Stormy Daniels Was Arrested In A Strip Club Under Shady Pretenses

Last night in the beautiful flyover state if Ohio, pornographic actress and sexiest member of the resistance, Stormy Daniels was arrested. Performing at a strip club in Columbus, Daniels, was charged with three counts of misdemeanor sex offenses for touching patrons while she performed at Sirens Gentleman’s Club.

Allegedly she placed her breasts on the faces of patrons and fondled a few women patron’s breasts and those patrons turned out to be undercover cops who then arrested her. You know, a typical Wednesday night. I’m not making light of touching people inappropriately but this narc-heavy scenario smells highly of Eau de Setup.

Her lawyer, Michael Avenatti, famous for being hot and good at Twitter and inventing #basta also thinks it’s a setup, so vis-a-vis (wow, already dropping legalese) I am also a lawyer. 

Daniels was released on a $6,054 bail but had to cancel her remaining Columbus shows because of the incident. Honestly, feels like more of a crime to deny innocent Ohioans from a seductive night out on the town but glad these undercover cops are going after the real criminals out there. Keep up the shady work! 

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

Why You Need To Follow Stormy Daniels On Twitter ASAP

Stormy Daniels is famous for a lot of things, most of which I cannot repeat here lest this article be flagged as inappropriate, but what she really should be famous for is her Twitter account. Ever since it came out that she allegedly maybe had an affair with the president in which he allegedly supposedly paid her $130,000 to keep quiet but then allegedly potentially forgot to sign the NDA, ya girl Stormy has been trolling the haters on Twitter with some of the funniest clapbacks possible. TBH, we’re here for it

For example, there’s the time she used a tweet calling her an “old whore” as an opportunity to advocate for getting more grandmas into the adult entertainment industry:

My ultimate goal is to bring GILF porn to the mainstream. You’re stuck with me for a while, muffin. PS Tell your Nana that I’m looking forward to our anal scene. Got a big one for her! https://t.co/6kSjhwGzxp

— Stormy Daniels (@StormyDaniels) March 12, 2018

Or the time she took a few minutes out of her day to explain basic anatomy:

Ummm….you do realize that a vagina is a hole, right? I understand the last one you probably saw belonged to your poor mother as you exited (lucky lady) but I figured you’d have learned some basics somehow. https://t.co/LZNtiHAnfs

— Stormy Daniels (@StormyDaniels) March 11, 2018

Or the time she gave this troll a spelling lesson:

The correct spelling is “skank” https://t.co/E1Ie16OXC4

— Stormy Daniels (@StormyDaniels) March 9, 2018

TBH, it’s hard enough to be a woman on Twitter these days, let a lone a woman in the adult entertainment industry who may or may not have the best legal case against President & King Troll Donald Trump. I guess 17 years in the porn industry will really thicken your skin.

Ugh. I did not mean that literally. Don’t take that literally. The image is p. gross.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!