You might recall that a few months ago I wrote an article about my own college shutting down. Well, at the end of the article I made a promise that might not pan out: that gross frat basements would be ready and waiting for us this fall. It turns out that not only was that super wrong but also super naive.
Here’s the thing, universities have even less of an idea what fall will look like than I have about what I’m going to do in the spring when I graduate. So, having no plan for the future is just one of the things that America’s most prestigious institutions and I have in common.
Every university has just been super shady about their reopening plan, mostly to avoid making any real commitments. Even Tulane, which is where I go, sent out an email confirming that campus will be open in the fall but the email was filled with a ton of caveats and since then the school has started to push optional remote learning. School’s plans pretty much fall into one of three categories: full in-person learning (let’s call that denial), a hybrid learning plan, or full remote learning.
Regardless of their school’s official plans, students and administrators are desperate to have some sense of normalcy come the fall. Whether that means heading back to their off-campus apartments to take online classes, abiding by mask-wearing requirements, or creating plans for shortened semesters that limit how often students leave and return to campus.
But, even at schools that move forward with an in-person learning model in the fall, it is pretty unlikely that life will be returning to normal. Like, it’s honestly never a great idea to be in a tiny frat house with 100+ random people, but it’s an even worse idea now. And, if frat boys insist on coming up with any possible reason to not wear a condom, how can we trust them to socially distance and wear masks at their own parties?
It’s important to remember universities’ plans for the fall have a much deeper impact on society than whether or not I’ll get to wear a sparkly mini dress at my semi-formal this semester. Universities have to consider what they will do about tuition, international students, and all employees and faculty members. Universities are huge ecosystems that have major impacts in surrounding communities, and any decisions about the fall have to take these things into consideration.
Many schools that have moved online for the semester are still having students pay full tuition. Sure, classes are being offered online and people will still be learning, but online learning does not come close to in-person learning. Students are losing out on personal relationships with their professors, hands-on instruction, and some of the campus services that make a world of difference when it comes to actually understanding class material.
On Monday, ICE, Immigrations and Customs Enforcement, reported that they would be issuing a regulation prohibiting international students whose universities have adopted online learning for the fall from staying in the country. As schools continue to change their plans based on developments in research and changes in their communities, this f*cks over more than a million students.
ICE said in a news release yesterday that students “may not take a full online course load and remain in the United States,” adding, “The U.S. Department of State will not issue visas to students enrolled in schools and/or programs that are fully online for the fall semester nor will U.S. Customs and Border Protection permit these students to enter the United States.”
Here’s the thing: while I disagree with ICE and the government in general, they make an interesting point. The government is saying that learning remotely is different than in-person college, which is correct. So, if the college experience is different when it is done online, maybe, just maybe, we shouldn’t have to pay the same tuition as if it was in person. Just a thought.
All that said, politicians and some universities are pushing for full reopenings next semester – citing financial concerns. Ok, sure. There are legitimate economic concerns especially when we think about service workers and the impact students and professors have on local businesses. But, when colleges express concerns about their own bankruptcy, it’s like a. what about your endowments and b. ok way to make a great case for federally funded college.
At the same time that schools, parents, and students are grappling with hard decisions about the fall, students are returning to their off-campus apartments for the summer. IMO, there’s nothing wrong with heading back to school, especially if you’re paying for an apartment that you were unable to sublet. But, you have to be safe. There’s a huge difference between spending the day working on remote internships and summer classes and going to huge parties where no one is wearing a mask. I’m not saying that you can’t do anything but sit in your living room and stare at your roommates, but it’s important to remember to wear a mask, socially distance, and keep your circle small.
Here’s the deal, there is a direct correlation between the way we act now and what the rest of the year is going to look like. If we want this shit to end we have to wear masks, socially distance, and avoid big parties. Until this happens, the likelihood of life returning to any sense of normalcy is extremely small.
Hate to break it to ya, but the only thing guaranteed about fall 2020 is that it’s going to be a clusterfuck.
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I consider myself a realist. Therefore, I do not expect the room decor of a 20-year-old male to resemble that of an IKEA showroom. Most people, in fact, don’t expect to be blown away by the interior decorating skills of a college boy, and would be really impressed if they even had a fitted sheet on their bed. What I’m trying to say is that the expectations are LOW.
That being said, whether heinous or slightly less heinous, a guy’s room “decor” (and I use that term loosely) can reveal a lot about him and tell you the kind of f*ckboy you’re dealing with. Without further ado, let’s judge a book by its cover.
SAFTB Flag
It’s only fair to begin with the most common f*ckboy room staple piece. This flag is like the male equivalent of having a tapestry from Urban Outfitters. The “Saturdays are for the Boys” (SAFTB) flag is the epitome of douchebaggery, especially if it ever gets brought out in public. If you’re in college, you’ve definitely experienced the SAFTB flag f*ckboy and the type of sh*t he likes to pull. Drunk texting you annoying sh*t while you’re out with your friends. Making you Uber to his house at 2am, only to pass out in a puddle of half-eaten pizza and his own vomit, leaving you outside shivering in your cop top. And, god forbid, actually muttering the words “Saturdays are for the boys”. Basic decor. Basic f*ckboy.
Records/Music Walls
The problem with this type of guy is that he thinks he’s “edgy” and “different” when in reality he fails to notice that Frank Ocean and The Lumineers are not, in fact, underground artists. This f*ckboy will likely attempt to model his outfits after, like, Tyler the Creator, and he’ll own more cross-body fanny packs than you do. He will pretend not to notice you whenever he has his AirPods in and will sh*t talk you for listening to Adele. You may have a few fun dates and convince yourself that you’re ~branching out~ with both your taste in men and music, but before you know it you’ll grow exhausted of his pretentious conversation topics, drop him, and start to crave trash pop music again.
Beer Boxes
At least one wall in every f*ckboy’s dorm/apartment/house is covered in boxes from whatever beer is the cheapest rack at the local liquor store. Unless he’s in a frat, in which case, at least two walls will be plastered with beer boxes. Anyone with eyes can see this “decor” is just trash taped to a wall, but this f*ckboy sees this collection as a point of pride, and not an ode to all the empty calories he’s consumed that semester (not to mention, all the brain cells killed).
This is the guy who thinks getting blackout drunk is a personality trait. He will always be found at the party next to the keg, being weirdly protective over it and criticizing everyone’s pours. He’ll sh*t on you for liking White Claw, but drink Natty Light like it’s water. The one upside of this guy is that he’s generally pretty fun to party with if you’re both hammered… until he inevitably gets way too hammered. He’s a great date for any events or mixers up until the point when he gets way too drunk, vomits in front of all your friends, and you’re stuck apologizing for the drunken idiot you now have to force into a cab because he insists he’s “fine”.
Excessive Sports Pennants/Posters
Though also incredibly basic, the excessive sports regalia f*ckboy is not to be confused with the SAFTB f*ckboy. This guy actually cares enough about a specific team to display a flag/logo/whatever in their room, whereas the SAFTB f*ckboy is just slapping the universal symbol for misogyny on their wall. The excessive sports paraphernalia is a dead giveaway that this is the kind of f*ckboy who peaked on his high school basketball team and will probably tell you stories about games and constantly claiming he “could’ve gone D1.” Sure, Chad.
When it comes to a room drowning in fan gear, certain cities will spell doom for you. For example, if he is from Chicago or backs Chicago teams, be prepared to hear him whine about sports teams that consistently suck. This guy will probably have a minor gambling addiction and ignore your texts during football games while he loses a few hundred dollars. If he’s from Boston, get ready for a giant superiority complex.
