Amazing news, everyone. You’ve (almost) survived another Mercury retrograde. Or maybe you didn’t. But either way, Mercury is out of retrograde this Wednesday, meaning it is officially time to assess the damage. Say some sh*t that came out harsher than you intended? (Yes.) Misinterpret a text and fly off the handle over nothing? (Always.) Get mad at your roommate for breathing weird in the common spaces? (Do you even need to ask?) This is the week to make amends. Until the next time Mercury goes into retrograde and wrecks your life, that is.

Aries

Cuffing season is in high gear, Aries, and it’s time to figure out whose dried-out face you’re going to be staring at all winter. You’re on the hunt for the person who will share your bed through the long, cold nights and won’t shame you for not shaving your legs between Christmas and Easter. If you already have that special someone in your life, take time to do a check in and make sure things haven’t gotten stale. You’re going to be spending a lot more time together now that the temperature has dropped below 50 degrees.

Taurus

Take a look at your partnerships: romantic, platonic, and professional. Are they in a rut? Are things going unsaid? Now that Mercury is out of retrograde you have the perfect opportunity to clear up any lingering misunderstandings and get back to dynamic duo mode. Or, in the case of your coworkers, “adult professionals who enjoy each other’s company from 9am to 5pm” mode.

Gemini

Did you get your old Adderall prescription back? Because you’re focused as f*ck this week, Gemini. Use this energy to bring an important task across the finish line, whether it be redecorating your apartment, something to do with work, or finally finishing that novel. This week you’ll magically find the focus and motivation to finish whatever you set your mind to, so choose a task and start accomplishing things.

Cancer

When was the last time you assessed your romantic situation, Cancer? Every second of every day? Cool. Same. Now that Mercury is done being a little bitch, it’s time to make sure that any pent-up resentments that have built up between you and your partner are released for good. Single Cancers should be aware that they’re going to attract whatever they put out this week, so make sure you’re giving off “stable professional with a savings account” over “35-year-old with 17 roommates whose never had an STD check.”

Leo

Bust out the coasters your aunt sent you three birthdays ago, because you’re in the mood to entertain, Leo! The end of Mercury retrograde means you’re ready to jazz up chez Leo, and what better way to do that than a little dinner party? Whether it be a full blown friendsgiving, or just sharing a bottle of wine with the girls, find a way to bring the people you love into your space this week. Just remind them to take their f*cking shoes off first.

Virgo

This week you’re embracing your sensuality and letting the world see your sexy self, Virgo. In other words, you’re in the mood to hoe it up, and we mean that in the most feminist way possible. Bust out the thigh high boots, bodysuit, that one bra that makes your boobs look amazing and take yourself for a night on the town. Whether you’re doing it to impress a random stranger (good), a significant other (great), or your own damn self (even better), you will love the confidence (and the thirst traps) that come of it.

Libra

Congratulations, Libra! You’re at the beginning of a seven week motivation explosion. Whether you want to use your newfound ability to get sh*t done to finish up some lingering 2019 goals, or get a jump on 2020, this week is the start of a whole new you. And yes, this does count as a reason to celebrate by buying yourself one of the premium cocktails at happy hour.

Scorpio

Your season is coming to a close and it’s time to go out with a bang. Luckily, going out with a bang is kind of Scorpio’s thing. Stop chilling on the couch and get out into the world and no, the fact that it is dark at 5pm is not a reason to stay indoors. Take advantage of all the shady shenanigans you can now, while “it’s my birthday month!” still works as an excuse.

Sagittarius

You’re in the mood to keep it low-key this week, so set your phone to Do Not Disturb and get cozy. Will you use your alone time to actually finish a book this year? Or maybe you’ll tackle that 5+ hour Crock Pot recipe you’ve been meaning to try. Or maybe you’ll just veg out on the couch and binge-watch Netflix and put things in your cart that you have no intention to buy. The world is your oyster!

