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Let’s take a walk back through history, friends. The time is… uh, Monday, roughly around the same time. As the world was still reeling from a major Oscars fuckup wherein Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway mistakenly announced La La Land as the Best Picture winner. While I was aware of the stated explanation (a simple mixup involving duplicate winner’s envelopes), my finely-tuned bullshit detector knew something was up.
I offered a couple (extremely) plausible alternative explanations, including this one:
Brian Cullinan, a partner at PricewaterhouseCoopers, which handles the Oscars voting, giddily posted a photo of La La Land star Emma Stone just three minutes before giving Beatty what was supposed to be the envelope containing the name of the Best Picture.
“Best Actress Emma Stone Backstage!” Cullinan tweeted at 9:05 p.m. PST, according to the Wall Street Journal. The newspaper obtained a copy of the post before it was yanked, allegedly along with the slew of other tweets the on-duty accountant sent out during the show.
PwC went on to acknowledge and apologize for the “breaches of existing protocol,” leaving out the part where the breaches happened in the first place because one of their partners (a meaningless distinction at places like PwC) wanted to fuck Emma Stone.
Do you hear that sound? It’s the sound of me being right, ruling super hard, speaking truth to power and swooping Emma Stone (citation needed). I should be president.