“Witty” Political Posters
Political posters signal a f*ckboy who took a single political science class and suddenly thinks he’s smarter than you. Picture Connor Roy from Succession. This guy will allllways have piping-hot “hot takes” that are really more half-baked than hot. He’ll ask to not use a condom after saying he doesn’t support Planned Parenthood, or refuse to pay for dates because “capitalism is a scam” or some sh*t, and he will generally talk to you like you’re inferior. No matter what side of the aisle he finds himself on, you can bet that he will hang up a few political posters. But pay attention to the specifics, because those are the most revealing. For example, if he has a JFK poster, he’s likely from the East Coast, and any money he’s spent on you probably came right out of his parents’ pockets. A Reagan/Bush ‘84 poster means he saw it on another guy’s T-shirt once, and he only identifies as a conservative because his parents do.
This obviously isn’t a definitive list, and I’m not saying that there isn’t still hope for these guys. But the sad reality is that most of us are dealing with some disturbing hodgepodge of all of the above f*ckboy traits. May we pray that one day these guys evolve and branch out to something a bit more civilized. Like a wall of LaCroix boxes or an Anthropologie candle.
Images:manny PANTOJA / Unsplash; Giphy (2); @barstooluconn (Instagram: 1)
In Kristen Bell’s immortal words: “this is the bad place.” Yeah, we all know about the total sh*t storm happening outside of our homes while we are practicing appropriate and responsible social distancing.
Because of the *ahem* unpredictability of the situation surrounding COVID-19, we all have a lot of questions, like how long will our government continue to ground the entire country? Widespread uncertainty as to how long this crisis will continue is sending everyone into a little bit of a downward spiral that involves eating all of our quarantine snacks, texting our exes, and panicking about summer plans.
Due to coronavirus, not only have college students been sent packing and back home for the semester, but many of us are getting notified that summer internships may be canceled, moving to a remote structure, or transitioning to an unpaid internship. And, as a result, students everywhere are losing their sh*t about how they won’t be able to take full advantage of a Rent the Runway membership and ability to post cute pics on rooftops all summer really incredible learning experience.
In the interest of public service, and because I love of all of my fans so much and don’t want anyone to freak out, I have done a little bit of research to help you all feel a little better about your summer plans.
If You Haven’t Heard Anything…
The only thing worse than getting ghosted by a frat douche during quarantine (direct attack on myself) is getting ghosted by the company you have been waiting to hear back from about your application status. I know I may seem really badass and confrontational in my articles (let me have this), but, disclaimer: I’m not. So, I totally get not wanting to seem annoying or aggressive by emailing someone a thousand times to check if your internship is still happening.
The good news is, you only need to send one or two emails, and you definitely should not be bombarding your potential future employer with 1,000 questions. We are all in the same boat, and odds are, that interns are not a high priority for them at the moment, and they also have no idea what the f*ck is going on.
If they sent out a blanket email to all of the intern applicants telling them that they are working on a solution and they will be in touch, it sucks, but you kind of need to hang in there. However, if you’ve been getting radio silence for the last few weeks, sending one email is helpful and shows you are still interested and willing to take initiative.
An example email might look something like this.
Dear (hiring manager),
I hope all is well and that you and your family are staying safe, given the circumstances.
My name is _____ _____ and I applied for the _____ internship this summer. While I am excited about the potential of joining your team, I am aware that circumstances may have changed due to the uncertainty surrounding COVID-19.
I am sure that you have been very busy working to adjust to the new circumstances and understand that internships are not a high priority at the moment. However, I was wondering if there were any updates regarding plans for summer internships that I may have missed or can expect to hear about in the future.
I am really looking forward to the possibility of working with you in whatever capacity is possible this summer and can’t wait to hear from you soon.
Best,
Name
Phone Number
If you are sending this email, you better be sure you didn’t miss any updates they sent you, or you will look like an idiot. Oftentimes large companies provide you with an application number, it never hurts to include this information in the email.
If You Got Rejected…
That sucks, and I’m really sorry. The good news is unless you have been flat-out told that you, personally, were not hired, you can assume that it has nothing to do with your qualifications and the situation at hand is to blame. (Is that a healthy coping mechanism?)
The first thing you should do, even if the company is not accepting interns this summer, is send a thank you note to whoever interviewed you, or the contact you have at the company. This is just basic professionalism and, in any situation, can help you in the future should you choose to apply for an internship or job there in the future.
If Your Internship Straight-Up Got Canceled…
It’s thank-you note season, bitches! I know it sucks, but you need to be gracious for the opportunity. No matter how many times you roll your eyes while writing the email, the person who receives it will probably really appreciate it and be like, “wow, what a mature, polite college student. I’ll definitely consider them in the future!”
Obvi I am not an employer, I am a 21-year-old college student whose professional experience is just one rung above Alexis Rose’s, but my parents told me to always send a thank you note, so I’m passing that along.
If You’re Thinking: “Okay, That’s Great Advice But I Really F*cking Need Something To Do This Summer”…
Take a deep breath, you have nowhere else to go, and I’m getting there!
So, the thing with internships is that you’re not just supposed to be getting coffee or doing random busywork. Internships are there for us to learn, grow in our fields, and make connections. Whether you’re getting paid, getting class credit, or are interning at your mom’s company for neither of those things, internships are a facility for mentorship. They are intended to help you solidify your future plans. Internships can also serve as a significant form of income for some students. And, unfortch, they are super important for things like getting into graduate schools or getting entry-level jobs.
The first thing I will say is don’t totally lose your sh*t just yet. Yeah, if your dream internship gets canceled, that really sucks and I’m sorry you’re really going through it right now. I have searched far and wide for tips and advice to find ways to make up for not having an internship this summer.
Learn Something
If internships are ruled out entirely for whatever reason, summer classes are a great option. A lot of schools have summer programs, allowing you to get some type of certification in a field that you may be interested in. It’s like, we’re all going to want to party a ton when we eventually get back to campus, why not knock out some of the harder classes you were going to take next semester anyway?
If you can’t find an online class to take this summer or don’t want to fork over a ton of money for distance learning, many websites offer cheap or free certification programs for specific skills. Last summer, I was super bored and got certified in Content Marketing through HubSpot. Adobe Creative Suite, Masterclass, and other websites can give you training on things like writing, graphic design, and video making. Putting something like this on your resume or LinkedIn is a perfect way to show that even despite a crisis, you’re committed to learning and ~bettering yourself~.
Look For Companies With Expanded Remote Internship Programs
While remote internships may have initially not been your first choice, especially if you and your friends had big plans of living together in a fun city, it’s not time to be picky anymore. If you ruled out remote internships right off the bat, I highly suggest reconsidering that decision.
Companies with the capability to have interns work remotely also may be expanding their remote internship programs this summer. Cloudflare, a tech company that focuses on internet security and infrastructure, has pledged to double its internship program this summer. Truly, they are out here doing the lord’s work.
The Democratic National Committee is another organization that has pledged to move forward with internships, whether they are in person or remote. Like Cloudflare, the DNC hires students with a wide variety of backgrounds to multiple positions.
You May Need To Lower Your Standards
Okay, I shouldn’t need to say this, but this applies to jobs, not the frat boy you’ve been Snapchatting. However, if you initially ruled out an internship because it was too “low level” or unpaid, chances are it’s time to reconsider.
Trust me, I am a seasoned pro when it comes to thinking I am better than certain things, and it may hurt to swallow your pride. But, when your Big Four accounting internship gets canceled, I’m sure the smaller firm in your hometown will start to look like a better option. And I know unpaid internships aren’t ideal, but they’re still great experience.
Think Outside the Box
TBH, it doesn’t really matter if companies that are doing remote internships or expanding their remote programs aren’t really in your discipline. Even tech companies need communication people, accountants, and graphic designers. The chances are that these companies have more opportunities that are specific to your interests than you originally thought. It’s def worth looking into, especially if you’ve always been interested in something outside of your major.