Capricorn

Great news, Capricorn! You’re in the middle of a lucky streak, both professionally and personally. Everything you touch turns to gold, and every selfie you take is magically fire. It’s just one of those weeks. The only thing you need to decide now is where you want to focus these magical powers. And try not to let it get to your head (too much).

Aquarius

It’s time to earn that holiday bonus, Aquarius. The year is coming to a close, but this week you have exactly enough energy to end it on a high note. For the next month, focus your attention on advancing in your career, and you could be starting 2020 with a whole new job title. PRO TIP: Holiday parties with an open bar totally count as networking opportunities.

Pisces

What do you want to accomplish by the end of the 2010s? This is the week to map that out and put it into action, Pisces. The end of Mercury retrograde has given you newfound clarity about wtf is going on in your life, and where you want it to go. Before holiday travel plans take over, set aside some time to write down your 2020 vision. That way you won’t find yourself scribbling your resolutions on the back of a napkin between layovers.

Images: Giphy (12)

Ah, November. The sweet time of the year when everyone is either still hungover and reliving their glory from Halloween (your costume wasn’t even that great, chill), or already setting up their Christmas tree and writing their Hanukkah wish list. There. Is. No. In. Between. Despite the fact that Thanksgiving is around the corner, nobody really seems to care about #turkeyszn. But, fear not! I’m here to make the irrelevant month of November more relevant again. Here are some new shows and movies coming to Netflix in November that you can get excited about.

 ‘Grease’

It’s finally here! You may have seen my recent article on a new Grease series that is yet to come, but honestly, what can ever compare with the original? Grease is the ultimate classic you can enjoy with bae, your mom, your friend, or alone. Get your pink jackets, poodle skirts, and singing voices ready, ladies!

‘Step Brothers’

Netflix, did we just become best friends? Thank you for bringing us the joy of watching Brennan and Dale’s rivalry and brotherhood blossom and the laughs that is Step Brothers. Having a bad day? Need a pick-me-up?  This is the perfect comedy to turn on and cry of laughter to. I love you, Will Ferrell.

‘A Bad Moms Christmas’

Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, and Kathryn Hahn. An amazing trio, I must say. A Bad Moms Christmas is the perfect feel-good and hilarious holiday movie about three overworked moms who rebel against the expectations of motherhood during Christmas time. If you’re already prepared to sit on Santa’s lap this week, this is the movie for you. Let’s get in the holiday spirit! P.S. Kristin Bell is me during the holidays.

‘A Holiday Engagement’

Bonnie Somerville stars in this this holiday rom-com about a woman named Hilary Burns who constantly feels pressure from her mother to marry (same, girl), and when her new fiancé suddenly breaks up with her, she scrambles to find a replacement. So, she hires an actor to pose as her fiancé in front of her family, as ya do. Honestly, the only reason I even know Bonnie Somerville is from her role as Mona on Friends, but this movie is a pretty fun storyline to follow. Oh also, Hilary Duff’s sister, Haylie, stars as the snobby sister, so that in and of itself should be your reason to watch.

‘Queer Eye’: We’re In Japan!

The wait is finally over. It’s been a long three months without JVN on our Netflix screens, but the Fab Five are back and truly better than ever. They are abroad in Japan to help four Japanese men and women find confidence in themselves. Unfortunately, the season is only four episodes long, so pace yourselves accordingly.

‘The Crown’, Season 3

The Netflix series—which won the 2017 Golden Globe for Best Drama and a handful of Emmys, is back with season 3 spanning from 1964 to 1977. Yeah, 13 years of history is a lot to get through. The show follows the reign of Queen Elizabeth II and the ups and downs of the royal family. What’s interesting about the show is that the actors change every two seasons. For this season, actress Olivia Colman will take over as Queen Elizabeth, Tobias Menzies as Prince Philip, and Helena Bonham Carter as Princess Margaret.

