It’s no secret that dating in this day and age is one long waking nightmare challenging. Keeping the faith can be hard when you find yourself being ghosted by yet another f*ckboy whose overconfidence is in direct proportion to his staggering mediocrity. So when you get to the point where you’re looking for outside advice, the hope is that it will be hopeful and/or helpful. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case, and we feel it’s our sworn duty here at Betches to expose the advice that is egregiously awful. Read on for the worst dating advice of 2019.
1. Asinine Astrological Assumptions
I have to start by saying that I love astrology and use my sign to justify the worst parts of my personality many of my decisions. Gotta love Scorpio season! That said, astrology, and especially sun signs, cannot be used to make generalizations about an entire population. But that didn’t stop our friends at Refinery29 from doing exactly that with a piece describing what all Tauruses are like in bed. The article claims that because Tauruses are more in touch with their sense of smell, “if you smell bad, you’re not going to get it on with a Taurus.” Wouldn’t we all agree that smelling good is a prerequisite for… all of us? The article goes on to advise the reader to moisturize, of all things, “because Tauruses might be turned off by dry or leathery skin.” I guess now I can blame the dry (see what I did there?) spell I had for the better part of 2013 on my eczema. Lastly, the reader is urged to cook “a meal…(especially while wearing lingerie).” Okay, so in order to bag a bull I need to wear perfume, moisturize, and cook dinner in my lingerie. In other words, advice I could have gotten from any remotely heterosexual male of any astrological sign. Grool.
2. To Catch A Curator
On the heels of Jennifer Lawrence’s recent marriage to Cooke Maroney, Elle is now advising its readers to date Curators. If you’re wondering WTF that means, a Curator is described as “he kind of guy you can discuss post-humanism with over pizza, who comments on the decor while ordering you a cab but letting you split the bill.” Hot. Personally, this just sounds like a cheaper and slightly more pretentious version of every tool I’ve ever dated. To make matters worse, their “sensitivity” does not save them from their inevitable fate as trash: “A Curator may still ghost you, but it’s probably because he’s doing something legitimately interesting with his time, like scouting in the foothills of the Himalayas.” So it’s okay for a guy to bail on you in the name of “art”? GTFO.
3. Moonlight As Your Crush’s Personal Assistant
When you do come across someone you don’t immediately hate on sight like, it may be difficult to summon the courage to let them know. I don’t profess to be a professional pickup artist, but I’m pretty sure that the following advice from Glamour on how to tell your crush you like them might leave the person on the receiving end wondering if you’re vying for a spot on their payroll:
“5. Notice when their glass is empty, and always offer to fill it up or get them another.
- Offer to hold their purse/bag/coat/cup.
- Remember what their drink is without having to ask. Order it for them.
- Offer to drive them to the airport.
- Assume they want coffee and bring them one. Learn how they take it first.”
Don’t get me wrong. Thoughtfulness is next to godliness in my book, but you should not have to go out of your way to do someone’s chores to get them to like you. I legitimately had to check the date this article was published. Surely, the 1950s? Nope, 2019.
4. Link Up On LinkedIn
Cosmo is known for some pretty ridiculous sex and dating advice, and we’ve certainly covered them here before, but this latest nugget of dating wisdom deserves mention. Let’s start with the title: “LinkedIn Is The Best Platform To Slide Back Into Your Ex’s DMs.” As a threshold matter, it’s rarely advisable to reconnect with an ex. If it didn’t work out the first dozen times, attempting to reconnect, regardless of the platform, starts to look like the living embodiment of the definition of insanity. It’s also really transparent. Unless you work in the same industry as your ex and could credibly network with them for a job opportunity, testing the waters with a LinkedIn message when you could just as easily text them with the number you already have is hardly subtle, and frankly, kind of bizarre. If you’re using LinkedIn because, like the author of the article, “you’re probably blocked on everything else,” perhaps you ought to take some time to work on yourself instead of trolling for men on a professional networking platform. Just a thought.
5. Settle Into Settling
If you are lucky enough to find someone you’re serious about, you may have doubts about whether he or she is “the one” and what it means to settle. Earlier this year, Refinery29 published a piece that I hoped would upend the false notion that comfort and security equal “settling” and that one must pursue a relationship that thrives on “butterflies” and insecurity. Instead, the article seems to promote settling for a connection completely devoid of any spark in order to avoid being alone: “I didn’t settle for the first person that came along, but I am so glad that in my 30s I’m not out there looking for someone, going on dates with strangers, and so on.” While your perfect mate may not end up being who you thought they’d be, a baseline level of connection should not be compromised out of fear. A relationship will never be exciting all of the time, but it should always be fulfilling. If the premise of the article is to be believed, we can all give up this dating game altogether and bring blowup dolls with us to dinner. So inspiring!
