Taylor Swift released her latest single, “You Need To Calm Down,” on Friday, and of course I had thoughts right off the bat. I still like the song, and it’s definitely been stuck in my head all weekend. This morning, Taylor dropped the video for the song, and she’s really not playing around here. There are about a million celebrities in the video, many of them famous members of the LGBTQ community.
Many of the inclusions in the video make perfect sense, like executive producer Todrick Hall, and known lesbian and friend of Taylor Swift Hayley Kiyoko (who also happens to be my girl crush). But Taylor really pulled out all the stops here, and there are some cameos in the video that were very unexpected, for a number of reasons. Here are all the most random celebs in the video for “You Need To Calm Down.”
Okay, so random is really the wrong word to describe this, but I obviously had to include it. After Katy Perry officially announced the end of her feud with Taylor Swift, we all knew there was something coming, and here we go. I believe that they’ve gotten over their beef, but this is also very calculated. I have a feeling there’s still a collaboration or something coming this summer, so prepare to have Katy and Taylor shoved down your throat for the foreseeable future.
I never thought I’d see Adam Lambert giving Ellen Degeneres a tattoo, but it’s 2019, and weird sh*t is happening all over the place. Ellen’s spot in the video makes sense, because she and Taylor Swift have always been weirdly obsessed with each other, but I haven’t seen Adam Lambert in a minute. These days, he tours with Queen as their lead singer, but I guess Taylor is a fan too?
There are a lot of drag queens in Taylor’s video, but the one who stands out the most is the queen who looks exactly like Taylor. This is Jade Jolie, who was on the fifth season of RuPaul’s Drag Race, and she’s known for being one of the best Taylor Swift impersonators. Idk if Taylor Swift actually knows who all of these queens are, but at least she got good ones for the video.
Jesse Tyler Ferguson
I haven’t watched an episode of Modern Family in approximately seven years, but apparently Jesse Tyler Ferguson has friends in high places. Jesse and his husband Justin Mikita got…remarried, I guess?…on the set of the video, and their wedding officiant was none other than…
F*ck, Ciara looks so good. I’m not sure about her connection to Taylor Swift, but luckily she graced us with her presence in this video, as the hot pastor officiating the wedding. Should I be wearing more orange latex?? Probably not, but I’m still tempted after seeing this lewk.
Adam Rippon is great, but I’m starting to think Taylor Swift just Googled “famous gay guys” and called the first 10 people that came up. Of course, Adam made history last year when he won a medal as an openly gay man at the Olympics, but the jury’s out on how he knows Taylor.
Out of all the cameos in the video, Ryan Reynolds was definitely the least expected one. If I had to guess, this one can probably be traced back to the fact that Taylor is good friends with Blake Lively, who is obviously married to Ryan. I’m still not sure exactly how he ended up on set, but that at least explains how they’re friends with each other.
Images: katyperry (2), adamlambert, missjadejolie, jessettyler, ciara, adaripp / Instagram
2018 is coming to a close, and is it just me, or did this year feel like forever? Songs like “God’s Plan” and “Better Now” came out this year. THIS YEAR. I could’ve sworn they came out in like…2017. But regardless, this year was filled with killer songs. Here is a list of the top 10 best songs of 2018. Obvs, we all have our own taste in music, so like, don’t @ me. But also, if you disagree, you’re wrong and I hate you.
10. Drake: “In My Feelings“
I hold a special place in my heart for Drake. Probs because we went to the same high school (many years apart, but whatevs), so he’s my motivation to believe that I can make something of myself… even if I have yet to make something of myself. But nonetheless. Anytime an online trend starts because of a song, you know it’s going to be a hit. Dancing while the car is moving beside you and your friend is filming (while driving???) is not the safest but it’s for Drake, and we love Drake.