It’s totally different, but last year I interned at a data-driven economy-based non-profit. If you know anything about me, I have very little knowledge or interest in, like, science or math. However, my internship was focused on communication and community engagement. While I did some things related to data, most of my time was spent learning how to build communication plans and work with charitable organizations.
Who knows? Maybe you’ll find something you love doing or are shockingly good at.
Talk to Your Professors
If you have a professor whom you really respect or have a positive relationship with, now is your time to shine. (If you’re the type of student who has literally never once been to office hours and shows up to class like twice a semester, IDK how to help you, man.) Most professors aren’t just there to teach a lecture hall full of hungover students three times a week, they also have to, like, research and publish articles.
Chances are, this situation has been really hard on your professors as well, and not just because they had to learn how to use Zoom. Your professor may be looking for a research assistant or can point you in the direction of someone who is. It may not be paid, but it looks really f*cking good on a resume, and you’ll learn a lot.
If you’re an overachiever, your professor may encourage you to conduct your own research and submit an essay to a journal within your field. And, like, talk about sh*t that looks good on a resume!
I know that this summer is really stressful, and no one has any clue of what the f*ck to expect. Trust me, I have had no less than eight nervous breakdowns in the three weeks I have been home. However, as my genius friend said in an attempt to comfort me: “we are all in the same boat, it just happens to be the Titanic.” We truly are all in the same boat, and maybe it’s uncharacteristically optimistic of me to say, but I have a feeling that our future employers and grad programs are going to remember the WORLD-WIDE PANDEMIC that took over summer 2020.
In the meantime, crack a White Claw, take a deep breath, and enjoy competing with high schoolers for views on Tik Tok. I have a feeling we will all make it out the other side of this.
Not to literally be the f*cking worst, but I can definitively say my semester abroad was the best semester of college so far. Admittedly, it could be because I didn’t cry over boys, have stupid drama, or fall down the steps of a frat house. I might not have gotten a Madonna-esque accent or pulled a Meghan Markle and married a prince during my three months abroad in London, but I’m still chuffed with the way I spent my time here.
While London may not be every student’s first thought when picking where to go abroad, it should really at least be in the top of five (if not top of the list). During my semester across the pond, I balled out in pubs, shopped waaaay more than I should have, and ate some of the best food I’ve ever tasted. London is a crazy, huge, exciting place, and I sadly didn’t experience everything. However, whether you’re thinking of a semester in the best city in the world (seriously, don’t fight me on this) or you’re just taking a short trip, think of this list as a starting point. Cheers!
General Living
One of the significant perks of studying abroad in London is that it’s pretty much New York, but with accents. While the U.K., and, specifically London, is definitely more western and modern than places like Madrid or Rome, some random things may be confusing at first.
Your home in London will likely be a dorm or a flat (aka an apartment). I really lucked out and lived with three other girls in a 2br/2ba apartment. While this may have made things difficult when we were getting ready to go out, it was a perfect set-up for a transition between on-campus and off-campus housing.
Your flat will likely have some weird washer-dryer hybrid (if you have a dryer at all), and you’ll probably have a dishwasher, which is honestly super nice.
If, upon arriving abroad, you discover the sheets and towels your program gave you are grimy and insufficient (seriously, we were each given one small hand-towel and that’s it), don’t freak out. The city is littered with home goods and department stores. While literally nothing could ever compare to Target, chains like M&S and TK Maxx (the British TJ Maxx) will have everything you need to get.
If you’re looking for something like Walgreens or CVS, I have great news for you. Boots, my new favorite store, is basically what I imagine CVS and Ulta’s love child would be. Seriously, I got my eyebrows done in a Boots that was located in a Tube station. I could write an essay about it and will go on for days, but truly, where else can you buy Calpol (British Tylenol) and YSL products in one place?
As far as food shopping goes, the most common grocery stores are Sainsbury, Co-op, Waitrose, and Tesco. M&S is the closest you’ll get to something like Target since they carry food, clothes, and a ton of random things. There are also a few Whole Foods locations scattered throughout the city if you’re into that, but they tend to be far from where students are based. When you go grocery shopping, they do charge for bags, so I found saving bags or purchasing reusable ones to be both fiscally and environmentally responsible.
While London has a thousand amazing restaurants, many of them are pretty expensive, so I recommend saving those for when your parents come to visit. London can be a pretty expensive city overall, so it’s essential to keep track of your spending, especially as it pertains to food. I promise that while the local cuisine is good, it isn’t worth bankrupting yourself within the first month.
When it comes to electronics, sh*t gets dicey. Due to my lack of understanding of voltage conversion, I accidentally blew the battery on my laptop during my first week here. Do yourself a favor and make sure you’re getting the right type of chargers that will properly adapt to the outlets, and won’t break your stuff.
Keep in mind the outlets in the U.K. are different from those in the rest of Europe (because I guess having different currency isn’t already enough of a pain in the ass). If you’re planning on traveling during your time abroad, which you should, I recommend getting one of those converters that let you change its settings so you don’t have to buy separate ones.
Travel/Transportation
London is very walkable, and there is ample public transport thought the city, which makes it easy to be sustainable and to ball on a budget! While the transportation system is admittedly confusing at first (I accidentally got on the Tube alone my first week and had a minor panic attack), it is super easy to adjust to and figure out. I recommend downloading the app CityMapper. It has minute-by-minute updates of line closures and shows you every way to get to a location by comparing the costs and travel time.
Flying: While London isn’t the cheapest place to travel to and from, flying is definitely the easiest way to get to most cities in Europe. Flights in and out of Heathrow are pretty pricey, but there are a ton of other, more affordable airports surrounding the city. Look for flights on Ryanair and EasyJet, they’re basically the European equivalents to Spirit.
When it comes to getting to the airport, I recommend taking the train from the city. Train times are predictable where London traffic is anything but. If you decide to Uber, give yourself tons of extra time.
Trains: Trains are great to get anywhere else in the U.K. and places like Amsterdam and Paris. I took the Eurostar to Amsterdam and flew back, and the train was 100 times more pleasant. Make sure you book a ticket beforehand, and I recommend paying extra for a seat; otherwise you might end up standing for three hours, and I know from experience it’s the f*cking worst.
Buses: Public transport is everywhere in London, and there’s a bus stop every hundred yards. While the buses are super convenient, they aren’t the fastest way to move around. Again, traffic in London is literally terrible.
The Tube: The crown jewel of London’s public transport system. Seriously, picture the subway but way cleaner and way more chill. The Tube is usually the fastest way to get from place to place. We were given oyster cards (aka transit cards) at the beginning of the semester and refilled a few times before we realized we could use Apple Pay to get in and out of the stations.
Uber: Uber is a little uncertain in London right now, as there’s an ongoing legal battle about whether they can keep their license to operate there. However, they left before and made a comeback. There are a variety of ride-share apps that are specific to the city and similar to Uber if it isn’t around when you visit. Uber can be a necessity, especially late at night, because public transport stops around 1am.
Style
One of the most significant aspects of culture shock I experienced in London is that people actually dress up for class. Leggings and the frat sweatshirt you stole from the guy you hooked up with freshman year won’t cut it. I obviously dressed cute on the first day to make a good impression on hot guys from across the pond, but I was shocked to discover my classmates wearing, like, dresses to class in the second week. People in London tend to dress really well, so be prepared to step up your game a little bit when it comes to daily attire.
When it comes to hair and skincare in London, there are a few essential things to remember. The weather is somehow frigid, humid, and dry all at the same time. The air quality is also no friend to sensitive skin. While drinking water might combat some of this, I also highly recommend investing in a few good face masks (I like Drunk Elephant’s Babyfacial and Glossier’s Moisturizing Moon Mask), deep conditioner, and some sort of hydrating hair product.
