate a student in front of the whole class, but in this case, the student didn’t really do anything. And the teacher is also an asshole. Okay, you’re right, this is a terrible analogy. Whatever. Lala tries to circle Raquel like she’s one of the hyenas in the The Lion King and Raquel is a dead carcass (idk, just the imagery I’m getting with these outfits), but it doesn’t quite work because Raquel isn’t letting herself get bullied. *Chris Traeger voice* I am equal parts shocked, and!, impressed.

Lol at Lala being like “don’t say I didn’t genuinely care about James. I set up sessions in the studio because he thrives in the studio.” Oh you mean, studio sessions to work on your song? Imagine that. “Don’t ever say I didn’t care, I set up something for him that also benefited me! See! I’m such a caring friend!” Get this girl outta here.

Queen Charli points out that maybe Lala still likes James, which is why she’s constantly picking at Raquel. She is a very underrated presence on this season, and I hope the producers soon recognize that.

Lol the fact that Raquel calls Lala a rottweiler and Lala is like “no bitch I’m a pitbull. Get it f*cking right.” This is the dumbest fake hard sh*t ever because like, if you were to ask me I would say pitbulls are adorable and rottweilers are a lot more scary. But sure, Lala. Whatever you want.

I truly loved the clip of Lala saying “don’t project on me what you reflect” and Ariana mouthing “what??” to herself. I’m glad I’m not the only person who feels like they are in the Twilight Zone. I wish Lala would stop watching old Tupac movies and get back down to Earth; she was way more likable back then. And by Earth, I mean Utah. Never forget where you came from! 

It’s Jax’s birthday, and basically nobody is dressed up except for Scheana and Jax. I feel that this is good, petty revenge for his temper tantrum at Tom’s birthday.

And the fact that Schwartz gave Jax a foot fleshlight is sending me ONCE AGAIN. Somebody please direct me to the nearest cliff, because I need to fling myself off of it.

Poor Kristen is like “Katie and Stassi are my family, I don’t understand how you can just cut family out. The point of it is that you’re supposed to stick together,” neglecting the fact that people cut their families off all the time. And, see, Kristen, that’s the whole problem when you take a metaphor literally. You get your expectations shattered, and what you’re saying ceases to make any sense. 

And I am now writing this recap from the bottom of the cliff off of which I have flung myself, because Randall is at this birthday party, remarking how he and Jax are in the same age group. I am unwell. 

Okay, I Googled it, and Randall is, in fact, 49 years old. Come on, sir. Calling you and Jax the same age is stretttttching things.

Everybody goes back to Jax’s to have an after party (I think? All their houses look the same). Also, after-partying is not a good idea because Jax is already slurring and making no sense. The two police officers from the movie Superbad come to the party and handcuff Sandoval to arrest him for vandalism, and I can tell right away that this is obviously a prank since literally nobody is reacting. And also because I’m not an idiot.

After it’s all over, Katie flips out, and like, if every single person on this show were not white I would say her whole “turn on the news” objection to having cops arrest someone as a “prank” would be spot-f*cking-on. Still, I will commend this brief flicker of wokeness, even if it is a little misdirected, simply because it’s the closest thing to social/political awareness we will ever get on this show.

Schwartz, instead of comforting his wife, pretends to gag, says he’s never been more turned off in his life, and yells that that’s why he doesn’t have sex with her. Holy sh*t, literally every single guy is like “dude, stop you’re being disgusting, SHUT UP!” If these personifications of misogyny are telling him he’s being gross, you know it’s bad. Katie might be a mean girl and a miserable person, but she doesn’t deserve to get degraded that way and called a moron in front of all their friends and a national viewing audience. The episode ends there. F*cking SHEESH what is with these episodes lately that are ending all dark and depressing? 

Images: Bravo; Giphy

Did Lala Kent & Randall Emmett Break Up Because Of Foftygate?

