Unless you’re a nice girl who believes you’ll “find love when you’re not looking”, you shouldn’t put “not here for the hookups” on your Tinder profile. It’s lame and guys already know you’re not on Bumble looking for hookups. But that doesn’t mean you need to play Tinder like the lottery either. You can tailor your profile to attract the type of guys (or girls) you’re looking for by simply curating your pictures. You’re obviously hot in everything, but just like schoolgirl Britney is very different from snake-around-her-neck Britney or flight attendant/”Toxic” Britney, selecting the persona for your profile will get you different things. Here’s what photos you should use based on what you’re looking for in online dating.
Here For The Hookups
You’re the Samantha of your friend group and you’re on Tinder sharking for some Magic Mike bros for your collection. Don’t worry, you can do this without posting some thirst trap or sounding like a literal sex bot. Include a body photo, but one where you’re not trying to be sexy. For example, a workout pic where you’re hiking in short shorts and a sports bra will show off your body while disguising itself as a “personality” picture. Or if you’re posting a pic of yourself in a bikini, make sure you’re smiling and living “your best life” with a drink or surfboard in hand or you’ll look like you’re trying too hard.
Your secondary photos should be straight chill and at least one edgier one. What we mean by that is if that photo you asked your friend to untag when you were looking for a job? Yeah, that one. Your boobs look amazing in it, and you know that because you secretly saved that photo. The chill photo can be chilling at brunch or in your room, we don’t care. It’s just there to show you’re not a psycho or a bot.
Looking To Wife Up
When it comes to looking for a relationship on Tinder, you can achieve this as long as you give off wife vibes. This doesn’t mean you can’t take him to your after work open bar a few months in and let him see your
alter-ego drunk side, but you’ll just tone it down a bit when it comes to your first impression. Include a photo that shows you at work if you do something interesting. For example, a picture of you taking photographs if you’re a photographer, or in the music studio if you’re a producer. This is like the first scene of every Bachelor introduction, but it’s there because it makes you seem like a person with a life as opposed to just a girl to take out to dinner.
Then include a photo of something you’re passionate about outside of work, like if you work at a dog rescue or volunteer in South America. Your photos should tell a story about your actual life during the day, because it’ll attract guys who want to talk about you rather than hook up at 2am. Make sure your primary photo is a clear photo of your face that isn’t a selfie. And usually we hate it when guys tell us this but literally this is the only time we think you should smile. Smile, look up, and make sure it’s brightly lit. Mid body to shoulder and up is perfect—if in need of inspiration just imagine you’re a country singer with a debut album and you’re looking for cover art that captures your personality.
You Just Broke Up And You’re On The Rebound
You’re on Tinder to hook up but you’re not actually ready for a fuckbuddy. You’re just looking to start some flirty conversations while you test the new waters of being single. You’re “open” to dating but you don’t actually want to get in a relationship. Basically you’re rebounding but you don’t want to talk to fuckboys—you just want attention. Your primary photo: a selfie. Make sure it’s well-lit and doesn’t have a Snapchat filter on it, but the selfie is a clear indication you haven’t put that much time into creating your profile. You’re not here to wife up, but you’re also not here to meet up tonight. Keep the selfie something you’d send your friends, so avoid overly explicit faces or like, taking it in your bed. If it’s a little funny, even better.
Your secondary photos should be one of you at a wedding looking innocent and pretty, without your date obviously. It shows you know to clean up and hints that you’re not out here trying to get casual sex. You also should include a photo of you and an animal, if you have a pet. If you don’t, borrow one, it’s not hard. Puppies are better than cats, but if you must go cat you should use a kitten. This lets him know you ARE capable of emotional support and also reminds yourself that just because Jake left you doesn’t mean you can’t love a living thing, even if it is an eight pound toy dog.
You Want To Date Someone Who Won’t Make You Move In With Him
You’re trying to find someone between “you up?” and “save the date”. You’re not looking to settle down in a serious relationship for at least a few years, but you still want to date because sometimes cuddling is fun.
