I woke up thinking today was an ordinary Monday where I’d wake up a few minutes too late,
hate everyone around me go to work, and start immediately thinking about when I’d consume alcohol next. You know, a typical Monday. When suddenly during my morning commute, the sun broke through the clouds, rays gleaming on me, and I heard the voice of angels as I found what would actually make this the best Monday ever—no, not a fucking solar eclipse, a major sale. But not just any sale, a Too Faced “Just Because” Sale. Aren’t they just life-saving gems?! However, today is the last day, so basically maxing out your credit card treating yourself to more makeup is meant to be. The makeup brand has some of our faves for up to 65 percent off so like, honestly, the most expensive thing is a $25 palette. Aren’t you sooo glad I told you this? I knew it’d be the best start of a week ever. To get your cart started, here’s what you should buy like, right now.
Two things I love more than anything else in life: makeup and food. So when you combine the two for a limited edition palette that’s 50 percent off, you have my heart. This palette consists of nine drool-worthy creamy shades of matte and shimmery warm neutral shadows. To make it even better, it’s infused with scents of cocoa, peanut butter, and honey so you can def work up an appetite for your lunch break. Mix and match the shades for a look that’s ready for this upcoming fall.
These creamy butter balms are made with black currant seed oil and white lotus flower extract that condition and hydrate your lips to leave them looking ultra plump, without going full Kylie. The sweet-smelling balms come in clear and an array of subtle irresistible pinks.
This palette features 15 silky lightweight eye shadow shades in matte, pearl, and shimmer finishes. Their blendability is insanely good so you’ll no have problem experimenting with greens, yellows, and pinks for a look that’s out of your comfort zone of nudes. Don’t worry though, there are clearly enough neutral and dark options for a smokey eye to wear to the club. Plus, the palette comes with a full-size black eye liner so you can create a look that says “don’t fuck with me or I’ll fucking cut you.” Too much?
Get you an eyeliner that can do both: wing and excel the mastery of a smokey eye without looking like you punched yourself in the face. This is the kind of stuff the world needs more of. Choose a color or obvs just get them all. Within seconds of application, the liner will stay water-, smudge-, and crease-proof for literally 24 hours. That means it will stay put in a sweaty bar and it will even last through a good drunk cry with your girls in the bathroom.
If there was a runner up to Better Than Sex, it would def be
pizza this mascara. The one-of-a-kind bristles lengthen each and every lash for ultimate definition with zero clumps. The creamy formula allows you to glide it on with ease for allllll those coats you layer on. This is like, the falsies look you’ve always wanted but without the fake eyelashes it looks like you glued on for a Halloween costume.
There’s literally nothing I love more than sales and coupons because
I’m a broke bitch I like to say I’m financially savvy. So when I hear Sephora just changed the game, and my life as I know it, with an insane never-been-done-before sale, you best believe I’m first in line for that shit. Before I go into the juicy details and break this down for you, take this as my fair warning: You will go broke and die.
Just last week, Sephora announced their brand-new weekly sale on their Instagram account called the “Weekly Wow Sale.” How original, I know. Every Thursday, the praised beauty brand will (hopefully) announce new freebies you can get your hands on and which bestselling products and worshipped brands are on sale for up to 50 percent off. No, I didn’t stutter, nor did I make a typo. 50. Percent. Off. I choked, too. I know what you’re thinking, there’s no fucking way all this makeup is going to fit on your already-cluttered vanity. Make it work, damn it.
But, WAIT, there’s a slight catch (as fucking usual). These deals are only good for 7 anxiety-ridden days until a new sale is announced, or until supplies last. Sooo start setting multiple alarms on your iPhone now, because this shit will def sell out ASAP. With last week being their first of the sale, the theme was palettes. If this is anything like a preview for future Weekly Wow’s to come, we’re in for a fucking ride. I’m talking huuuge brands including Anastasia, Tarte, and Stila that had select palettes for like, $20-$25. I’d tell you to buy them like, yesterday but, guess what. They’re all sold out already.
If you couldn’t get your hands on any this week, it’s fine. You still have time for other ridiculous deals because the Weekly Wow Sale will be happening every Thursday until November 1. Woosah, betches. As if we needed another reason to love Thursdays—Thirsty Thursdays, happy hour, and now this. Def the new Saturday, am I right? Be sure to have your AmEx ready and check Sephora’s Insta and beauty offers page every Thursday to see which fave products are on sale. They stole our heart, they have all of our paycheck, and now this?! Ugh, Sephora just take our soul while you’re at it.