Taylor Swift’s New Song “Gorgeous” Is Garbage

Well ladies, it’s Friday, and that means that Ms. Taylor Swift has absolutely knocked it out of the park with another new song. It’s called “Gorgeous,” which is 0% surprising. We’re not sure whether this one is better than the first two dumpster fires from her new album, but there’s plenty to discuss.

First of all, the song itself sounds better than the first two. It’s no “Blank Space,” but at least it doesn’t have nine different beats clashing together at the same time. Seriously, “Look What You Made Me Do” has so much going on it gives me a headache. This new song sounds simpler, and is less of a departure from her last album.

But oh, the lyrics. That’s where the wheels kinda fall off. Because Taylor Swift is an icon of the feminist movement, she chose to go in a cutting-edge direction and write another song about how crazy a man makes her feel. She’s really covering new ground, good for her! The song is most likely about current boyfriend Joe Alwyn, the rando British actor who’s cute but she could do better. Or can she? At this point, I don’t know. I feel like she’s got to be paying dudes to date her, because I can’t think of a good reason why anyone would willingly sign up for that Tilt-A-Whirl of terror. 

Taylor Swift

Anyway, the lyrics:

“You’re so gorgeous/ I can’t say anything to your face/ ‘Cause look at your face/ And I’m so furious/ At you for making me feel this way/ But what can I say?/ You’re gorgeous.”

There it is folks, the chorus teenage girls will be shouting for the next six months. In classic Taylor Swift fashion, she’s taking no responsibility for her own feelings and placing herself under the control of a man. But remember, she’s not a boyfriend girl! Taylor also says she “might sink and drown and die” in Alwyn’s the subject’s “ocean blue eyes,” which is…romantic? Creepy? Fucking dumb?

Taylor Swift

There are lots more cringey lyrics in the song, but my (least) favorite is probably when she says “guess I’ll just stumble on home to my cats, alone, unless you wanna come along.” Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. No one cares that you have fucking cats, Taylor!! You’re not special!!

Aaaaaand right on time, this piece of shit song is stuck in my head. Brb, gonna go cry and wish that I was as rich as her.

Read: Taylor Swift Is Back On Her Bullshit
You Won’t Believe Which Body Part Is All Over Selena Gomez’s New Video

Selena Gomez, our favorite oversexualized adult baby and most-followed person on Instagram, is back with a new single, and the accompanying video clip honestly makes us cringe more than a little bit. Here’s some background: the new song is called Fetish. Yeah. RIP Selena Gomez the Disney star. She is dead and buried. In the lyrics, the fetish is just actually for some dude’s love (lame), but it’s clear the message she’s trying to get across is a little more Fifty Shades. Dating The Weeknd has definitely been giving her some ideas. The song features Gucci Mane, who definitely went to prison at some point, but Selena is a Mature Adult™️ who does whatever she wants. I mean, the two were in ‘Spring Breakers’ together, so I guess it’s nice to see them collab again. The first one was soooo successful.

Like ya do, Selena dropped a music video to accompnay her so and it is definitely in line with her new sex kitten brand. The audio/video/porno is 3 minutes and 4 seconds of only her lips, mouthing the words to the song and then just kind of hanging out for the rest of the time. The highlight is definitely during Gucci’s verse, when she decides to just suck on her finger for a bit. The video itself is bizarrely labeled “Fetish (Audio)” on YouTube, but it’s literally a video so who knows wtf that is about. Maybe there is another, even more explicit video to come? Who knows what body part that will be focused on. I vote elbow. 

I guess we’ll all just have to sit around and wait for the full version of the video to come out, which it definitely will. There’s no way the most followed person on Instagram is cool with having only part of her face in a video. There’s also no doubt whatever Selena is cooking up next will be just as sexual but probably involve like seven more outfit changes. Homegirl is trying to make it very clear that she’s not a child anymore. Like girl, we believe you, you’ve been singing about sex for a solid three years now.

Check out the video for yourself if you’re dying to figure out what kind of lip balm Ms. Gomez is using, but other than that you can probably just listen to the song on Spotify.