‘The Great British Baking Show: Holidays’, Season 2

Dig out your ugly Christmas sweater because The Great British Baking Show is back for Season 2 for the ho-ho-holidays. This holiday extravaganza will see competitors from past seasons of the show reunite under the tent. Paul Hollywood and Prue Leith are back judging this season, and the fans are going wild. We’re in for a treat, literally.

‘Atypical’, Season 3

This Netflix drama follows Sam Gardner, an 18-year-old who’s on the autism spectrum, who decides it’s time to find love. His journey sets his mom and family on their own path as Sam seeks independence. In the new season, Sam starts his first year of college and is faced with the challenge of figuring out what success means for him. The show is a great presentation of life in a family, specifically with a special needs child. If you haven’t seen the show yet, I definitely recommend trying it out.

Unfortunately, when one door opens, one must close *sobs*. While we are so excited about what’s to come this month, we also have to face what we are leaving behind. Here are the movies leaving Netflix this month: Caddyshack and Caddyshack 2, Chasing Liberty, Groundhog Day, Sex and the City: The Movie, The House Bunny, Mamma Mia!, and Coco. Enjoy them while you can!

Images: Becca Tapert / Unsplash; Giphy (8)

Ah, it’s that time of year again. Even the most die-hard “summer is my season” person is forced to admit we’re heading into winter, fast. And that means whatever summer fling (congrats!) or winter cuff (less congrats because that’s very basic of you) you’ve picked up is now entering a weird stage. If they’ve stuck around this long, you can’t exactly keep them in the casual hookup zone. (And I’m assuming you like them if they’re still here, so why would you want to?) Faced with the prospect of Aunt Susan slipping you egg freezing pamphlets, it’s tempting to bring anyone home for Thanksgiving who’s willing. 

But we both know that’s a bad idea. Anyone you bring home for Thanksgiving, you’ll be asked about for years to come. And your own memories of the holidays could well be tainted by a particularly good or bad visit. So, here are the signs your new relationship isn’t ready to be a part of your Thanksgiving. You’ll thank me later.

Your Sober Interactions Are Rare

Look, no one here is arguing that Thanksgiving is a sober event—far from it.  But, generally speaking, there are at least a few hours when everyone’s still lucid. (This is the portion of the day when your mother will glare at you for “smelling like alcohol.”) So, have your interactions in this relationship been mostly inebriated? If so, Thanksgiving is not a great time to discover that sober, the person you brought is actually boring AF, or worse, very rude and kind of racist.

This goes for all layers of a “mostly drunk” relationship. If you’ve been increasingly branching out into brunches and daytime hangs and it’s looking like this could be for real, that’s awesome and I’m genuinely very happy for you. But if you’re only a month into that vibe, seriously consider how much you know about this person. Is it enough that you want to answer questions about them once a year until eternity? Probably not. You should have been hanging out sober long enough that you’ve agreed upon a “how we met” story. One that glosses over the 16 vodka sodas and waking up his roommate to borrow a condom.

If you suspect they’ll say this to one of your aunts, definitely don’t bring them home for Thanksgiving:

You Haven’t Discussed Your Family

For reasons totally unrelated to my aforementioned alcoholic fun-loving tendencies, I have a minor breakdown at most large family events. Maybe it’s the uncle who can’t understand that ANY comment about my weight is not appreciated. Or my mother saying something that sounds like a compliment—but later reveals itself as an intricate jab. Either way, family time is f*cking tough.

So, who do you want there when that stressful point hits? Will they react poorly if and when you lock yourself in your old bedroom with a bottle of wine? Or will they tell you they’re on your side and commiserate with family sh*t of their own? Ideally, the person you bring home will be aware of underlying tensions, and ready and willing to calm you down. And the only way to prepare someone for family sh*t, sadly, is to have those conversations. If you don’t tell them what to expect, you can’t even really be pissed off when they’re surprised by it. (I mean, you can be, but you’ll have to apologize later, which sucks.)

