Betchy NY Governor Cuomo Wants You To Get Legally Wasted In Movie Theaters

Everyone on the entire planet knows New York is betchy af as far as states go. Besides NYC being a betch’s playground, earlier this year a brunch bill was passed so we could start drinking as soon as we wake up on Sundays and last week they passed legislation that makes sure New Yorkers have access to copay-less birth control, and now Governor Cuomo is at it again. Apparently, New York’s badass governor is asking the State Liquor Authority (yo, you hiring?) to give all of the state’s movie theaters the ability to serve beer and wine. Because who wants to go see La La Land sober? Fucking nobody.

It's Not Fun To Be Sober

The idea comes from the fact that movie theater sales are down from shit like online streaming and OnDemand because nobody wants to pay 15 fucking dollars to watch a damn movie in public. Cuomo knows us all too well and thinks we’ll start going back to the movies if there’s booze involved. Or maybe he’s just sick of having to sneak a flask into the theater, seeing as that’s probs frowned upon when you’re the governor of v important state. Idk. Either way, we’re all pulling for this shit to go through because everything is better with a drink.


NY State Assembly Passes Free Birth Control Legislation, Is The Real MVP

As you’ve probably heard, Donald Trump is like, fully the president now. In these dark times, it is important to focus on whatever shreds of good we have left, and what could be better than free birth control?

If the fashion, nightlife, and prevalence of dollar pizza hasn’t already convinced you to move to New York, maybe this will! The NY State Assembly passed the Comprehensive Contraceptive Coverage Act last Tuesday night, which insures that New Yorkers will have access to copay-free coverage for all FDA approved contraceptives…and that’s not all! Emergency contraception will also be covered, meaning no more awkward Venmo requests for half the price of Plan B. The plan will also cover male contraception if that ever becomes a thing, for those of you lucky enough to have a woke bae.

Hell Yeah

The legislature also passed the Reproductive Health Act, protecting the right to abortion in New York, which is truly great because honestly NYC does not need any more new people, tbh.

The only downside? Both bills still have to pass in the Republican-led Senate, whose typical M.O. is to just refuse to vote on topics like this (yes they can do that; yes it’s bullshit), because they aren’t down with abortion/birth control/the idea of women having sex in general (probably).


But in times like these we’ll take what we can get. For now, take this small victory and let the subtle shade of this all going down in Trump’s own hometown help fuel you for the next year.