9. Calvin Harris & Dua Lipa: “One Kiss“
The song of summer ’18. This song, with it’s ’90s music video vibes, is fun and energetic. If you need a pick-me-up, throw this one on. One
kiss listen is all it takes, to fall in love with me this song (one of the catchiest and best songs of 2018). Dua Lipa is going to be huge for years to come, I’m calling it now.
8. Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper: “Shallow“
Wait never mind. Any song from A Star is Born. These songs give me the chills. If you haven’t seen the movie, at least listen to the music, because it will change you. “Shallow” is constantly stuck in my head, and I sing it as if I have a voice like Lady Gaga’s (which is sooooo far from the truth). Like the entire movie, this song has an incredible message that is applicable to so many people.
7. Maroon 5 & Cardi B: “Girls Like You“
Adam Levine has the
body voice of an angel, and I love a good song that appreciates a woman #feminism. This is my go-to song when I’m jamming in the car alone, stuck in traffic. Plus, the music video is equally as amazing. It features so many strong females including comedians, athletes, actors, and models. Ellen DeGeneres, Gal Gadot, JLO, and obvs, Behati Prinsloo and their daughter Dusty are among those included in the video. That’s just precious.
6. Kendrick Lamar & SZA: “All The Stars”
Part of the Black Panther soundtrack, this song is amazing. SZA’s incredible vocals contrast perfectly with Kendrick Lamar’s verses. It was released in January, just a month before the release of the movie, but it is still frequently played on the radio or my Spotify playlist, making it one of the best songs of 2018. It also scored some major nominations at the Grammys this year, because of course.
5. Bruno Mars & Cardi B: “Finesse“
The year of Cardi, I swear. At this rate, I’m not sure what she can do in 2019 to top this year. This one came out in early January and I’m not sick of it yet. In classic Bruno fashion, it’s an incredible song, with great lyrics, that sticks in everyone’s heads. Not to mention that this video is an In Living Color tribute that got the “stamp of approval” by the Wayans family.
4. Cardi B, Bad Bunny & J Balvin: “I Like It”
Cardi had a pretty great year in terms of her career and giving birth to her daughter, Kulture, in July. But as of recently, her personal life may not be going as great. No matter what, this unapologetic song lists all the things Cardi likes and TBH what I do too. We both have expensive taste, just on different budgets. It’s catchy and upbeat. What’s not to like about it?
3. Zedd, Maren Morris & Grey: “The Middle”
When this song comes on in the bar (the few times I actually go out), I get so excited, definitely earning it a spot as one of the best songs of 2018. It is such an upbeat song and I shamelessly know every word to it. Sure, it’s not the most artistic song ever, but there’s a reason it was so popular. Also, the music video is set in a Target commercial. Lol, my happy place.
2. Beyoncé & JAY-Z: “APESHIT”
This entire album is f*cking incredible and I’m not just saying that because I am a die-hard Beyoncé fan. Their music video was filmed in the Louvre. That alone makes it amazing. But this song is more than just a catchy banger, because it speaks to some important societal issues that need more attention. Beyoncé opens by pushing for wage equality, while Jay-Z calls out the NFL and the Grammys. Ugh, mom and dad, you’re incredible.
1. Ariana Grande: “thank u, next“
2018 was the year of Ariana, or at least for her career. She said, during her acceptance speech for a Billboard Woman of the Year award, “I find it interesting that this has been one of the best years in my career and one of like the worst years in my life.” I already loved her album sweetener, and then it just got better. Not only did she grace us with this killer self-love anthem, but she also made one of the most incredible music videos ever. My favorite thing to ask people I meet now is “what four movies would you choose to recreate the ‘thank u, next’ video about your life?”
Even though 2018 was a pretty terrible year in every other way, at least we got some good bops out of it. 2019, the bar is so low for you. Please do better.
Images: Giphy (6)
It’s been a couple weeks since Ariana Grande dropped “thank u, next,” and I’m still not really over it. The whole concept of the song is a huge power move, and it doesn’t hurt that it’s catchy AF. Since its number-one debut, the song has continued to dominate the charts, and I have a feeling it’s not done yet. After confirming the other day that there will be a music video for the song, Ariana has been dropping some teasers about the thank u, next video that have me incredibly excited. Actually, I haven’t cared this much about a music video since I was a horny teenager watching Justin Bieber dance around shirtless. I’m not proud.
