As I sit at my desk listening to “thank u, next” (it’s been stuck in my head for 16 consecutive days now, and I’m beginning to wonder if Ariana Grande has used some Josie and the Pussycats style subliminal messaging), I get a DM on Instagram. DMs on Instagram are rarely good news. Best case scenario, it’s a guy from a foreign country telling me I’m pretty. Worst case scenario, it’s someone trying to recruit me for their multi-level marketing scheme, or it’s work. The DM that brings us here today was not for an MLM, but it was for work. That’s because Pete Davidson returned to Instagram and broke his silence on his breakup with Ariana Grande.
Pete Davidson returned to Instagram, as you do, with a screenshot from his Notes app. He writes, “I’ve kept my mouth shut. Never mentioned any names, never said a word about anyone or anything. I’m trying to understand how when something happens to a guy the whole entire world just trashes him without any facts or frame of reference. Especially in today’s climate where everyone loves to be offended and upset it truly is mind boggling. I’ve been getting online bullied and in public by people for 9 months. I’ve spoken about BPD and being suicidal publicly only in the hopes that it will help bring awareness and help kids like myself who don’t want to be on this earth. I just want you guys to know. No matter how hard the internet or anyone tries to make me kill myself. I won’t. I’m upset I even have to say this. To all those holding me down and seeing this for what it is – I see you and I love you. Pete.”
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Like, wow. It’s pretty crazy, and horrifying, that people are telling Pete Davidson to kill himself, all because a relationship didn’t work out. Seems extreme, and also, incredibly cruel. I feel like those of us who actually followed his whirlwind romance with Ariana (read: everyone in the world) are of the mind that they got together, they loved each other, but then life happened, they realized it wasn’t working and parted ways amicably for the sake of their
child teacup pig.
Despite all the hype around their relationship, there was not that much drama as far as breakups go, and it seemed pretty mutual. There weren’t any cheating allegations—nothing scandalous. I mean, Ariana literally wrote a song about the whole thing where she says “and for Pete I’m so thankful” and the chorus is “I’m so f*cking grateful for my ex,” over and over again, so it seems like she views the relationship pretty favorably. What part of that would make someone angry enough to wish harm to a person who openly struggles with mental illness?? People are f*cking horrible. And honestly, it’s got to be pretty rough watching the entire world rally around your ex while you’re getting suicide threats, even when seemingly neither of you did anything wrong.
Ariana Grande even jumped in to stick up for Pete. In what’s presumably a DM with a fan, she says, “i have never encouraged anything but forgiveness. i care deeply about pete and his health and would never encourage any kind of mistreatment. i haven’t seen any of it because i’m blocked but i want you to know that i would never want or encourage that ever and you should know that. i care about him deeply.”
there’s nothing left to say…. pic.twitter.com/IY5WN1mz5K
— mona (@arianashijabi) December 3, 2018
So we’ve established that Ariana cares about Pete deeply. But in all seriousness, can we not tell people to kill themselves? Like, let’s just not. Also, if having a failed relationship is punishable by death these days, then I imagine a lot of us would not be here.
Finally—and perhaps most importantly—PETE HAS ARIANA BLOCKED? Now *that’s* some tea I’d love to know more about. In the most respectful way possible, of course. Other than that, everybody leave Pete alone, please.
Images: petedavidson / Instagram; arianashijabi / Twitter
Okay fam, it’s been like two weeks and I’m still not over Ariana Grande’s whirlwind relationship with Pete Davidson. Call me old fashioned, but I think all couples should date for at least one full menstrual cycle before getting engaged. Pete and Ariana obviously disagree, and that’s okay I guess. Sure, they’ll look dumb if they break up three months from now, but getting engaged isn’t actually as big of a deal as people make it seem. The engagement is one thing, but there’s another issue that I find far more questionable: Pete Davidson’s rapidly growing collection of Ariana Grande-related tattoos.
Pete Davidson has lots of tattoos, so honestly when he gets a new one it’s barely even noticeable. But it’s not even been two months since he and Ariana started dating (the timeline is iffy but I’ll assume they weren’t cheating with each other), and Pete has no less than four tattoos inspired by her. That’s not nothing. I’ll be completely honest, I don’t have any tattoos. I don’t have any problem with them, and I think they can be really great. But like, that shit is permanent. I learned from Khloé on KUWTK how painful tattoo removal is, so this ink is probably staying on his body forever, or at least a while. In other news, even Pete’s tattoo artist said that he told Pete to “just stop with the girlfriend tats,” so he has at least one source of good advice in his life. I’m no expert, but if your tattoo artist is the sane person in the situation, something has probably gone wrong.
Now that I’ve vented some of those feelings, let’s contextualize some of Pete’s most recent tattoos, and try to fit them into this fucked up relationship timeline.
The Cloud – May 17ish
Our tat timeline begins with a real fucking bang. Buckle up, because it appears that Ariana and Pete got matching cloud tattoos LESS THAN TEN DAYS after they allegedly started dating. I am not okay. The tiny tattoos are on their fingers, and we first saw Pete’s in this Instagram post from May 17. He didn’t announce his breakup with Cazzie David until May 16th (my mind is melting), but he was seen with Ariana for the first time on May 12th. Should I call the police? Ariana’s cloud tattoo made its debut on the Billboard Music Awards on May 20th, a mere 10 days after she announced her split with Mac Miller. What is the rush, people???
AG – June 3ish
This one is pretty straightforward. Pete is in love with Ariana, so he decided to get her initials tattooed on his thumb. Normally, it would seem absolutely wild that Pete got this tattoo less than a month after he and Cazzie David broke up, but he and Ariana had already had matching tattoos for at least two weeks at this point. Who even knows with these two? He also had a tattoo of Cazzie, which he’s now covered up with a giant pine tree. I think that was for the best, since the Cazzie tattoo looks like it was drawn by a third grader. Also, I think my personal rule is that if you need tattoos for more than one relationship in your life, you’ve done something wrong. Pete Davidson is getting tattoos like the world is going to run out of tattoo ink tomorrow.
The Playboy Bunny – June 3ish
At the same time Pete got the AG tattoo, he also got one of Ari’s signature symbols tatted behind his ear. I have less of a problem with this one, because at least it’s like, a visual thing and not just literally someone’s initials. Even though it’s 100% dedicated to Ariana, there’s like, some level of creativity involved. If/when they break up, Pete can just add a body and have a tattoo of some cool bunny-superhero on his neck. I’m basically a tattoo artist, can you tell?
H2GKMO – June 20ish
And now, we arrive at the stupidest piece of this puzzle, “H2GKMO.” If this sounds like nothing to you, it’s because Ariana literally just made it up. It stands for “honest to god, knock me out,” which is something she apparently says all the time on Twitter and it can basically mean anything. Great, I hate it. Ariana and Pete got matching H2GKMO tattoos sometime around June 2oth, after giving their relationship some time to mature (lol). This one seems like kind of an inside joke, because that’s what you do when you get engaged after three weeks of dating. Honest to god, knock me out, because I’m definitely going to be alone forever. Did I use that correctly? No? Who cares.
In the amount of time it takes me to accept that I’ve been ghosted by a guy I barely knew, Pete Davidson has gotten four different Ariana Grande tattoos. There’s also a fifth one that just says “reborn,” but it’s unclear if that’s about Ari, or just the feeling I feel after eating a really good meal. I feel like Pete Davidson loves Ariana Grande the same amount that I love Mexican food. H2GKMO, that’s all I really have to say about it.
Images: @petedavidson / Instagram (2); @jonmesatattoos / Instagram; @londonreese / Instagram; @peteandariana / Instagram