There are a few things in life I know to be certain: death, taxes, and that every Sunday, without fail, my Instagram feed will be flooded with pictures of newly engaged girls in jean jackets.
But this isn’t your typical jean jacket. It’s a ~cool~ jean jacket: usually the classic, slightly ripped blue style, but embroidered with “Mrs. ,” and embellished with a handful of fake pearls. You know, for good measure.
Some visual aid in case you’re living under a rock and have no idea what I’m talking about.
It’s not exactly a new trend—if anything, it’s actually turning into somewhat of a rite of passage for the newly engaged. But betches truly love this almost as much as they love their Stephanie Gottlieb engagement rings.
Here’s how it goes down: A friend of the bride-to-be will secure the goods ahead of the big day. You can definitely get a custom one on Etsy, but everyone knows the best ones come from word-of-mouth designer referrals. What, did you think the soon-to-be-fiancé wasn’t texting 20 of his girlfriend’s closest friends to make sure they were on standby for the engagement party? I mean, someone’s gotta make sure she has her nails done.
Once they’ve had a minute to process that yes, this is actually happening, the future bride will take approximately 342 pictures highlighting the back of the jacket and the new rock on her finger. Her friends will all likely post similar variations of the exact same photo on their Stories, tag each other, rinse, and repeat. Bonus points if it’s a boomerang, although truth be told, I thought we left boomerangs at Loopy Doopy in 2016. But I digress.
And look, I’m not trying to completely call out the jackets. If anything, I’m actually pretty fascinated by them—to say nothing of the fact that we’ve been noticing this trend since *checks notes* June 2017. It’s unclear when and where the trend originated from, but what I do know is that if whoever started it got a dollar for every time a bride-to-be wore one of the jackets in question, they could pay for a wedding at The Plaza without a second thought.
Ultimately, it’s your party and you can cry or wear the same jean jacket everyone else does if you want to. All I’m asking for is just, like, a *hint* more creativity and originality. I’m certainly not trying to be the voice of my generation here, but maybe, just maybe, it’s time we switch it up a little bit. There’s a list of things we’re leaving behind in the pandemic—hello, sourdough bread—and I don’t know about you, but I think the jacket should be on it.
I also hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s only a matter of time before The Engagement Jean Jacket™ falls into the cheugy category. And while we’re certainly not going to start taking fashion advice from the generation that ate Tide Pods, I think we owe it to ourselves to not look like every cookie-cutter bride on social media, don’t you? Our skinny jeans and Chevron prints are typing…
Here’s my proposal, no pun intended: Let’s try out a bomber jacket, or a crewneck sweatshirt, or even a puffer jacket by the time it’s too cold out to feel your face again. Y2K fashion is also obviously making a major comeback, so imagine getting your future last name embroidered on a Juicy Couture tracksuit instead. Pretty sure you could break the internet with that one, although whether that’s for a good or bad reason is up for debate.
If you love the jacket, though, you have this random stranger on the internet’s blessing to go full-speed ahead with it. It’s cute and probably pretty practical, even though you’ll wear it approximately one time. Just don’t come crying to me when all of your engagement photos look identical to all the other girls who read this website.
Images: Hollyedwards7 / Shutterstock.com
Season 7 of Vanderpump Rules airs Monday at 9pm, an event I’ve been anticipating with a fervor my boyfriend some have described as “chilling.” I can’t help it. As a latecomer to the series, this was the first season I could spy on via the cast’s Instagram. As such, there a lot of drama that I’m excited for. Brittany and Lala’s engagements, the launch of Kristen’s T-shirt line, and the 20-30 meltdowns I anticipate Ariana having over her still-unreleased cocktail book, to name a few. But most of all, I’m excited to watch Stassi Schroeder with her new boyfriend, Beau Clark. I’ve been stalking the living sh*t out of their relationship, and they are goals in every sense of the word. So you don’t go into season 7 totally uninformed, I’ve compiled a list of what we know about Beau Clark. Let’s dig in.