Anyway, judging by the hints Ariana Grande has dropped, mostly in her Instagram stories and on Twitter, the thank u, next video is going to have four different themes, based on four iconic movies about female friendship. This makes sense, after her Ellen performance of the song was First Wives Club themed. Each day, Ari has been teasing a different movie theme on her story, and we’re getting closer to having the full picture. Here’s what we know so far.
nah u got it ????
— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) November 20, 2018
The first movie Ariana started referencing was Mean Girls. Actually, all of the promo for “thank u, next,” looks a lot like the burn book, so this theme really makes sense. She posted some stills from the movie that made it pretty obvious, and then she posted a bunch of pictures with her best friends Alexia Luria and Courtney Chipolone, who are presumable the Plastics in the video. Honestly, this was only 25% of the tea but I was already 100% excited.
meet the plastics ???? pic.twitter.com/G7UL2gZqDT
— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) November 19, 2018
After Mean Girls came Legally Blonde. Ugh. Another classic movie that fits in perfectly with the theme of females teaming up to screw over some douchey men. Ariana, you’re doing amazing sweetie!! Ariana posted some more screenshots, along with a couple photos from the video shoot that are already iconic. In one, she’s on an elliptical with the famous orange MacBook from the early 2000s, and in the other she’s posing with Jennifer Coolidge, who played Paulette in the movie. You guys, I’m so excited.
‘whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed’ pic.twitter.com/KUgl6vwHIn
— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) November 20, 2018
Today is day three of teasing the movies, and someone correctly guessed that the third one is 13 Going On 30. Wow, perfect. I stand firmly by my opinion that 13 Going On 30 is one of the best romantic comedies ever made, so I’m obviously very happy about this. I guess the most important question is, was the short hair photo we saw a few days ago real, or was it just for the video? I won’t be able to sleep until I know the answer!
So keep your eyes peeled to Ariana’s social media on Wednesday for the last 25% of the thank u, next video tea, because it’s sure to be amazing. Also, no, it’s not going to be Clueless, because Ariana already debunked that theory on her Twitter. Somewhere, Iggy Azalea is breathing a sigh of relief that Ariana isn’t stealing the last shred of cultural relevance she still has.
There’s no word yet on when the thank u, next video will be released, but it looks like it was just shot a few days ago, so it might take a couple weeks. Or maybe it’ll be out by the time you read this, because honestly who knows. Either way, I’m very excited, because this is going to be the video of the year.
Images: @ArianaGrande / Twitter (3)
As anyone who doesn’t live under a rock without wifi can tell you, the 2018 VMAs were last night. Awards were given, asses were bared, and we all had to grapple with the stunning realization that in 2018, face tattoos are like, a thing. Here’s everything you need to know so you can pretend you didn’t drink two glasses of wine and fall asleep in your clothes halfway through.
This year the VMAs went hostless which, tbh, was a godsend after Katy Perry’s sad excuse of a performance as host last year, which I affectionately still refer to as “the stand-up show from Hell”.
Cardi and her baby open us up but—oh wait!—it’s not her baby! It’s actually a moon man. Was I the only person relieved that Cardi didn’t actually drag an infant child up on stage at such a loud, late-night event? Am I the only person who thinks babies and small children don’t belong at the VMAs? More on this later…
For the rest of the show, the VMAs separated hosting duties among a variety of people, from charismatic superstars (hi Cardi) to actual comedians (put Tiffany Haddish on every stage please) to what I can only assume are soulless cardboard cutouts of human beings that MTV animates to star in their 3 million television shows.
The only people who got this format right, IMHO, were Tiffany Haddish and Kevin Hart, who came out and gave a truly manic roast-style monologue that made me think, “these two are on drugs, and it is WORKING.”
