This past Friday leading into to the holiday weekend was like the Red Wedding for celebrity couples. Game of Thrones nerds, did I get that one right? If not, I mean to say it was a bloodbath, like blood was literally (fine, figuratively) splattered everywhere. Adele and her longtime partner broke up, Michelle Williams and her secret husband called it quits, and now Anna Camp and Skylar Astin have decided to end their marriage after two years.
That’s right, the unrelenting taskmaster from every basic b*tch’s favorite movie *raises hand* and the guy that swept us all off our feet with juice pouches and Rocky announced they were divorcing. In their joint statement to Page Six on Friday, the couple said, “We can confirm that we have decided to separate, and this decision was made mutually and amicably. We kindly ask for privacy as we navigate this transition.” Wow. I hope they didn’t pay someone $500 an hour to steal that off a Microsoft Word template. Hours after they issued that statement, Anna officially filed for divorce. And hours after that she was lady dancing to a Mariah Carey chart topper in her pajamas, using her second bottle of wine as a microphone. I imagine.
So what happened to our beautiful couple?! It looks like things started to go south at the beginning of this year, which is the last time the Pitch Perfect stars posted pictures of each other on Instagram. It’s basically a cardinal rule that a couple that posts about each other on Instagram together, stays together. In retrospect, we should have known something was amiss a lot sooner.
WHAT HAPPENED? PLEASE TELL ME, YOU LOOK SO IN LOVE!
While they claim the split is amicable, I am not convinced. They put their house on the market in March, for one. PEOPLE reports that on March 25, the home was listed as “coming soon” on Zillow. Ouch! Do you think Anna told her realtor she was going to file for divorce before she told Skylar?
They’ve also recently unfollowed each other on social media. That’s harsh. I’m sorry, but this does not sound like it was “amicable,” or like it was any of the other buzzwords their rep decided to use while they screamed obscenities at each other over his head. Instagram has a mute feature! If you don’t want to fuel gossip, use it! Now we all know the mere sight of the other person drives you into a homicidal rage. Doesn’t sound “mutual” to me.
The fact that Anna and Skylar released this information right before a holiday is also suspicious. And of course, strategic. These pitches were hoping we wouldn’t notice their breakup and wonder what happened because we’re all busy with our own celebrations and spending time with family and friends and all the other celebrity divorces that happened this weekend. (Sidenote, what is it about Easter that made all these couples file for divorce? Is it the Easter egg hunt?) I guess they forgot to think about the fact that some of us lead lonely, sad lives with plenty of time for gossip *insert evil laugh that turns to tears*.
No news has been released about the reason behind the divorce. Regardless of what happened between Anna Camp and Skylar Astin, I’m happy if this is what’s best for both of them. I’m also happy that Skylar was written out of the Pitch Perfect series in the third movie so I don’t have to worry about their breakup ruining my franchise! Now please excuse me while I furiously google if Anna Kendrick is currently single.
Images: Giphy (2); therealannacamp/Instagram
Last night, in the midst of the Jax cheating on Brittany drama, something equally scandalous happened: a very strange commercial starring Tom Sandoval, James, Scheana, and Kristen and the cast of Pitch Perfect 3. The commercial was called “The 12 Days Of Pitchmas,” and it was a hot mess. I told a loyal IG follower I would dissect it in the recap, but honestly I forgot, so here is an entire dedicated article to this weird-ass commercial instead.
Okay, so first of all, I was not aware that a Pitch Perfect 3 was happening, and honestly I’m kind of annoyed about it. I never saw the first Pitch Perfect, but I can accept that it was probably a funny movie. But funny enough to have two more sequels? I doubt it, especially given that they couldn’t get Rebel Wilson, Brittany Snow or Anna Kendrick to even appear in this commercial. Besides, how deep do you think the world of a cappella really goes? I’d venture about as deep as any of the cast of Vanderpump Rules’ emotional depth. Hm, maybe that was why they matched up for the ad in the first place?
So basically this commercial is like, a hip-hop remake of “The 12 Days Of Christmas”, to give you an idea of how much to prepare your facial muscles to cringe. The link between Vanderpump Rules, Pitch Perfect, and Christmas is extremely tenuous, and it took me about three more views to even realize what was being advertised (one of my friends thought it was an ad for Revlon). Some of my favorite moments from this clusterfuck include:
-Tom Sandoval’s heavy autotune.
-Kristen attempting to snap with attitude like this is 2004.
-Scheana scream-singing “five non-engagement rings” with a level of anger that is definitely misplaced, coming from the person who ended her own marriage. She’s also rocking some very Scheana season 1 hair extensions and just looks generally possessed.
It’s all topped off by some very cringeworthy dancing where it looks like Kristen, Scheana, Tom, and James are trying to do the dance from Lil Jon’s “Snap Yo Fingers.” It’s bad. James is hands down the best one in the whole commercial, which says a lot. But don’t just take my word for it—watch the whole commercial below before it gets taken down when everyone involved realizes how terrible this turned out.
For more VPR shade, check out the latest recap.