Now that we’re in the second month of summer and the second most important summer holiday is over (National Tequila Day is first, fucking obviously), your Insta game is more important than ever. In order to make up for the fact that you haven’t done shit this summer, like backpack across Europe or anything remotely sophisticated, I’m sure your v loyal followers can assume all you’ve done is swim with basic pool floats and that you may become an alcoholic sooner than later. More likely than not, this is probs the story of your life because there are only so many times you can Insta yourself on a rooftop with a pretty drink without looking desperate AF. Luckily, it’s not socially acceptable to post what you’re actually doing (i.e., sleeping, bingeing Netflix, eating our weight in food) because god forbid people see what a
disappointment to your family loser you really are.
Before summer ends, do yourself a favor and bring out your inner
narcissistic, egotistical self Kim Kardashian with a glow-up so no one knows you wasted the summer away. Here are six essential tips for nailing a solid selfie that will get you triple digit likes without having to do like, 23,456 takes.
1. Find Good Lighting
Um, fucking duh. Although you’ll look like a complete freak running around your house holding your phone in front of your face, your roomie will totally know that you’re just finding good lighting. Because this is like, the most important. Natural light is best for selfies because lamps can make you look yellow and/or diseased. Face a window that gets a lot of sunlight for best results, so that way your skin looks clearer and softer—like what your fave animal Snapchat filter does for you.
2. Choose Between A Crazy Or A Simple Background—There Is No In-Between
As much as you have to look flawless, your background is v important too. Obviously, the better the background, the more likes. If you’re living it up somewhere across seas or jumping out of a plane, make sure to capture a selfie right in the middle of it all. Or if your only background is your bedroom, find a plain wall to sit in front of. This draws (even more) attention to your features.
3. Slightly Angle Your Phone Down, Show Your Left Cheek
Okay, this is like, kind of hard. Everyone wants their phone angled to make them look skinnier, which is the goal, but too much or too little can make you look fucking awkward. Instead of drastically angling your phone downward like you would on MySpace (#tbt), you only want to slightly angle your phone down (that 30 degree rule is real) just enough where it barely looks as though you are. At the same time, turn your head to the right to show off your left side—IDK, science says this is your most flattering side. Don’t forget to put on a ridiculous amount of highlighter to accentuate your cheekbones.
^^^ We could learn a thing or two from Ariana.
4. Try To Look As “Natural” As Possible
This one is a little bit of a lie but, then again, who doesn’t edit their selfies? Nothing is real when it comes to Insta. If you want to smile in your selfie, that’s fine because maybe your ex will think for even a second that it isn’t forced. However, your fans probs want something new, like a sexual smize that doesn’t look like you’re weirdly squinting or having menstrual cramps. You may have to practice your “love is eternal” face but it’ll be worth it, I swear. Do it for the likes.
5. Blue Is Your Best Hue
Whether you’re wearing it, hanging out by the water, or next to a wall, try to incorporate the color blue somewhere in your picture.
6. Wait Until Thursday Anytime From 5-7pm
Lastly, after editing the pic enough that you look like a second-cousin-twice-removed of the Kardashian-Jenner clan, wait to post your picture until optimal posting time. For Insta, that’s usually Monday or Thursday outside of work hours. Unless your selfie shows something worthy of scrolling through from your weekend, don’t post a duckface on Monday. No one fucking likes Monday, everyone is miserable, and I’m probably crying so no, I’m not going to like your selfie. If you wait until Thursday after you get out of work, chances are everyone will like it during their commute home. It’s like, pre-Friday, so spirits are high and so are the chances of getting triple digit likes.