By now, Peter Weber’s season of The Bachelor feels like a distant memory. Bigger issues have overtaken our world, like the fact that The Bachelorette is delayed indefinitely, and we’re now forced to suffer through Listen To Your Heart every Monday. Pilot Pete’s season may have been a mess, but now we’re in truly desperate times. Luckily, these thirst-monsters are still clinging to relevance, so we’ve got more drama between Peter and Madison to deal with.
A lot has happened in the last month, so here’s a quick refresher. On the finale of The Bachelor, Peter broke off his engagement to Hannah Ann, and then said he wanted to make things work with Madison. They got back together, before announcing their split just two days later. Were they ever really back together? Debatable. Fast forward a few weeks, and Peter flew to Chicago, where he’s been quarantining with Kelley Flanagan. A couple weeks ago, he went on several podcasts and claimed that nothing serious is going on between them, but who really cares? Madison, meanwhile, has been quarantining at her parents’ house in Alabama, and based on her cringeworthy TikToks, she’s fully reverted back to the life of a high school girl. Okay, great, now we’re caught up.
Over the weekend, the shade between Madison and Peter kicked off on TikTok, of all places. Madi posted a cute video featuring several women from Peter’s season, not including Kelley. There were also like, 20 other women missing, but whatever. Someone commented asking where Kelley was, and Madi replied, “with our ex lol.” Honestly, I screamed when I saw that. Props to Madison for this A+ shade, because I had no idea she had it in her.
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Just from that comment, it was apparent that there were some hard feelings going on here, and now we have some more clarity on the situation. Madison made an appearance on the newest episode of Kaitlyn Bristowe’s Off The Vine podcast, and she spilled some major tea about the complicated timeline. When asked about her relationship with Kelley, Madison said that they were “inseparable throughout the entire process,” so she was “definitely hurt and thrown off” when she saw that Kelley was with Peter.
In any situation, it would be weird if one of your good friends got together with your ex. But Madi says it was “really confusing,” because Peter was trying to get back with her just TWO DAYS before he was seen in Chicago. She says, “He was, like, calling me and texting me being like, ‘I miss you, let’s get back together… I think that to me was a little confusing.” Hmm, to me it sounds like Peter was basically just in the mood to quarantine with someone, and he may have been looking into multiple options. Classic f*ckboy behavior, and it wouldn’t be the least bit surprising coming from Pilot Pete.
Speaking of f*ckboy behavior, his bizarre treatment of Madison continued when he reached out after the photos with Kelley were released. Madison told Kaitlyn that “He sent me this long, long text, kind of explaining himself, but not really. Just kind of sharing the current situation or whatever. I was very kind back, I was just like, ‘Look, this doesn’t affect anything for me, like, we went our separate ways, it’s not like I lost something here.’ I guess, but I told him kind of what I’m saying. What I’m confused about Peter is two days ago you were telling me how much you loved me and wanted to get back together and now you’re with the one person that was my best friend. It just feels a little hurtful.”
Damn, Madison really went in here, and I’ve never liked her more than I do right now. I don’t doubt that, at some point, Peter had deep, genuine feelings for Madison, but he needs to get over it and stop acting like all this stuff hasn’t gone down since. Madi is clearly doing fine, so stop texting her whiney bullsh*t when you’re shacking up with a woman who used to be her close friend.
In conclusion, Madison said she wishes Peter and Kelley all the best, but added that she hasn’t spoken to Kelley “in a really long time.” I would say that makes me sad, but I don’t have actual emotions for these people. Also, in what real world would a 28-year-old Chicago lawyer be friends with a 24-year-old from Alabama? They’ll both get over it.
But who’s not over it? Peter! He clearly felt some type of way about what Madison said on the podcast, and he decided the public comments on a Bachelor tea Instagram page was the appropriate place to express this. He tagged Madi, saying “you’d think you’d have a little more respect for this situation given we both know there’s more to the story…”
Okay, while I don’t know what Peter is alluding to here, I feel like he’s being a little bit of a drama queen. First of all, could he not just text her about this? He clearly had her number as of *checks notes* two days before he went to Chicago to stay with Kelley! Also, talking about this stuff on podcasts is petty much par for the course for these people. Peter, just a few weeks ago, went on three different Bachelor podcasts in the same week! He might not have liked what Madison had to say, but it’s not like she ruined his life or anything. All of these people are just trying to get a few more headlines before we stop caring about them, so it’s not really worth getting mad about.
