When I first got the email about returning to my office in July, I was overwhelmed with emotion, both negative and positive.
Let’s backtrack a bit. I am a twentysomething living in NYC. I’ve stayed here throughout the entire pandemic thus far. I stay inside, I wash my hands, I wear my mask, I respect other people’s space, and I do my part to keep myself and those around me safe. In other words, I’m not an a**hole.
So, that being said, when I found out I was headed back to the office on the first day of phase 3 (July 6, to be exact), I was kind of shook. COVID had (has) made me quite an anxious person over time, and this felt like my worst fear coming to life. Public transportation? Sitting in an office with 50 other people I could not control? WEARING JEANS AGAIN? A lot of scary stuff here.
View this post on Instagram
On the contrary, sitting in my apartment day in and day out had also been quite an unhealthy habit. I made every excuse not to go outside, washing my hair became a task, and I had literally become one with the couch. Going to work meant I’d have an excuse to focus a bit more again on self-care and to get up and do something.
Here I am almost two months later, and I am here to spill what it’s actually like to be back in an office in the midst of a pandemic.
I take one subway and one bus to get to work. The first day I went all out and prepared for battle in the form of a mask, gloves, paper towels to hold the handles on public transportation (yes, even while wearing gloves), and a big bottle of hand sanitizer in my bag. The subway was fairly quiet, with some essential workers, and some others in suits who looked as nervous as I did. The bus was even quieter. Quieter as in, I was the only human on the bus and therefore it was a straight shot to work, with no stops in between. As time has gone on, the subway has gotten a bit more crowded, but the bus remains empty. Public transportation overall hasn’t been scary, but when someone gets on the subway without a mask (which is obviously against the rules but nothing I can do much about), my stomach still drops.
When you arrive at my office, the first thing you must do is have your temperature taken. Of course, if you have a fever, you will be sent home immediately. Upon entering the building there is a mask, glove, and hand sanitizer station. They are also set up throughout the office building. Most people wear cloth masks, but should you have a paper mask on and want a fresh one, it is available. The little things, ya know?
The elevators are limited to four people per ride (which I think is pretty standard across NYC now), but typically I opt to ride solo even though that means waiting longer for an elevator. We have an open floor plan in our office, with rows of tables as desks. As you can imagine, we are limited to one person per row, so there is forced social distancing in place. In some ways, it’s so distant that it’s lonely. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the luxury of being able to turn and chat with someone next to me.
During the workday, in fact, there is little to no human communication at all. Despite being in office, meetings are held via Zoom to avoid any large groups. If you’re reading this and thinking “sO wHy ArE yOu BaCk In An OfFiCe”, the answer is… unclear.
In terms of further safety precautions, while a mask is not required when sitting at our desks, it’s encouraged. You can bet my paranoid lil self has one on all day. All community snacks have been taken away (sad), so has the coffee machine (sadder!!!). Safety > coffee, obviously, but I know you all feel me on the heartbreak there.
We also can’t leave for lunch. Once you’re in the building, you are in for the day until you go home. This one hurts the most simply because I take my lunch hour seriously, but again, I get it. I did reach out to the few friends I have who are also back in the office, and they have similar limitations. On the bright side, I’ve saved money by packing my lunch daily, something I didn’t know I was even capable of! (Only half-kidding).
The best (and most important) safety precaution/perk of the office is weekly COVID testing. Once a week we are required to take both a COVID and antibody test. A team sets up right in the common area, and we have to walk a maximum of one flight of stairs to get there. As someone who lives with a roommate, this is a huge relief for not only myself but for him as well. Given the fact that he is working from home and did not sign up to be put at risk, the fact that I can come home and show him a negative result each week puts us both at ease. And even better, the antibody test has only a 15-minute turnaround time, the COVID test only a 24-hour turnaround time, so we don’t have to wait long for our results.
Being back in an office has forced me to make small but important changes. I set my alarm for 8am now (instead of 8:59am). I wake up and actually have to CHOOSE an outfit (remember that???). I style my hair. I wear makeup. I use time management skills to give myself a work-life balance. All of the things that gently slipped from my mind during my four-month quarantine period. It’s had a huge impact on my mental health, and a good one at that.
While the world is still gloomy AF, and the news cycle hasn’t gotten any better, at least leaving the house daily has provided a healthy (and easy) change I didn’t know I needed. Despite the fact that I have essentially left one room where I work alone to head to another room where I work alone, there has been something very refreshing about the act of getting outside and doing something daily.
