The grass is always greener on the other side, and this can feel particularly true when it comes to body shape, and even more so when it’s time to shop for bathing suits. As a girl with DD boobs (I hate even saying that out loud, but that’s a deeper issue/for another article), bathing suit shopping is forever a gamble. I envy my friends who can have fun shopping online for bikinis made out of, like, one single string attached to one small piece of fabric without a damn care in the world. Meanwhile, I have to spend hours in a myriad of dressing rooms trying on multiple different styles of bikini tops and then taking pictures of my boobs at all angles to make sure they look perky and fabulous, and not saggy and unwieldy. Well, the taking pictures part might not be totally necessary but whatever. It’s a PROCESS, and in my humble opinion, a sport.
That is why I am so happy to have found the following swimwear brands that are keeping me, you, and our huge tits in mind when designing their suits. Just because we’re in quarantine doesn’t mean we can’t tan—so move over, joggers! I’m ready to irresponsibly spend my money on supportive bikinis made for boobs like mine.
Raq Apparel makes “swimwear that actually supports fuller busted women,” according to their website. They offer two style options for tops: the “multi-way” which looks like your standard triangle bikini top, just more supportive; as well as the “underwire crop” which is fuller coverage and looks more like a sports bra but not as ugly. I like that they only offer two bikini top options because I feel less overwhelmed that way, and it means they must have mastered these two styles specifically for those with racks like mine.
This brand offers plus-size bikinis, so they know how to dress a betch with curves. They have plenty of different style options, with my personal favorites being the Naomi top, the St. Valentine top, and the Marseilles one piece. They also have super cute cover-ups if, like me, you’re anxious to find the perfect thing to wear when traveling from the kitchen to your backyard—#suburbanquarantinelyfe amirite?!
Of course, we all love Aerie and their body inclusivity campaigns, but I am here to say that not only do they talk the talk, but they also walk the walk. They sell strapless bikinis that are still able to make my boobs look perky. I repeat, strapless bikinis that make my DD boobs look perky! My fellow full-chested women know that this is as rare of a find as a blonde on IG not complaining about her roots growing in during quarantine. The price at Aerie is also *chef’s kiss.*
I’m kind of obsessed with all of Shady Lady’s bathing suits. They offer cool patterns and the styles are also super trendy. The Kenya receives the most positive feedback from full-chested girls because of its padding and double lined fabric. Plus, the suit comes in snake, leopard, and cheetah print. Also, I must note how cute their cover-ups are and that they can all totally be worn day-to-day, too! Well maybe not the mesh/see-through ones. You aren’t Em Rata.
Lilly and Lime
Lilly & Lime’s “big breast swimwear and bikinis are for women with a larger bust.” Need I say more? They lay their different bikini-style options out here, and their different one-piece style options out here. This way, you can really get a feel for which bathing suit might be best for you. The styles overall aren’t anything crazy trendy, so shop at Lilly & Lime if you’re looking for that simple, go-to bathing suit that won’t scare your middle-aged neighbors away when you’re outside making TikToks.
Not all of Red Carter’s bathing suits are DD-friendly (lol you think I can afford to lose one strap??), but some of them are. The Rachael top really sucks those babies in, and the Bridgette top offers full-enough coverage so that you don’t feel inappropriate/like you’re doing something wrong by wearing something literally every other person on the planet wears, but that still shows enough so you don’t feel like a maiden woman.
Monday Swimwear is all about offering the perfect fit for every body type. And, all of the models on their website have big boobs, which I appreciate. Even better is that their fabrics are made from recycled nylon and PET bottles. So, not only will your boobs be supported, but the Earth will be, too. I can’t tell if that was an amazing or awful joke. Moving on.
Bleu Rod Beattie
This brand has a special “D cup” shopping section under “tops” because they understand how special we are. The styles are pretty simple, yet still chic, and, of course, supportive. I feel like I could definitely take a run on the beach or, if it’s a crazy day, play volleyball in the shirred bandeau top without having a nip slip, though I am not that kind of girl and therefore will never really know.
