The grass is always greener on the other side, and this can feel particularly true when it comes to body shape, and even more so when it’s time to shop for bathing suits. As a girl with DD boobs (I hate even saying that out loud, but that’s a deeper issue/for another article), bathing suit shopping is forever a gamble. I envy my friends who can have fun shopping online for bikinis made out of, like, one single string attached to one small piece of fabric without a damn care in the world. Meanwhile, I have to spend hours in a myriad of dressing rooms trying on multiple different styles of bikini tops and then taking pictures of my boobs at all angles to make sure they look perky and fabulous, and not saggy and unwieldy. Well, the taking pictures part might not be totally necessary but whatever. It’s a PROCESS, and in my humble opinion, a sport.
That is why I am so happy to have found the following swimwear brands that are keeping me, you, and our huge tits in mind when designing their suits. Just because we’re in quarantine doesn’t mean we can’t tan—so move over, joggers! I’m ready to irresponsibly spend my money on supportive bikinis made for boobs like mine.
Raq Apparel makes “swimwear that actually supports fuller busted women,” according to their website. They offer two style options for tops: the “multi-way” which looks like your standard triangle bikini top, just more supportive; as well as the “underwire crop” which is fuller coverage and looks more like a sports bra but not as ugly. I like that they only offer two bikini top options because I feel less overwhelmed that way, and it means they must have mastered these two styles specifically for those with racks like mine.
This brand offers plus-size bikinis, so they know how to dress a betch with curves. They have plenty of different style options, with my personal favorites being the Naomi top, the St. Valentine top, and the Marseilles one piece. They also have super cute cover-ups if, like me, you’re anxious to find the perfect thing to wear when traveling from the kitchen to your backyard—#suburbanquarantinelyfe amirite?!
Of course, we all love Aerie and their body inclusivity campaigns, but I am here to say that not only do they talk the talk, but they also walk the walk. They sell strapless bikinis that are still able to make my boobs look perky. I repeat, strapless bikinis that make my DD boobs look perky! My fellow full-chested women know that this is as rare of a find as a blonde on IG not complaining about her roots growing in during quarantine. The price at Aerie is also *chef’s kiss.*
I’m kind of obsessed with all of Shady Lady’s bathing suits. They offer cool patterns and the styles are also super trendy. The Kenya receives the most positive feedback from full-chested girls because of its padding and double lined fabric. Plus, the suit comes in snake, leopard, and cheetah print. Also, I must note how cute their cover-ups are and that they can all totally be worn day-to-day, too! Well maybe not the mesh/see-through ones. You aren’t Em Rata.
Lilly and Lime
Lilly & Lime’s “big breast swimwear and bikinis are for women with a larger bust.” Need I say more? They lay their different bikini-style options out here, and their different one-piece style options out here. This way, you can really get a feel for which bathing suit might be best for you. The styles overall aren’t anything crazy trendy, so shop at Lilly & Lime if you’re looking for that simple, go-to bathing suit that won’t scare your middle-aged neighbors away when you’re outside making TikToks.
Not all of Red Carter’s bathing suits are DD-friendly (lol you think I can afford to lose one strap??), but some of them are. The Rachael top really sucks those babies in, and the Bridgette top offers full-enough coverage so that you don’t feel inappropriate/like you’re doing something wrong by wearing something literally every other person on the planet wears, but that still shows enough so you don’t feel like a maiden woman.
Monday Swimwear is all about offering the perfect fit for every body type. And, all of the models on their website have big boobs, which I appreciate. Even better is that their fabrics are made from recycled nylon and PET bottles. So, not only will your boobs be supported, but the Earth will be, too. I can’t tell if that was an amazing or awful joke. Moving on.
Bleu Rod Beattie
This brand has a special “D cup” shopping section under “tops” because they understand how special we are. The styles are pretty simple, yet still chic, and, of course, supportive. I feel like I could definitely take a run on the beach or, if it’s a crazy day, play volleyball in the shirred bandeau top without having a nip slip, though I am not that kind of girl and therefore will never really know.
