Photoshop Fail Of The Week: Another Day, Another Jenner

I usually try to avoid using Kardashian/Jenner photo editing fails because honestly, this entire series could be about them alone. But alas, they keep giving me material, so here we are. And this one is so, so bad. You would think being super young, beautiful, a billionaire, having chefs and personal trainers, and having your entire body and face augmented by the best surgeons in the world would mean that you can just post your banging body without editing, right? YOU WOULD THINK. It’s like LuAnn says, guys. Money can’t buy you class, and it definitely cannot buy you self-esteem. Here is what Kylie posted earlier this week:

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When Houston meets LA .. ? @playboy #ComingSoon

A post shared by Kylie ✨ (@kyliejenner) on

Apparently she and Travis (?) are doing Playboy. Which, honestly, I didn’t know Playboy was still a thing. Like, Playboy was really cool when I was 14 and I’d carry around a cheesy Playboy Bunny embellished bag that looked like a bad Chanel from that one weird store in the mall where everything was inexplicably $12. You know the store. Anyway, I thought Playboy was dead and buried where it belonged. Especially after finding out how creepy it was behind the scenes.

SOOOO this photo. The airbrushing is hideous. It’s like they just used the paint can tool and filled her in with beige. Also, there’s something weird going on with Travis’s left elbow. But that aside. Kylie looks amazing, sure, but her proportions just aren’t believable to me. Especially because we know what Kylie used to look like.

But you could argue this is from surgery for sure. That said, unfortunately for Playboy, the background is the true giveaway that some really bad editing took place.

Let’s do a quick little lesson in foliage, shall we? Even the most perfectly groomed hedges will have rough lines, because individual leaves stick out. I taught painting for many years, I am a “creating realistic foliage” expert. In example:

The top of the hedges:

Leaves sticking out irregularly. Looks good to me.

The side of the hedges:

Irregular lines. These look real. It checks out.

The bottom of the hedges:

Uneven lines, these are real leaves.

But then.

The leaves near Kylie Jenner’s ass crack:

In case you need help:

What a coincidence! Once again, the vortex that is a Kardashian/Jenner ass has pulled the world around them straight into its gravitational pull! Funny how this always only happens near the waist area. Also, can I just say I’m really glad I work from home because if I was in an office zooming in on Kylie’s literal asshole I feel like that would violate some kind of company policy?

The only explanation for a natural element to suddenly be sharp and even, is because they pushed in Kylie’s waist to make it teensy, and the result screwed up the background. So then the geniuses over at Playboy decided to just paint it black to hide the distorted leaves. Great work, everyone. Here’s a tip: next time use the clone tool to stamp leaves from the many other real hedges and hide your tracks.

I also don’t see the point of featuring someone naked in your magazine if you need to give them a fake body to seem desirable. Like, if people want to see Kylie’s naked body, they want to see her actual body, no? I also don’t get why Kylie would even want to do Playboy. She’s a billionaire. She doesn’t need the publicity. She isn’t Kim circa 2007, posing for dog magazines and trying to be relevant. What’s the point of doing Playboy, since it’s fallen from grace now that we know it really IS just about a creepy old man manipulating and abusing his power over desperate women, à la Harvey Weinstein? Like, if I were Kylie, I’d just lie around and count my money. Are you really not getting enough attention that you need to do Playboy? How much attention do you people really need?

I’m fine with light photo editing, but it’s complete bullsh*t to pose nude for a magazine and then completely edit the crap out of it. If these are the rules, my grandmother could also pose for Playboy, and she’s 88 years old. But hey, with Photoshop, she has Kylie’s curves too! In fact, we all do! Because they are pretend!

Calm down, Kylie, plenty of people think you’re hot. You can relax now. Even though we remember what you looked like before you became an Illuminati clone.

Did you guys notice the fail immediately? Do you think Kylie’s real proportions would look so much better in a Playboy feature? Are you as grossed out by Playboy as I am? Did you also have that little black and white knockoff Chanel Playboy Bunny bag? LMK.

Images: Instagram (@kyliejenner); Giphy (3)

Kylie Jenner And Travis Scott Are Doing ‘Playboy’

Just when we thought Kylie Jenner’s Instagram literally couldn’t get more insane, she proves us all wrong. On Tuesday morning, while I was minding my own business at work, she posted a naked photo of her and Travis Scott that literally made my jaw drop. Apparently they’re doing Playboy, and I need every single detail right now. 

In the photo, Kylie appears to be fully nude, hugging a Travis who’s just wearing jeans. They’re up against some kind of leafy backdrop, and honestly they look so f*cking good. I’m not going to try to guess what kind of retouching and/or Photoshopping went into this, but I’m not mad at the end result.

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When Houston meets LA .. ? @playboy #ComingSoon

A post shared by Kylie ✨ (@kyliejenner) on

According to Playboy, Kylie and Travis will be featured on the cover of their upcoming “Pleasure” issue, in a photoshoot that was creative directed by Travis Scott himself. It’s unclear exactly when the full issue will be released, but Playboy also teased the couple’s cover appearance on their Instagram with a grid of three sensual close-up shots. I don’t know what’s come over me, but I’m like, extremely into these photos so far.

Remember in Avengers: Endgame, when Captain America said “that’s America’s ass”? Well call me crazy, but those are America’s lips. I don’t care how many fillers are in there, they look amazing.

As you might recall, Kylie isn’t the first member of the Kardashian-Jenner family to grace the cover of Playboy. Way back in 2007, Kim Kardashian covered the magazine, and it was huge point of contention on an early episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Caitlyn Jenner was judgmental of Kim choosing to go nude again after the sex tape scandal, while Kris Jenner was (not surprisingly) more supportive. In fact, that’s when the iconic “You’re doing amazing sweetie” line was born. I miss 2007.

you're doing amazing sweetie

At that time, Kylie was barely even a tween, but now she’s all grown up and with her own Playboy cover to match. Famously, Playboy has struggled in recent years, along with much of the magazine industry. In 2017, they cut back from publishing each month to bimonthly, and last year they moved to a quarterly schedule. They also announced in 2016 that they would no longer feature nudity in the magazine, but then reversed that decision just a year later. Just let people be naked if they want!!

Basically, it’s been a weird last few years for Playboy, but maybe Kylie and Travis will be the boost they need. Despite the cutbacks, it’s still a big deal for someone as famous as Kylie Jenner to do the cover, and I’m excited to see the whole thing.

Images: kyliejenner, playboy / Instagram

The Man Who Gave You Daddy Issues Just Died

We felt like this day might never come, but no one lives forever. Yesterday, Hugh Hefner died at the age of 91, after a lifetime of wearing smoking jackets and partying with hot blondes. The news of his death sent shockwaves across social media, with people in seeming disbelief that someone who was literally born in the 1920s could…die?

But it happened. Hef, who helped out so many careers, from Marilyn Monroe to Carmen Electra to the Girls Next Door to Paris Hilton, is gone. He leaves behind four children (who probably have a lot of issues), and his wife, Crystal, who just turned 31 this spring and will no doubt marry at least four more men in her lifetime.

Since founding Playboy in 1953, Hugh stuck with the magazine through many changes, including a brief period last year when they decided to stop doing nudity. Like, we’re not experts on Playboy magazine, but isn’t that kind of the point? We’re pretty sure high school boys don’t secretly buy Playboy so they can read hard-hitting interviews. Luckily, Hugh got to see the magazine bring back nudity, which tbh might have been his final wish before he died.

Hef will be buried next in LA next to Marilyn Monroe, who was featured in the first-ever issue of Playboy. Let’s hope they at least position him so he can look up her skirt; he would want it that way.