It’s undoubtedly the world’s most unanswerable question. Who should get a plus-one to your wedding? I’ll be honest, I never got what everyone was bitching about until I started planning my own wedding. On one hand, you don’t want complete strangers there, but you also don’t want your coworker sitting in a corner by herself moping because she doesn’t know anybody. It’s a hard code to crack, but I’m going to take one for the team and confront the plus-one dilemma head on. Here’s how to decide who gets a plus-one to your wedding.

The first thing you’ll want to do is come up with a rule that you apply to all guests across the board. Whether you decide that your guests and their plus-ones need to be dating for at least six months or you have to meet them before they attend your wedding, make a rule with your fiancé and don’t budge when random people start questioning you. You can’t really print this on your invitation without seeming like a bridezilla, so try to casually spread the word amongst your wedding party and beyond. If you have an aunt or friend with loose lips, make sure they know damn well what the plus-one rule is. For once you’ll be thankful for their inability to keep information to themselves. ping

When To Break Your Own Rule

So you’ve decided on the six-month rule and then realize that means every one of your college friends has a date except one friend who is single AF. Be firm, but don’t be heartless about your rule. Your sorority sister Julie shouldn’t be stuck fifth-wheeling all night; it’s not her fault guys are assholes. I hate to refer to this as a pity plus-one, but, it’s a pity plus-one. Remember, just because you offer someone a plus-one doesn’t mean they’ll bring one. Your wedding might be the perfect place for Julie to find a rebound. But if you’re inviting a coworker who doesn’t know many (or any) of the other guests, it’ll make them feel more comfortable to bring someone they know. 

When To Stick To The Rule

At my wedding, you’ll be able to come alone, bring a Plus One, or choose a Minus One, where you can uninvite one person of your choosing, no questions asked

— Sean Holloway (@CoolSeanDotCom) November 12, 2017

If a big group of your friends are coming and more than two of them are single, they don’t need a plus-one. That’s when the single guys or gals can band together and flirt be there for each other. You don’t need to give your fiancé’s frat brothers free reign to bring whatever girl they want to your wedding, trust me. There’s power in numbers, so when there’s a group of single friends, you can pass on extending an extra invitation to each of them.

Who ALWAYS Gets A Plus-One

Everyone in the wedding party. This is non-negotiable, basic etiquette. Even if you know the best man will never in a million years find a girl to date by the time you tie the knot, he still gets a plus-one. Even if your bridesmaid has made a goal for herself to find a date to your wedding, no matter who it is, you have to give her a plus-one. Hopefully your wedding party has more common sense than that and won’t bring a total rando for the hell of it, but you never know.

Help Me, I’m Poor

If at some point a guest confronts you about why they didn’t get a plus-one or if they’re asking for one, just blame it on the budget or capacity limit. Explain that your budget didn’t allow wiggle room for extra guests or that the venue manager made you cut your list because you were over capacity. Anything you can say to take the burden off you is a solid approach. 

I wish for our sanity as brides-to-be that there was one simple answer to this daunting question. All I can say is good luck, and godspeed to you as you embark on your personal plus-one journey.

Images: Kendra Allen / Unsplash; Giphy; coolseandotcom / Twitter

It’s become a bit of a stereotype when it comes to wedding planning that the groom is totally inept. Jokes are constantly made at his expense, from: “all he has to do is show up on the right day” to “just put him in charge of the music and we can handle the rest”. I’m no psychologist, but I think there’s some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy going on with grooms. Society thinks they want nothing to do with their own wedding and people believe that. But just like no white clothes after Labor Day, some myths are made to be busted. Here are a few easy ways to get your fiancé involved (does it still feel weird to say fiancé?):

1. Talk About Your Ideas

 

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just thinking outside the box on this one, but it doesn’t sound like that bad of an idea | @jaimekessel