It’s been less than 48 hours since Foftygate came to its dramatic conclusion, with Randall Emmett getting 50 Cent his money by Monday, and all of the menacing Instagram posts being taken down. It was an intense weekend, and honestly, I miss the drama. I’m glad Randall didn’t have a heart attack, but I was seriously enjoying 50 Cent just massively trolling Lala and Randall on Instagram. Without Foftygate in my life, things lack meaning, and every time I refresh Instagram, I’m just greeted by obnoxious photos of Bachelor contestants hawking Flat Tummy Tea. Sad times.

But maybe the fallout from Foftygate isn’t completely over. Now, 50 Cent only wishes the best to Randall and his family, and Rand seems to be on the same page. Late last night, Rand took to the ‘gram and addressed the drama of this weekend in a hilariously casual way.

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A post shared by Randall Emmett (@randallemmettfilms) on

Randall: Yo Fif, man, that was so crazy how you basically threatened me on Instagram for three days, and then I paid you a million dollars, and now you”re not threatening me anymore. Wow! I mean man, just crazy stuff. Best of luck bro!
Me:
So aside from the fact that Randall seems content to ignore the fact that this man put him in the ER just a few days ago, it seems like things are going well! Or maybe not. On Tuesday, Lala Kent threw everything we know into question, when she removed nearly all of the photos of Randall from her Instagram feed. Bum bum BUM. Obviously, this can’t be a good sign for any relationship, but Lala and Rand have always been weird about their public relationship together. Of course, when they first got together, he was still technically married, leading Lala to make up all sorts of wild excuses for why no one had met her Man™️. And as I noted before, they don’t follow each other on Instagram, because they say it’s toxic for their relationship. Weird, but whatever.

As of right now, this is the only picture of Randall that’s still on Lala’s feed:

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I told him last night, if we get caught up in the celebration with our beautiful friends and family, just glance at me from across the room, and we will remember it’s just you and me. Last night was so full of love. Thank you to everyone who came to celebrate with us. You are so adored.

A post shared by Give Them Lala (@lalakent) on

This is from their engagement party, and I can’t decide if Lala left it up on purpose, or if she just didn’t realize what it was because it’s so dark. Another important thing to note is that Lala changed her Insta profile picture to just a black circle. Assuming that this isn’t Lala trying to rebrand before dropping an album (please no), what is this dark phase that Lala’s Instagram is going through? I was honestly starting to get worried, but then I watched Lala’s story. And Tom Schwartz’s story. And looked at Randall’s feed. And guess what?

LALA AND RANDALL WERE HANGING OUT LAST NIGHT.

That’s right. Just hours after the mysterious deletion of all of the Instagram posts, Lala and Randall were casually hanging out with the Pump Rules crew at Katie and Tom Schwartz’s new house. The girls are apparently getting ready to go on a trip to France, and they were all hanging out before hand. Stassi and Beau were also there, and it looks like everyone was having a great time.

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What a fun night with my fiancé

A post shared by Randall Emmett (@randallemmettfilms) on

First, let me say that the house looks gorgeous. I wouldn’t normally expect Katie and Schwartz to be bastions of good taste, so I’m proud of them. But more importantly, Lala and Randall are definitely together!! Not only are they hanging out and looking happy, but Randall directly refers to Lala as his “fiancé” in the caption! Sure, he used the male form of fiancé, but it’s the thought that counts. None of these people are geniuses.

So, no thanks to Lala, it seems like reports of their split have been greatly exaggerated. Looks like Lala won’t have to give new BJs for new PJs after all. I’m glad Lala and Randall’s relationship seems to be intact, at least for now, but Lala might want to keep the shopping in Paris to a minimum, considering that Randall is a million dollars poorer than he was last week. The new Chanel bags will just have to wait.

Images: Shutterstock; @randallemmettfilms (2), @lalakent / Instagram; Giphy

UPDATED: WTF Is Going On With Lala Kent And 50 Cent?

This weekend, the internet has been abuzz, talking about one of the biggest, most important crossover events in entertainment history. Unexpected relationships have emerged, there have been mind-bending plot twists, and someone might not make it out alive. Overall, the stakes have never felt higher. No, I’m not talking about Avengers: Endgame, I’m talking about the epic social media feud of 50 Cent vs. Lala Kent and Randall Emmett.