What is worth getting mad about? The fact that Paradise likely won’t happen this year, so we won’t get to see any of this petty drama play out in person. There is nothing I would love more right now than to see Kelley and Madison come face to face on that beach and spend two full episodes arguing about who texted Peter and when. Throw Hannah Ann in the mix, and you barely need anyone else for the whole season! If we don’t get to see this, then we’ll really have something to complain about. See, Peter? There are things in the world that actually MATTER!! Now spend less time in the Instagram comment section, and more time working on your TikTok skills, because they’re dismal.
Images: ABC/John Fleenor; thebetchelor, bachelornation.scoop / Instagram
It’s safe to say that few of us had high hopes for this season of The Bachelor. I know I certainly didn’t. With Peter the Pilot in the cockpit, we knew we were in for a nosedive, but it isn’t happening in the way we’d expected. Season 24 (lord help us) has actually been anything but boring, but that’s precisely the problem. For the first time, drama has gone from being an entertaining but ultimately short-lived element of the show, to the foundation upon which our current Bachelor is building just about all of his relationships. As viewers, we’re expected to invest in a lead whose baffling choices leave him with zero credibility, and women with questionable motives. I’ve been wondering for a while now why The Bachelor sucks so much this season, and I think I’ve narrowed it down to a few reasons.
Peter Gravitates Toward Emotionally Unstable Women
Even Stevie Wonder could see that Peter has an unhealthy fixation on emotionally unstable women. Between glorifying the telenovelas he watched with his grandma as a kid and idolizing a mother who we see in previews sobbing over a mystery woman she barely knows, our Petey never had a chance. It’s no wonder he felt compelled to try and win the heart of Hannah B. who, though endearing, isn’t exactly the poster child for emotional maturity. After rejecting him not once, but twice, she hijacks the first night and a group date and ends up crying in Peter’s lap in a puddle of her own mascara. Instead of immediately recoiling letting her down gently, Peter is apparently aroused and offers to light his season on fire by giving her a spot in the house. We all have our kinks!
Things don’t improve after Hannah B. leaves, however. Soon thereafter we were treated to a multi-episode arc centering around whether or not Hannah Ann stole Kelsey’s champagne. Though Kelsey grew on me over time, her behavior during the whole finasco was nothing short of batsh*t. Normally at the point Champagne-Gate happened, getting wasted, starting petty drama, and not being able to play well with others is grounds for elimination. Not so for our Pedro. Later, when Tammy suggests to Peter that Kelsey is emotionally unstable, Kelsey attempts to set the record straight by… showing up unannounced to Peter’s room and crying. For this, she gets a rose.
Even the Alayah storyline gave us a glimpse into Peter’s psyche. Though we now know that Sydney is an unreliable narrator, we did see that Alayah was rubbing several women in the house the wrong way and shaping up to be this season’s villain. Unless you’re Courtney Robertson, that kind of edit gets you sent home. Instead, Peter tries to bring her back after eliminating her and has even said recently that drama amongst the women “showed that this was working” and “f all the women were just getting along super well, they probably wouldn’t have been super into me.” Putting aside the blatant misogyny inherent in that statement, I’m pretty sure even with all the fighting, they’re still not that into you, buddy. You can go change your forehead bandage now.
Peter Mistakes Composure For A Lack Of Connection
Kelley was arguably a frontrunner early in the season, having banged met Peter before filming began after a chance meeting at a hotel. Peter seemed genuinely excited about her for weeks until their bizarre one-on-one date where he questioned her intentions for reasons that weren’t immediately clear. When Kelley rightly counters that he rewards drama, and on another date has the audacity to suggest that a relationship can be both good and easy, Peter regards her with a suspicion he normally reserves for women over 30.
