You know that feeling you get that you’re better than everyone else? Well, you’re actually right about that. It turns out the ability to social climb is embedded into your genes. So you literally can’t help it that you’re so popular. Sorry for letting you fall, Gretchen. You were right all along. A new study by Kings College in London found that your genes actually determine 50% of whether or not you will be socially mobile. The other half is basically determined by being rich which like, yeah duh we knew that already. According to the study, children who were born with the popularity genes tended to score better on all of their tests, regardless of how educated or wealthy their parents were.
This probably explains why even when we don’t want to do work, we still succeed at everything we do. Think Elle Woods in Legally Blonde just casually taking her LSATs and getting into Harvard.
This study was the first to find substantial proof of “genetic influence on children’s social mobility” aka, what we’ve known all along, that some people are just born popular. Using a sample of 6,000 twin families (it’s always twins, isn’t it?), researchers measured whether or not children were able to measure up to the education status of their parents. So like, if your kid scores high on their tests even though you didn’t go to college and just run like an Etsy shop or whatever, that child is upwardly mobile. If you’re rich AF and went to an Ivy but your kid failed their tests, then your kid doesn’t have the popularity gene and isn’t upwardly mobile. Honestly, this test seems kind of mean, which I guess is perfect for popular people.
Unfortunately, this also means some people are just born to fail, which explains the trust fund bro we dated who had everything handed to him yet still ended up arrested for selling oregano to a police officer. Even when their parents were already educated and successful, the kid could still end up becoming a DJ or street magician so like, thank god we were born with the right genes. Can’t help that things come so easy for us!
Whether you live in LA or are just on vacay there, you can’t leave without gramming an avocado toast at brunch—that’s just like, the rules of feminism. Lucky for you we have done the hard work of “researching” the best avocado toasts, and by researching we mean getting drunk at brunch and eating avocado toast, obvs. Here’s the best places to go if you want to enjoy California’s other favorite green plant.
The avocado toast here is hands down the most photogenic in LA. It’s definitely hyped up, but for a good reason. The wait is going to be annoying, but the line moves fairly fast. Still, be prepared to wait at least an hour before ordering. But trust us, it’s worth it. You’ll probably spot Marisa Tomei or Kristen Stewart here, which will def help you get those eyes on your Instagram story.
2. Jon & Vinny’s
This is like the LA version of a typical Italian diner, which is to say it is nothing like an Italian diner at all. It does, however, have a delicious avocado toast option on Ciabatta bread. The place is small and laid back, so don’t expect to bring a big group here. They also have pizza options, but come here for brunch and get the avocado toast—it’s a light option with olive oil and lemon and it’s what we imagine the Godfather would have eaten if he was a hipster teenager in a punk band.
Zinc has one of the best ambiences in DTLA. It’s also very spacious, which means you don’t have to wait very long for a table. The avocado toast here hits all the right checkmarks. It’s a classic and hearty choice with radish, chives, lemon, and avocado. You def want to get the egg on it, unless you’re trying to lose three pounds. It’s also right by the climbing gym, so you could also just do that afterwards and then the calories don’t count. Right?
4. LA Chapter
This is great because it’s in the Ace Hotel and you can ‘gram yourself drinking a cocktail at the Upstairs pool bar after brunch. This is a great place to take your parents when they come and visit. They make their avocado toast with Aleppo pepper, which doesn’t mean anything to us or to Gary Johnson but probably means something to people who care about that stuff. Definitely get a poached egg on this one, at least for the picture.
5. Stir Market
This is a large Italian market much like Eataly in New York. The avocado toast is simple here, but still totally grammable. This is right in the heart of Weho, which means don’t wear your flip flops and leggings unless you’re trying to hide from the paparazzi. You’ll probably want to grab a coffee afterwards and day drink along Santa Monica Blvd afterwards.
On this rainy pre New Years day we reflect upon the upcoming transition from peppermint mocha season to skinny latte season! Happy New Year from @stirmarket … #stirmarket #avocadotoast #avotoast #avocado #brunch #breakfast #popsugarfood #eeeeeats #eaterla #grubstreet #postmates #bacon #brunchseason #nomnom #healthyfood #healthyeating #poachedeggs
6. The Hart & The Hunter
No, this isn’t a new band playing at Bonnaroo this year, it’s the name of a Southern themed restaurant. Obvs if we’re going southern you know this isn’t for the betch on a diet. Their avocado toast comes with pickled onions and capers on sourdough (obvs) bread. It’s one of those cute places that make you feel like you should be wearing a sundress, so plan accordingly. Also plenty of light in here for good pics.
7. Tar & Roses
This is another popular place that will have a wait, but their avocado toast is always with a twist so it’s worth coming here. Like yes, there’s a wait at the Louvre in Paris too, but are you just going to not see the Mona Lisa? Exactly. Their avocado toast options have included crab and Atlantic sardine, so they’re not fucking around.
The LINE hotel is a gem of a place in K-town for many reasons, but Commissary is the best reason when you’re hungover on a Sunday morning, probably from dancing in the lobby the night before. The avocado toast comes with goat cheese and is surprisingly spicy, so watch out if you’re not into hot stuff. It is a little pricy, but it’s a hotel, get used to it.