A post shared by Betches Brides (@betchesbrides) on Apr 3, 2019 at 4:31am PDT

Instead of frantically pinning things to your wedding board after your fiancé drops to one knee, discuss what your individual visions are. If he says something like “I just want lots of booze and good food”, press him for more details. What kind of food? Does he want a signature cocktail? What kinds of appetizers should be passed around during cocktail hour? Despite what you might think, it’s doubtful he’ll say Bud Light and Cheez-Its—he’ll probably have some great ideas. And who knows, people might want Bud Light and Cheez-Its as a drunk munchie. Your fiancé might actually be onto something! Share your ideas with him as well and ask if he likes your ideas. I recently got engaged and when I showed my fiancé a tent option I liked for our reception, I was pleasantly surprised he had so many thoughts. We’d never discussed tent rentals before (obvi), but he felt strongly about what I’d picked. Even though we didn’t completely agree, I ended up liking his idea for an enclosed tent better than my open-air idea. I never would’ve known if I hadn’t asked!

2. Use The Multiple Choice Method

Chances are, this is the first time your fiancé has planned a wedding (or if it isn’t, we highly doubt he’s a trained expert—just a hunch), so it’s completely normal if he (or you) don’t know what you should be doing throughout the process. If you’re selecting, say, a caterer, pick out a few options and plan to meet with them to discuss menus, serving styles, etc. and then work with your fiancé to weigh the pros and cons of each. Instead of saying to him, “pick the food”, coming up with a list of options makes things less stressful and easier for him to say “thank u, next” to the vendors he’s not feeling.

3. Tap Into Their Skills

 

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Here’s your weekly “how do I integrate tequila shots into my wedding?” post | @absoluteevent

A post shared by Betches Brides (@betchesbrides) on May 23, 2019 at 9:42am PDT

Is your fiancé super handy? Is he a musician? Or does he have a really great sense of style? Think about what he excels at and give him a task that relates to that. If he’s a carpenter or architect, why not have him build a bar for your special day? It adds a pop of personalization to and it’s something you can keep forever versus giving it back to the event rental company. Every newlywed needs a stocked bar in their home, let’s be real. If music is his thing, have him work with the band or DJ to create a killer playlist.

4. Don’t Make Decisions Alone

This wedding is about you coming together in life (I know, it’s not about you and your wedding dress, hate to break it to you), so in that spirit, you should be deciding everything together. It’s a great test for all the future decisions you’ll have to make in life, but without the high stakes. Even something as small as the day-of timeline or where you’ll get ready should be a joint decision. That way there are no surprises or feelings of being left out when the day finally arrives. There’s nothing worse than feeling left out of your own nuptials.

5. Explain Why It’s Important

if i had a dollar for every time i cursed while planning my wedding, i’d actually be able to afford my wedding

— betchesbrides (@betchesbrides) May 22, 2019

If you find yourself furiously screaming about the importance of having ranunculus flowers at the reception, try explaining the importance without starting a fight (save those for Bravo). Showing your fiancé why something is important to you in a calm, measured tone is going to have a much more successful outcome than a screaming match that will likely end poorly. Remember that down the line he’ll probably have something he desperately wants and you’ll probably rather have him explain why instead of demanding that you have it with no explanation and an attitude.

6. Empower Them

Let them know you WANT their opinion right off the bat. As soon as you get engaged, convey your excitement to start planning a wedding together. Even if it’s about little stuff you don’t think he’ll care about, like escort cards or charger plates. You’d be surprised how many men out there have a little bit of Martha Stewart in them. It might seem silly that you have to cheer them on like it’s a high school basketball game, but you can thank the “men hate weddings” stereotype for that one. You won’t regret getting your fiancé more involved.

Images: jaimekessel, absoluteevent / Instagram; betchesbrides/Twitter; Rachael Crowe / Unsplash

Everyone looooves summer. And betches everywhere loooove a summer wedding. Of course, summer weddings can be the absolute best or the total worst…and there’s definitely a fine line between the two. It all lies in the small details and, fortunately for you—and really, for your guests as well—there are event design services that take care of all of that for you. One of our personal faves is Birch Event Design, who helped us come up with this list of summer weddings dos and don’ts. So, in order to make sure you stay on the right side of that aforementioned fine line, here are some v crucial summer wedding dos and don’ts you should follow (or else, like, probably face the wrath of your guests).