In a February episode of Straight Up with Stassi, Stassi revealed that she and Beau began dating in August 2017. They were introduced by Katie and Kristen, an opening that seems dicey until you realize the still-married Katie and Schwartz were introduced by Kristen too. Hey, maybe she has a career as a matchmaker if the T-shirt line doesn’t take off. As a reminder, Stassi’s breakup with professional sh*thead Patrick Meagher was also right around that time.
Broken up with on our anniversary after I planned a trip for us to Mexico. Call me Carrie Bradshaw. @rachaelnobrien you're coming w me now.
— Stassi Schroeder (@stassi) August 12, 2017
Don’t we all miss Patrick, guys??? JK, and I’m psyched that Beau apparently made an appearance no more than two weeks later. As a little background on Beau himself: he works in commercial casting, lives in LA, and loves the Rams (it’s a football team, I had to look it up), country music, and dogs. Here is his Instagram. On the podcast, Beau says he was reluctant to meet Stassi at first after looking through her Instagram. The bleach blonde, Botox, bottle service look was apparently not for him—but on their first meeting, they “closed down the Mondrian talking.” He’d never “laughed as hard ever with anybody,” and all around it sounds like a fairytale first date.
Flash forward six or so months and Stassi, understandably reluctant to put another relationship in the public eye, goes IG official with Beau. She posted a series of stories documenting the Valentine’s Day he set up for her. As proof that the man knows who he’s dating and how to make her happy, decorations included “dead people gloves,” handcuffs, creepy clown posters, and plenty of images of hearts being stabbed with knives. Plus, a special Valentine’s edition of their couple’s OOTD. Anyone else’s Valentine’s Day suddenly feeling totally lame in comparison? Yeah, same.
Stassi’s debut couples post:
Their Shared Life
Since then, it seems like it’s been pretty smooth sailing for the couple. At the Vanderpump Dogs Gala this past week, Stassi and Beau gushed about how happy they were, admitting that marriage is “on their minds.” While Beau had some initial reluctance to appearing on-screen for season 7 (he’d never seen VPR before he and Stassi started dating), it seems like filming went well. Notably, Beau has bonded hard with the whole Vanderpump crew, so much so that Stassi insisted they were no longer “ best friends.” “Now, they’re our best friends,” she shamelessly brags. If that isn’t the f*cking dream (never putting up with any of your boyfriend’s friends again because you both mutually agree on the 4-6 most fun people to hang out with), I don’t know what is.
Here’s their latest double date night (dogs in tow):
While I can’t find any solid proof they live together, I’d largely assumed they do from her Instagram. It’s pretty much a 24/7 reel of them eating Taco Bell, lounging on the couch with their two dogs, pulling elaborate pranks on each other and filming it, or getting ready for double dates with their friends. (Most often, actually, Brittany and Jax, which I find surprising.) Though I think the two dogs belong to Stassi, Beau appears to be a dedicated dog dad. And Stassi, for her part, now has plenty of personalized Rams gear and accompanies him to games. Seems like one of them is making the bigger sacrifice there, but he also basically became a Bravo star for her so it’s fine.
Here’s the Rams gear I mentioned:
And here’s a peek at their freakin’ cute home life:
In addition to living a disgustingly adorable life at home, the couple has taken a few extremely sick European vacations. Here they are in Berlin and Paris this November:
Here they are being disgustingly cute in Italy in May:
And while these trips are enviable in their own right, they also seem to be an opportunity to hang out with Beau’s sister, Georgia, who—from what I can tell—lives there. The couple has annoyingly only documented their hangouts on their stories (and her IG account is private), but from what I saw, Stassi fit right in with the fam. Also, they’ve been a fabulous opportunity for Beau to up his Instagram-boyfriend game:
BRB, forwarding this link to my boyfriend with the caption “take notes.”
Ultimately, watching Beau and Stassi’s relationship on social media has been an absolute joy. They seem to share each other’s sense of humor, even while his laidback demeanor provides a slight contrast to the high-strung sh*t-stirring side of Stassi we all know and love. I’m no Us Weekly body language decoder, but they’re positively radiating joy in every photo together. Plus, over the course of their relationship, Stassi has invented a holiday, come out with a Witches of WeHo Pinot Grigio, written a book, and risen to 1.4 million followers on Instagram. Not only are they (seemingly) gloriously happy, they’re pushing each other to be the best versions of themselves. So, so happy for you Stassi—and can’t wait to see this all unfold, starting MONDAY!!!
