I’ve got to be honest with you guys. I don’t like EDM. I don’t even really remember what EDM stands for. I feel like EDM pretty much only has its place in clubs and music festivals, both of which I hate. I hate crowds, I hate being hot, I hate people bumping into me, and God help you all if I’m forced to deal with all three at the same time. Even if you like festivals, you have to admit they are the dirtiest. I also primarily listen to old rock music, and if it’s from the ’90s, I consider that “newer”. Soooo I’m not particularly attached to David Guetta, nor do I really know who he is, aside from hearing his name here and there. According to his Wikipedia page, he’s an EDM DJ and that is currently all I know about him. In general, I’m opposed to DJs, mostly because every guy I knew in college also thought he was a DJ, and most of them are total sh*tshows. But David Guetta seems to be a pretty big name and have his sh*t together.
So I know that, and I know that he’s in great shape according to his latest Instagram post.
And apparently he’s 52?! Good for him! He’s in better shape than the twentysomething guys I know (you know, the pretend DJs). Except, unfortunately, this photo is full of lies and deceit. Not because David Photoshopped on his abs (which I don’t think he did, although it is very easy to do), but instead of changing up his diet to look more trim, David decided to use a little app we know and despise called Facetune. How do I know this, you ask?
Well. It’s f*cking obvious, that’s how.
It’s either that, or he owns some very strange furniture that all seems to bend around his body? Maybe he gets it at the same place the Kardashians do? He is actually missing full chunks of arm and stomach on the left side (since it’s a mirror selfie)! Also on on the left, is that a piece of equipment, wall, or part of the mirror? Whatever it is, it was straight until it got near his shoulder, and then it bent. Also, what is going on with those equipment wires near his missing stomach chunk? They’re all broken up? And what’s with that poster behind him? It looks like only the letters near his shoulder are italicized (or just bent) and then it goes back to normal by the “E”.
But the worst is, of course, the right side with those shelves. They start off straight until they get near his body, and then the entire thing curves horribly. And at the SAME angles as his stomach, weirdly enough! He really does have his own Kardashian vortex.
What is the point of being completely ripped at 52 and taking a gym selfie if you’re going to Facetune yourself anyway? C’mon man, it’s more impressive when it’s your actual body! David, if you’re going to take a gym selfie, don’t insult our intelligence by editing your bod. I’m not saying this is EDM’s fault, but I am saying that I haven’t seen any rockstars do this. This just reestablishes what I already learned in college: you should not trust DJs! Or maybe just men?
Are you surprised to see that men use Facetune the same way women do? Did you notice that VERY few comments on David’s picture even noticed the mistake? Why do you think someone who’s clearly in awesome shape would even bother with something like this? Do you know any men who Facetune?
Images: davidguetta / Instagram
Sooo, here’s the thing. I adore Dr. Phil. I’ve watched his show pretty much every day since I was 14. This is why I am so good at advice: I always agree with everything Dr. Phil says, and when I think I don’t, it’s because he’s going to come at me after the commercial break with some logic that I didn’t think of previously. He’s the best. But this article is not about Dr. Phil. It’s about this trash person named “Larz” (seriously, I wish I was kidding) who is desperately trying to become viral, no matter the cost.
Larz was featured on Dr. Phil last year because he thought he’d get actually famous like Bhad Bhabie. The episode was excruciating to watch, with Larz and his friend talking about how all they care about is getting followers and do horrible things like lick groceries in the store and put them back. As a germaphobe and immunocomprised person, I could not be more disgusted, and that was before the coronavirus pandemic. Thanks for putting people’s lives in jeopardy because you think it’ll make you famous!
BTW, who wants to be famous for being the sh*tty guy who licks groceries? REALLY? That is what your life goal is?
Anyway, Larz looked like this on Dr. Phil:
However, this is what you can find on his social media:
I mean…
It is literally so absurd that I almost wonder if he just found an actual model to play him on his Instagram. I tried to make a GIF:
But none of their features even come close to matching up. It’s two entirely different people! Where do you even start? That is not his head shape. He drastically elongated his face. He gave himself a new chin, a new nose, new lips. That is not his eye shape or color. Those are not his cheekbones. And he’s a fan of the James Charles block head. How many hours does this guy spend on Facetune to pretend this is his face? Or like, is he just catfishing people? Also, his Instagram is full of selfies. That are not him. This is just so confusing.