If you’re like me, and super reliant on your heat tools, I highly recommend investing in those made explicitly for European or British outlets. It’ll save you a whole lot of heartbreak when the flat iron you’ve had since junior year of high school burns out on the first week. RIP.
Food
Breakfast and Brunch
There are many fantastic breakfast and brunch places here. While I’m not huge on breakfast, there were a few spots almost every study abroad student will consider a “must.” I recommend exploring your area to find breakfast places because there are cute cafes all over the city.
EggBreak: EggBreak, located in Notting Hill, is the best brunch I had in London. We ordered half of the menu to split, but I honestly wish I had gotten everything. The neighborhood is super cute, which makes the long wait bearable.
The Breakfast Club: There are a few locations throughout the city, it’s pretty affordable and has a huge menu.
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High Tea
If you’re of the mentality that there’s no point in going to London if you aren’t going to high tea, you’re not necessarily wrong. Most of the time, champagne is included, which is super fun, especially if you’re not a huge tea drinker. Tea will typically eat up a few hours and take a sizable chunk of your abroad budget, depending on the place. I recommend a nicer, more traditional tea with your parents if they visit, and one of the trendier ones with your friends.
Sketch: THE place to go for bathroom mirror selfies. It is super vibey, and the restaurant is totally gorgeous, and the tea itself is also great. As a bonafide allergy kid, I really appreciated their nut-free option, mainly because most high tea places have set menus.
Beas of Bloomsbury: This place is super cute and there are a few locations. It’s a pretty traditional tea, but definitely worth going to.
Mad Hatters (Gin &) Tea Party: No words can do this justice, but it’s a crazy-fun experience. You’ll never do anything else like it, and it’s a must if you’re visiting London.
Peggy Porschen: We went here for tea on my friend’s birthday. It was super cute and the brunch food was delicious. We didn’t get the high tea menu, but the atmosphere was super pretty.
Dinner
CocoChan: CocoChan is hands down my favorite restaurant in London. Its Asian fusion menu has something for everyone, even super picky eaters. The restaurant is aesthetically pleasing, and the drinks are amazing.
Coppa Club: Coppa Club is super yummy, if a little expensive. It’s perfect for sharing a ton of stuff. They have igloos you can dine in that fill up months in advance, so make sure to plan ahead.
Nandos: Your London experience isn’t complete until you’ve had a cheeky Nandos with ~the lads~. It’s really just chicken and variations on normal chicken dishes with killer sides. Get the Peri Chips; you won’t regret it.
Dishoom: There are a few locations of Dishoom around the city. It’s really great Indian food.
Gloria: This is part of a restaurant group that has locations in Paris and other cities. It has incredible Italian food and is great for both brunch and dinner. The second location in London is called Circolo Popolare, and it’s equally as amazing.
Santore Italian: We found this place on the second day of the semester by accident, and it was our go-to. Tbh, it isn’t, like, the best Italian ever, but it’s close. The thing that really drew us in was the pizzas—you can order a half, ¾ or full meter pizza which can be split up with whatever toppings you want. I’m not saying three of us finished the full meter, but I’m also not not saying that.
Gordon Ramsay Bar and Grill: Honestly, I’ve never watched his shows, but if they are half as good as the meal I had at his restaurant, I might have to start. Save yourself the stress over what to order and go with the Truffle Burger. Trust me.
Quick Bites and Others
Ben’s Cookies: These cookies were THICC. Always ask for them fresh out of the oven.
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Everything we love unconditionally about #benscookies in one clip! 😍 👉🏻 @maxime_lrnt
Hummingbird Cupcakes: We got my friend’s birthday cake here, and it was terrific. Honestly, it’s similar to Magnolia Bakery in NYC but still worth visiting. They have a few locations around the city and are very accommodating with allergies.
Itsu: Itsu is a chain sushi place. It might not be Nobu quality, but the food is good and the service is always fast.
Harrod’s Food Hall: These are fantastic food stands on the first floor of Harrods. It’s so worth a visit, and you can find literally every type of food there.
Going Out
I’m not a huge club person, but London has an incredible nightlife with a ton of things for everyone. Clubs, bars, and pubs are all different things, with pubs being the most chill option.
If you’re looking for a good night out and don’t want to spend a ton of money, check out Wicked Student Nights. It’s a website that shows you all of the deals in the city for students, and where you’ll have the best chance of meeting people your age and other students who are abroad.
Barrio: I have a few friends who are local to London, so when I went out with them, they always tried to take us to places tourists tend to stay away from. Barrio was one of my favorite places we went out, and I definitely wish we went more often. It’s almost a frat party vibe and is the perfect mix between a bar and a club. However, it’s weirdly 21+, even though the legal drinking age is 18. Nevertheless, we were friendly to the bouncers and ended up not having any issues getting in as 20-year-olds.
Big Chill: I wish I went here the first night, but I waited till my last week to visit. It’s in Shoreditch, which is the best area in the city to go out because it’s super easy to hop around from place to place. Like Barrio, it’s a mix between a bar and a club and has a really cute outdoor area for the rare nights it’s not negative 100 degrees! The drinks weren’t crazy expensive, and the atmosphere was (excuse the pun) very chill.
ICE BAR London: Very hyped up, but way worth it. Really, we paid like, 20 pounds for one drink and an Insta pic. However, I’m totally comfortable saying that I did it for the ‘gram. This is a place you go with a small group of friends, and not somewhere you stay all night. You book your ticket in advance, and it includes a drink, a jacket and gloves, and forty-five minutes inside the bar.
The Alchemist: One of the coolest bars I went to, with locations scattered around London. If you know anyone who’s basic and ever visited London, I’m sure you saw 100 pics and Boomerangs of a smoking cocktail on their Snapchat and Instagram stories. All of their drinks have some science element to them and taste amazing. It isn’t the cheapest option, but truly worth every penny.
Old Street Records: I’ll be honest, I never went here, but plenty of people I know did. It seems fun enough and similar to Big Chill. From what I’ve been told, it’s good vibes and pretty relaxed.
Slug and Lettuce: I said it to my friends, and I’ll say it here: scatter my ashes in Slug and Lettuce. There are dozens of locations throughout the U.K., and all of them are super different. Still, the drink menu is pretty much the same at all of them (order the Pornstar Spritz, it’s the best drink I’ve ever had). My favorite location is located right next to the Gherkin. It’s always filled with cute finance boys who just got out of work.
Ballie Ballerson: Similar to ICE BAR, Ballie Ballerson is more the type of thing you do for the experience and isn’t the move for a real night out. It’s best with a small group of people as you have to book your tickets in advance. Ballie Ballerson is the type of place you go to for good pics and good company, not for a clubbing vibe.
O’Neill’s: This place is an American student magnet on Thursday nights. Seriously, almost everyone you see here is someone studying abroad or a creepy older guy. Go with a big group and pregame hard, and you’ll have an enjoyable night. If you go there earlier in the night, you can expect to see a live band playing classic rock.
Tiger Tiger: If you’re looking for a place to peak, look no further. Tiger Tiger was one of the most fun places I experienced. It has several floors, an entertaining crowd, and is great for a proper night out.
Piccadilly Institute: Similar to Tiger Tiger and O’Neill’s. I loved Piccadilly Institute and wish I had more chances to go. They frequently have deals for students and are always playing good music.
Markets, Sights, and Activities
There are more things to do in and around London than there were days I had studying abroad, so I sadly didn’t get to visit every single attraction. Something I wish we’d done at the beginning of our time abroad was list everything we wanted to do so we could make real plans and fit in all of these sights. London has tons of museums, many of which are free or affordable for students, and are totally worth taking advantage of.
