Last night it was rumored that yet another White House staffer was asked to return to their loft, pack their bags, put out their tiki torch, and go home. Sarah Huckabee Sanders, aka The Secretary of Scowl, was supposedly preparing to jet set from the South Lawn according to CBS news. In true Trumpian form, Sanders accused the media of lying and said she had told them of no such plans, which is Sanders-speak for “oh yeah that’s totally true.”
Does @CBSNews know something I don’t about my plans and my future? I was at my daughter’s year-end Kindergarten event and they ran a story about my “plans to leave the WH” without even talking to me. I love my job and am honored to work for @POTUS
— Sarah Sanders (@PressSec) June 14, 2018
News outlets have keenly pointed out that she never said that what they reported was incorrect, just that she hadn’t spoken with them about any departure plans. Assuming that Sanders will follow in the footsteps of approximately 99.9% of her coworkers, and leave without a proper two weeks notice, what could she possibly get into next?
Something about Sarah Huckabee just screams “I want to spend my free time on Facebook scamming and spamming my close friends.” I think her skills line up perfectly with “social media pyramid scheme.”
Get Into Crossfit
Ya know, I know a ton of people who when going through a big lifer change, be it career, personal, or spiritual, have found these intense workouts very therapeutic. I can imagine there’s a lot of stress she needs to unload from her days as Press Secretary and could probably let some of it out throwing a giant leaded ball at a wall or whatever they do in those fitness garages.
Become The Mean Vice Principal of a Middle School
I’m not sure Sanders has the charisma to be a principal of a middle school, but she’s definitely the side muscle – aka the enforcer of rules. Every kid in that school would adhere to the policy to avoid having to visit her in her office. When not yelling at small children, she would wander the halls with a spiked ruler in hand just to raise the fear surrounding her.
Ask to Talk To Someone’s Manager
This isn’t a job or hobby per se, but Sanders has that je n’ais se quoi about her that lets you know she’d demanded to talk to whoever is in charge. I am willing to bet money that she has approached random people of color in a Target and started asking them questions as if they worked there, despite them not wearing a uniform. I’m also not convinced that this woman is not, in fact, Sarah Sanders:
Manage Her Dad’s Standup Career
As we know all too well, Mike Huckabee, Sanders’ father and former governor of Arkansas, fancies himself a funny boy on Twitter.com. The two can spend some quality time together on the road where Huckabee opens up for Jeff Foxworthy knockoffs.
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