President Donald J. Trump has many talents — declaring bankruptcy, paying off mistresses, becoming BFF with dictators — but chief among them is his ability to throw some new distraction at us every damn day. It’s easy to forget some of the worst things Trump has done in office because it feels like they happened an eternity ago. But actually, they’re still going on, and we’re just too exhausted/focused on Trump’s latest ALL CAPS STUPID TWEET to remember.
So here’s a reminder of all the sh*t you should still be angry about. And keep in mind that, much like going out for a night of heavy drinking, being angry about Trump is a marathon, not a sprint. You want to maintain a steady rage-buzz without either vomiting because it’s all too much, or falling asleep cause you’re over it. So I’m going to sprinkle in some cute animal gifs to keep your head from exploding. We need your heads intact so that you can vote in the midterms.
The Muslim Ban
Hey, remember back at the beginning of his administration, when we still kind of believed in goodness and hope, when Trump first tried to ban travelers from seven predominantly Muslim countries, and everyone took to the fucking streets in protest? Yeah, Trump’s team has been working and reworking that executive order, and in June, the Supreme Court upheld it with the help of retiring swing vote Justice Anthony Kennedy. Cool cool cool, thanks for the memories, Anthony!! Anyways, here’s a hedgehog in a bathtub.
And speaking of the Supreme Court, here’s a reminder that Trump has nominated a dude named BRETT to replace Kennedy, and it’s highly likely that he’ll help overturn Roe v. Wade. It will officially be the worst thing a dude named Brett has ever done, and that’s saying a lot. And Trump hasn’t just been appointing shitty judges to the Supreme Court. He’s been filling the lower courts with the pace of a freaking Energizer Bunny. Hey, speaking of bunnies!
The Family Separations
It’s hard to believe that we’ve been able to talk about anything besides the fact that the Trump administration put CHILDREN. IN. CAGES. but here we are a few weeks later, debating exactly what Trump said on those Michael Cohen tapes. Meanwhile, although the courts have ordered family reunifications, the government’s having a hard time getting its sh*t together and actually doing it. Lots of kids are still separated from their parents. There’s no animal gif that’ll make that okay but I guess here’s a puppy grocery shopping anyway.
Wanna Do Something About It?
All of this is still just the tip of the iceberg. There’s also the transgender military ban, all the ways in which he’s been destroying the environment, the damage he’s done to the Affordable Care Act, and more. Trump is so prolific, he’s basically the Joyce Carol Oates of sh*tty news. He’s covering up his bad-deed pimples with layers of concealer, but the angry pustules are still there, and unfortunately we can’t just pop them and make them go away.
But we can vote! That’s why Betches is partnering with Rock The Vote to register as many people as humanly possible. So check your registration status and harangue everyone you know to do the same. See you at the polls, betch.
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The Trump Administration is still all about trying to make this “travel ban” thing happen, despite the disastrous rollout of Travel Ban 1.0 earlier this year. Now, much like a child who pissed his pants during class, Trump is looking for a second chance at making life harder for Muslims traveling to America with a new and improved (depends on how you define “improve”) travel ban that is less likely to be immediately set on fire by the courts. Unlike the OG ban, the new version does not include Iraq, because I guess somebody told the president it’s not a good look to spend eleven years fucking up a country and then ban that country’s people from coming to yours, but does still include Iran, Yemen, Syria, Libya, Somalia and Sudan from obtaining visas for at least 90 days. The new ban also removed language that indefinitely banned Syrian refugees and prioritized Christians over Muslims fleeing war-torn countries. So I guess the Christians will have to just wait until they arrive in America before receiving their preferential treatment.
Instead, the order suspends admission of refugees for 120 days while U.S officials can implement their “extreme vetting” program, whatever tf that actually means. The ban also no longer includes green card holders, meaning the hot Iranian transfer in your econ class is safe (and sexy.)
The biggest difference between the original ban and the new version, aside from the fact that it fucks over slightly less people, is that it was actually written by lawyers and not Tweedle Dick and Tweedle Dumbass, known in political circles as “Steve Bannon” and “Stephen Miller.” As you may recall, the original travel ban was a full-on legal shitshow because, as the president now knows, lawyers are a really important part of writing laws.
The new travel ban will go into effect March 16th. I guess the drunks in the Trump Admin (coughSTEVEBANNONcough) don’t want any immigrants showing up and ruining their St. Patrick’s day with their immigrant concerns like “safety” and “living in a house.” So like, is this travel ban better? Well, depends on how you define “better.” Is eating a cup of shit better than eating two cups of shit? Sure. But you’re still eating shit. So yeah, this new travel ban is basically the same as eating a cup of shit….every day….for four years…
Remind me how this makes America great, again?