Images: Twitter; Instagram; Instagram
Even though New York’s weather is legitimately more batshit than my horoscope is predicting my mood will be this month, the summer season is almost upon us. Which means life is about to be all trips to the Hamptons, rooftop happy hours, and weddings that you pretend to be excited about spending $600 on a plane ticket to attend. And if you’re like me and my friends then you know that the only reason we leave our air conditioned living rooms to do any of this shit is for the Insta.
That being said, group photos are actual sabotage. Half the time I look like GiGi Hadid — you know if she were having, like, a really rough day—and the other half of the time I look like an extra on one of those TLC freak shows.
I mean, how am I supposed to show my ex-boyfriend and that one girl from high school who made fun of my eyebrows that I’m living my best life if not through my Instagram feed? HOW?? Sighs. But this is where I come in, because years of being a wannabe Instagram model have done nothing but prepare me for this article. So here’s 5 tips to always look look good AF in photos:
1. Use More Tongue
Literally words I have never said before but I guess there’s a first time for everything. I picked this trick up from Stylecaster.com because it fucking works. Pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth while you smile is a V effective way to elongate your neck and jawline. This is important because, as we all know, some days we look we’ve lost three pounds and other days we should just try Sears.
Using this tongue trick is a sure way to banish your double-chins from photos forever. Blessings.
2. Angles Are Everything
Everyone always says this but that’s because it’s fucking true. If you’ve even watched one episode of America’s Next Top Model then you know that Tyra is constantly using this line with the cute Nice Girl from Nebraska who might have the model look but Tyra’s not sure if she has the “it” factor.
That being said, there are two parts of your body that you need to keep in mind when you consider your angles. First, there’s your face aka the constant source of sabotage in my
selfie game life. You should avoid at all costs a direct head-on shot of your face because that’s just asking for you to feel personally victimized in your friend’s wedding album on Facebook. *shudders* Instead, stand a little bit sideways and tilt your chin either a little bit upwards or a tad downwards like so:
Another angle for you to consider is your torso. Twisting your body at an angle and popping a hand on your hip gives the appearance that you are thinner than the two donuts you scarfed down like a rabid animal at your department meeting this morning. It’s a classic look and it shouldn’t be taken for granted—hence why you see every sorority girl in the nation posing this way.
3. Don’t Be Weird With Your Hands
You know exactly what I’m talking about here. There’s always that one friend in the group photo who you tell to “just be natural!” and she inevitably fucks it up by looking like this:
Like, Jesus Christ, Carol, get your shit together. What your hands/arms are doing in a picture is V important to not looking like the home-schooled jungle freak in your friend group. If you want to switch up your pose, try putting your hand in your pockets for a sleeker, more sophisticated look. Or if you’re not sure what you’re doing with your hands, and probs your life, there’s always the classic hands on the hip combo.
4. Cross Your Ankles
This is a classic way to change up your body stance while also making your legs look like Kendall Jenner’s. If you’re one of those that likes to have your friend take pictures of you standing in front of like, graffiti walls in Brooklyn or whatever, then this tip is about to be a game changer for you. Crossing your legs at your calf makes your hips look narrower and your legs look longer.
5. Don’t Copy Your Friends
I swear to god if I see one more SRAT squat photo I will lose my fucking mind. Seven girls huddled together in front of a scenic background? How original.
If you want to be semi-original and not piss me off on social media then for THE LOVE OF GOD pick a different pose from the rest of your friends. Not only will it make you stand out in the photo but it will also give you a personality, something staged group photos are almost always lacking.
At the end of the day I’m not a goddamn photographer so, like, do what you want. But if you use the above tips for all of your Instagram endeavors don’t be surprised if that ex of yours slides into your DMs faster than you can say “I just woke up like this.” You’re welcome.