Even when Peter’s instincts are right, he falls victim to poor judgment. Toward the end of a one-on-one date, Peter seems to pick up on his lack of connection with Hannah Ann, who’s clearly on the show to advance her middling modeling career. He almost sends her home, even going so far as to dramatically walk away from the dinner table. As if sensing that crocodile tears are his Viagra, she goes after him and pushes a few out in a last-ditch effort to secure her FabFitFun sponsorship spot in the final four. She gets the rose and, poof, suddenly all reservations about her seem to disappear.
Peter Ignores Clear Red Flags
At this point in the season, the final four should be comprised of four women who, if not actually there for the right reasons, are at least trying to convince us otherwise. This time, with the exception of maybe Madison, we have finalists who would’ve been eliminated weeks ago: Hannah Ann, who’s there to broaden her opportunities and clearly not ready for marriage; Kelsey, the hot mess who overindulged early on and struggles to keep it together; and Victoria F., who hasn’t come close to opening up and being vulnerable, qualities that are practically prerequisites for making it to hometowns. Instead, she’s shady, evasive when asked probing questions, won’t look Peter in the eye, and cries when put on the spot. In other words, marriage material. As if that weren’t alarming enough, she deflects when Peter asks pointed questions about her shady past and gaslights him. Apparently this is Peter’s idea of foreplay, because she gets a rose without even introducing him to her family on her hometown date! Meanwhile Kelley is kicked off for daring to refer to the experience as “fun” and Kelsey is eliminated for daring to be clear about being in love with him.
Me watching Peter give Victoria F. the rose:
Even if we don’t buy into the format of The Bachelor as a realistic way of finding everlasting love, at the very least, we want to be able to root for the Bachelor and the woman he chooses in the end. Unfortunately, the elevation of drama this season, and Peter’s flagrant revelry in it, has made this extremely difficult, if not impossible. As a card-carrying messy b*tch who lives for drama, it pains me to say that there can, in fact, be too much of a good thing. Peter’s false and immature belief that love must be difficult colors his decision-making throughout this season, to the detriment of not only the two women who aren’t there to expand their brand, but also to us viewers. Just when we thought The Bachelor couldn’t get more ridiculous, our trusty pilot flies in and makes it a full-on farce.
Images: ABC/Francisco Roman; Giphy (4)
Like the roommate who started polluting your apartment with Hobby Lobby Christmas decorations before your Halloween hangover even subsided, ABC is also gearing up early for the holidays. But instead of gifting you with a fake Christmas tree that does nothing but partially block your view of the TV and give your dog diarrhea whenever she chews on it, ABC has gifted us with the gift that keeps on giving: the first official trailer for Peter’s season of The Bachelor.
The first promo for the season dropped a little over a week ago and gave us more windmill green screen imagery than the PowerPoint deck for the Green New Deal. Like, we GET IT, he f*cked in a windmill. I figured the trailer would be much of the same. And for the most part it was: we got Chris Harrison delivering his first contractually obligated “most dramatic season ever” of the season, at least 10 frames of Peter standing shirtless next to a plane, and footage of girls who are way too hot for Peter pretending to be into Peter. Basically, the storyboard for the teaser trailer could have been crafted by someone who doesn’t have working eyes or ears and only knows that Peter is a pilot (Chris Harrison’s least favorite nephew-turned-ABC-intern, I am looking at YOU). But then, just as I’m tempted to exit out of the trailer entirely, who should pop up on my screen? None other than HANNAH MF BROWN.
Before we go any further, here’s the full trailer so you can watch it in its entirety:
Not only does Hannah make an appearance during the season, but Peter actually asks her to stay AND THEN THEY ALMOST KISS. I mean, their body language alone has enough fire in it to burn ABC studios to the ground, and a still of their lips almost touching is certainly going to be my phone’s new background photo. I want to believe in a world where Hannah B gets a second chance at love on The Bachelor, I really do. But that would also require me to believe that the Easter bunny exists and that I plan my spring vacations around a groundhog. All I’m saying is the trailer looks a little too good to be true. Like, so untrue it might be world-class production editing untrue.
For one, Hannah B. just won the Dancing With the Stars. It seems unlikely that she could be on two reality TV shows at the same time, especially considering they aren’t filmed in the same city. Dancing With the Stars is filmed in Hollywood, CA, while The Bachelor takes up residence in Agoura Hills. According to Google Maps, that’s like an hour plus commute each way, but you might as well add ten years to that when you factor in California traffic.