Starbucks is a synonym for “happiness” in any betch’s vocabulary, but apparently, not everyone finds nirvana in 24 ounces of sweet, sweet caffeine. Donald Trump supporters—more precisely, supporters of the refugee travel ban—have organized yet another Starbucks boycott, thereby proving that they’re the most easily offended group of people in the United States.
Given all the wacky shenanigans (read: fucked-up decisions) going on at the White House lately, here’s a quick rundown of what fresh hell Trump is putting the U.S. through. On Friday, he signed an executive order banning immigration from seven primarily Muslim countries and putting a hold on the admission of all refugees for the next four months. Syrian refugees were particularly fucked over, because they’ve been barred indefinitely.
Naturally, this hasn’t gone over well with anyone in possession of a soul. You’ve probably heard about the massive protests at airports, and basically every public figure has spoken out against the ban, including my man Howard Schultz, the CEO of Starbucks.
On Monday, he sent out a letter to employees outlining a bunch of ways the company plans on protecting workers affected by the ban. Somewhere in the middle, he casually dropped the bomb that Starbucks commits to hiring 10,000 more refugees over the next five years in a not-so-subtle dig at the ban.
Trump’s supporters have taken this as well as they do anything else, which is to say they’re reacting with the maturity of 5th graders, so they’re calling for a boycott of Starbucks.
Hiring 10k refugees makes liberals feel warm BUT we have homeless vets that need those jobs.#BoycottStarbucks #ReasonsToProtest #MuslimBan pic.twitter.com/wd1ZoW6TvO
— Pamela Moore (@Pamela_Moore13) January 30, 2017
I shredded my @Starbucks “Gold card”, now I just deleted my app! Never again! #BoycottStarbucks, over 1k that I spend there annually, GONE!! pic.twitter.com/SfuuUBbI60
— Build The Wall! (@TheBeat_Boss) January 31, 2017
Hilariously, #BoycottStarbucks was taken over by progressives within, like, 24 hours.
Pretty big fan of the #BoycottStarbucks movement. Now I can get my delicious coffee in a slightly shorter and less racist line.
— eric froehlich (@efropoker) January 30, 2017
By now, Starbucks is basically a boycott veteran, thanks in large part to Schultz’s outspoken political views. In 2013, people boycotted the stores because he supported gay marriage, there was all that #TrumpCup business in November, and people have lost their shit over the holiday cups not once but twice. Excuse me while I roll my eyes so far they fall out of my head.
Judging from the length of the line this morning, though, something tells me Starbucks’ profits aren’t really hurt by any of the boycotts. But whatever, if people want to deprive themselves of a Frappuccino because they support a garbage travel ban, it just means I get my coffee faster.
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After this weekend’s string of protests against Emperor Cheeto’s Muslim ban, you may have noticed #deleteuber trending on Twitter and Instagram. So like, why exactly are people boycotting Uber (aside from surge pricing, which is one of the most egregious abuses of power since whatever Trump did last)?
It all starts with the protests at JFK airport, which you either attended or feel like you attended because of how much it took up your newsfeed. Well, tbh it actually starts with Uber’s long history of being fucked up to its customers and workers, but for the sake of this article we’ll say it started at JFK.
On Saturday night, as protesters flooded the airport (btw you know shit is bad when people are willingly going to JFK airport) the Taxi Worker’s Allianced organized a one-hour strike in solidarity with the protesters by suspending all service at JFK. Considering 95% of taxi drivers in NYC are Muslim immigrants, you can see why they’d be pissed.
Uber, on the other hand, saw the protests as an opportunity to make a fuckload of money and continued to send its drivers (who are also majority Muslim) to the airport, even dropping their surge pricing in order to encourage people to use their service. In the world of unions, this is called “strike breaking” and is basically the equivalent of accidentally liking an ex boyfriend’s new fiancée’s Insta from three years ago aka “a giant fuck up.”
Unfortunately for Uber, much like your ex boyfriend’s new fiancée will notice you liked her picture, people noticed that Uber failed to let its drivers participate in the strike. Those people couldn’t help but notice that Uber CEO Travis Kalanick and President Donald Trump are actually kind of besties, with Kalanick serving on Trump’s economic advisory council.
Cue #deleteuber which encouraged people to fully delete their accounts with Uber (not just the app) and switch to Lyft or one of the many other ride sharing services that are now available. Lyft wasted literally 0 time capitalizing on this new development and shading Uber for their shitty practices by immediately pledging to donate $1 million over the next four years to the ACLU.
Uber backtracked immediately, flipping the fuck out and saying that they their actions were “not meant to break strike,” and rather that they were being nice and suspending the surge in support. Kalanick has since come out against the ban, saying Uber will pay any workers affected by the ban pro bono and that Kalanick “will talk to” Trump. Lol okay Mr. Uber, let’s see how that works out…
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