Hart kept it semi-political, saying things like “in this game you’re allowed to kneel!” while Haddish saved her comments for the stars, the most awkward of which was when she thoroughly mispronounced Camila Cabello’s name and then roasted Fifth Harmony for not being invited while Camila was nominated for literally everything.
Cabello, who was in full princess gown mode, clearly didn’t appreciate any of it. I mean, being reminded of the time you lost all your friends is probably not the best way to kick off a fancy award show.
Also not appreciative of the comment was Nicki Minaj, who wasted no time starting sh*t when she was accepting her award for best Hip Hop, telling Tiffany Haddish not to come for Normani because she’s “that b*tch.”
Me During This Moment: Oh no oh God if Tiffany Haddish and Nicki Minaj fight I won’t know what to do who do I support I hate when friends are fighting I can’t handle this anxiety—
Nicki (to Tiffany): No, I love you.
Me: OH THANK GOD MOM & DAD ARE GONNA BE FINE!
The rest of the hosts vacillated between “passable” to “painfully awkward and I want to die.” In the passable category were Keegan Michael-Key and Olivia Munn, who did a classic “I’m reading the wrong lines!” bit.
In the “painfully awkward and I want to die category” were Blake Lively, Ana Kendrick, and the Rockettes, who I’d say got an A for effort and an F for execution. The whole premise of the bit was that Lively (dressed like she’s starring in an off-broadway production of Cabaret) knows the Rockettes. She calls on the Rockettes to come out, they don’t, so then Kendrick starts explaining how their new movie “will get you laid” when the Rockettes do show up, give a full performance, and Kendrick and Lively only notice once they’re done with their weird mime routine.
If the above paragraph was confusing for you, that’s because the whole thing was confusing and frankly, I expect more from Anna Kendrick.
Just when I was starting to feel like I was too old to understand wtf is going on at the VMAs anymore, the MTV Gods gifted us early 90s babies with Jimmy Fallon introducing Panic! At The Disco, who then led into another awkward intro by the Backstreet Boys.
Me Watching This Scene:
Millie Bobby Brown Watching This Scene:
The Backstreet Boys sang one song from each of the “Song Of The Year” nominees, and I got the distinct impression that they hadn’t practiced. The whole thing was very awkward and made me even sadder than Logic’s immigration performance (we’ll get to that later). But I appreciate the people at MTV throwing a bone to those of us who remember what dial-up internet was like.
IMHO, the true unofficial hosts of the VMAs were Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande, to whom the camera crew cut approximately 100,000 times throughout the show, just to make sure we were all still paying attention and aware that they are engaged.
Conclusion: The only thing worse that people trying to be funny at the VMAs is people who don’t try to be funny at the VMAs.
Like most VMAs (except the infamous “I’mma let you finish but…” moment), the awards were handed out pretty predictably and the only real moment of tension was the aforementioned Nicki-Tiffany beef.
To reiterate, Nicki got Best Hip-Hop for “Chun Li” and Ariana helped her get up to the stage. #WomenSupportingWomen. She then shouts out Ariana Grande later in her acceptance speech because honestly this whole show is really just about Ariana Grande at this point.
Speaking of Ariana Grande, she won Best Pop, where she thanked “her friends on the internet” (relatable) and Pete Davidson “for existing.” A ringing endorsement from one fiancee to another.
Post Malone and 21 Savage won for “Rockstar,” Childish Gambino won Best Video With A Message (and had his choreographer accept because he’s a Renaissance Man with better sh*t to do), J Balvin won for Best Latin, and JLo, Cardi, and DJ Khaled got Best Collaboration.
Cardi also won Best New Artist which is well deserved but also hilarious to think of her as “new” because I truly cannot remember anything from before Cardi B came into my life.
