Beware Of Brain Fog: Weekly Horoscopes March 8-12

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The Sun is meeting up with Neptune in Pisces this week, and this kooky combination could leave you feeling a bit scattered, or like you’re being pulled in two different directions. The Sun is known for providing clarity, but since Neptune is known for the exact opposite, this week will mentally feel a bit like shining a flashlight into a fog machine—a mental haunted house, if you will. Have fun!

Aries

With the Sun and Neptune in your fantastical twelfth house, you may find your daydreams absolutely supercharged this week. Let your mind run wild with possibilities—your life as a famous pop star, your shotgun wedding to Chris Evans, all of your laundry folded and put away in drawers. As a wise Whitney Houston once said, “impossible things are happening every day.”

Taurus

The Sun and Neptune are lighting up your house of collaboration, meaning now would be the perfect time to actually let your friends help you, for once. This is the week to delegate, both in your professional and personal life. You can’t do everything by yourself. Well, you can, but it’s really no fun at all.

Gemini

Gemini? Second guessing themself? Groundbreaking. The conjunction between the Sun’s crystal clarity and Neptune’s fog is making all of your choices feel like suggestions for the foreseeable future. Avoid any big decisions, especially in your career, until these two are done messing with your head. Rude.

Cancer

To go big, or to go home? That is the question. This week, the Sun will be inspiring you to take action, but Neptune is obscuring what path you need to take. Take time to really think about your moves before you make them so you don’t end up like me watching the movie Tenet: lost.

Leo

You’re playing it hot and cold this week with the Sun and Neptune in your house of intimacy. One minute you want to reenact some key scenes from Bridgerton, the next you’re seriously considering becoming a nun. Just let your partner know they are on notice for when the Bridgerton moment strikes. You never know how long it will last.

Virgo

Let yourself catch feelings a little bit Virgo, as the Sun and Neptune cast a hazy glow over your house of relationships. Your practical sign could use a day of daydreaming about your own two-hour tell-all Oprah interview after marrying a prince. Who isn’t these days?

Libra

Disorganization is coming to your home life as the Sun and Neptune tangle in your organizational sixth house. Don’t be surprised to see the not-quite-dirty-laundry pile growing in the corner, or a stack of dishes that you just can’t bring yourself to clean. Sorry to your housemates.

Scorpio

The Sun and Neptune are turning up your romantic, creative side, meaning you’re basically Taylor Swift this week. Embrace it. Send the text. Buy the cardigan. Stream “Lover” on Spotify. Release your inner Taylor.

Sagittarius

Tell your therapist to get ready, because this week you are poised for some major epiphanies around home and family. With your ability for insight particularly high, now is the time to face some difficult truths. Like how your childhood hamster probably didn’t actually “go away to college.”

Capricorn

This week it’s all about your crew, mainly who deserves their spot in your inner circle, and who is up for a demotion. If anything, this time has taught you who has shown up and who can be shown out. And yes, that does mean you can finally mute them on Insta.

Aquarius

It’s time to get your finances in order, as Neptune and the Sun hang out in your house of financial planning. Fire up the Excel sheets, gather the receipts at the bottom of your bag, and mentally prepare yourself to actually add up your monthly takeout expenses. Time to rip that bandaid off…

Pisces

The Sun and Neptune are in your sign, helping you connect (or re-connect) to your true self. Who really are you, Pisces? This week’s mission is to find out. Experiment! Try out new versions of yourself. Just don’t let Gen Z trick you into becoming someone with a middle part.

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Grab The Tissues, It’s Pisces Season: Weekly Horoscopes February 17-21

Welcome to Pisces season! Things just got really f*cking emotional. The Sun heads into watery Pisces this Tuesday the 18th, meaning things are about to get deep and fast. (Get it? Water? Deep? You get it.) Anyway, Pisces season is all about being emotionally open to the world around you and letting yourself be affected by the emotions and vibes of others. Basically, it’s the embodiment of the “I’m crying because you’re crying” mentality. Be sure to put some extra tissues in your bag. You’re gonna need ‘em.

Aries

You always remember to charge your phone, so why don’t you remember to recharge yourself? The start of Pisces season might be making you feel a bit foggy, but that’s just your brain telling you it’s time to slow it way, way down. You can only coast on low power mode for so long, and you’re in danger of hitting 0% while you’re still on your commute home. Set aside time this week to do absolutely nothing and give your body and mind the recharge time it needs.