So if you haven’t gotten into those deeper conversations—or you have, and you felt like they didn’t or couldn’t respond correctly—maybe think twice before bringing them home. Their feelings aside—and believe me, they’ll have some—it’ll be an added stressor for you. Don’t bring someone home if you’re just going to worry all night that you’re scaring them off.

They Haven’t Asked What You’re Doing

It’s November, people! Extenuating circumstances aside—i.e., they’re working through the holidays, they’re not close with family/not American and therefore this holiday genuinely isn’t a thing for them—they probably have at least one Thanksgiving invitation insistently re-appearing on Gmail. If they’re anything like me, their family has booked them out months in advance with regular death threats for non-attendance. (In case me writing this article doesn’t make it clear enough, my family is not exactly chill about holidays.) Part of the reason that people enter relationships is often for exactly this reason. They want someone to take home for the holidays. Or just someone to spend time with around the holidays and feel less cripplingly lonely when love songs play on the radio Spotify.

So, if the person you’ve been seeing has kept eerily quiet about the idea of going home for Thanksgiving, it’s a pretty sure sign that—sorry—they don’t see you being a part of it. This doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. It’s perfectly normal not to want to involve your family with a relationship that’s still new. It’s just a sign of where they’re at, and something you should pay attention to—especially if you had thought you were in a more serious place.

So, if you’re with someone who’s been sending you calendar nudges for November 22, knows which grandmother expresses love through attacks on your character, and has seen you sober more often than drunk—by all means, invite the f*cker home. Shove it in your smug cousin’s face who brought home her high school sweetheart for five years and said “don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find someone” while eyeing your fourth piece of pie. But if you think the visit will put undue stress on both your relationship and your time at home, it’s so not worth it. Not bringing someone home for Thanksgiving doesn’t mean you’re over. And in many cases, choosing not to spend it together means you have a shot at still being together next year. Choose wisely, and don’t forget the wine.

Images: Giphy (3); StockSnap / Pixabay

It’s Halloween this week (though every civilized human celebrated it last weekend), and what’s scarier than not knowing your future? Here’s everything that you need to be on the lookout for astrologically this week, so you can focus on eating candy and getting too freaked out during your scary movie Netflix-and-chill sesh to actually hook up. Here are your weekly horoscopes for October 29-November 2.

Aries

You’re always in the mood to keep it real, but how real is too real? Like, did Kerry really need you to tell her that’s the ugliest effing skirt you’ve ever seen, or that her boyfriend has “small dick energy?” Probs not. Take a second to check yourself this week, Aries, and make sure your truth bombs are all ones that really need to be dropped.

Taurus

Your desire to hang with people and your desire to never leave the house are at odds this week, Taurus, so why not combine them? Wednesday is literally Halloween, aka the perfect opportunity to invite a couple cool people over to watch scary movies, eat copious amounts of candy, and drink a little wine. Or drink copious amounts of wine and eat a little candy. Or have copious amounts of both. Do you.

Gemini

There should be a national warning sent out about single Geminis this week, because you guys are going to be flirt machines. I mean, even more so than you usually are. Fire up the apps, Gemini, because this week you are charming, attractive, and (for some reason) down to make conversation with strangers. If you’re a Gemini in a relationship, now is a really good time to say all the sh*t you’ve been worried about these past few months, while your communication skills are still on point.

Cancer

This week is all about self-care for you, Cancer. Honor the sudden urge to start a new diet, or try a new fitness class. You’re on a health and fitness kick that you’ll actually be motivated to see through, so don’t wait! Sign up for that 6am yoga class and then buy yourself a new pair of leggings as a reward for even entertaining the idea of a morning workout.

Leo

You’re having a style moment right now, Leo. You’re going to be looking and feeling great this week, with your creativity cranked all the way up to “Lady Gaga.” You’ll feel confident enough to try out some new outfit combos—maybe even a power clash—and you’ll pull them all off. Trust your gut, and be sure to use #OOTD on all your Instagrams. The world deserves to see these lewks.