Abbey Road: Home of the famous Beatles album cover picture, f*cking obviously. If you’re super committed to taking the perfect Instagram pic there, you better get there as early as possible because it’s just a normal crosswalk and is located at a pretty busy intersection. There is also a store dedicated to the record label and The Beatles that is super cute.
Big Ben: The entire thing is under construction until next year, so there’s scaffolding everywhere, but I couldn’t just not mention Big Ben.
Borough Market: Okay, this was the BEST food market I went to in London. When my mom visited me, we got spiked cider and walked around the market for a little bit. It’s excellent for artisan food shopping (if that’s your thing) and even better for getting a few things to split for lunch. Honestly, some of the best food I had abroad was in Borough Market.
British Museum: The British Museum is a super cool place to visit. They house the Rosetta Stone, which, if you’re like me (aka a huge nerd), is a pretty big deal.
Buckingham Palace and the Changing of the Guard: They don’t do the Changing of the Guard every day, and it’s honestly kind of confusing if you aren’t able to see the whole thing. Make sure you check the dates and get there early enough to get the right spot. If you aren’t able to see the Changing of the Guard for whatever reason, the palace is still really cool to look at.
Camden Market: Camden Market is one of my favorite places to go in London. There is an art market and a dozen or so food stalls that are all, like, out of this world. As the Taylor Swift song suggests, Camden is a really cool place to walk around and explore.
Churchill War Rooms: I can’t say enough about this. The Churchill War Rooms are tunnels and rooms underneath Westminster that protected Winston Churchill and his team while they strategized during the Second World War. It was easily the best thing I did in London, and I may or may not have been so moved by the museum inside that I cried a little. This is a major must-visit. Seriously, you have to go.
Covent Garden: A little bougie, but super fun to visit. There’s a ton of small, cute restaurants and an art market surrounded by high-end stores. It’s a great place for people watching and walking around.
Football Games: I’m not a huge sports girl, but, when in London, right? There are a ton of Football Clubs (teams) in the area, and while one of my frat guy friends passionately told me which team to root for, I had no idea what he was saying. Anyway, if you want the authentic British experience, it is definitely worth attending a game.
Hampton Court: While not quite as far as Stonehenge, Hampton Court is still pretty far from the city. I recommend carving out a little more than half a day to tour this stunning palace and the gardens. Since most of the palace and the coolest things to see are outside, I’d recommend doing this in warmer weather.
Ice Skating at the Natural History Museum: If you’re abroad in the winter, going ice skating is totally worth it. Honestly, there are a ton of places to ice skate, including a really gorgeous rooftop bar.
London Bridge: It’s right above the Borough market, and the coolest thing about it was the view you get of Tower Bridge. Nonetheless, the cool history makes it worth a visit.
London Eye: The London Eye offers an incredible view of the city (duh). As someone who is terrified of heights, I can confirm it’s not as scary as I thought it would be!
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Sundays are for relaxing, eating…oh and being 135m in the air 👏 #EyeLoveLondon 📸: @garancejuliette
Museum of London: The Museum of London takes you through decades of London’s history and has incredible exhibits featuring musicians and other interesting Londoners. It’s no Lady Gaga’s Meat Dress, but it’s still awesome.
Parent Trap House: My mom and I were really excited to go to the Parent Trap house for obvious reasons. However, it turned out to be a bit of a letdown. Someone actually lives there, so it’s not like you can tour the inside or even get that close to the house without being super awkward. While I recommend going if you love the movie and have the time, it isn’t a must-see.
Portobello Market: This market is in Notting Hill, and honestly has the best crêpes ever. There are tons of food and art booths, and it’s a great place to walk around for a while.
St. James Park: Right near Buckingham palace, this park is super pretty to walk around when you visit the palace or are in the area.
Stonehenge: Ok, full disclosure, I didn’t make it to Stonehenge, and that might be my biggest regret of abroad. It’s super far from London, but I genuinely think the trip would have been worth it.
Tower of London: This is where the Crown Jewels are. The line is always super long, but it’s worth the wait, and it moves really fast.
West End: Seeing a show on the West End is a must. The tickets are waaay cheaper than Broadway, and the shows are just as good, if not better. If you go on a Wednesday afternoon, you can stop by a ticket office to find really cheap tickets.
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King George said we’ll be back. He was right. (Get it? Bc I’m abroad in England? Haha)
Westminster Abbey: This historical church is totally stunning. A trip to London isn’t complete without a visit. Seriously, no words can do it justice.
Working Out
As I mentioned above, living in London has a few similarities to living in Manhattan, and many of the workout class options are similar (if not the same) as what we have in the states.
SoulCycle: I don’t really think this needs an explanation. My friends usually went to classes at the Mayfair location, but there is a Soul in Notting Hill.
Barry’s Boot Camp: Similar to SoulCycle, this really doesn’t need an explanation. My understanding is that Barry’s is a HIIT-style workout where you run on the treadmill and then lift weights. There are a few Barry’s locations in London, and I’ve never been to a single one, but I have friends who are obsessed with it.
KoBox: KoBox is the hardest workout I’ve ever done. If you are familiar with Rumble boxing, it’s pretty similar. You’ll spend your class split between bodyweight workout and hitting the bag. I frequently go to more traditional boxing classes at home, and while this isn’t what I was used to, it is my new favorite. There are a few locations throughout London, but my favorite studios are Mayfair and City.
Studio Lagree: Again, this studio has locations scattered throughout London. It offers a traditional mega-former workout, so if you’ve hopped on the SLT bandwagon, this is your best bet at finding something comparable when traveling in the U.K.
Fitness Clubs: This is what gyms are called in the U.K. I recommend looking into joining whatever your Uni has to offer, since they tend to have the best student rates. However, although my roommates and I all joined our Uni fitness club, it was really far from our flat, so we rarely used it. Distance is essential to consider if you’re going to sign up for a gym.
London is enormous, and there’s no way to experience everything the city has to offer in one semester. It can be hard to truly take advantage of everything in the city and still maximize your weekend trips. Like I said before, studying abroad in London is really the best of both worlds. You get close enough to a real ~European~ abroad experience, without having to deal with language barriers or people who like, really dislike Americans.
Honestly, and I know it’s so obnoxious to say, but abroad did change me, and I wouldn’t trade a second of my time here for the world.
Pip pip, cheerio, mates!
Images: Aron Van de Pol / Unsplash, Santore Restaurant, Harrods, Giphy (3)
By the time you get to college, you pretty much have your going-out makeup routine down to a science. However, I think most of us can agree that 8am is not the time to break out a contour palette and smoky eye. When it comes to looking like you aren’t literally the walking dead, less is often more. If you can wake up early enough to do a 12-step routine every morning, more power to you. Or, if you literally couldn’t give less of a f*ck how you look in class or at work, go you.
I, however, am a Libra who craves attention and affirmation from strangers. Thus, I’ve spent the last three years of my college career perfecting an effortlessly “pretty” look so that I can sit in a dark lecture hall every morning. For all of the wisdom I have developed through three years of simultaneously being a hot mess and somehow not looking like sh*t at 8am, keep reading.
Serums
In the most advanced scientific terms, serums really are THAT b*tch. The best way to both feel and look alive in the morning is to start with a solid, hydrated canvas. (I’m talking about your face.) Dull, dry skin just does not look as good as hydrated skin, no matter how much makeup you put on it. With better hydrated skin comes easier application for the rest of your makeup—or at the very least, higher confidence as you roll out of bed and run to class/work.