And if that weren’t bad enough, Larz recently decided to be even more of a prick and decided to lick toilet seats in an attempt to make “a joke” out of coronavirus. Why, why, why would it ever come to that? Who thinks that is funny? Who would be laughing? But the joke is only on Larz, because then he allegedly got coronavirus. Karma works fast.
Larz, I hope you get your sh*t together after this. I hope this is a valuable lesson that putting people at risk is not a joke and that this is not the kind of attention anyone should want. Instead of being known for being a garbage person, I hope when you recover you find some way to give back to the community you endangered and do something good for coronavirus victims.
And stop warping your face because I promise you, no one believes that is you.
Images: Larz / Instagram; Giphy; Dr. Phil
Thankfully, the dumpster fire that was Peter’s season of The Bachelor is over. Which makes it the third consecutive season of The Bachelor/The Bachelorette to not end in an engagement. Which is the entire point of the show. Guys? Hate to tell you this, but forcing 20 women to live in one house and sleep with the same guy in exchange for FabFitFun sponsorships is actually just a brothel and it’s not legal in California. You might need to rethink the show premise because it’s obviously not working. After Peter strung along/screwed over/kept Hannah Ann as the backburner bitch, he did the biggest favor of her life and brutally dumped her on national TV. But that’s okay, because Hannah Ann still has plenty of years left to be screwed over by men before she finds a decent one to settle down with. Unfortunately for Hannah Ann, she will not be the next Bachelorette, but I’m sure she’ll still get to sell us some FitTea regardless.
In fact, as a model, Hannah Ann does a lot of ads for brands. In digging into Hannah Ann’s random modeling past, we found a little something. One in particular you’ll know well if you’ve seen The Real Housewives of New York, in fact. (And if you haven’t, you should watch it all immediately, because it’s way better reality TV than The Bachelor!)
That’s right, guys! Hannah Ann modeled for…
For those of you living under a rock, a couple seasons ago, Dorinda straight-up ruined Luann’s cabaret performance by enthusiastically and drunkenly shrieking “JOVANI” throughout the entire show. But that’s not why I have an issue with this ad from Hannah Ann (seriously, what random brand has she not modeled for at this point?).
It’s the absolutely insane editing. 
What kind of waist is this???? It’s like they just cut big gaping holes into her sides. She looks like a literal stick figure. Once again, rib cages are too unsexy for the female body. To compare, here’s what Hannah Ann’s actual body looks like, obviously give or take five years.
The thing is, the Jovani edit is so bad that it doesn’t even make the clothes look good. Like, look at this dress, it’ll make you look sunken in and straight as a board? I don’t understand!
Like, Hannah Ann is ALREADY an extremely thin girl/model! I also think it’s funny that they kept her legs/arms/hips all the exact same and just mutilated her waist. And then Hannah Ann saw this ad and thought, “Yup that’s me!” and posted it on her Instagram.
Sorry, Hannah Ann. Not only were you strung along and dumped by a douchebag who had a pad taped to his face for half the season, but you were done dirty by none other than Jovvaaaaaannnniii. Please find solace in the fact that at least you’re not as dumb as Madison, who’s currently stuck with him, and that Peter’s family definitely loves you more than him now. Let’s all just repeatedly watch my personal favorite part of the season where Peter, who is supposedly a pilot and should be somewhat coordinated, tried to get into a golf cart and manage to smash his own face into a glass he was holding:
Legit the best part of the entire show.
Hannah Ann, I hope you find better modeling gigs from this where you’re not edited into Stick Stickly, PO Box 963. New York City, New York state, 10108.
At least Hannah Ann has thousands of dollars worth of Revolve clothes to comfort her.
Watch Peter smash his face again here! I swear it makes me feel so much better about the season. Someone send it to Barb!