Taurus

The Sun in Pisces is making you crave collaboration, so don’t be surprised if you feel a little off doing anything without your squad. You know that old joke about women always going to the bathroom together? That’s you this week. You need a buddy for just about everything, and any second you’re alone with yourself feels 10 years long. Hopefully you have a pet (or a roommate) to help keep you entertained at all times.

Gemini

Pisces season has you hyped on your career, so you’re definitely going to want to take advantage of that ASAP. This is the time to really dive in on your professional goals while you have the extra motivation to do so. Remember, Spring is just around the corner, at which point, all your motivation will be taken up by juice cleanses and trying to get your rich friend to invite you to their beach house.

Cancer

Pisces season has you wanting to explore the world, so you may find yourself perusing cheap flights, or fantasizing about saying “f*ck it all” and becoming the au pair to a family of wealthy-yet -dysfunctional French millionaires. For those who can’t just drop everything and become the mentor to a pair of twins named Maxime and Ophélie, live vicariously through others by indulging in some travel channel or Google Earth-ing the real locations of all the Bachelor fantasy suite.

Leo

You typically thrive when surrounded by other people (preferably who are listening to your hilarious stories), but this month Pisces has you flying solo, Leo. The only person you want to spend time with these days is yourself, so why not honor that and plan some solo activities? Take yourself out to a movie. Buy a whole large popcorn. Eat it with no judgement and then go home and fall asleep alone and unbothered… even if that means making someone else sleep on the couch.

Virgo

Lucky you, Virgo! Pisces season has made spring come early, and you are cruising for a fling. Don’t be surprised if a promising new relationship appears in your life, and that doesn’t just go for romantic pairings. Be on the lookout for promising pairings at work or in your social life, where someone could pop up that you actually want to get to know. Making new friends as an adult? And they said it couldn’t be done.

Libra

Fire up the skillet and bust out the Blue Apron discount codes. Pisces season has you wanting to get creative in the kitchen, whether you’re a person who meal preps every week (teach us your ways) or someone who has never successfully made toast (let’s start a support group). Spend one night this week making an amazing meal just for yourself, even if that ultimately just entails cracking an egg over some Top Ramen.

Scorpio

Did Valentine’s Day disappoint, Scorpio? Worry not. Pisces is keeping it very, very sexy for your sign all month long, so don’t throw that Skims Valentine’s Day set in the trash just yet. You’ll be firing on all cylinders romantically this month, so choose your targets wisely. You don’t want to waste your talent on some rando from the apps when the person of your dreams is right across the bar. Though, of course, you could always just do both.

Sagittarius

Welcome to your season of domestic bliss, Sagittarius! Pisces season has you wanting to spice up your home space, so yes, there are some Pinterest projects in your future. Warn your housemates now that there is a 99.9% chance of them coming home to find you’ve completely rearranged the living room. Basically, you’re going to be living vicariously through the Wayfair website for the foreseeable future. Adjust your budget accordingly.

Capricorn

Here’s a novel concept, Capricorn: asking for help. This Pisces season, open yourself up to the possibility that other people out there have wisdom to offer you, and you don’t necessarily have to do everything alone. Re-examine some of your preconceived notions about the people around you. Are all of your coworkers idiots, or is it just 8am and you’re accidentally drinking decaf? The answer may surprise you.

Aquarius

It’s clean up time, Aquarius! And I’m not just talking about the loose takeout containers around your apartment. Pisces season is helping you to clean up the mess that is your life by bringing in some much needed structure. How’s your morning and night routine looking? Could probably use some work, huh? Wipe the dust off your day planner and see how it feels to add some structure to the beginning and end of your day. It’s better than rolling out of bed at the last possible second, or staring at your phone right up until it’s time for bed. Trust me.

Pisces

Welcome to your season, fishies! Now is the time to be your best Pisces self. Sure, Mercury is in retrograde, but you can deal with that later. This season the whole world is ready to celebrate your unique, empathic self, meaning you won’t be the only person in your friend group who gets wayyy too invested in each Bachelor contestant’s personal sob story. For once, everyone will be as sensitive to the vibes of the universe as you, meaning you won’t have to explain as much when you want to leave a bar for “bad energy.” Enjoy it.

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Spring Is…Coming? Weekly Horoscopes Feb 25-Mar 1

You feel that, betches? Spring is right around the corner. It’s a far away corner at the end of football field-sized hallway, but it’s around the corner nonetheless. This week is the perfect time to spring clean your soul before spring cleaning everything else. Take the Marie Kondo approach to yourself, and drop anything or anyone that does not bring you joy. Not sure how? Find out in your weekly horoscopes below.