I read a sh*t ton of Sephora reviews and also follow Dr. Shereene Idriss (my Glossier, Allure, and American Board of Dermatology-endorsed queen) on Insta, so I am legally allowed to say this: go out and buy yourself a f*cking vitamin C serum. It has done wonders for me in terms of brightening my skin, helping with texture problems, and recurring acne spots. For the best results that will help give your skin that “dewy and effortless” look, be sure to look for ascorbic acid, the most stable and effective form of vitamin C, according to dermatologists.
Pearlessence Radiance Perfecting Serum
My vitamin C serum of choice is the Pearlessence Radiance Perfecting Serum, because Jonathan Van Ness said to use it. This serum has both vitamin C and hyaluronic acid, another ingredient that aids in plumping and soothing the skin. The Ordinary is also a great place to shop for serums, as they use high-quality, pure ingredients but do not mark up their items as heavily as other companies—meaning most of their serums are around $10.
The thing to keep in mind is that the more you prep your skin for each day with various serums or concentrated ingredients, the more refreshed and hydrated you will both look and feel.
Rollers
Is this 2018? No. But am I still jade rolling my face? Absolutely. I have terribly puffy under eyes, and this is often what makes you look the most tired after an all-nighter, or what can be a dead giveaway that you spent a few hours crying after an exam. The quickest and most effective way to help your eyes look a bit less puffy is to keep the jade roller in your fridge or freezer, and quickly roll upwards around the eye area and cheeks in the morning. The coolness helps eliminate swelling, and nothing really wakes you up quite like rubbing a cold rock on your face for a few minutes.
This is also a good hack to use on your neck when you get a little sore from studying or staring at a laptop for too long. Do not, however, let Gwyneth Paltrow scam you into spending a ton of money on one of these claiming it is “rose quartz” or whatever.
Tinted Sunscreen (Or Moisturizer)
I know I sound like a mom telling you to put on sunscreen, but if you want to avoid looking like Yzma in 20 years, just f*cking use it! To kill two birds with one stone in the morning, buy a tinted one. Boom! You literally smear it all over your face for 20 seconds and have a slightly more uniform complexion, while also protecting yourself from sun damage.
Elta MD tinted sunscreen SPF 46
My go-to is the Elta MD tinted sunscreen SPF 46 because I read once that Kendall Jenner uses it and it also has a full five stars on Ulta’s website. As you can see, the standards for what I put on my face are really high. My favorite part about this sunscreen is the tint, as adding a light coloration really quickly in the morning can do wonders for making your complexion look a little smoother and glowy. You also don’t have to worry about harsh lines or patchy spots as you rush to put it on. A lighter, more transparent coat of color will not create the caked-on or streaky look that foundation often does if not applied carefully.
Cream blush
When my idiot sister tried to show me this trick, I thought she was legit insane, but now I absolutely swear by it. In the morning, after applying your tinted moisturizer/sunscreen, take a cream blush, and LIGHTLY dab it above the apples of your cheeks and then down and on the tip of your nose. By applying it slightly above the apples of your cheeks, you draw the eyes up, which can provide a nice contrast to the exhausted eye bags almost all college students and people over the age of 23 are cursed with.
The key word here, however, is “lightly.” If you try and recreate this with too much blush you will look like an absolute clown. I recommend using Glossier’s Cloud Paint for this. It is super lightweight, comes in a bunch of beautiful shades, and you only need to use a tiny bit for max effectiveness, making your $18 investment last ages.
Natural Highlighter
Taking five seconds to dab on a bit of highlighter can give you a natural glow. The Wet n’ Wild MegaGlo Highlighting Powder is literally $6, and surprisingly good quality for a product you can find in a drugstore. Put it at the top of the cheekbones, the top of the nose, and a little on the center of your eyelid. Keep in mind that if you aren’t wearing a lot of other makeup, too much highlighter will look crazy. It’ll likely look less like a glow and more like you were snorting glitter. Remember the highlighter craze à la Jeffree Star? The one about blinding the nearest driver with the reflection coming off of the side of your face? Yeah, this is not that.
Wet n’ Wild MegaGlo Highlighting Powder
I live and die by these products. However, you need to research various products to find what works for you. Seriously, I can’t stress this enough. Not every product will work the same on everyone. Regardless, these products should take you less than 10-15 minutes to apply in the morning before class. Hopefully, you’ll feel more confident as you integrate them into your morning routine. Now when you show up 20 minutes late to class with an iced coffee, you’ll look good doing it.
Images: @iyunmai / Unsplash; Wet n’ Wild; Glossier; Dermstore; Amazon; Sephora
Betches may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link and purchase a product or service. The links are independently placed and do not influence editorial content.
The spring semester is full of exciting experiences, like spring break and the return of #dartyszn. It’s also full of some pretty dreadful things: like listening to someone begin every sentence with, “last semester, when I lived—sorry, studied abroad—in Par-ee…” While it’s definitely great to see all of your friends who were gone the last semester, hearing about how everything is “just sooooo much better abroad” over and over again gets pretty old pretty f*cking fast. Not to worry, I’m here to salvage your relationships with some tips for dealing with your friends who can’t help but use every breath to remind you they studied abroad in the fall.
The “Bilingual” B*tch
People who study abroad looove to act like they’re suddenly fluent in another language after just a couple of months. Even the ones who went to London. Like, sure, I may not have a clue what a crumpet is (it has something to do with tea, right?) but I’m 100% positive it’s in the Oxford English dictionary—emphasis on English, so chill out, Jessica. All you’ve got to do when someone starts slipping Spanish, Italian, or French words into the conversation is tell them that you must have taken the same language course: reading a restaurant menu. More power to you if you’re able to hold an elementary conversation in another language, but let’s be real—the only words most people learn while they’re abroad are the names of the food and drinks from that country.
The Self-Proclaimed Foodie
Look, I get it. Food that isn’t from America is “life-changing.” If I could have freshly baked bread and burrata for literally every meal, I would. But unfortunately, that’s not how it works in college dining halls, where you can only hope that your food is made with some ingredients that could legally be classified as food, and not “eggs” that came from a bag. Next time your friend starts going on and on about how the food here just doesn’t compare, say “listen, I f*cking believe you. But let’s make the most of this mystery meat cardboard pizza, unless you actually have some of that mind-blowing food you keep talking about to eat instead.” As long as you keep throwing their mediocre food account on Insta some likes, they’ll get over any initial hurt feelings.
The Cultured One
Obviously, traveling is a great way to immerse yourself in other cultures. There are a sh*t ton of museums and monuments and to visit, and the fact that you’re in a different part of the world altogether is a learning experience. Get ready to listen to your friends talk about how ~cultured~ they’ve become since living abroad. How they went to different museums every week, and were always trying new foods, and reading new books, and speaking to locals in their native tongue. Ask them if they’ve stepped foot in a museum since getting home, or watched anything more foreign than the British version of The Office, and they’ll be forced to come to terms with the fact that they haven’t really changed as much as they’re putting on.
The One With A Story For Everything
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you blacked out last night and woke up with your ex? lol bitch i blacked out and woke up in jail
Apparently, even the smallest thing can remind someone of a never-ending story about their time abroad. You can’t mention traffic, going to the grocery store, or even f*cking breathe without them going, “OMG that reminded me of when I was in Florence…” *cue eye roll.* Be sure to follow up every study abroad story with an equally as uneventful story of your own to show them that doing something as boring as washing your hands does not suddenly become interesting just because it happened in a different country. I physically couldn’t care less about how you accidentally used the wrong tense of a word while ordering breakfast one time. I do that all the time in English, and you don’t see me bragging about it.
The One In A Long-Distance Relationship
Chances are at least one of your friends is going to come back with some ridiculous whirlwind international romance they primarily pursued in an effort to live out their Lizzie McGuire Movie fantasy. Now that they’re back in “the States,” they’ll love regaling anyone within earshot with the details of their love story and the hardship that comes with FaceTiming across time zones. Give me a break. You can probably get them to shut up about it (and hopefully just end the whole thing) by asking if their newfound soulmate has any plans to be in the country in the next 6-12 months. Once they realize they have a better chance of making tuition money by selling feet pics than they do of over seeing Paolo again, they’ll come to their senses.