Images: ABC/Eric McCandless; @hannahann / Instagram (2); Tenor; Giphy (2)
There’s a reason I write Photoshop Fails and not The Sup newsletter. It’s because I have no idea what’s going on in the world, ever, and I need to read The Sup to have it explained to me in small words. I mean, I educate myself when it’s time to vote and do my civic duty, but other than that, I find it super depressing to keep up with the news, especially now. And it’s dull. Like, even if we have the exact same political opinions, I STILL do not want to hear you talk about it, or even worse, ruin my happy hour with it. It’s boring and mostly awful information. Shut the f*ck up. Also, do you notice the people most excited to share their political views are the ones no one ever asks? I’m telling you this because I really do not care about your political views and your political comments. This series is about one thing, and that is brazen misuse of Facetune, people.
And with that, I bring you Ivanka Trump.
I have nothing nice to say so I just won’t. But, we get to play my favorite game, which is: what’s wrong with this picture?
Look, I realize this photo was taken in Portrait mode, and that can blur up a background. So like, I don’t find fault with the fact that the water isn’t blurry in between her body and arm, for example, because that clearly wasn’t picked up as background by the camera for Portrait mode. Although I do think the water lines look particularly parallel and unnatural. But what I can find fault with is that IVANKA CHANGED THE ARCHITECTURE OF THE F*CKING TAJ MAHAL!
Guys, what the actual f*ck? Ivanka has used Facetune to alter this image and the huge, iconic pool in front of the Taj Mahal is now wavy, and bulging in weird places, and even dips down right where Ivanka’s waist is. I drew a straight line underneath so you can see how off it is. Here’s the thing, even if the camera angle wasn’t perfectly straight, the line would be tilted but still straight. Not bulging and cutting out in *convenient* places!
And in case you think it’s just the pool or the angle, here’s another photo Ivanka posted:
That’s a straight pool. So why would Ivanka decided to warp the pool lines just for fun and around her waist for absolutely no reason? Well, she wouldn’t. She clearly edited this photo to make herself look like the sickly, unrealistic Instagram models we all know are lying liars who lie about their bodies. Ivanka is also really thin, so I’m not sure why she would bother, but yet, I feel this way about almost everyone who does this. It really never seems to be actually overweight/out of shape people who do the heavy editing, right? It’s always these totally thin girls that want to look emaciated. I don’t get it, but here we are.
So for those of you who want to fight me on this, and claim “It’S tHe AnGLeS”, I have some news for you.
We’ve GOT RECEIPTS.
Hate to break it to you guys, but that’s a straight f*cking pool. And I can’t help but notice something else.
Although to be completely fair here, these photos are taken at different angles. But even still, Ivanka is clearly way, way, thinner in her own, wonky pool version. She goes from a fit, normal, thin woman to scary Barbie doll with a waist smaller than her head.
Ooookay, Ivanka.
So, this just goes to show, it doesn’t matter if you’re in The White House or trying to sell laxative tea on Instagram, inconsistent background lines only mean one thing: LIES.
I’d say I expect more from a public figure leading our country, but let’s be real, this is the least of the Trump family’s offenses. Maybe she should show her dad Facetune, and he’d waste his time making himself look pretty instead of causing a World War via Twitter?
Did you guys spot the Fail immediately? Are you surprised Ivanka Facetunes—especially to make her already thin waist even thinner? Does anyone think these bobblehead bodies on social media are real? How do you shut up your politics-ranting friends at happy hour (seriously, I need tips)?
Images: MANDEL NGAN/AFP via Getty Images; ivanktatrump / Instagram; Giphy
When I first started doing these Photoshop Fails, I would cover celebrities who so obviously warped themselves that it was ridiculous. Like, missing limbs, wavy background lines, all telltale signs that pointed to “this person obviously edited the sh*t out of themselves—and poorly.” Now, though, celebrities have gotten smarter about it (maybe because they read my series and don’t want to end up on it? Let’s go with that). They’re checking their lines. They’re posing in front of neutral backdrops that make it harder to tell if they’ve cinched in their waists. And this just makes it even harder to tell what’s real and what’s fake. Which, obviously, is what they want, but it’s bad for us regular people, who are fooled into believing people really have 2-inch waists. And no one has become a worse culprit of this sneaky editing than Kylie Jenner.