Since I started going back into the office, I’ve been valuing my weekends and nights in a new way. Aside from sleeping, I’ve also used my downtime to capitalize on more *important* hobbies (like binging Selling Sunset, obviously).
So, in all seriousness, being back in the office isn’t so bad. It feels good to get back into a routine, and even if I am still questioning “the point” of putting myself at risk to travel to work and be in an office with others, I do believe there was some method to the madness.
Images: Marina Andrejchenko / Shutterstock; whenshappyhr / Instagram; Giphy (2)
Quarantine is life now. Social distancing is bae. Pants and hair washing are a thing of the past. I can’t recall the sensation of a gentle touch from a rando I met at the bar lover. My boss keeps giving me deadlines, but time has lost all meaning and also I don’t *feel* like working.
And yet, one thing remains the same: I am watching The Office in its entirety…again. My therapist said it was important to keep my regular routine, so here we are. It would be impossible not to lose sight of it all if I didn’t fall asleep every night with a glass of wine on my chest and The Office playing on my laptop. We must keep some normalcy here, people.
Rewatching The Office for the, idk…15th? time has got me thinking…what would my best friends (the employees of Dunder Mifflin) be doing during their quarantine? Well, since I had the time, I went ahead and thought about it in great detail and wrote down my conclusions. Enjoy!
Tbh, Michael is pumped. He sees this as an elongated snow day, where can spend some quality time with his best friends, aka his employees. He’s making his rounds to everyone in the office’s house (except for Toby, obv), ready to play games like Twister, tag, or anything that involves touch. He’s greeting everyone with a high-five, followed immediately by a coughing fit that he does not cover his mouth for. He for sure has coronavirus.
Being the charming young sociopath he is, Jim is going to spend his time in quarantine the way he spends his time at the office: coming up with an elaborate prank to torture Dwight.
Jim will be messaging Dwight from a burner email address, telling him the CIA would like to recruit him as part of the coronavirus conspiracy task force meant to weed out the weak from the strong in society. He’ll invite Pam to help out, and they’ll count that as their date night for the month.
Dwight is in full apocalypse mode, living in his bunker underneath Schrute Farms that has been stocked with goods since 2001, waiting for this moment. He has been living off beets in various forms for the past week and a half.
He receives Jim’s prank mission and immediately springs into action. Luckily, all of the tasks don’t require him to leave his quarantine (Jim isn’t that much of a sociopath), they’re mostly just menial, embarrassing tasks, like answering personal questions in order to prove his worthiness to the cause, i.e. “What’s your favorite kind of porn?”
Dwight is in hell, but feels like he’s in heaven.
Kevin is going on a lot of FaceTime dates, which is perhaps an even worse medium for him than IRL, which he’s surprised is possible. (Apparently, the ladies don’t take too kindly to “why say lot word when few word do trick?” as an opener.)
He went to Whole Foods and bought out the entire aisle of canned beans so he could make another giant batch of chili.
Fingers crossed this time.
Stanley booked a super cheap one-way ticket to Florida at the first sign of trouble. He’s working remotely from the pool, and no one at Dunder Mifflin has any clue. He has no plans to return to Scranton.
Meredith is getting blackout drunk and walking around her house naked. Happy hour starts at 9am. In other words, nothing new. She’s started an OnlyFans, but only has one subscriber.
Angela is keeping busy by embroidering pillows of her late cat, Sprinkles, disinfecting every inch and crevice in her house, and making signs telling her neighbors, mail people, and delivery workers to stay 100 feet from her or she’s calling the cops. She is also calling the cops any time she sees someone walk by. The CDC has blocked her number.
She’s sticking to her routine of waking up at 4:45am, praying, ironing all of her clothes, putting on her chosen American Girl Doll outfit of the day, and making a spreadsheet of all the people who have annoyed her in the past 24 hours, which she plans to email to the governor.
The Nard Dog is practicing acapella, and since he has no one to do it with, he’s making compilation videos on TikTok of him harmonizing with himself. They’re unbearable.
Kelly honestly doesn’t see what the big deal is? She’s survived a tapeworm, so she’s pretty sure she can survive a “coronavirus.” Plus, whenever she gets sick she loses like, 3 pounds, so if anyone has the virus, she’s asking they come over and cough in her mouth.
In the meantime, she’s setting up fake dating profiles and trying to find Ryan on each app so she can catfish him.