Did anybody else notice they had to enlist like, five people to help Cardi get on stage just so they could walk her back down into the audience to get her Moon Man from Millie Bobby Brown, which she immediately handed back to Millie (who is the same size as the Moon Man), because, and I quote, “this sh*t is heavy.” That seemed avoidable.
The rest of the major awards (Video of the Year & Artist of the Year) went to Camila Cabello, who came a long way since getting roasted and having her name mispronounced at the beginning of the show. From here on out, 2018 will be known as El Año Cabello.
TL;DR on last night’s performances is that the women killed it and the men were like…fine.
Shawn Mendes kicked us off by making the audience extremely wet—I’m sorry, he made himself extremely wet playing guitar under a single rain cloud like he’s a sexy Charlie Brown or something.
Logic, of all the dudes, brought it the hardest with a performance of his single “One Day” where he wore a shirt that says “F*ck the Wall” and brought up immigration activists from United We Dream, Make The Road New York, and the National Domestic Workers Alliance. They all entered from the back of the building wearing white T-shirts à la Eminem’s 2000 performance of “The Real Slim Shady,” except this time instead of slut-shaming Christina Aguilera, the artist made a poignant statement about immigrant rights and citizenship in America. 2018 really is something.
The best performances were by Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande. At first, I was shocked they would dare put Nicki on the outside stage, but she killed it in her Egyptian-inspired performance of “Barbie Dreams” and “Fefe.” The crowd was literally singing every word even though the album came out two seconds ago so, yeah, I think the monicker “Queen” is accurate.
We were all watching and waiting for Ari to perform, the way Pete Davidson watches Ari while she sleeps and waits for her to get up. And lemme tell ya, she delivered.
How good is being engaged to the dude who spawned the phrase “Big D*ck Energy?” Good enough to cast yourself as Jesus in a Last Supper inspired performance of “God Is A Woman.” Then Ariana ended by bringing out her ancestors (i.e her mom, aunt, and grandma) out with no introduction like we’re supposed to know who the f*ck these people are.
Diva status: Achieved.
Maluma made history as the first Latin artist to ever perform on the VMAs. He kept it pretty simple, dancing with a random sexy lady on a platform before ditching her to go dance with Camila Cabello and her mom.
Aerosmith, apparently, also performed, but I gotta be honest and say we were like 2.5 hours deep into this award show at that point, and Aerosmith reminds me of my ex so I kinda checked out. I’m sure they were fine.
The Video Vanguard Award
So obviously no discussion of the night’s performances would be complete without talking about our Video Vanguard Award winner, motherf*ckin’ Jennifer Lopez.
Did you know that JLo’s infamous green Grammy’s dress was the reason Google invented Google Image search, because so many people were Googling the dress it made them realize they needed an image option? I learned that on Twitter last night and have been shook ever since.
In keeping with the fact that she’s literally the b*tch who invented Google images, JLo’s performance was amazing. She started by singing “Waiting For Tonight” while flying around, then launched into a medley of all her hits.
I actually clutched my heart and said, “aww!” when she started “My Love Don’t Cost A Thing,” at which point the stage shifted from a Minaj-esque Egyptian motif to a snow bunny motif which I can only image was an homage to the “All I Have” video with LL Cool J.
At one point DJ Khaled comes out and I feel like its 50/50 as to whether or not he was asked to perform, or just can’t help but screaming “ANOTHER ONE” into any available microphone.
The best cameo, obviously, was when Ja Rule came out to help her perform “I’m Real” and “Ain’t It Funny,” proving that JLO is not only a beautiful vanguard, but a benevolent one. She’s forgiven Ja Rule for Fyre Festival, and so too shall we.
Anybody else spend this entire performance thinking about how JLo is 49 years old? The only thing of note I’ll probably be doing when I’m 49 is going on Dr. Pimple Popper to have a fatty lipoma removed.
Once the performance was over we cut to Shawn Mendes, who totally f*cking blew it. Or the VMAs blew it. Or everybody blew it. Either way, it was blown.
