How Miley Cyrus Made Me Come To Terms With My Own Sexism

If you had told me this time last year that not only would Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth be divorcing, but Miley would have moved on with not one, but two people in the time it usually takes me to throw out my leftovers, I would have laughed in your face. What can I say? I still believed in love then. It was a simpler, purer time. But now, after watching Miley declare “Miam” officially dead and proceeding to bounce from relationship to relationship (first with Brody Jenner’s ex Kaitlynn Carter and now with Australian musician and one-time BF to Gigi Hadid, Cody Simpson), nothing that comes out about Miley’s love life surprises me anymore. And while I’m happy that Miley seems to be moving on and living her best life, I can’t help but admit that watching her love life play out like a public game of musical chairs has made me think differently about her—and not in a good way. 

I’ve been a huge fan of Miley’s for years. We’re both the same age, and it always felt like when she was going through a significant life change I was somehow going through something similar. When Miley and Liam broke up for the first time and she went through her Bangerz phase, I was just coming off my own breakup. I was a junior in college and things with my on-again, off-again boyfriend seemed officially off. He was my first serious relationship and the only guy I’ve ever said “I love you” to. After the breakup, I felt wild and lost and a little like I didn’t know who I was anymore without this person in my life. I saw these same feelings reflected in Miley. Except instead of getting drunk off strawberry Burnett’s and getting felt up in a bathroom at the Pi Kappa Phi house, Miley was miming masturbation with foam fingers and swinging naked on wrecking balls. At the time, the media made it sound like Miley was just “acting out” after a bad breakup, but to me it didn’t seem like an act of rebellion so much as her just trying to figure out who the hell she was after Disney and Liam. 

When Miley and Liam reconnected in the fall of 2015, I felt irrationally happy, considering the two of them are actual strangers to me and probably always will be. Seeing them work things out after all these years, it was almost like I was reconnecting with my own first love. So when Miley announced earlier this summer that they were divorcing after only a few months of marriage, and that she had already moved on with friend-turned-lover Kaitlynn Carter, I was shocked and a little—dare I say—angry? 

The anger didn’t stem so much from the breakup itself. I get it, people change, and even though I follow several Miam fan accounts on Instagram, I’m not actually in that relationship so I guess I’ll never know the full story. No, the anger was more about Miley’s actions post-breakup. One minute she was posting on social media about reconnecting with nature and focusing on herself during this trying time, and the next she’s making out with Kaitlynn Carter on a boat and posting thirst traps on IG. When her relationship with Kaitlynn eventually fizzled out I thought, “oh good, now you can start actually dealing with this breakup,” only to watch her dive head-first into some sort of romantic thing with Cody Simpson. I felt disappointed by her actions. It seemed disrespectful for her to jump so publicly from one relationship to the next so soon after breaking things off with her partner of 10 years. 

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So should their shipper name be Mody, or…? 😉 Link in bio for an update on Miley and Cody’s “no strings attached” fling.

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The media seemed to agree with me. Over the past few months, story after story has been published about Miley and her romantic suitors. And while no one outright calls her a slut for her behavior, most of the articles read with thinly veiled contempt, as if we’re all disappointed that she’s not sitting at home alone, scrolling through her phone for old pictures of her and Liam, listening to “Wrecking Ball” on repeat, and crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s (or is that just me?). 

Picking up on the contempt, Miley took to her Instagram stories last Friday to defend herself against slut-shamers by pointing out that men rarely get called out for serial dating. She referenced Leonardo DiCaprio and John Mayer in particular, saying:

 “Men (especially successful ones) are RARELY slut shamed. They move on from one beautiful woman to the next MOST times without consequences. They are usually referenced as ‘legends’, ‘heart throbs’, ‘G’, ‘Ladies Man’ etc… where women are called sluts/whores!”

Honestly, she’s not wrong. I myself have written about instances like Scott Disick moving on from Kourtney Kardashian to Bella Thorne to Sofia Richie in rapid succession, and only commented on the diminishing age of his hookups, and not the frequency of them post-breakup. And while it’s not news to me that the media is often sexist in the way they portray famous women versus famous men, what was news to me was that I was a little sexist myself. 

As a feminist, I pride myself on advocating for women. It’s 2019 for god’s sake, and women should be allowed to be open about their sexuality, to own their sexual experiences without consequence. This is what I’ve always preached but rarely practiced myself. After my ex-boyfriend from college dumped me (on my birthday) for a girl he’d been secretly dating behind my back for months, he made the comment that no matter what happened between us, I shouldn’t “spread myself around” after the breakup and that I should still be a “good girl.” At the time, I’d only had sex with two people and one of them was this prince. He made me believe that if I had sex with other people or started dating around, I wouldn’t be attractive to men, that I’d somehow be dirty for moving on too quickly. 

I’ll admit that those words have stuck with me, even years later. I find myself saying things like, “I’m not a casual dater” or “I just need some commitment before I sleep with anyone,” which are statements I rarely follow through with, but often use as a way to make myself feel bad anytime I have a casual hookup or a one night stand. 

