This past Friday leading into to the holiday weekend was like the Red Wedding for celebrity couples. Game of Thrones nerds, did I get that one right? If not, I mean to say it was a bloodbath, like blood was literally (fine, figuratively) splattered everywhere. Adele and her longtime partner broke up, Michelle Williams and her secret husband called it quits, and now Anna Camp and Skylar Astin have decided to end their marriage after two years.
That’s right, the unrelenting taskmaster from every basic b*tch’s favorite movie *raises hand* and the guy that swept us all off our feet with juice pouches and Rocky announced they were divorcing. In their joint statement to Page Six on Friday, the couple said, “We can confirm that we have decided to separate, and this decision was made mutually and amicably. We kindly ask for privacy as we navigate this transition.” Wow. I hope they didn’t pay someone $500 an hour to steal that off a Microsoft Word template. Hours after they issued that statement, Anna officially filed for divorce. And hours after that she was lady dancing to a Mariah Carey chart topper in her pajamas, using her second bottle of wine as a microphone. I imagine.
So what happened to our beautiful couple?! It looks like things started to go south at the beginning of this year, which is the last time the Pitch Perfect stars posted pictures of each other on Instagram. It’s basically a cardinal rule that a couple that posts about each other on Instagram together, stays together. In retrospect, we should have known something was amiss a lot sooner.
WHAT HAPPENED? PLEASE TELL ME, YOU LOOK SO IN LOVE!
While they claim the split is amicable, I am not convinced. They put their house on the market in March, for one. PEOPLE reports that on March 25, the home was listed as “coming soon” on Zillow. Ouch! Do you think Anna told her realtor she was going to file for divorce before she told Skylar?
They’ve also recently unfollowed each other on social media. That’s harsh. I’m sorry, but this does not sound like it was “amicable,” or like it was any of the other buzzwords their rep decided to use while they screamed obscenities at each other over his head. Instagram has a mute feature! If you don’t want to fuel gossip, use it! Now we all know the mere sight of the other person drives you into a homicidal rage. Doesn’t sound “mutual” to me.
The fact that Anna and Skylar released this information right before a holiday is also suspicious. And of course, strategic. These pitches were hoping we wouldn’t notice their breakup and wonder what happened because we’re all busy with our own celebrations and spending time with family and friends and all the other celebrity divorces that happened this weekend. (Sidenote, what is it about Easter that made all these couples file for divorce? Is it the Easter egg hunt?) I guess they forgot to think about the fact that some of us lead lonely, sad lives with plenty of time for gossip *insert evil laugh that turns to tears*.
No news has been released about the reason behind the divorce. Regardless of what happened between Anna Camp and Skylar Astin, I’m happy if this is what’s best for both of them. I’m also happy that Skylar was written out of the Pitch Perfect series in the third movie so I don’t have to worry about their breakup ruining my franchise! Now please excuse me while I furiously google if Anna Kendrick is currently single.
Images: Giphy (2); therealannacamp/Instagram