Honestly, your friends are just excited to share their new experiences with you (and also convince you that they definitely never felt any FOMO while they were gone. No, not even once). Give them a week or two to tell as many stories as they want (even if you’ve heard the same one a million f*cking times), and indulge them by asking questions to help get it out of their system. Then you can start giving them sh*t after a few weeks if they’re still talking about how different the water tasted. They’ll get the point.
Images: Atikh Bana / Unsplash
After a long semester and a seemingly endless exam period, winter break could not come f*cking soon enough. Break is probably the only thing motivating you to just finish your damn paper, so you might find yourself daydreaming mid-study session about all of the great things you’re gonna do with all the free time you’ll suddenly have. But before you get ahead of yourself, let’s take a moment to bring your winter break expectations back to reality.
Actually staying on top of school work
Expectation: After seeing how much you f*cked yourself over during finals by not doing the readings literally all semester, you’re gonna order all your books for next semester and get ahead on the reading. You’re determined to make Dean’s List and vow you won’t put off all your work until the last minute like you did last semester.
Reality: Two weeks into the spring semester and you still haven’t bought your books yet. And probably never will, tbh.
Having a rom-com romance
Expectation: You’ll go ice skating or Christmas tree shopping and have a Hallmark movie-style meet-cute whirlwind romance. You and your new true love will save Christmas/whatever small town you live in by baking cookies or solving a low-grade crime or something.
Reality: You spend every damn day unsuccessfully resisting the urge to hit up your high school ex.
Getting sh*t done for your future
Expectation: Every day will feel like #motivationmonday and you’ll submit ALL of your summer internship applications before the end of the break.
Reality: You sleep in past noon every day—when the sun sets at like, 4pm, how could you possibly be expected to get anything done in that time frame? It’s also only December. You’ll have pleeeenty of time to get that sh*t done before the summer deadlines. I mean, that’s what syllabus week free time is for, right?
Finally getting fit
Expectation: With all that free time, you’ll hit the gym every day and put all those Lululemon leggings you’ve been wearing exclusively to class to their intended use. You’ll have no excuse without classes and studying to get in the way, so you’ll finally be able to embody the fit b*tch you stalk (but refuse to follow) on Instagram.
Reality: Your slight motivation to work out doesn’t stand a chance with all the holiday baked goods sitting around. Spin class? Sorry, what? I couldn’t hear you over the crunch of this peppermint toffee in my mouth.
Social media activity
Expectation: Your Insta game is going to be ON. POINT. You know all the hacks to make your hometown look aesthetically pleasing. With so many cute Christmas decorations and all your winter outfits, there will be endless opportunities to keep your feed fresh.
Reality: It’s too f*cking cold to dress cute. In a couple of weeks no one will have likes on Instagram anymore, so what’s the point of even trying?
Eating real food at home
Expectation: For weeks you’ve been fantasizing about all the home-cooked meals your parents will make you. You can’t wait for a break from the college dining hall food and the food poisoning that comes with it. They’ll have a whole spread of all your favorites set up for your arrival.
Reality: Your parents barely even cook anymore and all they have in the fridge is a jar of pickles and a bag of unopened wilted spinach. Looks like delivery again.
Meeting up with your hometown friends
Expectation: You’ll hang out with your friends 24/7, just like in high school. Everything will feel like you never even spent time apart and there will be no drama.
Reality: It takes at least a full week, five different “activity” suggestions, and 12 different potential dates and times to plan something. When you all finally decide where to go, half of your friends cancel on you with some bullsh*t excuse at the last second, and the other half only want to meet up so they can convince you to join their pyramid scheme.
Organizing Your Life
Expectation: You’re finally going to check literally everything off your to-do list. Organizing the files on your desktop? Check. Getting a haircut? Check. Admitting to yourself that you can’t afford all the sh*t you have in your shopping carts in all those tabs you have open? Check. By the end of break, you’ll be organization personified.
Reality: Your to-do list will collect dust and accumulate more tasks that won’t get done. Instead of getting your act together, you’re going to watch all those shows you’ve been meaning to watch all semester.
Spending time with your family
Expectation: No matter how much you may hate to admit it, you missed your family like crazy during the semester. You can’t wait to spend quality time with them decorating the tree, watching movies, going shopping for each other’s gifts, and having dinner together.
Reality: You all get on each other’s last nerve within five minutes and spend the rest of your break in separate rooms. You even listen at the door before leaving to avoid interaction. It’s for your own sanity, tbh.
Going out
Expectation: You’ll attend a lit af New Year’s Eve party. Everyone will compliment your outfit and your crush will miraculously also be at the party because of the power of ~holiday magic~. You’ll kiss at midnight and live happily ever after (or at least stay together long enough to a steady hookup).
Reality: You’ll ring in the new year watching the ball drop with your family. Your parents will force you to write down some resolutions for 2020 even though you have zero intention of ever changing your ways.
Don’t get me wrong, winter break is the f*cking best. You get to sleep all day, have no real responsibilities, and can pretend for a brief moment that you’ll never have to walk into a lecture hall ever again. But if you want to enjoy it, you’ve got to let go of your expectations that winter break is anything more than hibernation (with Netflix and your parents’ liquor cabinet to keep you company). Honestly, by the time January rolls around, you’ll probably be dying to go back to college, where you’re free from your parents’ curfew and the reaches of your hometown MLM pushers.
Images: Victor Hughes / Unsplash; betches, offcampus (2), squaresayings / Instagram
“I’m not shocked, just disappointed.” – My dad, after I drove my car into the fridge in our garage. Also, me when I realized there were even more types of f*ckboys to write about.
If you recall, a few months ago, I wrote an article about 6 types of f*ckboys you are likely to meet in college. Honestly, we should have known that my initial list was not comprehensive by any means. As dumb as most college-aged guys are, they’re super innovative when it comes to things like making bongs out of random objects and screwing over women. And, like that one scientist said, species must change if they are going to adapt and survive.
First things first, I’m going to refer to the original article a few times throughout this one. Think of this as a higher-level class and the original post like a prereq. If you haven’t read it yet, you might want to go back and read it first.
You’ve dealt with the basic f*ckboys. Now it’s time to educate yourself on the advanced level f*ckboys.
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link in bio to listen us tell you How To Spot A Fuckboy | @taylajacksonn @abbiabbeyabby
The Wannabe F*ckboy
Definition: If a classic f*ckboy is the king, the wannabe f*ckboy is like the guy who plays the trumpet every time the king enters a room. He’s a total bro, in the ironic sense of the word, and lives to impress his friends. For reasons that elude understanding, he genuinely wants to be a f*ckboy, but he just doesn’t have it in him.
AKA: “Brad’s Wingman,” “The Funny Friend,” or, “The Less Hot One.”
Where to find them: Hyping Brad up for beer pong and awkwardly standing near his friends…poor guy.
How to spot them: His outfits are either a little dorkier than a typical f*ckboy’s or make him look like he’s dressing up as a douchebag for Halloween. He wears shorts in the winter and loooves his Miami Heat LeBron Jersey, even though he isn’t from Miami, and LeBron plays for the Lakers now.
You know he’s a Wanna-Be F*ckboy if:
-He’s always forced to be the wingman. And I mean always.
-He tells you, mid-hookup, that he’s, “kind of a f*ckboy so you shouldn’t get attached.” As if you were planning on it. Like, okay, Jordan, thanks.
-Despite telling you not to get attached, after you hook up, he becomes super obsessed with you and texts you all the time.