Virgo

You know that one friend from high school who you always see online and wish you’d kept in touch with? This is the week to call them. While going over five years of boyfriends and breakups and jobs and bullsh*t can seem overwhelming, this week you’re feeling chatty and communicative enough to take that on. Time to slide into your long lost friend’s DMs and set up that FaceTime date. They’ll be back in your life ASAP, and who doesn’t like having one more person to talk sh*t with?

Libra

I’ve got two words for you, Libra: Happy hour. This week, you are going to be feeling social every damn day, meaning you cannot wait until Friday to pop off. Nope. This is going to be one of those weeks where Monday through Thursday partying is on the table, and that means scoping out the best happy hours near your work place and lining up your partners in crime. Just remember to drink water. You still have to work in the morning.

Scorpio

This week is all about making that paper, Scorpio. You’ve got a lot of activity going on in your finances right now, and this is the week to sit down and figure it tf out. Take some time to sit down and look at your expenses. It might be hard to look at exactly how much you’ve spent on Starbucks this year, but it’s necessary if you want to ever go on that Bali vacation you’ve been dreaming about.

Sagittarius

You’ve heard of “no new friends,” but have you heard of “wait actually, I probably do need some new friends”? This week you’ll be open to the possibility of maybe—potentially—adding someone new to your friend group. Pay attention to the girl across the bar rolling her eyes at the same rando’s conversation, or that chick you always see on your block with the amazing shoe collection. Either could end up being your new BFF or, at the very least, someone new you can text all day instead of working.

Capricorn

Okay Cap, you need to take a f*cking breather. You’re racing through sh*t at an insane pace right now, and there’s no way you’re going to keep up. Plus, there’s no way you haven’t made some p egregious errors in your haste. Take a moment. Take a breath. Do a meditation tape, and maybe go back through last week’s work with a fine-tooth comb. You’re bound to have missed something.

Aquarius

We’re one week away from an election, Aquarius, and your social justice-y ways are definitely going to be cranked up to the max. Figure out what you can do this week to feel useful. Maybe find a candidate or a cause that you’re into and do some phone banking for it? Dare I say, knock on some doors? You’ll burn off some of that excess election energy, and a few well-placed canvassing Insta stories will show the world you don’t just tweet about sh*t, you actually do sh*t. It’s a win-win.

Pisces

Your ambition is through the roof this week, Pisces, meaning it’s time to pull out the old vision board and start making some lists. Identify a couple projects for the upcoming year that would make you really happy, whether it be snagging that promotion or finally re-doing your apartment. Whatever it is, take some time this week to outline how exactly you’ll make that happen, then execute. Just make sure the goal is specific and reasonable. Hate to break it to ya, but there’s no way for you to “become Ariana Grande.” It’s just…not possible.

Images Via Giphy (6)

Guys, just so you know, we’re about three weeks away from Mercury going into fucking retrograde again. Not saying you have anything to worry about right now, but you should be prepared and get any important shit in your life out of the way before December 1 rolls around. I mean, but for real, does anything actually get accomplished in the month of December anyway? Of course not. Basically, you do you this week and don’t worry about how the stars and planet will fuck you over three weeks from now.

Aries

Aries betches are muy caliente in the bedroom this week. Your romantic relationships are taking a turn into more intense territory. Venus is in your sex and money house, so just keep that in mind as to why you got so weirdly turned on watching Wolf of Wall Street with your boyfriend. Still, Mars is opposite your sign, so that can create some tension in relationships. Um, yeah, that’s why they invented makeup sex.

Taurus

The Sun, Venus, and Jupiter opposite your sign have you focused on relationships this week. This can be both good and bad, as you will feel more free to bring up issues you have with someone face-to-face. That’s good, because shit can finally get resolved. But it could be bad if you, like, forget that having tact is a thing. Thank God Venus is on your side—that betch makes sure most encounters run smoothly.

