Sophisticated Fragrances That Won’t Make You Smell Like A Baby Prostitute

If you’re still trying to be a carefree twentysomething and spritzing on Love Spell from Victoria’s Secret to attract the closest male, cease and desist. With age comes responsibility, like the responsibility to not assault everyone around you with baby prostitute perfumes crafted with the finest Kool-Aid and Febreze combo. Adults need adult perfumes, which is definitely something that shouldn’t need to be said, but here we are. Aging gracefully involves dressing elegantly, not piling on the eyeshadow, and smelling like a fresh human being. That means putting down literally anything you found at Bath & Body Works, Victoria’s Secret, or anything you found in a drugstore, and picking up one of these more sophisticated perfumes instead.

Here are a few of our fav sophisticated perfumes that’ll get people’s attention in, like, a good way.

1. Light Blue by Dolce & Gabbana

Although it’s kind of marketed to younger twentysomethings, this shit doesn’t present the floral, fruity assault on your nostrils like typical perfumes marketed to this group. It has citrusy notes along with woodsy cedarwood and musk, so you’ll smell mysterious without smelling like an old hippie.

2. Atelier Cologne

If you’re into the whole outdoorsy, citrus, summer scent thing (and you should be), this shit smells like you’re standing in a Florida orange grove, minus the Florida. The citrus scent is fun without being old-people-ish, and young without smelling like you’ve been hanging out in Limited Too.

Atelier Cologne

3. Yves Saint Laurent Black Opium

Want to pretend you’re interesting and dangerous? Slather yourself in Black Opium. The name sounds like a scent Brian Fantana would douse himself in, but it’s actually a solid feminine fragrance. Black Opium smells warm with notes of coffee, vanilla, and the woods, which sounds weird but totally works. You still probably won’t be interesting, but at least you’ll smell awesome.

4. Coco Mademoiselle Chanel

Youngish, powdery, and great for every day, this is the basic bitch of perfumes. However, it’s a classic and it’s fun, so we’ll allow it on the list. Just don’t go overboard.

5. Nest Fragrances Wisteria Blue

If you’ve ever walked through Charleston in spring, this is literally that smell in a bottle (unless you were, like, down by the river, which Jesus, no). Wisteria, jasmine, and roses come together for a floral but mature scent that goes the route of classy instead of Vicky’s Secret trashy.

6. La Vie Est Belle Lancome

Yes, the Julia Roberts commercials are v weird and kind of off-putting, but this scent combining iris and patchouli is an all-around winner. You can wear a light spritz during the day for a feminine floral-yet-earthy scent, or go all out and douse yourself in it at night. You do you.

Images: Vesa-Pekka Latvala, Unsplash; Giphy (4)

Alcohol-Infused Beauty Products You’ll Want To Try ASAP

If we know how to do one thing, it’s happy hour. We also know a thing or two about prepping to go from the office to happy hour, and lucky for you betches we’ve rounded up the best alcohol-infused beauty products to get you ready for your next one. The best part? The use of these products won’t cause you an agonizing hangover the next morning, and are in fact perfect even when your plans don’t involve alcohol (so, almost never).

1. OUAI Rosé Hair & Body Oil

The Kardashian’s OG hair stylist Jen Atkin created this moisturizing rosé-inspired oil that you can use daily, all over. It definitely gives new meaning to “rosé all day”. The oil smells like rosé and bergamot (aka absolute heaven), and absorbs super fast so it illuminates both your hair and skin without making either too greasy or shiny.

2. Bröö Craft Beer Moisturizing Shampoo

If throwing back cheap beers with your coworkers is your idea of a good happy hour, then reach for Bröö’s Craft Beer Moisturizing Shampoo. It’s actually infused with freshly hopped craft beer. As crazy as it sounds, the malted barley in beer is actually full of vitamin V, proteins, and minerals to make your hair shiny and strong. Looks like the frat bros in college were on to something with all of those beer showers at football tailgates.

3. Yes To Shower Cocktail Revitalizing Body Wash

If you’re a liquor gal who prefers a shower cocktail over a shower beer, Yes to’s body wash cocktail actually detoxifies your skin without intoxicating the rest of you. The boozy body wash is packed with lemon, ginger, and epsom salt to cleanse your skin and leave you smelling super sweet.

4. Melon Daiquiri 3-in-1 Shampoo, Shower Gel, & Bubble Bath

For the days where you wish you were drunk on a beach somewhere (which, let’s be real, is probs everyday) then there’s Philosophy’s Melon Daiquiri 3-in-1 Shampoo, Shower Gel and Bubble Bath. At least you can smell like a frozen daiquiri (minus the alcohol), even if you can’t be drinking one on the beach. The shower gel has hints of melon, watermelon, and lime juice to make your skin and hair feel soft and smell fruity, in the best way possible.