DO: Have An Outdoor Ceremony (If Possible)

The benefit of having an outdoor summer wedding is that you can utilize the beauty of nature for an effortless picturesque backdrop. Effortless, beautiful, and the best part…free. When you’re spending all the money in the world to make your wedding day as flawless as possible, you’ll want all the free sh*t you can get. That being said, your main concern with an outdoor ceremony will still be that one unpredictable, bipolar woman in attendance. No, not your mother-in-law: Mother Nature. Just to be safe, make sure you prepare for any and all of Mother Nature’s possible mood swings. Of course, the beauty of hiring a service like Birch Event Design is that they can do that sh*t for you. Because we both know that you already have enough to worry about.

DO: Have An Outdoor Cocktail Hour

Outdoor cocktail hours are the perfect complement to your summer wedding. Especially if you’re not able to have a full outdoor wedding ceremony, an outdoor cocktail hour allows you to take advantage of the gorgeous summer weather regardless, so you can properly kick off your wedding with those good summer vibes. Plus, it gives you and your guests some more time outdoors to get pics in that Insta-worthy natural daytime lighting. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, #doitforthegram.

DO: Have A Cigar Bar Right Outside The Reception

A cigar bar is classy, bougie, and essential to your summer wedding. It gives people an excuse to step outside and enjoy the weather, plus it makes for a great “activity” for the men at the party. Disclaimer, though: just don’t make said outdoor area so cute and comfy that people choose to congregate there the whole time. You don’t want to spend all this money on perfecting the interior details just for everyone to decide to stay outdoors the entire time.

DON’T: Be Afraid To Use Velvet Or Heavy Linen

These quality fabrics are essential for grounding the room and decor, so don’t be afraid to use heavier materials, even though it is a summer wedding. Again, you don’t need to be so literal about the fact that you’re having a summer wedding. A summer wedding doesn’t need to mean beach themed, with seashells and mason jars everywhere. So don’t be afraid to get unconventional with it and do the unexpected. At least, in regards to the decor. Oh, and while we’re on the subject of unexpected, I’d steer away from trying to be “goofy and cute” with a choreographed dance with your wedding party. I mean, it’s just not unconventional anymore. If you don’t believe me, just search YouTube. In fact, at this point I think it would be more unconventional not to do one of those tacky dance numbers, but that’s just IMHO.

DON’T: Refrain From Using Bold, Dark Colors

When having a summer wedding, the natural impulse is to go with a theme of light neutral colors. But again, like, why be so predictable? Darker, bolder colors for your summer wedding are way less basic, and will make your wedding more chic and thus, more elevated. It’s a lot less cookie-cutter, and a lot more all-around cool. And, I mean, what better time to be the trendsetting cool girl than at your own wedding? Of course, that’s rhetorical: there isn’t a better time.

DON’T: Skip The Coat Check

You may think, “why would I need a coat check in the summer?” Well, I’m here to tell you why. Because people are unpredictable af, and your guests will likely be coming from all over. Plus, for a lot of people, their “coat” may be part of their ~lewk~, but they don’t want to be stuck carrying it around for the entire reception. And also, besides needing the coat check for actual coats, your guests can use it to check other belongings. Like, your grandfather who brought his bulky huge vintage videocamera in a non-ironic retro-cool kind of way. The poor guy’s got a bad back—give him a coat check so he doesn’t have to worry about feeling like he needs to carry around his heavy dinosaur-era camera.

For some brides, their wedding is hands down the biggest day of their life. Even if you’re not as obsessed with your wedding as the girls who have meticulously planned out every detail since age 7, it’s definitely worth hiring a service like Birch Event Design just to ensure that your day is flawless. Hire a production team and make the investment in yourself, your relationship, your memories and, most importantly, your sanity, to ensure that your wedding day truly is the best day of your life.

