Give me alcohol, or give me death. Unfortunately, drinking mixed drinks often means drinking lots of extra calories, which nobody wants. To avoid this, we’re constantly on the hunt for zero calorie mixers. What can help water down the alcohol so we don’t die while infusing delicious flavor so that we also don’t gag? Turns out, there aren’t too many completely zero calorie mixers in the world, but we found our favorite five so you can get drunk and enjoy the ride there, too.
WHAT A FUCKING SURPRISE. If you aren’t using LaCroix as your number one most desired zero calorie mixer, get with the fucking program. It goes great with vodka. It does wonders with tequila. It makes gin fucking palatable. All LaCroix is zero calories and all LaCroix is your dietary friend. We even figured out which flavor tastes amazing with which alcohol, so you have literally no excuse to not use LaCroix for everything, including as your go-to zero calorie mixer.
HEAR ME OUT. We know that Diet Coke is life, but Cherry Coke Zero is not bad and actually works really fucking well with for a little Jack and coke or anything involving whiskey, ya feel me? Obviously it’s zero calories, has a decent flavor, and you can probably find it even if you’re blackout and stuck near a vending machine.
3. Be Mixed
All the Be Mixed mixers are zero calories, low in carbs, and made with fresh juice and natural sweeteners. The only big “if” here is for the erythritol, which can bother some sensitive betches’ tummies, but otherwise, these are great zero calorie mixers. They come in flavors like ginger lime (perf for mules), margarita (you know what that’s about), and cucumber mint (gin’s new best friend).
Ever heard of it? These are kind of fun, in that they’re literally the Crystal Lite packets of our generation. Grab your liquor, grab your club soda, then throw in this little powder packet in whatever flavor you want (margarita, cosmo, and more). It adds all the flavor you want without the extra calories of juice or soda.
These are relatively new to me, but they’re legit. Zero calorie sodas with zero sugar, no artificial sweeteners, gluten-free, non-GMO, etc. Naturally, they mix pretty flawlessly with anything you’d use soda for anyway. Grab the ginger ale flavor for a poor man’s dark and stormy; use the Zevia Root Beer with that Pinnacle Whipped Cream vodka we all love to hate. The possibilities are endless. Zevia also has a line of sparkling waters that aren’t horrendous, either.
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If you’re looking for a quick and easy cocktail to unleash your inner bartender, look no further than this seasonal AF cocktail. We’re tired of champagne and prosecco. Like, they’re delicious and make us feel fancy, but, honestly, I can’t drink that shit every weekend—gotta change it up.
To make that shit a little more interesting, we’re turning our leftover New Year’s Eve prosecco into a mojito. This delicious cocktail was created by Noel Nepomuceno, Head Bartender at the Dream Hotel’s Megu restaurant. We used Zonin Prosecco which, in addition to only being like $15, goes really nicely in this cocktail. Of course, if you can’t find Zonin, any prosecco will do.
- 2 oz Santory Toki Japanese Whiskey
- 1.5 oz ginger simple syrup—make regular simple syrup, but simmer the water/sugar mixture with 1 inch of peeled, fresh ginger. Strain before using.
- 1 oz lemon juice
- 3 strawberries
- 10 fresh mint leaves
- Zonin Prosecco
In a pint glass, add strawberries and mint leaves and muddle until leaves and berries are broken down. Add the whiskey, ginger syrup, lemon juice, and ice. Mix well, top with prosecco and serve.