Swimsuits For All
This brand doesn’t even offer swimsuits in sizes below a 4, which is pretty great as I need way bigger than a size 4 for these boobs. They have so many different styles, and I can trust that every single option will work for my body type. They also offer tankinis and swim dresses if you’re going to, like, a Zoom family reunion slash pool party and want to be modest? Or actually, maybe just don’t buy a tankini or swim dress.
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Images: Joseph Kellner / Unsplash; Raq Apparel; Alpine Butterfly; Aerie; Shady Lady; Lilly and Lime; Red Carter; Monday Swimwear; Bleu Rod Beattie; Swimsuits for All
Ever since some nerd made it illegal to swim naked because he couldn’t get a tan, people have been forced to suit up before hitting the beach. So until some brave soul takes it to the Supreme Court and fights the good fight, we’re stuck with swimsuits. Fortunately, visionaries have been locked in a lab for decades researching the best ways to show some skin without breaking the law. Unfortunately, some of these creations are so hideous that they should be locked in a sunless basement along with their swag-less creators. But some of them are God’s gift to mankind. So I’m here to tell you what guys think about bathing suits. If you disagree, it just proves that men don’t know anything about fashion.
The Stomach Cut-Out
Let’s all stop and take a moment appreciate how impressively awful this is. It looks like someone got blackout drunk and tried to make a one-piece out of their grandma’s favorite couch but ran out of material. As if the awkward stomach cut-out wasn’t bad enough, it also ties in the front. WHY? The only thing the front tie does is make it look like you have shoelaces hanging between your boobs. Unforgivable. But worst of all, this disaster is guaranteed to leave you with the least sexy tan lines of all time. Nobody wants to walk around naked looking like a modern art mess. Miss me with this.
Victoria’s Secret keyhole front-tie one piece
First of all, you can’t go wrong with the classic bikini bottom. It’s the mimosa of bathing suits: if you don’t like it, you’re an asshole and should kindly leave brunch. The top is also good, especially if you go with a brighter color, because it fulfills every guy’s childhood fantasy of having a shot with The Little Mermaid. Just me, then?
Victoria’s Secret ruched front bandeau
The top is great. We don’t need to talk about the top. The bottom, though? Let’s talk about the bottom. The bottom looks like it tried to reach the top, got half way and said “fuck it, it’s nap time.” Yeah, I know high-waisted bottoms have been a trend for a while, and I’ve been sitting on that joke for years. It’s not so much the high waist in particular, it’s the fact that the bottoms are just high waisted enough to cover half the belly button—why? A belly button is like a bank heist, you gotta be all in or all out.
Victoria’s Secret embroidered strappy high-waist bikini
This Kind That Looks Like A Bra
Every guy likes seeing a girl in a bra. It’s the second best thing besides seeing a girl out of a bra, and this style plays it up perfectly. It’s classy, it’s fun, and by blurring the line between bra and bathing suit, it makes the guy think he’s seeing more than he actually is. Which is always a win, because who wants to do more than you have to?
Victoria’s Secret strappy side scoop push-up
A timeless classic. Sexy. Simple. Stylish. And unlike the latest iPhone, it’s not desperately trying to add features no one asked for or gives a damn about. No frills, hoops, bangles, dangles, or zippers in sight. Save that shit for a handbag. Every strap has a place and a purpose. 10/10. The best use of shapes I’ve seen since kindergarten.
J. Crew string bikini top
The Funny/Ironic One-Piece
Ah, the ironic one-piece. It’s cute if you’re wearing it for a reason, like a sorority formal, a bachelorette party, or a court-mandated hearing, but if you’re casually wearing this at a rooftop pool, it screams “Please follow me on IG before I wash down another Xanax with Smirnoff!” Would Baywatch still be iconic if Pamela Anderson jogged down the beach with “PERF” stamped on her chest? Maybe… I’m honestly surprised they didn’t do that in the remake, but hey, there’s always hope for the sequel. Point is, if you’re gonna rock a one-piece, stick with a solid color or a print, otherwise you’re just wearing the female equivalent of a “sun’s out, guns out” bro tank. Jaeger bombs, anyone?
Private Party Champagne Campaign swimsuit
Images: Victoria’s Secret (4); J. Crew; Private Party