As Shawn is trying to introduce JLo, you can literally hear the entire audience chatting in the background. It’s deafening. No one is paying attention to him. At one point Ja Rule runs across the stage behind him and just starts chatting with another person in the audience. People are taking selfies. It was brutal. Shawn Mendes could have said literally anything in that moment because nobody was paying attention. He could have been like, “I have Donald Trump’s pee tape on a thumb drive right now!” and the audience would have been like, “Do you know when someone is coming around with more drinks?”
Anyway, JLo then gave a very nice speech about her long ass career in which she called one of her managers her “three eyed crow,” so I guess we know JLo likes Game of Thrones.
JLo: It’s been so crazy dreaming my wildest dreams watching them all come true.
Me Drinking Boxed Wine, Blocking Yet Another Call From My Credit Card Company:
The only thing missing from this, in my view, was that I really wanted JLo to perform “Bidi Bidi Bom Bom” by Selena. That would have been dope.
Soooo we have to talk about the absolute weirdest moment of the night, which was supposed to be the most solemn.
It all started out well and good with the VMA’s attempt at an Aretha Franklin tribute, but then Madonna came out dressed like someone who was about to sell you fake ayahuasca at a festival and you know shit is about to go off the rails.
Madonna used Aretha Franklin’s tribute to tell a long-ass story about herself. Does Madonna think the VMAs are The Moth? Is this her one-woman show? I’m truly confused. The story has literally nothing to do with Aretha Franklin, other than the fact that at one point she sings an Aretha Franklin song, which is more about Madonna letting us know she’s a good singer than it was about Aretha Franklin’s contributions to music.
Then Madonna launches into another story that actually has nothing to do with Aretha Franklin even tangentially, where she reminds us all about the time she sang “Like A Virgin” on a cake and her manager said her career was over. She ends that performance by saying “lol” outloud, but pronouncing it wrong.
Thank you, Madonna, for that touching contribution.
All in all a pretty standard VMAs, but I have to get one thing off my chest: Does anybody else feel like baby Asahd, DJ Khaled’s 1-year-old son, is just like, too young to be at the VMAs? The VMAs are late as f*ck! Also loud. He’s a damn baby! Everyone here is drunk. Get a babysitter and bring him to the VMAs when he can actually sing along to some of the songs. That’s just my belief.
Also, did anybody else catch that Truth commercial about how smoking will give you erectile dysfunction? That was…a lot.
Also, why the f*ck was Stormy Daniels’ lawyer, Michael Avenatti, there? Don’t you have a case to be working on? Are we just going all in on the “politics is entertainment” thing now?
Tune in next year when the VMAs will be hosted by Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, with a performance by Betsy DeVos.
Images: Getty Images; GIPHY (14)
We’re getting into the second half of summer, which means it’s time to talk about the MTV VMAs again. Now the VMAs are known for always producing iconic performances and ~moments~, but usually no one really cares about the awards. Usually. Well, the nominations came out this week, and Taylor Swift got snubbed in all the biggest categories. Wow, I’m speechless. Considering that she’s won the Grammy for Album of the Year twice, Taylor probably doesn’t even care about this, but rest assured her fans had plenty to say.
First of all, let me note that Taylor didn’t get left off the nominees list entirely. The video for “Look What You Made Me Do,” which I had some thoughts about at the time, scored noms for Art Direction, Visual Effects, and Editing. So basically, all the categories that no one GAF about, even if Taylor has the best art director or whatever in the game. Good for her, but she was left out of categories like Video of the Year, Song of the Year, and Artist of the Year. Basically, whoever decides the nominations for the VMAs was reaaaally not feeling Taylor’s new album. Whoever you are, hit me up, we could be friends.
