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July is a f*cking exciting month. Not only do we have America’s Independence Day AKA a day where every Insta thot somehow gets a free pass to post in an American flag bikini. You know, in honor of our country’s independence. It’s beautiful, really. But anyways, for all my fellow Stranger Things fans out there we FINALLY get the long awaited season 3, which is fantastic news for my Sunday scaries. Like, it’s hard to be caught up in my anxiety from my black out the night before when I’m watching people run for their lives from Demogorgons. Like okay, guess drunk calling my ex 37 times really wasn’t that bad, right? Right, RIGHT????? I’m fine, everything’s fine.
I love this classic rom-com, and am so pumped it’s coming to my go-to streaming service this month. I mean, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn, that’s a hilarious duo I could watch on repeat. It’s not super cheesy and not too deep, so it’s a great light watch this summer. Just like that f*ckboy told you, it’s summer, no need to get too serious.
The original classic (and hands-down best of the series) finally comes to Netflix this July. It’s probably one of the most quotable, universally-loved movies of all time, so it’s an easy go-to crowd favorite. Especially if you have any Vegas trips coming up this summer, it’s perfect to watch to get amped up for your own drunk escapades.
People are obsessed with this movie, and with good reason. It perfectly captures New York City life in the ‘70s (or at least how I’d imagine it), directed by Martin Scorsese and with star performances by Robert de Niro and Jodie Foster. Oh, and not to be basic but like, “You talkin’ to me???” Sorry, had to.
I know all the men in my life are PUMPED for the original and its sequel to come to Netflix this July. Like, I don’t think there’s a movie I’ve seen my dad watch repeatedly the way he does with this one. Tbh, I personally have never actually seen the full thing, but I’ve seen enough clips here and there to get the vibe. And heck, maybe I’ll actually sit down and watch the full thing now that it will be easily available on Netflix this summer!
This is another one that I know the men in my life are going to be excited about. Again, not necessarily going to be up next in my personal Netflix queue, but good to know it’s coming in July so I can flip it on for my boyfriend when he’s being whiny and hungover. Good looks Netflix, hopefully he falls asleep watching it so I can ditch him to go meet up with the rest of my friends out day drinking.
‘Stranger Things’: Season 3
I’ve never been one for sci-fi, which should come as no surprise given my favorite shows are Vanderpump Rules and The Bachelor. But I am HOOKED on Stranger Things and am so excited about its return. It’s also a nice reprieve for my boyfriend since it’s something we both enjoy, and he’s not stuck watching Bravo 24/7. Although, he won’t admit it to you, but he secretly is a Bravo stan. Just don’t tell him I told you all that.
‘Queer Eye’: Season 4
Everyone’s fave group of guys is back for season four. They’re back just in time to not only make the lives of many struggling people out there better, but also our lives as well, with an all new season. I can’t wait to get a whole new batch of life advice from Karamo and beauty tutorials from Johnathan. My therapist knows I need all the life guidance I can get, so she’ll be glad it’s back too.
‘Orange Is The New Black’: Season 7
I actually forgot about this show, and am currently probs behind already by like two seasons. However, I’m still thrilled we’re getting a season seven because I’m always searching for more shows to binge, and it’s comforting to know that I’ll actually have three seasons worth to plow through before I’m forced back on the search.
My parents are obsessed with this show, but don’t let their old people tastes deter you! It’s a fantastic show, and actually moved from ABC to Netflix after its second season, but is still going strong. It’s definitely worth getting into, plus since it’s like, at least a political drama, it feels like less mind-numbing TV than my usually preferred drama reality shows.
‘Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee’
The original web series directed and hosted by Jerry Seinfeld comes to Netflix for another season this month. The show has a simple and kinda odd format, but trust me, it works. It’s basically just Jerry Seinfeld and another comedian shooting the sh*t in different cars, in an authentic and effortless way. It’s a good time.
So there you have it, five shows and five movies to get your binging started this month. Of course, please leave your couch or bed at some point to go catch some summer rays. But then again like, you don’t want wrinkles so like…maybe just stick with that as your excuse. No one can argue with you on that!
Images: @jeshoots / Unsplash; GIPHY (4)
It’s been an eternity since the last season of Orange Is the New Black aired. Well, less than a year but it feels like an eternity, probably because the world has entirely gone to shit in the meantime. Summer is finally around the corner, though, and if you’re a living, breathing human, you know what that means: It’s time to prepare for the newest season of OITNB. I’ve always thought rosé pairs well with watching the Litchfield inmates fuck each other over in increasingly creative ways, but maybe you’re more of a Crazy Eyes & Margaritas gal. No judgement. The important thing is that you’re drunk.
For those who were traumatized by the season 4 finale, here’s where it left off:
Fake Martha Stewart Judy King finally got the fuck out of prison, Alex and Piper are trying to burn the incriminating notes Hot Donna stupidly left all over the prison, and Taystee has just started a riot over the prison’s treatment of Poussey’s death (RIP). The season infuriatingly cut off right as Daya aims a gun at the Creepy Prison Guard #45’s head. And now I have anxiety. Great.
With all that in mind, Netflix released the new season TODAY, so while you’re waiting to get home from work you can quell your OITNB urges with Piper Chapman’s best quotes.
1. “Bitches gots to learn.”
2. “I have been starve out, felt up, teased, stalked, threatened, and called Taylor Swift. And now: you.”
3. “How am I supposed to prison fight an old Russian lady with back problems?”
4. “I’m like American Apparel, with less implied statutory rape.”
5. “You heart me? What is that? Is that like “I love you” for pussies?”
6. “When you say that everybody hates me, you’re being a little hyperbolic, right?”
7. “Don’t make me rip your throat out with my teeth.”
8. “We are not friends. I am not your safety blanket. I am not your new Meadow. And I definitely don’t need your advice.”
9. “I’m gonna do to you what the spring does with cherry trees but in a prison way.”
10. “By all means, attribute my legitimate feelings of sadness to my menses.”
11. “Do not defend your boner to me right now.”
12. “Promise me you’re not watching Mad Men without me.”
13. “I think I’ve moved beyond stress to something more deeply disturbing.”
14. “If this is a real riot, do you think it’s a step forwards or backwards for equality?”
Never change, Piper.