Images: Birch Event Design (2)

If, like most people, you’re not an incredibly talented artist, then being tasked with designing wedding invitations is kind of like taking the mic at a karaoke bar: the skills are not there, but you accept the challenge with grace. Doing something at which you don’t consider yourself a savant can be daunting, but luckily, there are people out there who are actually quite skilled at the very thing you don’t know how to do, and you can hire these people to help you! Great Scott! The wedding industry wouldn’t have raked $72 billion in revenue last year if these experts weren’t available to us, and invitations are no exception. So don’t be afraid to turn to people who know a lot more than you for help.

Look, unlike table runners or water glasses, wedding invitations are a big deal when it comes to details that actually matter. It’s an introduction to you and your lobster as an official, legally bound couple. It’s both an expression of your love and a preview of the wedding, whatever that that vibe or theme may be. No pressure! For real, designing a wedding invite is f*cking hard because it needs to make the right statement: fun, charming and aesthetically pleasing. (And if you’re going to light me up re: these descriptors in the comments, don’t, because every invitation to any party should be those three things.) If you’re feeling a bit lost on where to start on your wedding invitations (and where to go after starting), read on for helpful tips and tricks from Jessica Terrell, Creative Designer and Marketer at Shine Wedding Invitations.

How Do You Choose The Look?

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Floral perfection.⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ ⁣ #weddinginvitations #weddinginvite #waxseals #whitewaxseals #weddingaccessories #luxurywedding #simplewedding #neutralwedding #silkribbon #luxuryweddinginvitations #classicwedding #minimalwedding #seekthesimplicity #weddinginspiration #weddinginspo #wedding #2019bride #bridetobe #engaged #dailydoseofpaper #pinksilkribbon #floralweddinginvitations #floralwedding #classicweddinginvitations #stationery #peachwedding #blushwedding #blushweddinginvitations #ribbonweddinginvitations #designshouldshine

A post shared by Shine Wedding Invitations (@shinewedding) on Mar 18, 2019 at 2:05pm PDT

The convenient thing about companies like Shine is that you don’t have to sit at your desk staring at a blank piece of paper, trying to remember everything you learned in 8th grade art class, in order to decide how you want your wedding invitations to look. Shine offers five main styles, including Classic, Ribbon, Letterpress, Floral and Vellum, and after you pick one that represents the vibe of your wedding, you can get started on hard-core personalization. Again, if you’re not a self-proclaimed artist, getting excited about the idea of designing your wedding invite seems as unlikely as giving designing the dress a go. But Shine makes it so f*cking easy! All you have to do is be decisive and your creative consultant will do literally everything else for you. Terrell says, “When looking at invitation designs, we recommend focusing on the structure—the body copy is the foundation of your stationery.” So focus on not necessarily what it says, but how it looks. We’ll get to the actual text in a sec. The bottom line is you want the physical appearance of the invitation to be representative of what guests can expect at the actual wedding. So if you’re going for an ethereal beach-y feel, maybe don’t choose a graphic black-and-white invite with block text. Instead, opt for organic, handwritten calligraphy on Shine’s Ophelia or Natalie wedding invites, for example.

What Do You Write On It?

Ok, this part can seem like a true catch-22 because you want to include as much info as possible so that your great aunt doesn’t have to call you 72 times to ask what time the ceremony starts, but you also don’t want to squeeze so much text on there that it looks like the window from A Beautiful Mind. So what do you do? Terrell says, “There are seven important lines on an invitation: the hosting line, the request line, the bride’s name, the groom’s name, the date and time, the ceremony location, and the reception information.” That’s it. That’s all you need! Maybe throw in a line for attire so that your step-brother who’s rebelling against his parents by dropping out of grad school doesn’t show up in, like, sweat pants, but most people know what to wear to a wedding if you name the venue. And for those of you who don’t know what a request line is (same), it’s the one that actually invites your guests to your special day. So like, “Carrie Bradshaw and Big request the pleasure of your company…” or “Donald Trump and Vladamir Putin cordially invite you to attend…” You get the idea.

To Go Paper Or To Go Digital?