Here are some of Taylor Swift’s fans who had absolutely no chill after the nominations were announced:
Taylor Swift did not break the 24 hour VEVO record with 43.2 MILLION views for @vmas to snub LWYMMD like that. pic.twitter.com/F2rnSLgJ3C
— Taylor Swift Facts (@TSwiftFTC) July 16, 2018
Good for you, you watched it 43 million times in a day! I was definitely two or three of those views (for research purposes only).
let’s not pretend that lwymmd wasn’t one of the most iconic pop culture moments of all time. i mean it broke the vevo record FOR A REASON pic.twitter.com/ODKz8MoCeB
— malek (@witnessinners) July 16, 2018
Okay, props for the Kris Jenner GIF usage, but calling the video one of the most iconic pop culture moments of ALL TIME is a bit of a stretch. I mean, this is no Janet Jackson’s nipple at the Super Bowl, let’s be real. Also, if we’re really talking about iconic pop culture moments, what about the moment with Kim and Kanye that inspired this song in the first place?? Right, that’s what I thought.
Taylor Swift is not nominated in the Artist of the Year and LWYMMD isn’t nominated in the Video of the Year at this year’s VMAs like she didn’t break YouTube and Vevo record at the same time in the first day of ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ mv release. Okay then @MTV @vmas
— allain ???????? (@swiftreputation) July 16, 2018
Wow, they really seem focused on this Vevo record, huh? Honestly, it’s been like a decade and I still haven’t gotten a clear explanation of wtf Vevo is, and how it’s actually different from YouTube. Congrats to Taylor on her record, I guess, but these are just not convincing arguments. It’s almost as if using a video to reignite a petty feud from two years ago and rip off “Formation” isn’t as groundbreaking as, say, a video exploring the difficulties of being black in America. Hm.
To her credit, Taylor herself has been quiet about the VMA nominations (or lack thereof), so all we’ve really learned is that Taylor Swift has some rabid fans. What else is new? Feel free to pop off in the comments section about how evil I am, because haters are my motivators. Also, I’d like to admit that I don’t hate “Delicate,” despite how hard I’ve tried. That’s all for today, I’m tired of talking about this.
Images: TSwiftFTC, swiftreputation, witnesssinners / Twitter
Hey friends, long time, no talk (shit about Taylor Swift)! Taylor dropped her the “Delicate” music video on Sunday evening, so naturally I had to fire up the old YouTube and see for myself what our favorite relatable icon has been cooking up. The song itself is one of the least terrible songs on Reputation, but the “Delicate” music video is a fucking doozy. Buckle up betches, because the Taylor Swift Crazy Train is going full speed ahead.
The majority of the video takes place in like, a fancy train station lobby or a hotel or some shit like that. IDK, I wasn’t trying that hard to figure it out. Taylor actually looks good in a blue fringe gown and a slick ponytail with bangs, but everything else she’s doing in the music video is highly questionable. For the first part of the video, Taylor is being ignored by everyone around her, and she’s never looked so needy, which is saying something. In some sort of dressing room (seriously, where is this taking place?), she gets ignored by a group of models who are dressed like extras from Gossip Girl season one, which is extra funny because Taylor Swift literally built an entire friend group of supermodels.
Whilst in the dressing room, we are also subjected to a full 13 seconds of Taylor making funny faces at herself in the mirror, but I can assure you that it feels like a fucking hour and a half. I’m barely getting paid enough for this not to turn it off.
Completely shooketh from her experience in the dressing room, Taylor heads back to the lobby, where she decides, once and for all, that she has zero fucks to give. After getting ignored by some bodyguards, Taylor rips off the bottom two layers of fringe from her dress, which leaves her with only three layers of fringe. Yeah girl, you show ’em!! Nothing says “I’m a badass” like a dress that juuuuust barely breaks the dress code that we had at my middle school. Proud of her.
She starts dancing around while everyone still ignores her, and it’s like a cross between an amateur production of West Side Story and rejected choreography from a Sia video. Taylor is no Maddie Ziegler, that’s for sure. The dancing goes on for a really long time, and I feel like I’m not exaggerating that much when I say that my wheelchair-bound grandma is probably a better dancer than Taylor Swift. Too far? See Taylor, look what you made me do.