The feud first emerged out of nowhere on Friday, when 50 Cent posted a Vanderpump Rules clip on Instagram. In the video, Lala explains to Stassi how she met Randall and “let him hit it the first night,” and that after that he would buy her lots of expensive gifts. If you’re an avid VPR viewer, then this story isn’t new or shocking to you, but what does it have to do with 50 Cent? For a moment, I was excited to have another celeb on board with watching the greatest television show of our generation, but things turned dark very quickly.

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Out. Of. Left. Field. #CommentsByCelebs

A post shared by CBC Bravo (@cbcbravo) on

50 Cent’s post and caption about sucking a dick for a Range Rover seemed random, but then Lala clapped back in the comments, in a way that made it clear there was something deeper going on here. To be honest, Lala rubs me the wrong way sometimes, but this is my favorite side of her. Can you imagine anyone else from this show going off on 50 Cent like this? Nope. Still, her clap back isn’t the best re: toxic masculinity, and she also quickly deleted her comment. I already have so many questions here, and we’re not even close to done.

Meanwhile, James and Stassi both sounded off in the comments of this post, but with very different messages. James basically indicated that he’s grabbing the popcorn to watch all of this go down, which seems like a really bitchy thing to do. He and Lala aren’t close like they used to be, but she’s really done nothing to deserve this treatment from him. On the other hand, Stassi stood by her girl Lala, which I respect.

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It doesn't end. #CommentsByCelebs

A post shared by CBC Bravo (@cbcbravo) on

After Lala’s clap back, I was wondering if we would hear any more about this, but then things just got more personal. 50 posted a screenshot of his texts with “Randell,” in which he is pleading with 50 to stop texting him and leave him alone. He says that his ex is f*cking with him, and that he’s going to the ER to make sure he’s not having a heart attack. Hi, yes, please stop the ride, I’d like to get off.

In the middle of Randall’s panicked text thread, we take a pause for one of this stories greatest comedic moments:

“I SAID I’M SORRY FOFTY.”

If you claim you didn’t snort with laughter when you first read that, I don’t believe you. To commemorate this moment, we even put it on a f*cking t-shirt. Cheers, betch.

In response, 50 Cent sent a paragraph in which he clarifies that Randall owes him a million dollars, and threatens to crack Randall’s head if he keeps playing with him. I said this was going to get dark, right? We have no way of knowing if Randall really does owe 50 all this money, but if he does, he should probably stop shelling out for Lala and the girls to take PJs to Solvang. Just a thought.

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Fuck you @Randallemmettfilms you think I wouldn’t find out, you and your little hoe girl friend talk to us weekly. ? I want the rest of my money Monday. #lecheminduroi #bransoncognac

A post shared by 50 Cent (@50cent) on

Another crucial plot point in the feud is buried in the caption of this photo, where 50 Cent tells Randall that he wants the rest of his money by Monday. Honestly, I’m nervous just reading about this sh*t, so I have to imagine that Randall has fled the country by now.

It doesn’t end there. Next, 50 Cent posted another screenshot in which he responds to Randall asking him to be in his wedding, and this part is honestly just a little pathetic. 50 is obviously not interesting in being in Randall’s wedding (can’t imagine why not), and he responds with one of my favorite lines ever: “Like I ain’t got sh*t else to do. Get the f*ck outta here.” To be fair, I’m not really sure what 50 Cent is up to these days, but clearly being a groomsman for Randall “My Man” Emmett is low on his list of priorities.

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@randallemmettfilms sent me 250k today but I want all my money Monday fuck that, if he ain’t got it he can put his Rolls Royce on the truck to NY.The friend shit is over rated ?#lecheminduroi #bransoncognac

A post shared by 50 Cent (@50cent) on

Aaaand another dollar in the Fofty Jar for Randall. Well done.

With his next post, 50 Cent deepened my concern that this could actually be headed to a very bad place. It’s sort of like a meme, except one that makes me genuinely concerned that 50 Cent is about to do something bad to Randall. 50 is always watching.