Swimsuits For All
This brand doesn’t even offer swimsuits in sizes below a 4, which is pretty great as I need way bigger than a size 4 for these boobs. They have so many different styles, and I can trust that every single option will work for my body type. They also offer tankinis and swim dresses if you’re going to, like, a Zoom family reunion slash pool party and want to be modest? Or actually, maybe just don’t buy a tankini or swim dress.
Betches may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link and purchase a product or service. The links are independently placed and do not influence editorial content.
Images: Joseph Kellner / Unsplash; Raq Apparel; Alpine Butterfly; Aerie; Shady Lady; Lilly and Lime; Red Carter; Monday Swimwear; Bleu Rod Beattie; Swimsuits for All
Hi everyone! I’m a straight guy who’s probably a lot like the guy you’re texting/hooking up with. The Betches have asked me to break down things openly and honestly so you don’t have to have that guy lie to your face. I’ve broken down The Bachelorette contestants. And dating apps so grab that phone, go take a poop (don’t worry, I won’t tell) and enjoy The Betches’ next question of the male mind…
What do guys think of one piece bathing suits? We feel like there are a lot of varieties to choose from/elaborate on (especially the basic Sunny Co Clothing one). Thoughts?
We love the one piece because it’s a TBT for our penis. You look like a 1920s pinup. It’s like getting in a time machine and being able to talk to a girl after we get home from defeating the Japanese. And during times like these, where there’s less opportunities to feel “manly,” the chance to maybe have sex with a Marilyn Monroe lookalike while draped in the American flag doesn’t sound half bad.
But it honestly goes a little deeper than that. The two piece was great for its time. Before the internet seeing a girl in a two piece was a big deal. You could get the idea of her naked without having to ask her dad for her hand in marriage. Hell, we used to have something called “The Spank Bank” where we would store all of our memories of girls in two piece bathing suits and then we’d go masturbate with our eyes closed. Today, it’s a different ball game. There’s naked women all over the internet. There’s Instagram models in every size, shape, and color. So seeing you almost naked and then imagining it later isn’t really necessary. The one piece actually accentuates the body in a way the two piece can’t. There could be a lower cut top or a higher waisted bottom that could literally make you look like the hourglass that every penis is naturally fond of because of that whole buzzkill called childbirth. But ya, the one piece is having its time and it’s because, again, all guys are disgusting animals. So let’s break down the types:
1. The Basic Sunny Co Clothing One
So, this is the one piece that went viral over Instagram and annoyed everyone and made you lose followers and almost ruined your life because you’re used to getting over 50 likes and now it’s hovering around 40 and you can’t complain to your dad because he’d wonder why he paid for college. Ya… it’s that one piece.
As for what guys think? Well the front is fine but I’ve never had a guy nudge me over this cut of suit. That’s really the guy test—would my buddy nudge me because I’d have to see? And for this one, the only way I’d get nudged is if a girl was sitting by the pool with her back facing me like the viral picture. The low cut on the back is intriguing but really only from THAT specific angle. Whoever started that viral campaign is like a Jedi-level boner whisperer.
So it’s nice but really no movement for guys either way unless you sit in one spot at the pool in a specific pose the whole day. Not exactly a stretch for a gender that rips hair from their genitals, but still.
2. The Graphic Slogan One Piece
Ok, we love these suits. I actually just looked at a girl on Instagram wearing this exact suit and sent the link to three friends (you think I’m exaggerating but I’m not). The reasons? Side boob and time. What do I mean? Well, these suits look like they’re supposed to cover everything up. They look like they wrap around your whole body and then you take a left and BOOM, a part of the body we never knew would get us hard. I’m sure that’s the cut of the suit and it’s meant to be that way but we don’t know that. It’s almost like you went to the store and said, “I’ll get the skimpier one so Jared can see what I’m working with.” Or that your boobs grew a size just for this specific day at the beach. The writing on the front gives us an extra half second to look. Since it says something we have the extra layer of defense as to why we are staring, “Oh it says ‘throwing shade’ LOL” is what I’ll say if I ever feel like I’ve given myself away.