Taylor dances some more in a subway station, and I’d just like to point out that she is fully barefoot at this point. I swear to god, if I ever even thought about walking on a subway platform without wearing shoes, I’d catch a million diseases known to man and several known only to rats. After crawling onto a train, Taylor takes this party to the streets. She dances in the rain like this is her audition tape for the La La Land sequel, but Emma Stone could do better in a blindfold and a straitjacket.
The climactic moment of the video is supposed to be the very end when Taylor walks into a bar (which sounds like the beginning of a very bad joke, so I guess it’s fitting) and people finally acknowledge her presence, but I will choose, instead, to focus on the moment when Taylor drops into the splits on the hood of a car. WHAT DOES IT MEAN??? First of all, I’m impressed with her flexibility, considering that she usually gives off more of a robot/cardboard vibe. But also, like, why? Is Taylor just letting her thot side out? Is she really committing to this delusional idea that she’s a ~dancer~ now? I have no clue, but the “Delicate” music video will keep me awake tonight.
Images: Giphy (2)
If you haven’t heard of The Shadowboxers yet, you will very soon. And I don’t mean because I literally just told you about them—I mean because this R&B band is on the rise. The Shadowboxers are a Nashville-based band made up of Adam Hoffman, Matt Lipkins, and Scott Tyler, and trust me when I say they’re going to be huge. They just released their new single, “Hot Damn”, and they’re already backed by Justin Timberlake. Yes, that Justin Timberlake—they’re signed to his artist development company, Villa 40. Needless to say, they’re kind of a big deal.
Here’s their story: Adam and Matt met at Emory University in Atlanta and started making music in 2008, and soon after Scott joined the group. They were later joined by Carlos Enamorado on the bass and Cole McSween on the drums. After graduation, they moved from Atlanta to Nashville, like ya do when you’re trying to make music. They got discovered on YouTube (how millennial of them) after they posted a cover of Justin Timberlake’s “Pusher Love Girl” and it got re-tweeted by JT himself. And the rest, as they say, is history.
The Shadowboxers stopped by Betches HQ when they were in New York to chat with us about their story and perform a few of their acoustic hits. Check out the video below to meet your new obsession and find out how Justin Timberlake slid in their DMs:
Follow The Shadowboxers on Instagram, and listen to them on Spotify!
Remember last week, when we talked about how Taylor Swift had been prancing around London shooting a music video and generally being the worst? Scratch that. Well, not completely, but file it away somewhere for now, because Taylor’s next music video is actually going to be much, much
worse different than we expected.
Taylor teased a few seconds of the “…Ready For It?” video on Instagram, and our minds are melting. The girl has gone wild. The preview is only a few brief shots, but there’s already so much to
talk shit about discuss.
First of all, we see her name in some Transformers type font with lightning bolts going across it. It’s basically what a sixth grade boy would design for himself if he knew how to do animation, so it’s a major vibe for Taylor.
The actual shots of the video are giving strong sci-fi dystopian imagery, which I guess is the logical next move for her career. We briefly see her as some sort of naked cyborg, which is honestly a very big deal because up until this point, Taylor has made (what I assume to be) a conscious decision to never show herself naked. And when Kanye infamously portrayed her naked figure in the “Famous” music video, Taylor lost her shit. So this decision is actually, dare I say, huge. Does it mean Taylor has finally said “fuck it” and embraced the new Taylor (whoever she is)? I guess we’ll have to wait to find out.
A lot of people are comparing this video clip to Scarlett Johansson in the movie Ghost in the Shell, which would be cool except that movie bombed at the box office and got tons of criticism for white-washing the main character. Good thing Taylor is super exotic looking and definitely not white!!
We also get little glimpses of Taylor in a cape with a hood, as well as controlling lightning with her fingertip like she’s about to introduce a Disney Channel Original Movie. Basically, Taylor is going for some high-concept shit with this video, and we’re very curious to see how this turns out. Can’t wait for Thursday!