Even if Bachelor villainess/nap aficionado Corinne Olympios does not win Nick’s heart, she will still be able to take advantage of another once-in-a-lifetime opportunity thanks to PornHub aka the website your BF is always frantically exiting when you walk into the room unexpectedly.
After seeing Corinne’s epic 2 Chainz video performance, PornHub Records (because PornHub has a record company I guess…) sent the following letter offering Corinne and her extensions a starring role in their next music video.
So, let’s break this down. Based on this letter, PornHub is obviously a Bachelor fan (aren’t we all) but TBH they’re going to need to sweeten this deal if they want talent like Corinne. She is busy running her multimillion-dollar business, after all.
Like, sure, the letter offers her unlimited naps, but what about the unlimited access to the Champagne that Corinne needs to fuel said naps? And yes, they do offer a role for Raquel, but anyone who knows Corinne knows that 1) “sharing the spotlight” is not something that she’s interested in and 2) Raquel will be way too busy slicing cucumbers and making cheese pasta to be in a music video.
Basically, PornHub, you’re gonna need to do a lot more if you want to “make Corinne great again,” (I would argue that under Obama, Corinne actually already was great, but that’s an article for a different time…)
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Corinne has expensive tastes (like, $1k on sweatpants expensive) so before she can sign on to a project like this, she’s gonna need to know where the nearest “exclusive” mall is, and will def need to be flown out early so that she can have the time to become BFF with all the sales associates.
A platinum vagine don’t come free, PornHub! But if you pay up, I think I speak for all Bachelor fans when I say, yeah, Corinne would probably do this.