Advice, however well-intentioned, is usually subjective and not universally applicable. As we’ve seen today, it can sometimes be downright dumb. Do what works for and feels right to you and leave the rest where you found it. Any other gems I missed? Please sound off in the comments!
Images: Hian Oliveira / Unsplash; Giphy (5)
I really hate job hunting. It’s stressful and happens to me often, since I’m a freelancer and I’m hired on a by-project basis. It’s like, the second a relationship gets good, the project ends and I have to start looking all over again. On that note, I also really despise online dating, as every time I talk to someone I think is normal, I get emojis of a tongue. F*cking ew. Don’t imaginary lick me when I don’t even know you.
Fortunately, I care very little about dating and I care immensely about my career. Shapr is a new app that has combined the ease and convenience of a dating app but instead of getting unsolicited d*ck pics, you can now find dream jobs! It’s way better than LinkedIn where you can’t find anything useful and strange 60-year-old men send you messages like, “Hi Holly, I see you can help me out, I make specialized hardwood floors and I need a job”, and I’m like sir, my profile says I’m an artist/writer, unclear why you thought I’d be the one to hit up for this? Shapr gets rid of this problem by helping you network only with people also working in your chosen fields.
Shapr sets you up with 10-20 people in your area a day who work or have interest in your categories. You swipe right when you want to connect with someone and if they swipe on you too, you can send messages to meet up. It’s way better than going to super awkward networking events where you have to wear a name tag and make chitchat with people who seem to only be there because they also don’t have their sh*t together. It’s the blind leading the blind. Shapr also is on point with monitoring their users’ professionalism, so should men attempt to ruin this too (can we not have anything?), you just report their creeper asses and Shapr takes care of it.
Download Shapr here and be the #GirlBoss you’ve always dreamed of!
Sponsored by Shapr
Images: Juliette Fournier; Shapr (2)
If there’s one thing I LITERALLY didn’t want to have to deal with in 2019, it was another social media app. Between Instagram, IG stories, Snapchat, the list goes on, my day feels like it consists of eating, sleeping, and posting (lol, what is life). Oh, and The Bachelor. But with that whole New Year’s resolution thing, so many people vow to get ahead in their career—myself included. Except…that means updating your LinkedIn profile. And even though I’ve finally gotten that curated feed thing down on IG (thank you, VSCO), LinkedIn is another story.
Even though there are no filters that clear my zits, or Instagram models selling me ads on LinkedIn, the site does have a few benefits. For instance, it’s a fantastic way to get connected to people at other companies, find out about new jobs, and network. I’m not going to sit here and say LinkedIn is the only way you are going to get your new job, but I will say that I think recruiters and hiring managers will check you out there. You should absolutely update your LinkedIn if you are job hunting, and even if you aren’t—who knows, maybe someone will reach out to you with a new opportunity. If you want to create a great LinkedIn profile (sans VSCO filters), see the tips below. And go get you that corner office, boss betch!
1. Have A Professional Profile Photo
Your LinkedIn profile photo is actually the first thing someone can see when they search you professionally. So let’s just say you should probably avoid having that picture with you in scantily clad clothing, taking any sort of shots, or with those beloved Snapchat dog ears. With how freaking amazing iPhone cameras are nowadays, you can easily get your picture taken by your bestie with a nice portrait mode background. You want to ooze responsibility, whether or not this is actually true to your personality.
2. Take Off Old Experience
Like your resume, you want to avoid having super old experience on your LinkedIn. Look, your mom will be forever proud that you won the 8th grade spelling bee, but some recruiter only needs to know about the stuff you accomplished since you were legal. I will say, unlike your resume, LinkedIn is a great place to put your sorority, any charities you volunteered with, and other extracurriculars. Before I meet someone new professionally, I always look at their LinkedIn because it’s so easy to find little things we have in common.
3. Make Yourself Searchable
IMO, one of the BEST parts of LinkedIn is that people can find you. Easily! It’s an incredible way to get connected with people in your industry, or even people not in your industry. I’ve honestly had so many scenarios in which I’ve simply cold-emailed someone via LinkedIn and voilà! I’ve gotten in touch. To make yourself searchable on LinkedIn, try and use searchable words in the “headline” of your bio. Even if your job title is super specific, keep it easy to find with common words that people may search. And don’t forget to update your city, because recruiters will always look for new hires in the city they are already living.