The day Kylie stops slicing her body into pieces on social media will be the day I retire. That is the only silver lining of this, that I get to keep my job. But still, don’t trust Kylie, and whatever you do, don’t compare yourself to her. Why? She doesn’t even look like the version of herself she puts on Instagram! Check out what I found this week, because it’s melting my brain.
Kylie went to the Vanity Fair Oscars party wearing a super cool optical illusion kind of dress:
She captions that she couldn’t really sit in it, which is now considered a cool thing to say, ever since Jen Aniston showed us all how she rides to fancy events in expensive, restrictive dresses. Why can’t celebrities just get dresses that are fashionable and also comfortable to sit in??? I don’t get why this is considered a fun, quirky thing to announce—that your dress was so tight, you could not even sit down? I mean, girl, size up? Like, when I’m sitting in jeans that are even a smidge too small, I immediately want to rip all my clothes off. How can you stand it?
That aside, Kylie looks gorgeous, as always, and plastic, as always, with a waist that is smaller than her head, as always. This looks totally Photopshopped/Facetuned to me because, one, her waist is just way too thin for the rest of her body; two, her face is not her face; and three, her arms have squiggly lines. C’mon Kylie, let it go already.
And while I couldn’t find the original photo available, we still found receipts, thanks to our good friends over at Getty Images, who captured a photo of Kylie on the carpet before the Vanity Fair party.
What do you know, guys? Kylie is NORMAL, HUMAN proportioned, not a Barbie doll! In the Instagram version, she clearly made her waist way thinner, her chest way larger, and hips look a little bigger too. She also shrunk her arms and shoulders by a lot. And for WHAT? Her arms look great as-is!
The funniest part to me is the top. She REALLY over-inflated it, it looks like there’s a pillow shoved into her top compared to her tiny little arms next to it. It’s the FaceTune equivalent of stuffing your bra, but we’re not 13 anymore. The dress is so cool and pretty on her, I just don’t understand what the purpose of these adjustments is.
You’d think with all that glam and money that went into this look, she’s just pose for a great picture and let it go, right? WHAT are we trying to accomplish here, people?
Why is this like, a new and exciting thing that these poor women can’t even sit down? Is that supposed be a positive? Even Winnie Harlow commented:
Like, this is supposed to be a compliment right? Her waist is so tightly bound in that she can’t even sit down! And she still edits it to make it even more dramatic! And we’re saying this is a good move for women?
Some commenters thought she meant it as an insult. But I think she really means to compliment Kylie’s dedication to showcasing an alien body and pretending it’s her own. Come on ladies, don’t we all just really want comfy dresses that have pockets for our snacks? Can’t we look just as hot that way?
Did you spot this Fail immediately? Why do you think Kylie and Klan continue to edit their pics? Would you wear so much Spanx that you can’t even sit down just to look like this? Or would you like, wear a dress that fits, and enjoy your time? LMK your thoughts!
Images: JEAN-BAPTISTE LACROIX/AFP via Getty Images; Kylie Jenner / Instagram
I recently learned that I really love drag queens. I went to Hamburger Mary’s a few months ago for Drag Brunch and found myself low-key wanting to be a drag queen even though I am a woman. It was just so fun! All the costumes and makeup and performances—amazing. I’ve been meaning to watch RuPaul’s Drag Race for ages, I just need to get on it at this point. That said, given that I’ve yet to actually watch it, I have no idea who The Vivienne is. But judging from her Instagram, she is fabulous. Her makeup and just overall look is insanely over-the-top, fun, and awesome.
Like, here she is pre-drag:
And in full drag:
I mean, incredible, right? She is soooooo fabulous, I’m kind of jealous that I can’t walk around like this all the time. I mean, I guess I could. But I’m really lazy when it comes to getting dressed, especially with makeup. I’m more like, “Wow, I’m really broken out, I should probs use foundation today”, and then I just draw a cat eye and go out pimples a-blazin’ because it seems like too much effort. And let’s be real: all my effort in the world would not get my makeup as on point as The Vivienne’s. It’s seriously a work of art.