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Welcome your guests in style⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ ⁣ #weddinginvitations #weddinginvite #greenery #welcomesign #weddingsign #weddingwelcomesign #weddingaccessories #luxurywedding #simplewedding #neutralwedding #silkribbon #luxuryweddinginvitations #classicwedding #minimalwedding #seekthesimplicity #weddinginspiration #weddinginspo #wedding #2019bride #bridetobe #engaged #dailydoseofpaper #designshouldshine

A post shared by Shine Wedding Invitations (@shinewedding) on Mar 29, 2019 at 8:00pm PDT

Terrell says, “Paper is always the best way to go, even if you are eco-friendly. Your printed invitation is for sure to be remembered and valued in years to come. If you print your wedding invitations, you’ll be able to look back and reminisce on the experience and bask in the timelessness of it all.” Unlike the White House’s current stance, I am pro-Earth, but I totally agree with Terrell on this one. Whether or not you’re making a wedding scrapbook, just remember that the invitation to one of the most special days of your life is something that shouldn’t accidentally get deleted from someone’s inbox or buried beneath a million spam emails. Just like your college diploma, your wedding invitation should be something you look at years later and smile at how hard you blacked out all the memories. The invitation is one of the few tangible things you’ll actually get to take away from the wedding—in addition to a diamond and a spouse, of course—so make sure you print those bad boys! If you want to look out for the environment, just send digital save the date cards and maybe just become vegetarian while you’re at it.

How Far In Advance Should You Order?

Unlike your high school graduation party where you sent one invite two weeks in advance and hoped your guests would show up it, your wedding has a totally different invitation system with a full-on schedule in place. Assuming you are planning one year out (and it is A-okay if you aren’t), order your save the dates 10 to 12 months in advance, mail them (or email them!) eight to 10 months out, order invitations and thank you cards four to six months out and mail the invites (duh) two to three months out. Ok, fair enough. So when do you embark on this process? “Choose between modern, classic, and simplistic designs to find what fits your and your fiancé’s personal taste. Once you receive your sample and are sold on a design, place your invitation order four to six months before your wedding date, which will give you plenty of time to work one-on-one with your designer to come up with the perfect look before it’s sent to print,” Terrell says. And with Shine, you’ll receive your personalized proofs within two business days via email for your review and any rounds of revisions. Ideal. Lastly, if you’re unorganized (hi, neighbor) you’ll receive a PDF checklist to look over before sending those babies out! Can you tell I’m excited?

At the end of the day, your wedding day should be one of the most exciting days of your life, so don’t take the invitation-designing process so seriously that you’re raising your cortisol levels to dangerous heights. Have fun with it, people, and make sure to make it clear whether or not there will be an open bar. As a wedding guest (never a bride), that’s all I ask.

Images: Shine Wedding Invitations (2); shinewedding / Instagram

You get engaged, and it’s all sunshine and Instagram likes for a few weeks. Then the terror will set in when you realize you’ve just become a one-woman party-planning committee for what will amount to a sh*t show in a nice venue with fancy clothes. Unless you’re planning on hiring someone to do the dirty work and heavy lifting for you, the majority of wedding planning—from dress to shoes to flowers to photographers to food—will be on you, sweetie. While, yes, parts of it can be totally super fun, there are a lot of dark things that’ll come out during this time. Here are a few things nobody tells you about wedding planning.

1. The Groom Really Won’t Care And, If He Does, You’ll Be Annoyed

At first, he’ll be all, “Baby, I wanna be an involved groom.” That’ll die off after about three months. Especially once you start asking him what he wants the boutonnieres to look like or what color napkins you should have for cocktail hour. You may also start pulling decision-making away from him after you ask him to choose groomsmen gifts and he decides he wants to buy the tuxes for each of his eight dudes and maybe throw some knives in for good measure. Or when you tell him to pick things out for the registry and you see he chose four different shovels, a drum set, and a lawnmower.