Ryan watched The Inventor: Out For Blood In Silicon Valley one too many times and was inspired to start his own coronavirus testing company, which he claims is a contactless COVID-19 test that gets results in 15 seconds or less. In reality, he’s running a pyramid scheme. The FDA has his phone and computer tapped and will be shutting him down next week.
Toby is being proactive by putting together detailed newsletters with information on how to deal with this pandemic. He’s got tips, links, resources, and emotional support to offer. Nobody even opens the email.
Phyllis and Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration have been social distancing for a while now, and their marriage has never been stronger. Bob was somehow able to get his business declared as essential, and Phyllis is selling her handmade oven mitts on Etsy. Phyllis has now coined the catchphrase “cover your mouth sweetie, you look like a trout” to encourage her fans to sneeze and cough into their elbows.
Gabe has actually been practicing social distancing for years, though not by choice. At least now he has a term for it.
Erin might perish because she has no lifeskills whatsoever.
Creed is the one who put forth the conspiracy theory that COVID-19 was made in a lab as an agent of biochemical warfare. He has been directly exposed no less than 17 times but has not so much as gotten a fever. He appears to be immune.
Late 20s culture is many things: your friends all getting married when you can’t even get a second date, your idea of cooking beginning and ending with boiling water to make pasta, and wondering at what age you officially have to start making your own doctors appointments. But probably the biggest aspect of late 20s culture is being stressed. Stressed about dating, stressed about work, stressed about the fact that our planet might be beyond repair and we may all die very soon in the real-life incarnation of 28 Days Later. And it’s no wonder we’re all stressed about work: college tuition has more than doubled since the 1980s, leaving many millennials saddled with debt ($17,126 per graduate who took out loans) that nearly half say wasn’t worth it. On top of that, millennials are underemployed, comprising 52% of hourly low-wage employees (yet about 61% attended college). More than half of millennials have a side hustle. Given all that information, it’s safe to say that we as a generation spend a lot of time thinking (worrying) about employment and money. So it should be no surprised that “burnout”, a syndrome that results from chronic workplace stress, is not only an official term, but now an actual medical condition, according to the World Health Organization.
Late 20s culture is calling yourself an alcoholic who will never find love, but getting low-key offended when people tag you in memes about binge drinking and being alone forever
— sarafcarter (@sarafcarter) May 9, 2019
Do you feel that? That’s probably a weight getting lifted off your shoulders now that there’s an actual term for the crushing pressure you’ve been feeling for years. Or maybe that’s just me.
So, first of all, the fact that the WHO classified burnout as a real medical condition is a pretty big deal. Many look to the WHO for guidance, and since they included burnout in their latest handbook for recognized medical conditions (called the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health), it gives legitimacy to people who experience burnout. Think of it this way: the next time I cry to my dad about being overworked at my job
(when really I’m just having a bad Adderall comedown), and he tells me that I need to do something to manage my stress, I can be like, “look, I have an actual medical condition and it’s not just stress”.
View this post on Instagram
In other words, if you are actually experiencing burn-out, it’s important that the actual condition is recognized by the WHO so people don’t dismiss you as just being “stressed” or “tired” or “on your period”. Because, first of all, burnout only refers to the concept in the occupational context, so like, going on too many dates and being tired of searching for a romantic partner doesn’t qualify as burnout in the medical sense. It also has three qualifications to meet the definition:
1) Feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion,
2) Increased mental distance from one’s job, or feelings of negativism or cynicism related to one’s job, or
3) Reduced professional efficacy
Cool, so I am like, 99% positive that I suffer from burnout right now. Or at least, that I have definitely suffered from it in the past (I go through those symptoms in waves). So the question is: What do I (or you, since you are reading this article) do about it?
In short, nothing really, right now. In theory, you could go to the doctor and get diagnosed with burnout (ruling out other similarly manifesting conditions, such as adjustment disorder, anxiety, or depression, The Cut notes). But then what? Can I use that to request extended time off, like would it qualify under short-term disability coverage? Can I get a Xanax prescription for it? (Kidding.)
Of course, burnout being classified as a medical condition by the WHO is a good thing, especially since, as the last two symptoms imply, it is bad for employers as well as employees. That might be the only way to get employers to actually care—to make it clear that overworking their employees can affect their own bottom line. It remains to be seen just what the impact will be of burnout being recognized as a medical condition, but, much like Instagram removing like counts, it’s better than nothing, and fixing our overly demanding corporate culture has to start somewhere.