Watching Miley Cyrus defend herself on Instagram for doing something that men do ALL THE TIME brought back those feelings of insecurity and worthlessness. I’ve always felt like you should grieve a relationship when it ends and be respectful of the other person, but why do I feel that way? Hell, I’m notorious for mourning a breakup ghosting from guys whose most attractive quality is that he had a washer/dryer in his apartment. So why do I owe them celibacy? 

And it’s not just me, either. Most of the women in my life are the same way, keeping their sex lives on the down-low post-breakups—at least from their exes. So why are women like this, then? Men certainly don’t hesitate to move on after a breakup—or even hesitate to flaunt their moving on, so why should women? Is it that we don’t want to seem undesirable to the men who’ve wronged us or to the future men in our lives? And why is a woman having a healthy sex life so often associated with spiraling out of control or acting out?

During the same IG stories where Miley took down slut-shamers she said, “I am trying to just THRIVE/survive in a ‘mans’ world… if we can’t beat em, join em! If our president can ‘grab em by the pussy…’ can’t I just have a kiss and açai bowl?!?!” And, this, poetic as it is, struck a chord with me. Here I am, saying how I support women and f*ck the patriarchy, and I’m getting disappointed in a woman doing what she wants to do because it doesn’t seem… ladylike? Apologetic? What? Bottom line: Liam seems to have moved on (albeit more quietly), and also these people are literal strangers to me and therefore I have no emotional stake in their relationship, so what am I really angry and disappointed for?

And while I may have handled a breakup like Miley’s a little differently (or maybe not, because literally the only people invested in my love life are my dog and @SweetestBetchYou’llEverMeet who is constantly trying to pimp me out on Hinge), I’ve decided that I don’t want to read about Miley Cyrus making out with Cody Simpson or Kaitlynn Carter or anyone else for that matter. Why? Because it’s none of my damn business. If I’m not going to be angry at Leonardo DiCaprio for serially dating any model under the legal drinking age, then I shouldn’t be angry at Miley for doing whatever it is she does.

Watching Miley go through all of this has made me realize that for how much I call myself a feminist, I still have work to do when it comes to judging other women and coming to terms with my own sexist thoughts. So, thank you, Miley Cyrus, for the reality check and this deep self-introspection. I’ll be sure to tell my therapist that there’s no need for their services anymore, I’ll just get my life advice from your IG stories from now on.

Images: Shutterstock.com; Giphy (3); @cosmopolitan /Instagram (1)

Miley Cyrus Is Still Hooking Up With Kaitlynn Carter

We’ve had enough time now that the initial shock of Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth’s separation has worn off. Some of us might still be feeling a little raw about the situation (hi), but it is what it is. Just like Nelly Furtado said, all good things come to an end, and Miley and Liam are both moving on. Liam has been hanging out in Australia since the breakup news hit the internet, but Miley has been having a hot girl summer across two different continents. Miley and Kaitlynn Carter (Brody Jenner’s ex) are still hanging out, and it sounds like things are getting pretty hot and heavy.

A source told Page Six (you know how much I love an anonymous source) that they saw Miley Cyrus and Kaitlynn Carter at Soho House in West Hollywood last Friday, and that they were showing lots of PDA around the club. The source basically made it sound like they were putting on a show for everyone, saying, “They were obsessed with each other. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other. They were kissing and making out everywhere. In the bathroom, at the bar, in the middle of the floor. They were basically having sex. There’s no question they’re together.”

Whether or not this characterization is fully accurate, I’m kind of obsessed with the wording. Basically, it sounds like Miley and Kaitlynn were reenacting the lyrics to Shaggy’s classic song “It Wasn’t Me.” I’m into it. Sadly, we don’t have any photos of them from the club to confirm or deny this info, but I really wouldn’t be surprised if it’s true. Miley is clearly in a DGAF mood these days, and the and Kaitlynn have been photographed hanging out multiple times since returning from their Italian vacation.

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rock the boat, don’t rock the boat baby ⚓️

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With the Miley Cyrus sighting at Soho House in LA, and Tyler C and Gigi Hadid hanging out at the location in Brooklyn, I’m really starting to wonder if I need to get a Soho House membership just so I can stalk celebrity couples. Soho House has a reputation for being super exclusive and private, but obviously there are some cracks in the system if all of this news is making it into the tabloids. I definitely can’t afford a membership, but if a bunch of us pool our money to sponsor me, I promise I’ll pay you back in tea.

Despite Miley and Kaitlynn being pretty much attached at the hip for the last couple weeks, I still have a hard time believing that they’re in any kind of long-term relationship. I mean, they both JUST got out of marriages, so it’s probably not the time to get a new haircut, let alone enter into a new relationship. They can do whatever they want, but it just seems quick, that’s all. Also, just because they were hooking up all over the place does not mean Miley and Kaitlynn are actually together (as my FWBs tend to gently remind me).