2. You Will Stop Caring, Then Start Re-Caring

You’ll probably hit this point during the font-picking process for your invitations. Or maybe during the centerpiece discussion. It doesn’t matter. You’ll have a moment where you’re all, “OH MY GOD IT’S JUST A BIG PARTY—WHO F*CKING CARES” and you’ll stop planning until you get 18 emails about flowers and payments then you have to jump back in.

3. Planning Blows Regardless Of Wedding Size

Whether you’re gearing up for a hipster Mecca at the local IPA factory or a Princess Diana themed affair in a cathedral, you’re still planning it. There will still be seating arrangements to configure, flowers to choose, timelines to create, and arguments over shoes. So don’t think that just because you’re planning a small garden party afternoon affair that you’ll have less to do than the b*tch that wants a 500-person shindig at the local country club. The suckiness of wedding planning does not discriminate, and is equally sh*tty for everyone. I guess that’s comforting?

4. You Will Cry

You may tear up over napkin colors. It may be when you realize you can’t afford the $30k flower bridge option. It could be when Daddy puts the kibosh on a 6-hour open bar, which, rude. Doesn’t matter—prepare to cry. A lot. Sometimes over nothing.

5. Everyone Will Have An Opinion

I think I was two months into planning when two close family members ganged up on me about how I was wearing my hair and makeup. “Why would you pay for makeup? My girls didn’t and it was fine. It won’t look like you.” “Don’t wear your hair down—it’ll be tacky and weird.” “You don’t need a veil.” “You’re spending too much money on an up-do.” “Buffets are gross.” “Can we have top-shelf vodka?” “I’m not coming if it’s not an open bar.” “Why didn’t you put dishes on your registry?” “I don’t want to wear that color dress.” You’ll have a meltdown and will likely give in to at least some of the critiques. Or you’ll cry-scream at your mom and get drunk alone while sobbing through Pinterest pages because no one understands your vision. Speaking hypothetically of course…

6. You Can’t Escape, Even In Your Dreams

Prepare to wake up in a cold sweat after dreaming that either no one came to your wedding or all the flowers were carnations or that your bridesmaids wore the wrong shoes (after you explicitly told them where to buy the ones you wanted them to wear) or that your photographer forgot to take pictures. I speak from experience. This sh*t will consume you.

7. Adios, Money

Unless mommy and daddy are footing the entire wedding bill, chances are you’ll be paying for sh*t right up until the “I do’s.” Even if your parents are paying for the venue and wedding itself, you’ll probably end up buying bridesmaid gifts, last-minute umbrellas (don’t get me started), shoes, honeymoon outfits, favors, etc. After the wedding, though, you’ll be like, “OMG, where’d all this cash come from?” so that’s something.

8. Music Is A Nightmare

First, you’ll go back and forth over band vs. DJ (really, whether you want a wedding singer trying to hit the big times when their rendition of “FAME” or a cheese d*ck DJ from Long Island called DJ Spinzz whose go-to line is “ALRIGHT PARTY PEOPLE”). Once that’s settled, prepare for the discussions about the ceremony music and cocktail hour music. Will there be violins during the actual nuptials? How about a booming pipe organ because there’s no other f*cking option in the cathedral? Oh, then prepare for your parents to try and “help” by creating the playlist for cocktail hour because, like “well you’re not even going to be here for it” and then having to gently explain to them that two hours of show tunes and Bruce Springsteen are not the atmosphere you’re going for.

9. Things Will Go Wrong

…and you won’t care. Honestly, on your wedding day, your limo driver may make a wrong turn after you told him EXACTLY where you wanted pictures done. Your florist may show up way too early with flowers. Your bridesmaid’s dress may rip right down the back during pictures. Someone could throw up on the floor at your venue. All these things happened at my wedding, and I didn’t care. You’ll be so caught up in the whirlwind of the day that little sh*t won’t matter.

10. You Won’t Know How To Spend Your Time Afterwards

Once the day has passed and the planning is over, you literally won’t know what to do with all your free time. You may even feel kind of sad that you don’t have dresses and flowers and open bars taking up all your time anymore. We suggest yoga and day drinking.Images: Sweet Cream Photography / Unsplash; Giphy (5)