5. TonyMoly I’m Real Red Wine Sheet Mask

We’ve all heard about the health benefits of drinking red wine: it’s an antioxidant, it promotes healthy cholesterol levels, it prevents coronary heart disease, etc. Thanks to TonyMoly’s red wine sheet mask, we’ve learned that red wine is good for your skin, too. The sheet mask uses red wine extract to purify and tighten your skin, and reduce the appearance of your pores in about 20 minutes. Who would’ve thought that during all those years spent slapping/chugging bags of Franzia and ending up with horrendous hangovers, you could’ve been using that wine to take care of your pores?

6. Demeter Gin and Tonic Fragrance

Now you can smell like your fav summer cocktail, which, if that sounds like it’d be horrible then just think of it as like a hair of the dog situation. But we swear, this perfume actually does smell good—it’s like a crisp, fresh scent with a citrusy twist. Just spritz it on when you’re super fucking hungover before you head to brunch, and you’ll feel better faster than you can say “Can I get a bloody, please?”

7. Buxom Full-On Lip Cream in Blushing Margarita

When you’re ready to go from office professional to thirsty Thursday thot, swipe on Buxom’s Full-On Lip Cream in Blushing Margarita. That hot guy across the bar will 100% fall drunk in love with your pout. What’s more, the full coverage liquid lipstick will stay on even if you get drunk enough to end the night with an intense PDA-filled makeout sesh.

4 New Fall Fragrances You Need To Try

As per my usual morning routine, at roughly 8:54am today I finally got out of my apartment while picking up my Uber’s third “where the fuck are you” call. But unlike my usual totally chill 9:15 Starbucks-in-hand appearance, today got a little more in the “maybe I should buy my boss a present so she doesn’t fire me” range. Why? Halfway to my apartment lobby, I realized I forgot to put on perfume—so I turned around, ran up five flights of stairs (one week of cardio, woo), and fixed that shit. For those of you who would dare question my priorities, I can guarantee you just haven’t found a perfume as good as mine yet. Trust me, once you start hearing “whoa, you smell really good” 3-4 times a day, you won’t leave the house without it either. If you haven’t found your perfect fit yet (and no, I’ll never tell you mine), here are the hottest new fall fragrances you can try out.

The Classic: Gucci Bloom Eau de Parfum

Unlike Like people, you usually shouldn’t judge a perfume by how it looks—but in this case, the packaging is pretty on-brand for what to expect. Basically, if you got into the millennial pink trend this past summer and executed it half as well as whoever designed this perfume bottle, you’ll probably like the way this smells. Like you, this light and floral perfume is classy, sweet, but not overbearing (looking at you, Vera Wang Princess), and has just enough edge to show you’re not boring. (Read: it contains a little jasmine, the quintessential “I am worldly and interesting” note of every fragrance ever.)

Gucci Bloom Eau De Parfum

The Bold: Hermès Twilly d’Hermès Eau de Parfum

A few warnings about this one: 1) several sources have described it as “spicy,” which is typically not great, and 2) it’s specifically and emphatically designed for “free, bold, and irreverent” young women. So this ginger-heavy floral is probably what you’d smell on a college freshman who’s really into traveling “for the culture,” and pisses you off by pulling off the best orange-red lip you’ve ever seen. If you’re not afraid to smell kind of like a teabag be a little different and you’re confident in your style, this one might be for you.

Twilly D'Hermès Eau de Parfum

The Woody: Diptyque Vetyverio Eau de Parfum

While casually browsing an article about what smells men find attractive doing serious journalism research, I discovered that men tend to be attracted to scents that could be worn by either gender or are woodsy. Beyond furthering my theory that men just secretly hate all women don’t like anything that could be described as “feminine,” this article also confirms that men will probably dig Diptyque’s new scent. (This is not about needing men’s approval, it’s about liking men’s attention. Calm down.) It’s fruity and floral enough to not just smell like aftershave, but the woody/earthy tones are actually really clean, yummy, and not what you typically imagine when people make the unfortunate choice of using the word “musk” to describe their fragrance. This is a great scent for making people think you’re “down-to-earth” and “up for a hike” while maintaining a 10-step skincare routine and spending hundreds on Diptyque candles.

Diptyque Vetyverio Eau de Parfum

The Custom: After Hours Eau de Parfum

If you’re just looking for a perfume that will show people you’re better than them (which you should be), look no further: Azzi Glasser, creator of bespoke fragrances for Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham-Carter (which I guess is a fancy way of saying she threw spiderwebs, whiskey, and broken dreams into a fancy bottle) has a series of fragrances that you can match to your “Character and Style.” Ranging from “Provocative/Confident/Fun” to “Feminine/Loyal/Soulful,” there’s a very expensive perfume to match just about any Bumble bio you can come up with. The newest scent, “After Hours,” is described as “Glamorous/Magnetic/Sensual,” is exclusively available at Harrod’s, and contains Serena Van der Woodsen’s signature patchouli. If you pride yourself on catching trends early and being meticulously put-together, this fragrance is the perfect top-off for your look.

After Hours Eau de Parfum

Read: The 6 Lipstick Shades For Fall You Need To Add To Your Makeup Bag