3. The Lace-Up One Piece
We like these suits. We like them for specific events. For the side boob one piece above, that has plausible deniability. If you wore it around our parents, mom would be like, “Oooh she’s stylish” and dad would be like, “Oh it says ‘throwing shade’ LOL.” The suits with all the tassels and straps and the ties up the middle of the boob like this one offers none of that. These are straight-up sex in a suit. So we love them for a Vegas pool party, on vacation at a resort with friends, spring break, and doing meth under the boardwalk. It’s a very specific suit that never says, “Have me over to your next family BBQ.”
4. The Cut-Out Monokini
We aren’t a fan of these ones. It’s trying to be both the one piece and the two piece at the same time. Choose a road, ladies. It looks like you put on a two piece and realized you didn’t lose the winter weight, so you jumped on the sewing machine and added an extra piece of cloth running down your stomach. It also has to fit just right. If you get wet and that extra piece of cloth is just flopping around it kind of looks like a tent that’s missing a tentpole. So, ya, pick a lane. Choose the one piece lane. Guys will think you’ll look like the (Hiroshima sized) bomb.
I never thought I’d see the day where one piece swimsuits would be considered must-haves. TBT to when they were only for moms, the body conscious, and those who went to swim team practice
in the projection room above the auditorium. Plunging, strappy one pieces are taking over and to your advantage, they hide the three pounds you gained over winter hibernation. You no longer have to worry about whether the pink bikini bottom goes with the random blue bikini top you found in your closet. You won’t have to pay twice as much for a set, because you’re getting the only piece you’ll need. Best of all, one pieces will hide all your bloat when you day drink on the beach.
Because I’m so nice, I’ve found styles for you that are 1,000 times better than a “free” boring lifeguard swimsuit. If you’re one of those people who tried to get that stupid one piece from Sunny Co Clothing, I can guarantee you didn’t miss out.
Here are some one piece wonders you needed to buy like, yesterday:
1. Indah Axel One Piece
I don’t usually go for stripes, but when they’re in black and white, they flatter any body type. The vertical stripes elongate your figure making you look skinny, tall, and confident (YAY), so we’ll forgive the obvious Beetlejuice vibes. The strappy detail on the back is to die for, especially if you’re like me and like to see your tanning progress. That’s usually the only time I feel like I accomplished something in my life. The cheeky fit will keep you and all that junk in the trunk cool and stylish all summer long.
2. Peixoto Flamingo One Piece
Stay sexual with this plunging v-neck one piece. The bathing suit comes with padded cups if you feel like your girls need more support. This pale pink is one of the hottest colors of the summer so your tan (or burn) is bound to ~glow~ after a day of laying out.
3. Karla Coletto Entwined Plunge Neck Tank One Piece
There’s no better color than a bright, crisp white in the summer. It’s perfect for giving your skin a radiant glow when it’s under the sun. The lace-up design pushes your boobs together so perfectly, you won’t even have to push them together when you take a beach selfie. The finishing tassels add flair and say, “yes I’m fun, I can pretend to know how to play volleyball with those hot guys.” Throw some jeans or denim shorts over this for an easy transition to brunch.
4. Oye Swimwear Kim
Be bold and go for an off the shoulder style. This suit comes with flattering high waisted bottoms and waist cutouts that show off your abs (or lack of). There’s a little bit of street attitude with the accented gold zippers so basically, you’re like, really cool. Maybe a hot guy will mistake you for a hot lifeguard and pretend to drown so you can perform CPR. This is clearly my wishful thinking.
5. Shop Betches Bad Betch Swimsuit
You are one bad and boujee betch, so why not remind everyone with this sexy swimsuit? Wear a graphic one piece with a fun saying because you just can’t do that with a bikini. The suit comes in whatever color your little heart desires, but I know they’re all irrelevant if black is an option. Feel free to get super creative and customize the suit with a saying of your choice. This one is better, though.
6. Out From Under Plunging V Printed One Piece Swimsuit
Floral prints and tropical chic patterns are always a good idea. This modern one piece comes in two different free-spirited prints and an intricate strappy design on the back. This is essential if you want to stand out (we do, always) and travel somewhere exotic this summer.