With this level of costuming and perfection, one would assume there is no reason to edit your photos. But alas, this article is Photoshop Fail, so you probably saw this coming.
The Vivienne posted this amazing photo of herself at the Birds of Prey premiere:
Like, how fun is the Harley Quinn-inspired makeup? Answer: very fun. However. Do you notice anything wrong with this pic? Like how a standard-issue watermark is a completely warped, perhaps?
But here’s what I REALLY don’t understand about people that take publicly accessible photos from places like Getty Images: Why do they Facetune their pics when it is SO easy to find receipts?
Because we found the original pic in like, two seconds:
Soooooooooooooooooooo.
This looks like a super quick edit of squashing in her face to give her a brand new head shape and cinching in her waist so that both her figure and the Getty Images watermark is snatched. When you put that level of artistry into your look, all I have to ask is why? I’m also very over people giving themselves entirely new head shapes (looking at you, Tana Mongeau). You can’t just pick a different head. That is not how it works. You are not Mr. Potato Head, where it’s reasonable to just pick all different body parts. And actually, even Mr. Potato Head keeps his original head shape!
And if you’re going to Facetune, come on guys, don’t use a photo that has an original I can find online in one easy search! And if you’re going to leave a watermark on a picture, make sure it isn’t also warped. That is all.
Images: Jeff Spicer/Getty Images; @thevivienne_/Instagram; Giphy (2)
Scheana Shay gets kind of a bad rap on Vanderpump Rules, even though people like to conveniently forget that she is the reason this show exists in the first place. (They need to put some respect on her name.) I recently rewatched all of VPR in preparation for the new season, and let me say, I really miss when Scheana had a personality and self-confidence that wasn’t based on everyone else’s approval of her. We’re kinda sorta getting some of that Scheana back, like with this week how she came ready with Max’s receipts of him being shady. But one area Scheana could stand to be a bit more unapologetically herself? Her Instagrams. Take a look at what I mean.
Scheana posted a sponcon ad for Netflix’s show The Circle (great show, BTW) where she posted a carousel of her first photo on Instagram ever and then a recent photo.
The first thing I noticed was how 2012 this first photo is. But that’s not really the issue—the issue is that the second photo is so Facetuned that she does not even have a nose. And here’s the best part: HER CAPTION. She says she has changed her makeup and counter but she’s still “ME” (without plastic surgery). Like, yes, while she might not have gotten any plastic surgery, can you really claim that you’re being real when your face is so blurred that it lacks any sort of definition? Or even a nose? I know that everyone these days uses Facetune, but it’s misleading to use it and then claim you are being authentic, which is basically what’s happening here.
(Also, having plastic surgery or not has nothing to do with anyone’s chances of winning The Circle, but that’s neither here nor there.)
And even more concerning is the fact that this is not a one-off instance… a lot of her photos are like this.
Does it still count as “makeup/contour” if you just erase out your entire face in every single photo?
Anyway, back to the first photo in question.
Facetune that pops out immediately to me: she definitely enlarged her eyes, she airbrushed her skin so it’s completely blurry, she has NO NOSE, her head is blurred into her neck, her makeup was color enhanced (poorly) so she has orange splotches (or she began using Donald Trump’s makeup artist?), she made her lips bigger and blurry, and although she always has eyelash extensions, it looks like she painted fake eyelashes on with the app as well.
Sooooo what percentage of this is her actual face?
In case you didn’t know, here is what Scheana’s actual face looks like compared to her Facetune.
Look guys, she has a nose in real life! I’m not sure when looking like Voldemort became the desirable beauty standard, but alas, here we are. 2020 sure is a trip.
Scheana is gorgeous, and it legit makes me sad to see people edit out their own natural features like a f*cking nose because… they don’t like the way it looks? Society has told them it’s not okay to have one? I’m not sure what the reason is, but Scheana, do yourself a favor. Pull yourself up, tell everyone to f*ck off, and just be the you that helped land a show that is the best show on Bravo. And easy on the Facetune. You do not need it. Despite what you apparently think, Voldemort is not the epitome of female beauty.