Do you ever put a bullshit task on your to-do list just so you can feel like you accomplished something? Like “empty out trash folder” is not an accomplishment but it’s where I’m at today
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) March 15, 2019
Images: sarafcarter, betchesluvthis / Twitter; whenshappyhr / Instagram
As the modern world crumbles around us, The Office remains a beacon of hope, a reminder of simpler times, and hands-down one of the best ways to put off solving your actual problems. Whether you’re pre-gaming, recovering from a hangover, or not an alcoholic, The Office is the perfect soundtrack, and the number of hours I’ve spent watching and re-watching in my life is probably frightening. Because fans in 2019 can’t leave well enough alone, there’s of course been an uproar about getting an Office reboot. But Steve Carell says a reboot would never work—and when Michael Scott talks, you listen.
Carell makes some decent points: “The show is way more popular now than when it was on the air,” he noted, adding, “I just can’t see it being the same thing, and I think most folks would want it to be the same thing, but it wouldn’t be.” When people still wouldn’t leave him alone, he clarified further: “I just wouldn’t want to make the mistake of making a less good version of it.” TBH, I’m on board for that kind of thinking—how many really successful reboots have we seen anyway? Aren’t they always at least a little disappointing? That being said, all this talk of a reboot got me curious about how The Office would be different in 2019. Here are all my predictions—just in case Carrell changes his mind.
Even Michael Wouldn’t Have An Office
The first and most obvious: 2019’s obsession with open-plan offices would ensure even Michael didn’t get a space of his own. (And Ryan can forget about having a divider between him and Kelly.) While Michael might fuss initially (remember when he and Jim traded jobs for a few hours?), ultimately he would use the new arrangement to distract his employees more than ever. Also, can you imagine what he would do with access to Slack? He’d send inappropriate GIFs all day long—and because he can see everyone around him, he wouldn’t leave them alone until they responded. Honestly, the whole branch might have shut down if Michael didn’t have an office—so in that sense, Carrell is right that it couldn’t work in 2019.
Dwight Would Be Obsessed With Bitcoin
Knowing almost nothing about Bitcoin, doesn’t this just seem true? Dwight’s all about unusual forms of currency (Schrute bucks, anyone?), and while his battle against the machine to sell more paper left him less than fond of technology, I’m sure a modern-day Dwight would come around. A 2029 Office reboot would probably show Dwight having become a billionaire from investing in Bitcoin early, and Jim feeling like a real idiot for how much he mocked him.
Ryan Would Be Selling Everyone’s Data
In keeping with 2019’s obsession with scammers, Ryan—already a scammer in his own right—would have gladly upped the ante of his schemes. The Dunder Mifflin website wouldn’t have just been a way to inflate sales data, it would have been some Zuckerberg-meets-Fyre Festival hoodwink that actually didn’t work as a paper-selling website at all, but had people enter enough information that third-party companies were willing to pay. Ryan would have planned to secretly collect all the profits and finally take that trip to Thailand, but being Ryan, he would have messed up and gotten caught anyway. Kelly might have caught him, actually—she knows enough about what online shopping sites look like to know a scam when she sees it.
Creed Would Be Exactly The Same
Creed is timeless. He would have equally little idea what his job entails, continue growing mung beans in his desk, and still be selling fake IDs to kids in town. Nothing Creed is involved in has substantially changed in 2019, because Creed lives in a world of his own creation. Things like “current events” and “logic” do not apply to him, and for that we are grateful.
Angela Would Be A Pence Supporter
This one’s a little darker, but too obvious to ignore. Hyper-religious Angela would be thrilled to have such a vocal (or rather, non-vocal) Christian in the White House. Remember when Pence said he wouldn’t eat with a woman who wasn’t his wife? That kind of comment is like catnip to Angela (even more than regular catnip, which she probably enjoys too.). Instead of fighting with Oscar over a poster of babies dressed up as jazz musicians, she would have fought with him over a Pence poster she wanted to hang. On the bright side, her eventually marrying a straight-laced politician who turns out to be gay could have been a fun and pointed allegory for what’s really going on with Pence.
Ultimately, The Office in 2019 would be a little more grim and a little more high-stakes for our beloved cast of coworkers. Hey, that’s what happens when we’re facing eight different versions of the apocalypse—and looking at my predictions, I’m very glad that Steve Carrell isn’t down to reboot anytime soon.