Gemini

It might sound like we’re just copy-pasting last week’s horoscope into this week, but like, we kind of are only because a similar situation is at play. You’re still in that battle between wanting to work hard and wanting to play hard. The good news this week is that even though you partied an extra hour on Saturday (thanks Daylight Saving Time!), you still have a lot of energy to do extra shit all week long.

Cancer

November is actually the best month for you to distract yourself from all the shit going on in the world. Parties, activities, and entertainment are your focus, and that’s actually going to work out for you. No need to worry that you aren’t being focused enough or some shit. As for this week,  Mars is traveling across the bottom of your chart, meaning you can expect some arguments to arise practically out of thin air.

Leo

Your focus on the home and creating a cozy place to spend the winter continues this week. Notice yourself, like, spending a fuckton of money on candles? Yeah, that’s why. You’re nesting in preparation for colder weather. Meanwhile, Mars is giving you the urge to clap back more than usual. Take this advice: Hear someone out before you jump to conclusions and cut them out of your life forever.

Shop Betches Set The F*cking Mood Candle

Virgo

Mars is traveling through one of your money houses this week, which means you’ll be thinking about your wallet a little more than usual. Since Mars is also in charge of your ego, you’ll probably feel your self-esteem becoming a little more tied to your/your boyfriend’s net worth. I mean, not that that’s always a bad thing, but you should take a step back and ask: Is money the most important thing? If the answer is yes, you should work on getting more of it. K?

Libra

You’re pondering a big purchase this week… or if you have the money to make a big purchase later on. Remember, the holidays are right around the corner, so you might not want to blow your load (I meant to phrase it that way, btw) on a new iPhone X if you’re going to be hurting for cash to pay everyday expenses. Like, don’t be fucking stupid with your money this month and you’ll set yourself up for more happiness when Mercury goes into retrograde next month.

Scorpio

You’re still sitting pretty with the Sun high in your chart. I mean, you’re probs still basking in that birthday glow. Mercury is chilling out in your House of Earnings this week, meaning your thoughts will drift to shit that you value most. If you find yourself thinking about one particular thing a lot, pay attention to that, because you may not realize how big of a role that thing plays in your life. If it’s important to you, treat it like it’s important to you this week. Oh, that goes for people too.

Sagittarius

You’re prepping for your birthday in the next few weeks, so you’re down to play things a little more low-key this week. You might have a secret relationship or a crush on someone that, like, you shouldn’t be into. There’s a lot going on behind the scenes with you. That’s totally fine, as long as you don’t open that big Sagittarius mouth of yours and spill the beans before the time is right or before you’re totally ready to go public with your relationship status.

Capricorn

Mars is traveling across the top of your chart, so watch out for arguments with others on the rise. It’s not all bitchy comments and side-eye for you this week, though. Fiery Mars is in charge of making you more ambitious—you little go-getter, you. Right now, you prefer to be your own boss, so don’t be surprised if someone giving you any type of direction rubs you the wrong way.

Aquarius

There are like, a shitton of planets working in your favor right now. They’re all teaming up like Republicans who aren’t seeking reelection against Drumpf. But instead of trying to get the president impeached, they’re going to make others see you in a favorable way. Use that lucky combo of planets to your advantage. It’s a great time to strike up a new romance, friendship, or job opportunity. People just really seem to fucking love you this week.

Pisces

You’ve put up with enough bullshit recently that it has actually given you a new sense of clarity. You’re ready to take on new adventures and expand your appreciation for life. I mean, it’s the little things, right? Anyway, it’s a pretty decent time for you to travel or at least make big travel plans. Mars heightens your sex drive, but it also makes you a little feisty and argumentative. Ya win some, ya lose some.

Images: Alisa Anton / Unsplash; Giphy (6)