Lindsay Lohan Is Having Her Best Week In Years

I never realistically thought I’d be saying this in 2018, but things are really going well for Lindsay Lohan right now. Lindsay has had something of a renaissance this year, suddenly becoming relevant after years of mostly being a joke. She’s reinvented herself as some kind of European/Middle Eastern businesswoman over the past couple years, which is obviously better than being passed out in the back of cabs. This summer, her club in Mykonos really took off, and now we have a reality show because of it.

Really, I’m so thankful for this moment. Yesterday, we were blessed with the first trailer for Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club, which premieres January 8th on MTV. Now, I definitely think they could’ve come up with a slightly more creative name for the show, but at least it’s descriptive. In the trailer, we don’t see a lot of what’s actually going to happen on the show, but instead we get a nice voiceover of Lindsay talking about how people always gave her sh*t for going to clubs, so she opened her own. Same, girl! At the end of the trailer, Lindsay asks if we missed her, and if your answer is anything other than a hard yes, please see yourself out.

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The wait is over!!! I’m so excited for you all to see my new show #LindsayLohansBeachClub! Watch the series premiere Tuesday, January 8th at 8/7c on @mtv and follow @MTVBeachClub for more updates! ????

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The big question in the show will be who the other randos in the cast are, which could make or break the whole thing. The show will feature a “handpicked team of young and ambitious VIP hosts who will have to do whatever it takes to secure Lohan’s name as the definition of vacation luxury,” so I just really hope these psychos will bring the drama as much as the Vanderpump Rules cast.

Also on Monday, PAPER magazine dropped the digital cover of their “Break The Internet” issue, also featuring Lindsay Lohan. As you’ll recall, Amanda Bynes was given the main cover for the issue, which is fine. The photoshoot of Lindsay Lohan, however, is f*cking everything I’ve ever wanted in this life. Someone at PAPER had the glorious idea of featuring Lindsay as various Disney princesses, and it’s both hilarious and fierce at the same time. My whole life as a celebrity-obsessed gay man has been preparing me for these photos.

Please scroll through these photos, because each one is better than the last:

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????Thank you @papermagazine for such a fun shoot!! Thanks you @jeff_bark @clairexvalentine @lanajlackey @makeupmark @panosphair @schoolfloat @dwndwntwn ????????

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Hear that sound? That’s the sound of my soul leaving my body upon seeing Lindsay Lohan as bedazzled escort Cinderella. I’m obsessed. Lindsay might not have been included in the “thank u, next” music video (and she seemed a little thirsty about it), but this is definitely the next best thing.

Luckily, we only have to wait one more month for Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club to premiere, and I can’t wait to see how much of a sh*tshow it’ll be. Get ready, because Lindsay Lohan is back and just as delusional as ever.

Images: @lindsaylohan / Instagram (2)

Amanda Bynes Is Back

It’s been almost a decade since Amanda Bynes last appeared in a movie or TV show, but I’m still completely fascinated by her. Thankfully, after years away from the spotlight, Amanda Bynes has finally resurfaced, and she has lots to say. In a brand new interview for PAPER‘s Break The Internet issue (#tbt to Kim’s ass pic heard ’round the world), Amanda goes into details about what went so wrong for her, starting way back in 2006. In the accompanying photos, she looks seriously great, and I’m kind of salty that she spent years doing drugs and still hasn’t aged a day. Amanda is 32 now, but she could still play a college student, and of that, I am jealous.

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#BreaktheInternet: Amanda Bynes. Having spent years out of the spotlight, Bynes steps back in and opens up about her tumultuous — and remarkable — journey. #linkinbio Story by @abbyschreiber28 Photos by @daniellelevitt Art Direction by @dwndwntwn Styling by @neverhavetotweet Hair by @samiknighthair Makeup by @edwardcruzmakeup Set Design by @_coopervasquez_ Fashion Direction: @miaasolkin

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So yeah, Amanda looks great and sounds happy and good for her, but let’s dive in to some of the more interesting details of her interview. First of all, I was shocked to learn that She’s The Man, which is one of Amanda’s best movies, was where it all started going downhill for her. She says that after she saw the movie, she “went into a deep depression for 4-6 months because she didn’t like how she looked when she was a boy.”

After that, she obsessed over her appearance and started taking Adderall to lose weight, which is never the right reason to take Adderall. (The right reason to take Adderall is because you have ADD and you need it and it’s prescribed by a doctor, blah, blah, blah, don’t do drugs.) In 2010, she dropped out of the movie Hall Pass because she thought her arm “looked so fat” on camera. After that, the only movie she did was Easy A, which is such a good movie, according to everyone except Amanda Bynes. She hated her performance and the way she looked in the movie, and after seeing it while she was high, she decided she needed to stop acting. In a move straight out of every publicist’s nightmares, she announced her retirement abruptly on Twitter, and she hasn’t acted since.

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Amanda, please! #breaktheinternet

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After that, it sounds like she basically spent her days getting blazed out of her mind and tweeting anything that popped into her head, which is an absolute recipe for disaster (and also my typical Saturday night). This quote says it all: “Everything I worked my whole life to achieve, I kind of ruined it all through Twitter.” She doesn’t specifically mention asking Drake to murder her vagina, but she does apologize to everyone she hurt.

Amanda says her erratic behavior was always the result of drug use (mostly weed and Adderall, with a little coke), and not mental health issues. The one thing that’s really missing from the interview is any mention of her multiple arrests or trips to rehab. I’m glad things are going well for her, but we’re really not going to bring up the DUI, or the bong that she threw out the window, or that infamous blonde wig? I have not forgotten about these events, and I still want answers.

But really, it’s amazing that Amanda has been sober for almost four years, and I wish her continued success in her recovery and in the fashion career that she says she’s working on. We probably won’t be getting a What A Girl Wants sequel anytime soon, but I can live with that for now.

Images: Shutterstock; @papermagazine / Instagram (2))