Images: Giphy (5)
So while you’ve been out mourning the loss of summer and preparing for your winter
weight cuff, we here at Betches Media have been low-key putting things in motion for the biggest glow-up up since Ariel Winter went from “little girl on Modern Family” to IG thirst trap. That’s right, we moved into a new office, and it is dope af. That’s not even a biased opinion, BTW. It’s like, a peer reviewed study.
For those of you entrepreneurial betches out there who are looking to similarly upgrade your work situation, here’s a walk through of our incredible, aspirational office space. Don’t be too down on your own office, though. Not everybody can have their own golden meme wall, but you can probably find more ways to incorporate Kris Jenner into your professional life.
So without further ado: Hey we’re Betches, and welcome to our crib…
Step 1: Hire A Dope AF Workplace Designer
First of all, we have to shout out LABL Studio, because without them none of this would be possible. They literally designed our office space from scratch, and as you can see, they nailed it. Let’s face it, most betches barely have the time to make their own bed, let alone come up with a chic af office plan complete with millennial pink accent walls and a full bar for after hour office parties late work nights. That’s where LABL Studio comes in. They’ll do all the hard work of making your office look amazing, and you’ll have the pleasure of seeing all your clients, family members, and Seamless delivery guys looking impressed af when they walk through the door.
Step 2: Get A Neon Sign To Tell People WTF You’re About
I mean, can you imagine walking into work every day and being greeted by a neon pink sign that says, “So you agree, you think you’re really pretty?” We can. But that’s because like, we actually. Thanks to Name Glo, everyone who steps foot in Betches HQ is greeted with a Bible verse Mean Girls quote to set the fucking mood for the day. And if you think that’s the end of our neon adventure, think again. Our podcast studio (we have a podcast studio BTW) is decked out with its own amazing Name Glo art, so everybody who sits down to record with us knows exactly what the vibe is.
Step 3: Get Your Drink Sitch Figured Out
Beverages: you’re going to want some throughout the day. That’s why Betches HQ is stacked with both alcoholic and non-alcoholic (believe it or not) beverages for all occasions. Newsflash: staying hydrated is like, important. That’s why we’ve equipped our office with a DrinkPod water cooler and purification system, so that we can stay hydrated without being low-key worried nobody has changed the Brita filter in years. It’s like, basically the reason our skin is so amazing.
Now obviously, the most important part of any office is its coffee supply. That’s why we’ve teamed up with Wandering Bear Coffee to make sure we’re chugging the best possible cold brew to get us through stressful work days/group chats/deadlines. If you ever wonder how Betches are able to produce so much quality content on the daily, it’s because we’re all low-key hyped up on Wandering Bear. Now you know.
Step 4: Frame TF Out Of Everything
And now we get to this author’s favorite part of the new office, aka, our golden wall of memes. Now, everybody who has ever moved out of their college dorm knows that framing things magically makes them sophisticated and adult. Literally. That’s why we turned to Framebridge for all our custom art and photo framing. They took our ridiculously hilarious images and turned them into art just by encasing them in glass. Don’t believe me? Just think about this: a photo of Kate Middleton with a thought bubble saying “No shit. You guys got coke here?” pinned up to a wall with tape? Tacky af. But a photo of Kate Middleton with a thought bubble saying “No shit. You guys got coke here?” that’s actually framed? That’s beautiful art and it belongs in the MoMa. It’s that simple.
Step 5: Get Your Distractions In Order
One of the most important parts of any work day is figuring out how to distract yourself from the work you’re going to be doing. Here at Betches, we installed two 65″ and 55″ TCL TVs, which you know play Mean Girls on loop 24/7. Except on Halloween, when we played Hocus Pocus, or when there’s a Kardashian-related event on the horizon. Either way, these TCL TVs will keep the Betches staff distracted engaged with important pop culture events on the daily, and are basically the secret to our success.