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?look at this fool taking selfies, you better get me my money fool. #lecheminduroi #bransoncognac

A post shared by 50 Cent (@50cent) on

In his most recent couple of posts, 50 Cent has openly mocked Randall for saying he’s going to the ER, and he actually posted this photo of Rand with approximately 700 electrode things attached to his body.

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Your not gonna die before Monday @randallemmettfilms go ahead knock your self out. LOL

A post shared by 50 Cent (@50cent) on

I don’t know a lot about medicine or heart tests or anything like that, but is Randall okay?? I’m all for the drama and the memes that this whole situation has created, but I really don’t want Randall to have a heart attack. Fofty, please.

For now, we’re eagerly awaiting the next development in this already legendary feud, and we’re just mere hours away from the clock striking Monday. If you’re on the edge of your seat like me, now is the perfect time to cop a Money By Monday tee, because this sh*t is going down in history. This is possibly the first time I’ve ever been excited for a Monday, so literally anything is possible. Prayers for Randall, because Fofty doesn’t mess around.

UPDATE: Well, there’s more. We’re still waiting anxiously to see if Fofty will actually show up at Randall’s house to collect his pound of flesh, but things have not cooled down. As of now, it looks like the money Randall owes 50 Cent is debt from gambling. Basically, Randall likes playing poker, but isn’t very good at it. 50 Cent knows this, and lent Randall a lot of money to gamble with. This might seem like a poor choice, but it can be smart to lend money to a bad poker player, because they’ll keep losing, and they’ll just owe you more in the end. A few bad games, and all of a sudden Randall Emmett owes Fofty Cent a million dollars. Yikes.

Yesterday, while waiting for the infamous Monday to roll around, 50 Cent basically turned his Instagram into a meme page dedicated to this feud, and I could not be more here for it. He kicked things off with this screenshot of Randall’s freshly-edited Wikipedia page:

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?you know the Vibes #lecheminduroi #bransoncognac

A post shared by 50 Cent (@50cent) on

Sadly, Rand’s page has been fixed and is now protected from vandalism, but god damn this is funny. Then, because it’s 2019 on the internet, Chrissy Teigen got involved. She tweeted about how she never wants. 50 Cent to be mad at her, which like, same. But then, things got even better, because FOFTY RESPONDED.

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?I love you @chrissyteigen & john, these people just keep trying me. #lecheminduroi #bransoncognac #fofty

A post shared by 50 Cent (@50cent) on

While I’m still incredibly stressed about the situation with 50 Cent and Randall, it’s good to know that Chrissy and John are safe from the wrath of Fofty. I would say this is like something out of a fever dream I had, but honestly none of my dreams have ever been this weird.

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?limited edition, I’m sorry fofty #lecheminduroi #bransoncognac #fofty

A post shared by 50 Cent (@50cent) on

50 Cent kept the memes coming, first with this t-shirt that’s not as cute as ours, but it did remind me about G-Unit. This whole story is wild, but the fact that I’m talking about G-Unit in 2019 is probably the most shocking thing thus far. After that, Fofty reposted a Game of Thrones meme, because even he knows the importance of the battle of Winterfell.

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?I’m just saying make the best of your Sunday evening. The week days can get rough sometimes. #fofty #lecheminduroi #bransoncognac

A post shared by 50 Cent (@50cent) on

This caption might be the most menacing one he’s posted, which is saying a lot. Moving right along from Game of Thrones, 50 pivoted back to his original source material for this feud: Vanderpump Rules (a better show than GoT, there I said it). He posted the clip from earlier this season, when Lala and Rand were briefly broken up, and Lala is saying how there’s a lot of dick she could suck to get PJ flights from other men.

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??I’m not gonna say a word. #lecheminduroi #bransoncognac #fofty

A post shared by 50 Cent (@50cent) on

I just asked if we could make a shirt that says “BJ’s For New PJ’s,” but sadly I was turned down. Can’t imagine why. Fofty is implying that Randall is going to be broke after paying him a million dollars, which honestly might be true. It’s now officially Monday, and I’m on the edge of my seat to see what’s going to happen.