Even if Hannah could do both shows, I don’t think she would. Don’t get me wrong, during her season’s After The Final Rose, I saw sparks between her and Peter. She practically had her hand down his pants at one point, so I could see them happening. What I don’t see happening is Hannah trying to compete for his attention with 20+ other women. She had her own season of The Bachelorette for god’s sake, she’s not going to go back to being on the other side of “can I steal you for a sec?”
And it’s not like Hannah isn’t single either. She recently confirmed that she’s not dating her Dancing With the Stars dance partner, Alan Bersten, nor is she dating ex Tyler Cameron. But she also said that she has “trauma from dating” (same girl). Something tells me that she’s not jumping back out into the dating world via bikini-clad group dates and drunken confessionals. Just a guess.
Then there’s the matter of video editing. This isn’t the first time ABC has promised us a fire season only to deliver a throne of lies built off one juicy season trailer. Take Colton’s infamous fence jump, for example. Production teased that happening from day one. They made it seem as if Colton’s meltdown would happen early on and in front of multiple women, when in all actuality the fence jump heard ‘round the world occurred during one of the last episodes of the season and in front of no one but Chris Harrison and a few shocked camera men. I wouldn’t be surprised if Hannah whole “I’d do anything for love” line from the trailer wasn’t taken completely out of context for the sole purpose of leading us. Nice try, ABC, but you aren’t the first f*ckboy I’ve encountered, mmkay?
So, do I think Hannah is going to be on Pilot Pete’s season of The Bachelor? The short answer is yes, but for less time than a commercial break. I’m not saying that Pilot Pete and Hannah are over for good (I will hold onto this torch until the end of time), but if anything happens between the two of them it won’t be on our TV screens, but rather, over Instagram DMs like God intended. Only time will tell, I suppose. Either way see you betches in January for the new season!
Images: ABC (1); Youtube (1)
Apparently ABC is really committing to making next season of The Bachelor the most dramatic ever, because Peter Weber had to make a little trip to the emergency room in the middle of filming. Yesterday, during a break from filming, Peter was playing golf in Costa Rica, when there was a little accident. According to reports, he was stepping onto the golf cart when he slipped and fell, with his face smashing into two cocktail glasses he was holding.
Peter was rushed to the hospital, which was apparently a two-hour drive from the golf course, and ended up needing 22 stitches in his face. That’s like, a large number of stitches, which leads me to believe that Peter’s face is looking pretty gnarly. People actually reported that Peter needed “emergency surgery” for his injuries, but other outlets are just reporting the stitches. Do stitches count as surgery? Please debate in the comments below.
Obviously, getting injured is rough for Peter, but the other problem here is that he’s in the middle of filming a TV show that runs on a tight schedule. This whole incident went down a day before the remaining contestants on Peter’s Bachelor season were scheduled to arrive in Costa Rica, so this is essentially a big mess.
At this point, we’re unsure whether or not filming will have to be delayed due to Peter’s injury, but ABC isn’t going to be able to hide the fact that their leading man had to have his face sewn back together. Is Peter just going to look like Frankenstein’s monster for the second half of the season? That might at least make him interesting. Mike Fleiss and his henchmen must have sensed that we were all disappointed with the anticlimactic fence jump last season, so this year, they’re bringing us the cocktail-glass-face-smash. I’m excited already.
Radar Online was the first to reveal Peter’s injury, and their anonymous source said that Peter is “pulling through” after the accident. I guess this is good news, even though I was never really worried that he wouldn’t make it. The source did add that “everyone is worried about production,” which could mean that Peter’s injuries are kind of serious, or it could mean absolutely nothing. Radar Online is the same site that famously got involved in Puppy-Gate on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, so I’ve learned to take their anonymous sources with a grain of salt.
Whether Peter needs a few days off or not, hopefully the women on The Bachelor still like him even with a jacked-up face. Maybe this is ABC’s plan to see who’s really there for the right reasons? But actually, I hope Peter is okay, because it’s seriously going to mess up my TV schedule if the new season can’t premiere in January as scheduled. We’re rooting for you, Pilot Pete!