Aries

Well, Aries. Here we are. At the start of another week, with some lofty aspirations like “don’t drink” and “don’t eat carbs” and “try going to bed before midnight.” You can make whatever proclamations you like every Monday, but none of them are going to matter until you decide to actually stick with them. This is a week for resolve. For keeping promises, either to others or to yourself. Slip-ups may happen, and that’s okay, but don’t let them derail your progress.

Taurus

Ready for a reunion, Taurus? You’ll be seeing some old faces this week, both pleasant and unpleasant. Your charm should be enough to carry you through any awkward encounters, but it always helps to be your most put-together self. If there was ever a week for pulling out looks, this is it. God forbid you run into your ex’s mom at your favorite coffee shop looking like you just rolled out of bed. Put your best foot forward, preferably in the highest heel you can muster on a work day, and let nature do the rest.

Gemini

All work and no play makes you literally insane, Gemini. If you’re not careful, this is going to be the week you start to crack under the pressure. We’re talking full on, Yellow Wallpaper levels of crazy, so please do everyone a favor and take a step back from your work. Your drive is super admirable, but also unsustainable in it’s current state. It is possible to still be productive while maintaining your mental health. Drink some tea, take a walk, watch one (I said one) episode of something soothing. Your mountain of work will be there when you return.

Cancer

Are you tired, Cancer? Well you should be. Anyone who has been running around like you have this past week has absolutely no right to contain any more energy in their body. For the sake of everyone around you, it’s time to spend the next couple days as relaxed as you possibly can. You’re not thinking about chores. You’re not thinking about work. You’re not thinking about exercise. Your only thought is “how many naps can I efficiently fit into one day.” Next week you can return to that insane lifestyle that you call “productive” but until then, please calm down.

Leo

You’ve been blessed with some amazing opportunities lately Leo, which is super exciting. For real, you’ve earned it. But what you need to realize is that your success is yours alone, which means it’s best to celebrate alone. Your friends are happy for you obviously, but they don’t love the constant gloating. In this one event, we’re recommending you be a gracious winner and keep quiet about how well you’re doing. Brag like hell to your parents, siblings, boyfriend, pet, whatever, but let your less-successful friends relax, please.

Virgo

Vulnerability is a word that you’re less than comfortable with, Virgo, but tragically that doesn’t mean it’s something you get to avoid all together. This week you’re going to find yourself needing to talk to people, and for once in your life you’re going to actually want to follow through on it. Don’t fight it. As horrifying as it is to address your feelings, it’s even worse to bottle them up until you explode and start randomly crying at brunch or something. Idk, not speaking from experience here. Find someone you trust, have a glass of wine, and spill. Despite what you believe, your emotions are not a burden to everyone around you.

Libra

Feel like letting loose this weekend, Libra? Too bad, you have a mountain of things to do. There is a time for going wild and a time for getting your life together and while the former occurs way more often, this is a week for the latter. You may be annoyed in the moment, but the relief that will wash over you as you check off that last item on your list is truly unparalleled. Hunker down with some coffee and don’t resurface until you’re feeling accomplished.

Scorpio

After a long week of dealing with some real bullsh*t, you’ve earned a break, Scorpio. It’s time for a much deserved, no interruptions, no questions asked vacation from your thoughts. The only thing that matters this week is you and how content you are. Whatever it takes to get you into relaxation mode, do it. Curl up with a blanket, a book, a movie, some tea, someone – it’s up to you! All that matters is that the next few days are as stress-free as humanly possible. The real world will try and encroach on your solitude, but hold it off for as long as possible. You’ve earned this.

Sagittarius

It’s time to put yourself out there, Sagittarius. You’ve spent the last few weeks in a rut and pretending not to care, but it’s time to turn that around. This weekend you’re going to throw on some red lipstick, down a couple shots for courage, and then get your ass out to the bars. You look good, you feel good and it’s about time someone else noticed it. Rather than hiding away in a corner with you friends, try placing yourself in the middle of the action and see what kind of attention you get. Because we all know any attention is good attention, right?

Capricorn

Listen up, Capricorn, because you’re about to learn an important less: not every action deserves a reaction, Capricorn. Sure, it’s tempting to lose your mind over the annoying stuff that people do, but eventually you have to decide that your mental health is more important than letting peope know how dumb they are. This week, take some time to practice restraint in this department. Believe me, you will be tested. A deep breath and quick mantra should do the trick. Try something like “not worth my time” or “where’s the nearest bottle of wine.”