Now, we know that you can’t employ all of these amazing tactics to your own office. Not everyone is as lucky as we are, and it’s just not our fault we’re so popular. But use these beautiful pics as a guide for when you finally launch that dating app for people who hate conversing with others you’re always talking about. Because that’s totally going to happen someday…
The year 2017 will go down in history as the year we’ve all officially given up. It’s happening across the board, from our politicians to my will to keep up a semi-decent physique to TV executives who
are sexually harassing women left and right can’t be bothered to think of a fucking new concept for a TV show. 2017 was the year of revivals, not counting the Celebrity Apprentice revival that’s currently taking place in the White House. We got Fuller House, Gilmore Girls, Will and Grace, and now, reports have surfaced that NBC is in talks to bring back The Office. If that news fills you with any sentiment other than dread and white-hot rage, you are wrong. Happy? Wrong. Excited? Wrong. Cautious optimism? WRONG. The Office was perfect, and there is literally zero good reason to bring back a perfect thing, only to inevitably ruin it. I won’t have it.
My anger aside, thinking about The Office again reminded me of one of TV’s betchiest characters, Kelly Kapoor. Kelly took pettiness and attention-grabbing to a whole new level. She’s like, the patron saint of delusional daters and a BSCB who taught us that no matter how insane and borderline abusive you are, there’s still always a chance you’ll end up with your man (who is equally insane and borderline abusive). So to honor Kelly and help distract me from the possibility of the one pure thing in this world being sullied forever, here are some of my favorite moments, lessons, and quotes from the immortal Kelly Kapoor.
1. That Time She Wore White To Phyllis’ Wedding
Kelly is an expert in making everything about herself, and it’s truly an inspiration to betches everywhere. Would I wear white at a wedding? No, probably not. Would I wear off-white to a frenemy’s wedding just to be petty? Still probably no, but it’s fun to imagine.
2. The Time She Taught Us How To React In Every Situation
Me every time I see a dog.
Honestly I think about how kids these days are too young to have been taught by Gwen Stefani how to spell bananas on an almost daily basis.
This is me so much of the time that I’m actually starting to wonder if it’s a bit concerning…
3. When She Showed Us How To Make An Entrance That Is Both Confident And Professional
^That’s on my business card.
4. When She Taught Us The Important Distinction Between Talking Trash, And Talking Smack
I guess they couldn’t say “talking shit” on TV back then? Regardless, the lesson (and the burn) have stood the test of time.
5. When She Showed Us The Only Acceptable Response To Running Into Your Ex.
Tbh my ex recently asked me to dinner to “catch up” and I may just send him back this picture… good idea/bad idea? Leave your vote in the comments. Or not. IDC.
6. When She Made Us All Feel Better About Our Obsessive Knowledge Of Texting Etiquette.
The one good thing to come out of a The Office revival would be to hear Kelly’s thoughts on “lol” vs. “ha” vs. “haha” vs. “hahaha” and anything further than that.
7. And Shared This Universal Truth:
Thank you, Kelly. She was so ahead of her time. Now tell me how you feel about people who leave voicemails.
8. She Taught Us How To Recognize Our Strengths…
…And Our Weaknesses.
9. There Was Also The Time She Perfectly Embodied What It’s Like To Be On A Juice Cleanse.
P.S. This is called the Master Cleanse, and we tried it once. It did not go well.
10. And Finally, When She Taught Us The Ultimate Comeback To Any Attempted Breakup.
In Kelly’s defense, Ryan was a total fuckboy. Would truly love to see what this couple is up to now. Honestly, if they haven’t gotten married and divorced at least three times with an adopted baby named Usher, then any potential reunion would not be worth it. In fact, is it too late to call for a Kelly Kapoor spin-off series? Maybe one where she moves to New York and narrates her life through her fictional sex and lifestyle column in The New York Star? I get that that’s the plot of Sex And The City, but I think it could work.
Whether we ever see Kelly again or not, we all owe her a debt of gratitude. You may not have taught us how to be a good person, but you did teach us how to get lots and lots of attention, and for that we are all forever grateful.
It’s summer. You wake up in the morning and smoke weed immediately check your weather app to see it’s going to be a very casual 95 degrees. Dope. You put on your shortest lil booty shorts and your cutest tank and head off to work – the office manager can deal with your violations of the dress code later. On your way in you snag the iciest ice coffee, snap a few selfies in the amazing natural light of summer, and wonder if your walk from the train to the office constitutes tanning. Then, disaster strikes. As soon as you step foot into your office building, you suddenly feel like you’ve gone from desert Sahara to Arctic tundra, and you have literally nothing to keep you warm except to heat off your laptop. You run upstairs to your office and immediately dig through your stash of coats, scarves, hats, and mittens. In a matter of seconds, you’ve gone from summer chic to full Eskimo, and you’ll remain that way for the next 6 hours. When it’s time for lunch, you’ll have to take off your many, many layers just to make the trek to your favorite salad bar, and be ready to see your breath again as soon as you step back into the office. Why is every office building like this? Who keeps turning the AC to frozen? Is that permafrost on your desk?