4. Get Recommendations From Your Colleagues
In the last few years, LinkedIn has added features to get recommendations from colleagues and have others rate your skills. I would highly recommend getting a few co-workers to write you recommendations, simply because it adds validity to the skills listed on your profile. Don’t feel awkward about asking someone to do this for you. If you do good work for them, let them know you want to have that stamp on your resume forever!
5. Leave Out Any Personal Sh*t
Update: LinkedIn isn’t the platform to post your Tinder date stories, or to share that you’re hungover AF from this week’s trivia night. Keep your personal drama out of LinkedIn and keep it solely professional. This might mean avoiding posting on your newsfeed, or not liking articles irrelevant to your career path because allllllll that stuff can be seen by your potential future employer.
And there you have it. Even though you literally may have not kept any of your New Year’s resolutions so far (ok, maybe that’s just me…), you can be one step closer to your boss babe self. Do you have a LinkedIn profile? Comment below!
Images: Kyle Loftus / Unsplash; Giphy (2)
A friend recently brought to my attention that the popular job-seeking social media platform LinkedIn “might be creepy.” “Why do you say that?” I asked her, genuinely curious, because as a creative, the only messages I receive on that site are from dudes telling me their wives love my Bachelor recaps and LinkedIn job recruiters letting me know that my degree in creative writing has qualified me for a job opening in janitorial services. While the latter makes me want to douse myself in lighter fluid and set myself on fire, and the former is a little weird but mostly flattering (fun fact: I need to be constantly praised, so, like, keep it up men), I wouldn’t call either of those interactions “creepy.” But it did get me thinking, is LinkedIn creepy? Was I missing something here? Are men, having been cancelled from every other app, now trying to make LinkedIn their final frontier? I’ve literally investigated claims for less. So, buckle up, betches, because I’m about to call men out on all their bullsh*t. Again.
As I mentioned, my friend, let’s called her “Meg,” originally brought this whole LinkedIn creepy scandal to my attention. Meg told me she was constantly being harassed by older men who would slide into her DMs ON A PROFESSIONAL JOB-SEEKING SITE to tell her she’s pretty and ask her on dates. My immediate follow-up question was did she accidentally tap into her Hinge messages and not her LinkedIn messages? I just couldn’t imagine a world where business betches like myself were having to virtually fend off men.
MEG: LinkedIn is cancelled because men are trash.
ME TO THE MEN OF LINKEDIN:
After I spoke with Meg, I checked my recent requested connections. ALL of them were from men. The majority of them looked like they could be my dad’s age or older, and almost none of them were in the same field as me or had any mutual connections with me. Again, it was strange, definitely suspect, but not outright damning.
So I started asking other women in my life about their experiences with LinkedIn. Women I worked with, women I’d lived with in New York City, women I’d gone to college with in North Carolina. Every single one of them could list an uncomfortable encounter. One friend told me she gets DMs at least once a week from strange men asking for her number or sending her messages in all emojis, which is fine if this is Instagram and you’ve posted a fire bikini selfie, but not on a goddamn job site!
I took to Google and found out that last year Buzzfeed published an entire article about women taking to Twitter to ask men to please stop treating LinkedIn like their own personal dating site. Welcome to 2018, ladies, where no place is safe anymore, especially not the workforce! God, I wish I was kidding.
If you have working eyes and ears then you know that over the last two years, the ladies of the #MeToo movement have been out here doing the lord’s work and exposing (pun intended) every Tom, Dick, and Harry for being the disgusting scumbags they really are. They shed light on an issue which every woman with a pulse was already aware of: if you show up to work with breasts, then you’re going to get hit on/be treated differently/have to fight off unwarranted touches/generally be made uncomfortable by men at some point in your career. But it’s chill because that’s professionalism, ladies, look it up!!
Obviously, these are not new issues. For as long as there have been women in the workforce, there has been sexism and sexual harassment, there has been women sacrificing their dignity and, in some instances, their safety for the sake of their careers. And GODDAMNIT it’s got to stop. Women should be able to online shop on their phones, discreetly and under the table, during another useless department meeting without their bosses saying something inappropriate about their outfits. Women should be able to job search and network and see if their ex’s new girlfriend has a better salary than them without being f*cking romantically propositioned in the process. This is 2018, for god’s sake! Men, do better.
So, in conclusion, men are still trash and apparently so is your favorite networking site. Stay vigilant, ladies.
For more important career advice, pre-order our third book, When’s Happy Hour? here!
IMAGES: Giphy (2); @rawpixel /Unsplash (1)