I’m going to be honest, I was never a dating app user for myself. Although, I did pretend to be a few of my friends on their apps and talk to people for them. From that, I know it’s v stressful trying to find the perfect non-corny dating app opener. When the apps first came around, it was helpful to be female since chivalry is not dead (I think?), and the guy tended to message the girl first. But then Bumble came around and f*cked that all up, so here we are. I asked my friends who are avid dating app users about what they consider to be non-corny dating app openers. Take notes, since a bunch of them are in long-term relationships now.
1. Keep It Simple
One of my good friends considered herself a “serial swiper” before she met her current boyfriend on a dating app. What did he say that swept her off her feet? “Hey, how’s it going?” Sometimes simpler is better. A pro tip from her is to not include the person’s name you are messaging. For example, saying “Hey Amanda, how’s it going?” seems a little too forced.
2. Keep It Classy
I once got a message on Facebook from a rando saying he “wanted to eat my p*ssy like a sandwich.” I’m sorry, but who would ever think that pickup line would work?! But then one of my friends suggested starting a message with “wanna f*ck” … so she’s still single. Maybe I should set the two of them up. Anyway, people need to remember to only say things on an app that you would say to someone’s face. So keep it classy and not trashy. It’s 2018, we’re respecting women AND men. Try something like, “How was your weekend?” or even, “I want to learn more about you, let’s play two truths and a lie. You go first.”
3. Use Humor
Someone who is funny is a major turn-on for me. It shows they don’t take themselves too seriously and can have fun. Another friend suggested as an opener, “Do you like Shrek? Cause I’m head ogre heels for you.” This non-corny dating app opener gets the person laughing and the conversation started. But be careful with this one, it can go from 0 to 100 real quick if you don’t use your better judgment and come off as a creeper. Another good option is asking them a question they need to respond to. Try “What are you doing on your ideal Sunday? Working out, sleeping, or bottomless mimosas?” And then if they answer the first option, you can call the authorities. Another one would be to ask them to describe themselves in 3 emojis, that always gets a good response. Stay away from these bad pickup lines that we’ve written about before.
4. Use Their Profile To Your Advantage
Don’t pretend you haven’t stalked their profile extensively and searched their Facebook, Instagram, and Googled them. But don’t make it obvious. They have a dating app profile for a reason. Start the convo off by relating to the cute dog in their photo or their favorite movie they shared in their bio. Make it personal and relatable. By doing this, you get the conversation started right away without the pointless fluff that makes up the majority of the messages sent on these apps. Suggested message: “Hey, is that your dog in your photo or just one you borrowed to increase your matches?” or “I’ve never seen (insert their favorite movie here). Maybe we could watch it sometime.”
5. Plan A Date
So many dating app convos go nowhere since no one takes the initiative to meet up for a legit date rather than just a one-night stand. Stand out from the crowd and use your convo as an opportunity to ask him or her out. TBH this one works best if you both know “of” each other (aka have mutual friends) and aren’t just two strangers because stranger danger is real. But think of something specific and personal. If you know they love a certain band (from your extensive stalking, obvs), and they are playing in your town, ask them if they want to go with you. Another way to ask them out is by first asking them what their perfect date would be and after they respond, ask them if they are free later in the week.
And if you still need more help, check out this list for more non-corny dating app openers.
Images: Giphy (2)
Tomorrow officially marks the first day of basic bitch szn fall, so you know what that means. It’s essentially Halloween, bitches. Get ready for nauseating candy corn Pinterest concoctions and ultra thotty Instagrams because say it with me: Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress up like a total slu—actually, I don’t feel like it typing it out for the millionth time. You already know the line, it’ll be your caption on October 31st. Slutty costumes require a lot of planning and effort. Like, I’ve been stressing over mine since fucking July because I don’t want to be the same thing as 10 other sluts on my Insta feed. While being the center of attention is fun, so is sharing the spotlight with your main betches. Nothing parts the red Solo cup sea quite like a bangin’ group costume. 2017 has brought us the bad and the ugly, but boy, did it bring some good costume inspo. From yours truly, here are the group costumes you and your #squad need to start coordinating now so no other basic bitches steal it first.
1. The Handmaids
If I’m being frank, this probably won’t be the most original idea since everyone and their mother has watched this show, but it’s gonna be a good one. To further carry your obsession with the scarily accurate plot, have you and your girls turn heads at every party with a mysterious red cloak and Little Bo Peep bonnet. Don’t buy this for $70 on Yandy or some shit, just go on Amazon. It already has a ~feminist~ flair so bonus points there, but if you want to reveal some more skin because you can wear whatever the fuck you want, swap the red cloak out for a v tight red bodycon dress. I mean, this might be the last year you can legally dress like a slut or go out in public except to run errands for your rich mistress, so live it up while you can.
2. The Kardashians
I’ve yet to see a group actually pull this off without looking like idiots, so I’m throwing this out there in hopes that I will finally be impressed this year. This is, by far, one of the easiest costumes ever, tbh. Either coordinate all together in the same color bodycon or have each person wear a staple piece of a particular Kardashian. Get yourself some butt pads and find cheap (not tacky) hair extensions and part your hair down the middle. Put on your best falsies, fave Kylie lipkit, and contour the fuck out of your face. Pair with thigh-high boots and would you look at that—Kardashian for life, baby.
3. The Liquor That Makes You Sicker
If I had a dime for every time I saw sorority girls coordinate as different kinds of boxed Franzia wine, I’d be a fucking millionaire by now. Cliché but still (half) true. Instead of doing something overdone and annoying, dress up as your worst enemy go-to liquor. Swap out the Franzia for the one liquor we love to hate: Fireball. Whatever you do, don’t go that extra mile and be that girl who says, “And I’ll beee drinking this allll night tooo” because you will be that girl who doesn’t even make it past the pregame. No one likes that girl.
4. Swipe Right
A cupid, bumble bee, and lone flame walk into a bar… and they meet their next husband fuckboy. Sounds like an ordinary weekend. You can’t deny your addiction to swiping left and right and using it as an excuse to cop a booty call, so there’s no reason why you and your girls can’t wear it loud and proud this year.
5. A Certain Iconic Celebrity with Multiple Personalities
“Maybe 2018 will be my year,” Taylor Swift probs says to herself every night before she goes to sleep. By the looks of it? Um, no, sweetie, uh-uh. However, you have given us even more ideas than I thought possible for a grool Halloween costume *and* being hella extra when I find out someone keeps my receipts. TYSM. The old Taylor might be dead (debatable), but all the old Taylors are conveniently located in one video for reference for your group costume. Just make sure that when you dress up like a frigid bitch you don’t look constipated.
6. The Greatest People You’ll Ever Meet
#ShamelessPlug This year for Halloween, we’re bringing back our best-selling I’m A Mouse Duh T-Shirt dress so you can be comfortable, lazy, and slutty all at the same time. We literally sold thousands of these last year so you know they’re good. But this year, we’re adding ANOTHER Mean Girls-inspired costume: Boo You Whore. It’s a super comfy white T-shirt dress so you can be a slutty ghost, no cutting holes in sheets necessary. Pick one up for every member of your group to let everyone know they can’t sit with you. They’re on sale now at Shop Betches, but hurry tf up because they WILL sell out.
You: Omg Betches, you guys are like, the smartest people ever!
Us: I know, right?