We DK. But if you’re familiar with this feeling, we do know that you’re going to love our latest video. Check it out below:
For More Funny Videos Subscribe To Our YouTube Page!
There are so many things about a desk job that are so not betchy, but we put on a brave face from 9 to 5 because we need money. Sitting at a desk all day obviously makes you stiff and tight, and your muscles feel like shit by the end of the day. I mean, unless you’re that freak with a standing desk or the psycho who runs to Barry’s Bootcamp at her lunch break, you’re sitting all day and not doing your body any favors. These yoga moves will stretch your body out and activate the muscles you’ve been neglecting all week, so go through each one and feel free to thank us when you feel amazing by the time you get to happy hour.
1. Downward Dog
Most yoga classes start with a downward dog because it warms up your shoulders, back, and legs so you can get a full body stretch in one move. Start on your hands and knees, and stretch your elbows and relax your back. Then, press onto your palms as you tuck your toes and lift your knees off the floor, pressing the floor away from you as you lift your butt upwards. You should immediately feel the stretch in your calves, and you can even peddle through each foot to stretch your legs out more. If you’re doing this right, your body should be in a V-shape with your arms out in front of you.
2. Pigeon Pose
Pigeon pose is the ultimate hip opener, so if you do a lot of running or spinning, this will be a game changer for you. I mean, that three-second stretch at the end of SoulCycle is bullshit anyway. In your downward dog pose, bring your right shin forward with the right knee toward your right wrist, and your right ankle toward your left wrist. Lower your hips to the ground with your back leg extended and reach your torso as far down to the ground as possible. Switch sides after holding the stretch for a few seconds, or stay longer if it feels amazing.
3. Child’s Pose
This pose has nothing to do with children, so don’t mind the name because it’s slightly creepy. Child’s pose stretches your thighs and your upper body, so it’s amazing if you’ve been sitting all day. Start on your hands and knees, spreading your knees wider than your hips while keeping your toes touching. Sit on your heels and bow forward so that your torso is in between your thighs and your chest is on top of your thighs. If you want the extra stretch, bring your forehead all the way down to the floor or reach your arms out in front of you.
4. Forward Fold
This move is the yoga equivalent of taking your 6-inch heels off at the end of the night. It just feels SO GOOD and you wonder why you didn’t do it earlier. Forward fold is literally just folding your torso over your legs so that your body is literally folded over with your hands as close to the ground as they can go. Make sure your knees are slightly bent and that you’re folding your torso with your hips and not your lower back. Hang in this position for a few seconds, and shake around if you have any tightness in your neck or shoulders.
5. Cat-Cow Stretches
This move is the ultimate back stretch, so if you have any back pain whatsoever, cat-cow stretches will literally save you. Don’t mind the name because we’re not sure WTF it has to do with a cat or cow, but it definitely does the trick and you’ll be obsessed. Start on all fours with your wrists directly under your shoulders and your knees directly under your hips. Make sure your head is in a neutral position, and drop your belly downwards while lifting your chin upwards to look at the ceiling. Then, round your back and and look downwards, stretching your lower back. Alternate between the two and take your time on each bend. Your body will thank you when you don’t have to crack your back at your desk chair five times a day.
6. Cobra Pose
Not only does Cobra pose make you look like a zen, green juice-drinking version of Cleopatra, but it also has amazing benefits for your body. It turns out stretching your body out like a cobra is amazing for your back, chest, and even your abs, so it’s also a great stretch to know if you just did an ab workout and want to be able to laugh tomorrow. Start lying on your stomach with your head facing down, and then keep your elbows close to your body, lifting your chest off the floor. Your legs and feet should press into the ground as you press your upper body away.
Anyone who has ever been to a yoga class knows that Savasana is literally everything. At first glance, Savasana pose just looks like you’re lying on the floor. Upon second glance, that’s exactly what it is. And that’s why we fucking love it. There’s nothing better than lying on your back and doing absolutely nothing while some woman with a soft voice tells you to invite peace and silence into your practice. I mean, we might not be the most flexible or advanced yogis, but we can deal with lying on the ground and postponing all our responsibilities for a few more minutes. Namaste.
Read: How To Work Out At Your Desk Without Freaking Out Your Coworkers