-He tries really hard to be funny because it’s usually the only way he gets attention.
-He introduces himself by his last name or a nickname he came up with that no one else uses.
How to deal with them: Like a classic f*ckboy, you know what you’re getting into with this one. Unlike a classic f*ckboy, you might actually enjoy being around him when he isn’t trying to seem like an asshole. But don’t forget, him making you laugh a few times behind closed doors doesn’t make him any less likely to stop trying to get his friends to think he’s hot sh*t. Usually that means making gross comments about women and actively trying to hook up with other girls in public.
A wannabe f*ckboy will try to justify his behavior with the fact that he’s still messed up from when his eighth-grade girlfriend was in love with a high schooler. Maybe one day he’ll go to therapy and sort out why he feels the need to seek out Brad’s approval, but until then, he’s not worth your time.
The Sugar Daddy In Training
Definition: Kind of like a finance bro, yet somehow dumber. He likes preppy clothes, has good taste in restaurants, is incredibly out of touch for a 21-year-old, and has no problem swiping his daddy’s credit card.
Where to find them: They’re probably in the business school and are likely in a frat (even though they’re too snobby to drink Natty Light). They like to go to bougie restaurants on the weekend as their version of a pregame.
How to spot them: A sugar daddy in training will be wearing dark-wash jeans, an expensive watch, and a name-brand shirt. Bonus points if he has an Off White or Gucci belt! These guys are often overly nice but have a bit of a creepy vibe as a result of their low-key sugar daddy energy.
You’ll know you’re involved with one if:
-You’re not even dating, but he takes you to really nice restaurants and offers to pay for the full meal.
-You say no to plans because you have to study, and he brings up that he’s paying as if that will make your exam not matter. But like… is he wrong?
-He orders absurd drinks at your sh*tty college bar and requests top-shelf alcohol. In reality, he can’t tell the difference between Patron and Jose Cuervo.
-He’ll always pay for your drinks, which is kind of cute. But he acts like it’s his own money (it’s not) and like you owe him something in return. You literally never ever ever ever owe a boy for drinks or anything else!!
How to deal with them: A sugar daddy in training might be fun. They usually have some personality and honestly, as a broke college student, a free meal might be hard to pass up. However, getting involved with these guys can get pretty icky pretty fast. If you do choose to hook up with these guys, more power to you, but the minute he starts treating you like you owe him sh*t or using a date to pressure you into anything, walk tf away.
The One Who Just Broke Up With His Long-Term Girlfriend
Definition: After a two-year relationship, homeboy is single and not-so-ready to mingle. The types to be in these long-term relationships when they’re super young tend to be serial daters. However, the trauma of a breakup (which was probably not his idea) makes him lose all sense of self.
Where to find them: Blacking out EVERYWHERE. At a bar. In a frat house. During a tailgate. On a Tuesday afternoon. It’s like Green Eggs and Ham, but if it were about Natty Light and taking shots.
How to spot them: Well ladies, sad to say, but these guys often dress in civilian clothing, which makes it hard to tell whether or not he’ll ruin your life. He’s going to be acting like a 15-year-old boy who was put in charge of grocery shopping: all impulse control, no rationality.
Here’s how you can tell when a breakup is about to turn a boy into a total douche:
-He hooks up with any girl with a pulse, just because he can.
-He talks about how great “freedom” is. A lot.
-Because he’s a “relationship guy,” he ends up getting into a long-term thing with, like, the fifth girl he hooks up with post-breakup.
-He calls his ex “crazy,” but still talks about her allll the time.
-He likes to remind you he just got out of a long-term relationship and isn’t looking for anything serious. This likely happens right after he asks you to sleep over for the third time that week.
How to deal with them: Repeat after me: you are not his therapist! He’s not looking for his next girlfriend, he’s looking for some form of stability as he attempts to get over his last relationship. I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’re probably not the only life raft he’s grabbing on to, if you know what I mean. If you have any expectations from him beyond a rebound hookup, you’re playing yourself.
The One With Super Close (Girl) Friends
Definition: If a guy is spending all of his time with a girl and claiming they’re “just friends,” it might be true, but he could also be full of sh*t. There’s nothing inherently wrong with having friends of the opposite sex, however, more often than not, at least one of them has some not-so-platonic feelings.
To get this out of the way: “Babe, you don’t need to worry about her, seriously she’s just a friend,” is only okay when I say it, k?
Where to find them: At every sorority event as someone else’s date, surrounded by girls at the bar, helping his ‘friend’ do random sh*t throughout the day.
How to spot them: He dresses exactly how every girl wants a guy to dress, and that’s because his girlfriends are there to pick out his outfits. This guy is charismatic and good with girls, but it’s only because he has a whole squad of (gorgeous) girl friends always by his side.
He might be in love with one of his friends, or vice versa, if:
-He gets really jealous when any guy talks to one of his girl friends.
-There’s a weirdly sexual/romantic part about one of his “friends” in every story he tells.
-He has blatantly admitted to hooking up with one of his “good friends” in the past, but now “she’s just a friend.”
-If you do ask about any of the girls, he gets really defensive and kind of gaslights you into thinking you’re crazy for being a little jealous.
-His girl friends are not fans of yours and have made that extremely clear to either him or you.
-His friends are the type of girls who hang out with guys “because there’s less drama.” *Barf.*
How to deal with them: First of all, never give him an ultimatum unless you’re really ready to walk away from him, because 99 times out of 100, he will pick his so-called friend over you. The best way to figure out what the deal between him and his alleged BFF is would be to try (in a way that isn’t overly crazy) to become friendly with her. You’ll be able to tell if either of them gets uncomfortable. If it comes to a point where you are in a real relationship, and he always picks her over you, walk away.
The One Who Glowed Up
Definition: Maybe he lost a ton of weight, got a good haircut, or finally started taking Accutane. But, overnight, the sweet, ugly-ish guy you used to flirt with for notes in Intro to Econ started looking really f*cking good. You and your friend walked past him this semester, and you had to ask if that was actually Adam. It was, and at some point recently, he went through a hugeeee transformation.
Where to find them: These guys typically can be found near a bar, or at a frat party, they’re always seeking out places they can find girls, just to show off their new looks.
How to spot them: Guys who just got hot can occasionally be hard to tell apart from classic f*ckboys. At a darty (or anywhere where it is semi-socially acceptable), they’ll be shirtless. If they aren’t, they’re wearing something that really screams for attention. After all, why work would they work that hard to get hot if girls still won’t give a sh*t about them?
You can tell he is very aware of his new good looks if:
-He goes from being almost like a puppy dog in your presence to acting like he thinks he’s too cool for you.
-He always blows you off for gym sessions.
-If he gets caught flirting (or, worst-case scenario, hooking up) with someone else, he tries to excuse it by blaming his actions on his new self-confidence.
-He’s like a vegan now or on some equally as obnoxious diet to keep up his new look.
How to deal with them: I would say he needs a significant blow to his ego, but it seems just mean to take something away that he worked so hard for. If you can find a way to subtly let him know that he’s not the greatest thing to grace this planet, let me know, because I haven’t really figured out how to do that without being a massive b*tch.
Listen, as someone who has fallen victim to many a f*ckboy in the last 2.5 years, I don’t suggest avoiding them altogether. Not only is it pretty much impossible, but I actually find f*ckboys totally fascinating. You can learn a lot from getting involved with a f*ckboy, that’s what college is about after all, learning. However, to prevent emotional fallout, you must know how to deal with them and put them in their place.
If you have more f*ckboy stories to share (whether or not they relate to these categories), write-in to the @offcampus insta stories or email them to [email protected].
Images: Eliott Reyna / Unsplash; offcampus / Instagram; Giphy