Aquarius

There’s nothing wrong with asking for help, Aquarius. I know everything about you is intrinsically opposed to that sentiment, but it doesn’t make it any less true. This week, try being less of an island and more of a peninsula–still off on your own, but at least partially attached to something larger than yourself. Despite what you’d have yourself believe, your friends do in fact care about your state of mind. They aren’t, however, mind readers. Reach out to them when you need it, and they’ll be there in a second. You’ll be shocked by how comforting it is to finally lean on someone.

Pisces

Happy birthday season, Pisces! Things are kicking off for you this week in a big way, and all you need to do is kick back and soak it in. After months of hard work, you’re finally seeing some recognition, and there’s nothing wrong with reveling in it! Carry that good feeling into your social life and put aside some time this week to spend with your friends. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the bustle of work, but that doesn’t mean you should let the people close to your drop to the wayside.

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Happy Birthday, Pisces! Here’s Your Birthday Month Horoscope

In our ongoing efforts to make astrology the most widely accepted religion of 2018, we present to you our new sign season horoscopes. Every month we’ll spotlight the sign of the season and give you a preview of what their four-week long birthday celebration will look like. Another reason to waste time at work while reading about yourself? The greatest birthday gift of all.

February 19th marked the beginning of Pisces horoscope season, which means that every single one of your fish-sign friends just got turned up about 10 notches.  If you felt suddenly bereft of emotion when you woke up this morning, that’s just because any Pisces in a 20-mile radius has absorbed every ounce of feeling into their own being. They’re only going to get more bombastic from here, don’t expect that to die down until March 20th.

The Pisces in your friend group is probably the one who is constantly coordinating plans and forcing you into rooms with people you never thought you’d have to interact with. Much like fellow Pisces Rihanna, it’s because they’re wildly popular and easy to like. This also means they make the (incorrect) assumption that you can float through any social situation as easily as they can. Be a good friend and suck it up.

According to the Pisces horoscope, this will be a month of non-stop parties, happy hours, brunches, and any other conceivable kind of celebration a girl with 100 friends can plan. As a member of her inner circle, be prepared to smile, pretend to remember names, and throw down some serious cash.

 

General Overview

You’re no stranger to being told to pull your head out of the clouds, but guess what, Pisces? No more. Get used to dreaming and scheming, because the month ahead is all about you and the things you’ve been dying to achieve. Wow, what can’t you do?

Those projects you’ve been keeping on the back burner? This is the time to dive in and fully commit yourself to them. It may sound crazy considering you’re about to be busy celebrating yourself for four straight weeks, but the adrenaline from all that limelight will give you the drive required to get shit done.

 

Career

The insane hours you’ve been pulling the last few weeks may seem completely worthless, but they didn’t go unnoticed. There is a finish line in sight, and right now your only job is to reach it without fucking up your own progress.

 

Sure, it may be fun to sit around with your coworkers and talk shit about all the things you’ve been dealing with, but be sure to back it up with some kickass work ethic. It’s one thing to complain, it’s another to complain and then be bad at your job. As long as you’re meeting deadlines and delivering solid work, you’ll be fine. Actions speak louder than words, right?

 

Love Life

For once in your life, Pisces, you know exactly what you want when it comes to love. Honestly, this is groundbreaking. Congrats on the bounty of wisdom you’ve accumulated this year. Now the only thing left to do—that is, the absolute hardest thing left to do—is go out there and get it. Yikes.

The next step here is going to be at best scary, and at worst absolutely life-altering. But guess what? You have to do it either way. Living in the middle ground was fine when you didn’t realize you were doing it, but you’ve never been one to settle. Now that you have your eye on the prize, you won’t rest until you’ve reached it. Honestly, just approach it the same way you would a Brazilian: calm, collected, and at least two glasses of wine deep.

 

Finances

There’s no getting around it: You’re spending a fuck ton of money this month. It’s your own fault that you’re popular, demanding, and have multiple friend groups to grace with your presence. Accept the fact that you’re about to spend all of your rainy day fund, and restart it next month.

Don’t feel guilty, we told you that you could.

 

What To Watch Out For

There are currently some shady people at the perimeters of your life who would love nothing more than to dull your shine this month. There is only one thing to say to them, which is FUCK THAT. You spend all year tending to your friends and making other people feel special, so you should have absolutely zero reservations about celebrating yourself for once.

Anyone who tries to stand in the way of that is one less person you need around. At the end of Pisces horoscope season, you can take stock of those relationships and decide whether or not they’re worth reviving, but don’t bother worrying about it until then.

Have fun, little fish. Let your seldom-seen freak flag fly.

 

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