PS: Before I go, I need to dispel one piece of fake news that’s been going around. People have noticed that Lala and Randall aren’t following each other on Instagram, but this isn’t new. They’ve shared in the past that they both blocked each other on Insta at one point, so they haven’t followed each other in a long time. This is obviously weird, but their not following each other isn’t any indication of trouble at the moment.

Images: Shutterstock; @cbcbravo (2), @50cent (4) / Instagram; Shop Betches

The Best Outfits From ‘Vanderpump Rules’ So Far & Where To Get Them

The cast of Vanderpump Rules continuously gives us their ALL each and every season, and this season has been no exception. Spoiler alert: James got fired, Kristen’s losing it, and Lala only flies via “pjs.” Okay, maybe not actually spoilers considering anyones who’s watched the first six seasons up through now could have predicted all of that. What’s also predictable? The girls’ stylish wardrobe choices. They’ve clearly bought out Revolve’s entire site in order to prep for this season, and I’m totally here for it. All of the girls from the cast have been wearing envy-inducing outfits, so I’m here to tell you exactly where to get each of my favorite pieces we’ve seen thus far on Vanderpump Rules.

1. Kristen’s Lace Bodysuit

Crazy Kristen is back and better than ever. From scaling the fences at SUR just to bring in one of James’s side hoes, to getting “trashy” blackout in Solvang and tripping over a table, our favorite psychopath has officially arrived. Not only is she bringing us the drama this season, but she’s also been bringing us some covetable fashion looks. My favorite piece she’s worn so far is her lace sheer bodysuit from Girl’s Night In (awk, sorry James #bringbackSeeYouNextTuesday). Kristen wore the bodysuit as part of a lingerie look for Girls Night In; however, this appropriately named bodysuit can def be worn in a more everyday way. For example, pair it with leather pants for going out or layered over a super fitted T-shirt for daytime.

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Bodysuit Boo! Get Details on Kristen Doute’s Black Lace Bodysuit and Style Stealers with the Link In Our Bio or by following us on the @liketoknow.it app! http://liketk.it/2ztcp #liketkit #pumprules #vanderpumprules #bravotv #realitytv #bodysuit #lacebodysuit

A post shared by BigBlondeHair.com (@bigblondehair) on

Majorelle Body Suit

MAJORELLE Annie Bodysuit

2. Stassi’s Striped Blouse

Stassi always looks chic and polished, so it’s no surprise that her first time on a “pj” she looks classy af. Her signature LA look is a button-up shirt and little denim shorts, plus a cool pair of shades and glam shoes. It’s the perfect effortlessly cool outfit formula, and you can get an almost identical version of her shirt online from Nordstrom Rack. And, considering you can currently get the dupe for less than $30, buying one for yourself should be an even easier no-brainer than whether James cheated on Raquel or not. (Sorry James, it’s too easy.)

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Super Fly ✈️ Stassi Schroeder’s Blue Striped Blouse is Sold Out at Zara but you can shop identical with the Link in our Bio or by Following us on the @liketoknow.it app! http://liketk.it/2zSF8 #liketkit #stassischroeder #pumprules #vanderpumprules #bravotv #realitytv #stripedtop #celebritystyle #zara

A post shared by BigBlondeHair.com (@bigblondehair) on

Como Vintage Striped Hi-Lo Blouse

3. Katie’s Rhinestone Belt

As soon as I saw the girls posting their outfits from Stassi’s #OOTD Day party, I went on a HUNT for Katie’s belt. It’s the perfect belt to elevate any outfit. When I went on my search, these belts were very hard to find. There were very few options, and almost all were sold out. But, since then, I have seen tons of variations of the belt and at a variety of prices. So, lucky for you, finding one should be no problem. Not to mention, I’ve included two options below because, well, I’m nice like that.