Do you guys like Scheana? What do you think of celebrities claiming it’s just makeup and then warping all their features with Facetune? Why is everyone against having noses? What other celebs do you follow that are guilty of making their faces Voldemort chic? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
Images: Instagram (@scheana); Tibrina Hobson / Stringer, Rodin Eckenroth (Getty Images); Giphy
I don’t know if you guys have ever shopped at Gymshark, but I’m obsessed. It’s a really cute athletic brand, everything is super flattering, and their sales are fire. This isn’t even sponsored but hey, Gymshark, if you want a cancer patient that can’t even work out right now to advertise for you, hit me up. I’m just the epitome of health. Anyway, so I follow their Instagram so I can know about sales and see cute new styles, and also because they always post the most fit people ever as fitspo. Back when I wasn’t a professional chemo potato, I would see a post by them and think, “well f*ck, I should probably hit the gym.” Effective advertising at its finest.
They even have an Instagram dedicated to training, so you can see new exercises and how to do them. Highly recommend. But here’s the thing, most of Gymshark’s posts feature people like this:
Like, everyone is obviously fit as F*CK, but reasonably so. I mean, if I went to the gym for six hours a day and didn’t eat carbs, I could look like this, too! I would never, because that sounds hard, but it’s the idea that anyone could be fit. This is how you advertise fitness, not with scary skinny Photoshopped models that don’t even have room for organs. I thought Gymshark always did a great job of that. UNTIL.
This disaster showed up on my feed:
I mean. WTF is this shit? How does a fitness brand not see that there is something wrong with this picture? I get that when you’re really fit, your waist gets teensy, but this is beyond believable. Not to mention, this is such a tiny waist it’s not even aspirational, it’s just scary.
Also? The grid lines in the floor are warped/disappeared riiiiiight near her waist. So weird when that happens. And if you need more convincing this is not real, the following pictures are screenshots from videos of the same model working out:
I mean, she is obviously in awesome shape, but I can’t help but notice that, in the videos, she clearly has a waist that like, actually exists. And she can fit ribs and organs in there! The mirror picture is not even close. Also, if I looked like that, I can assure you I wouldn’t edit anything ever. I’d be wearing very tiny crop tops and making everyone count my abs. Good thing I despise running and love french fries, otherwise I’d have no friends.
This GIF doesn’t really work since I couldn’t get her in the *exact* position, but you can clearly see that there is zero possibility this the same waist at a different angle:
Really like how they kept her chest and butt the same but gave her one-third of a waist. It’s one thing if this were just some random Instagram model posting a picture like this, but I find it very disappointing that a FITNESS brand on their TRAINING Instagram didn’t look at that and say, “hey, that’s clearly not a realistic body and it’s toxic to promoting FITNESS to pretend it is.” Gymshark, I expect more from you.
In other news, Kim Kardashian is at it again with the Photoshop (shocking), but this time it was done well, with purpose, and she actually admitted to it.
I actually really liked this photo, it’s so undone compared to the old days of Kardashian cards that seemed like an all-day photoshoot nightmare, especially with their 17 kids. This is relaxed, comfy, casual, and I think way cuter. However, Kim came out to admit that North actually had a huge tantrum the day of the photoshoot and refused to be in it, as kids often do. So she was added in via Photoshop later. Look, this is a great reason for Photoshop. Kids suck, especially when you have to wrangle an entire litter of them. I think you’ve got to just take what you can get and do whatever’s easiest. The good thing about this photo though, it wasn’t the disaster Photoshop job that was the Halloween pic, with Chi looking literally cut-and-pasted on collage style. It was properly done, you can’t really even tell, and I like that Kim openly admitted it, because kids are hard, even when you’re rich and famous. For once, her Photoshop use was for good, not evil. She’s growing up! Maybe. I’ll have to wait and see on that.
What do you think of Gymshark promoting a fake/unhealthy body image? Do you think they should be more careful what Fitspo they advertise? Do you think Kim’s Christmas card Photoshop job is reasonable? When do you think Photoshop usage is okay? LMK and always send me your fails!
Images: gymshark, kimkardashian / Instagram