You want to include pictures of you being out and interesting as opposed to domestic and chill. Did you do one of those color runs or mud races? That’s a good one to include. It shows you’re busy and living your own life and will attract a guy who’s also on his own schedule. Include a pic of you out with your friends, maybe making a coy face at the camera with a drink in your hand, or at a fancy dinner with a celebrity behind you. Keep the pictures playful obvs, but these late night “out and about” pics are a way to show him you expect him to be wining and dining you as opposed to staying in and watching Game of Thrones in sweatpants with you. You’re looking for a fun, flirty relationship that stays in the courting phase so you can avoid the dreaded commitment phase where everything breaks down.
Aside from choosing a method of getting blackout this weekend, picking a profile picture is one of the most important decisions a betch can make. Sure, you might look like a human disaster wrapped in yoga pants 80 percent of the time in real life, but social media is forever. Not only is your Facebook page the first real impression you make on the hot guy(s) you made out with at Coachella, but it’s also what people from high school see when they’re idly stalking you after your moms get together for brunch back home. Obviously, your profile picture has to be flawless in every way.
The only problem is that you might think your current prof pic makes you appear like the appropriate combination of successful, fuckable, and free-spirited, but according to science, nobody else agrees.
In a study from the University of New South Wales, psychologists found that it’s actually a way better idea to let strangers pick your profile picture than to rely on the brutal honesty of your BFF or your own terrible judgment. Researchers asked 102 students to pick two photos of themselves to be used in three situations: social media, dating apps, and a professional site (ugh). Then they were given photos of someone else in the study and asked to do the same thing, choosing three profile pictures for a stranger. Finally, researchers showed the chosen photos to a different group of randos and made them rate the pictures for science.
According to their results, we’re spectacularly terrible at picking our own profile pictures, but we’re great at choosing them for other people. In the study, the photos chosen by a stranger were consistently rated better than the self-chosen kind. So you might think your picture looks like this:
But actually it’s more like this.
As if making the most infinitesimal change to my profile wasn’t stressful enough, now I have to find out I look like a monster in my main photo? From now on, I’m only ever posting anything when it’s been approved by a committee of my peers.
The good news for you guys is that, as a total stranger, I can tell you what to do with your profile picture. You’re welcome.
DO: Face The Camera
It’s ridiculous that I have to specify this, but judging from my Facebook feed, specify I must. Face the fucking camera in your profile picture. It’s there for people to identify you, and that’s impossible if your pic shows nothing but the back of your ombréd head, which looks like all the other ombréd heads out there. Also maybe consider a new dye job because ombré has been on its way out since it came in, in like 2014.
DON’T: Use A Selfie
You know you’re a narcissistic hottie, but do you really want to advertise it? Besides, using a selfie makes you look like you have no friends to take a photo for you, which might be true but I doubt you want that known. The obvious exception is Instagram, where selfies reign supreme.
DO: Pick Something That Makes You Look Cool
Yes, it’s bragging, but isn’t that what social media is for? Go forth and upload that pic of you paddleboarding in the Bahamas. Nobody needs to know it was from 2014 and you fell off the board immediately after—they do need to think you’re way cooler than you are.
DON’T: Include A Kid
Unless that child is the fruit of your personal loins, don’t include a kid in your profile pic. If you do, I guarantee you’ll never get laid again because every potential Tinder date will assume it’s yours. Or you’ll get asked on dates by people “looking to start a family,” which is way worse than celibacy if you ask me.
DO: Smize Like Tyra Asked You To
Put those America’s Next Top Model marathons to use and pick something where you’re smiling. Just don’t smile too much, because then your eyes get all scrunched and, even worse, someone might start to doubt your reputation for heartlessness.
DON’T: Be A Face In A Crowd
Facebook is for stalking someone you just met until you know everything about their lives. How are people supposed to do that when they can’t tell which pink-clad sorority girl is supposed to be you in your profile picture? I’m all for girl power, but save that shit for a cover photo.
Read: The 6 Makeup Mistakes That Are Ruining Your Selfie