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dreams do come true on tonight’s #pumprules. ?my bestie has her own holiday @nationalootdday! #OOTD

A post shared by kristendoute ??? (@kristendoute) on

B-low The Belt Farah belt

Express Crystal Gem Belt

4. Brittany’s Heart Dress

This girly dress is legit the epitome of Brittany in dress form: super sweet and subtly sexy. This dress is super cute and it’s actually from Pretty Little Thing, so it won’t cost you your whole paycheck. In fact, at only $28, it will probs cost less than the lunch you ordered in today. This season, Brittany actually seems to be wearing a couple different pieces from the site, which is v smart considering she’s only going to wear these clothes once for an episode before she’s done with them. Kudos to you Brittany, for being financially savvy! Going to need that money for that over-the-top expensive engagement party coming up, I’m sure.

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Very Valentine! Get deets on Brittany Cartwright’s Under $30 heart Print Dress with the Link In Our Bio or by following us on the @liketoknow.it app! http://liketk.it/2zJCq #liketkit #pumprules #valentinesday #hearts #brittanycartwright #bravotv #realitytv #bigblondehair #heartprint #valentinesdaydress

A post shared by BigBlondeHair.com (@bigblondehair) on

PLT Heart Dress

Pretty Little Thing White Heart Print Frill Dress

5. Ariana’s Interview Dress

Ariana has been KILLING it in her interview looks. I’m OBSESSED with the hot pink cut-out dress she’s been wearing but, of course, it’s sold out. Fortunately, her other stunning interview look, a  yellow cut-out dress, is still available AND, brace yourself, still has a full size run. It’s an ideal dress for transitioning into spring and summer in the upcoming months. It’s also a great dress to wear to any upcoming weddings—you know, like the one that Ariana and Tom will never have. 

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Not so Mellow Yellow! Get details on Ariana Madix’s Yellow Confessional Dress and Style Stealers with the Link In Our Bio or by following us on the @liketoknow.it app! http://liketk.it/2yYZJ #liketkit #pumprules #vanderpumprules #arianamadix #bravotv #yellowdress #cutoutdress #bigblondehair

A post shared by BigBlondeHair.com (@bigblondehair) on

NBD Totale Dress

NBD Totale Dress in Marigold

We’re not even halfway through this season and the staff of SUR has already served us up some fire looks thus far. (And yes, pun totally intended.) From the looks of the teasers, we still have some more trips, parties, and drama-filled events to look forward to, so we’re guaranteed some more amazing outfits. And, just so we’re clear, by amazing outfits I’m definitely not referring to Lisa’s predictable silky magenta blouses and Kristin’s aggressively branded ironic T-shirt line. And none for Scheana, byeee!

Images: @bigblondehair / Instagram; @kristendoute / Instagram; Revolve (2); Nordstrom Rack; B-low The Belt; Express; PrettyLittleThing
Betches may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link and purchase a product or service. The links are independently placed and do not influence editorial content.

The Worst Style Moments In ‘Vanderpump Rules’ History

I’m going to start this article by saying, out of all the reality shows out there, the cast of Vanderpump Rules is definitely the most stylish. I mean, given their reality show competition is Jersey Shore’s Affliction graphic tees and Real Housewives of OC’s bodycon dresses, they’re really not up against much. Regardless, I’ve got to give the best show on television props for also being the most obviously best dressed cast on reality television. Now, that’s not to say that, collectively, they haven’t had a few fashion faux pas in their day (or continue to even now *cough, cough* DIFF Eyewear.) But in honor of their glorious and already drama-filled season seven return, let’s take a look back at some of the most infamous fashion crimes from my favorite show EVER. Have I mentioned it’s my favorite show ever???

1. Stassi’s Statement Necklaces

Queen Stassi clearly knows a thing or two about fashion, given that she invented an actual #ootd holiday. She also records half her podcasts from her shoe closet, so mad respect there. However, before she became the fashion star she is today, Stassi sure loved herself a statement necklace. Look, I get it. They were cool then…but they were never sooo cool that you legit needed to wear one with every single outfit. Like, I wouldn’t be surprised if Stassi slept with one on. Thank God for her fashion glow-up, because I haven’t seen a statement necklace on her since that time she went to NYC and took a whole season off. Although I missed her terribly and almost boycotted the show completely, her return sans statement necklaces is clear proof New York did her well.

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#pumprules

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2. Scheana’s Crop Top Wedding Dress

One of the most ridiculed outfits of all time from all seven seasons of the show has to be Scheana’s devastatingly iconic “crop top” wedding dress. I get it, crop tops were—and still are—cool. But on your wedding day? Was this a foreshadowing of their marriage being cut short??? I guess she can still wear the pieces as separates?? I know Scheana is not exactly known for her foresight or long-term planning, but even she should have realized this dress would be out of style before she even got the wedding album.

Should we address Scheana’s wedding dress?? RIGHT or RATCHET? #FashionByBravo pic.twitter.com/TeCCsdIIYk

— the bravoholclique (@bravoholclique) February 23, 2015

3. Jax’s Chunky Cardigans

I miss the days of Jax’s chunky sweaters and him tearing them off in rage outside the club. *Sighs* sweet, sweet nostalgia. It was a simpler time, when the cheating was flagrant and the chunky knit cardigan was Mr. Cauchi’s signature look. So much so, that I think he even started his own sweater line? Fact check that, I don’t know if it ever actually happened or if that so-called business venture went the way of Ariana’s cocktail book. It may have been just as much a lie as last season’s supposed hockey job. Either way, his cardigans were as much of an episode staple as Stassi’s bold necklaces. Shame on Stassi for not putting on her entrepreneurial hat and starting a line of necklaces for like, Charlotte Russe or something! Damn, these two could have really been a business powerhouse, had Jax not banged that stripper in Vegas. Oh well, everything happens for a reason I guess.

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chunky sweaters>>>

A post shared by vanderpump rules (@pump_rules) on

4. Everything Sandoval Wears

Sandoval’s outfit choices give me chills—but like, not the good kind. The kind of chills where I want to immediately break out in cringe sweats. The thing is, even when his outfit starts out good, he always adds in some element that takes it over-the-top and makes it instantly repulsive. TBT to that weird Cruella Devil-adjacent white streak in his hair. I just can’t. It’s always too much, and too in-your-face. You’re a legit business man now, Tom! Can we stop with the ridiculous costume-like outfits already???

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My last Saturday Birthday #ootd as @ariana252525 flips off the Camera

A post shared by Tom Sandoval (@tomsandoval1) on

5. Brittany’s Kentucky Style

You gotta love Brittany for being the sweetest bitch you’ll ever meet reality star ever, but that doesn’t mean you have to love her style. In fact, most of the time, I LOATHE her outfits. They look like they’re from the sale rack at Rue21, and she’s honestly just too pretty to be distracting from her beautiful face with her horrendous getups. Like, you know she would have been the prime customer for Stassi’s fictional Charlotte Russe statement necklace line. The past couple months, she’s def stepped it up, and clearly has started shopping on Revolve like her co-stars, so good for her. As an engaged woman who now shops at Revolve, this betch has come a long was from her Hooters Kentucky days.

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I am soooooo excited and beyond blessed that #JaxAndBrittany Take Kentucky is airing THIS MONTH -August 23rd at 9pm on @bravotv ???????????? I cannot wait for you to see my Kentucky home and get to know my amazing friends and family! This is going to be so different but so amazing for you all to see! Thanks for all the support and I hope everyone tunes in for the premiere! ???????????????? Head over to bravotv.com to see some exclusive sneak peaks!

A post shared by Brittany Cartwright???? (@brittany) on

I guess it’s comforting to know that even though the cast of Vanderpump Rules will likely never change their narcissistic and toxic ways, at least they’re open to switching up their signature style. Hopefully their tacky promoted sunglasses will soon go the way of the statement necklaces and cardigans, because I can’t take it anymore.

Images: Getty Images; @pumprules, @tomsandoval1, @pump_rules, @brittany / Instagram; bravoholclique / Twitter