Meanwhile, Brody Jenner is also still hanging out with the barely-an-adult Josie Canseco, who was seen at his band’s first-ever concert over the weekend. I’m struggling to imagine taking Brody Jenner seriously as a musician, but he’s hot enough that I would probably pretend to like his music long enough to sleep with him. As for Liam Hemsworth, he was seen out at a bar in Australia with some friends, but it doesn’t seem like he’s dating anyone new, at least as far as we know.

Images: Kaitlynn / Instagram

Miley Is Shading TF Out Of Liam In Her New Song

Every traumatic breakup deserves an equally traumatic breakup song, and Miley Cyrus really came through today. With no advance promo, she released a new track last night, and even a 5-year-old from outer space could tell you exactly what it’s about. We’ve spent all week trying to analyze posts and rumors for clues about the breakup, but Miley is giving it right to us. Let’s dive into the new song, and why it matters.

The song is called “Slide Away,” which immediately conjures an image of two people falling out of love with each other, or what you tell creepy guys in your DMs. Miley and Liam have a long history together, so this really feels like the end of an era. And even from the cover artwork for the song, Miley is already confirming some of the rumors about the reasons behind their split. We see pills and empty bottles floating in water, which is likely a nod to the same rumors we heard earlier this week—that Liam started drinking and taking drugs, and sober Miley wasn’t down with that.

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Slide Away – link in bio.

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The lyrics seem to confirm this. In the pre-chorus, she sings “I want my house in the hills / Don’t want the whiskey and pills,” which doesn’t even really need an explanation. Of course, we’re still just getting Miley’s side of the story, but she’s corroborating at least some of the TMZ sources. She then sings “I don’t give up easily / But I don’t think I’m down.” This seems like confirmation that the substance abuse wasn’t something she was willing to be around.

Those lyrics are the clear indicators of why their relationship didn’t work, at least according to Miley, but throughout the song Miley makes other references that are clearly about the end of her relationship with Liam. She sings “Move on, we’re not 17,” referencing her age when they met on the set of The Last Song. Damn, that’s cold! So I guess the answer is no, I can’t watch that movie anymore without having an existential crisis. Pardon me while I take a moment to sob into a pillow.

In the chorus, she says that he’ll go “back to the ocean,” while she goes to the city lights. Liam, who’s from Australia, has always been a big surfer, which is a big part of the reason that they lived in Malibu for so long. The end of their relationship signals a new chapter where they can each go about their lives separately, whatever that means now that they’re adults.

Since Liam Hemsworth posted his statement about not making statements earlier this week, Miley has been pretty quiet on social media, except to announce her new song. I’m curious what Liam thinks about the new song, because Miley is obviously not taking his route of just not talking about it. If things went down how Miley is saying, maybe Liam is keeping quiet because he knows the split was his fault? Of course, Miley might not be the most reliable narrator here, but it’s just a thought. My ideal scenario would be Liam releasing a competing breakup song, but that somehow seems unlikely.

It also makes sense for her to release a song right now, because everyone is obviously eager for any information about the breakup. I love Miley, but the cynical side of me can’t ignore that this could also be a great PR move. They also talked about this on this week’s episode of Betch Slapped:


Since Miley got back from her Lake Como vacation earlier this week, she’s still been seen hanging out around LA with Kaitlynn Carter, which makes sense. They’re both going through the end of very public relationships right now, so they’re probably offering each other a lot of emotional support, partially in the form of making out. I still have my doubts that their romantic relationship is actually anything deeper than a drunk makeout on a boat, but either way, divorce is f*cking hard, or so I am told.

While Miley and Liam both try to move on from the end of their marriage, at least we have a catchy new song to listen to. I’m currently single, but if I end up in a breakup any time in the next year, this is 100% going to be on my emo playlist.

Images: Shutterstock; mileycyrus / Instagram; Miley Cyrus / YouTube

UPDATED: An Analysis Of Miley Cyrus’ Post-Breakup Instagrams

On Saturday, the entire world went into a state of collective shock when we found out that Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth had separated after less than a year of marriage. Though Miley and Liam have only been married for around eight months, their love story goes all the way back to 2009, so their most recent split feels like the end of an era. I mean, am I just not supposed to watch The Last Song anymore, or listen to “Wrecking Ball”? Somebody please advise.

Miley and Liam’s is one of the more unexpected celebrity breakups in recent memory, but Miley hasn’t been shy on social media since the news broke. In fact, she’s basically broadcast her entire Italian vacation, posting more than a dozen photos in the last two days. Obviously everyone experiences breakups differently, but Miley might be overdoing it a little with the posting. Let’s take a look at some of her most recent posts, and try to get a little more of an idea of what she’s going through. We’ll also talk about the situation with Brody Jenner’s ex Kaitlynn Carter, because I’m still not done processing it. Call me Marie Kondo, because I love mess.

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ROCK THE BOAT ❤️ ?? ❤️??

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Before any of us knew about the breakup news, Miley Cyrus kicked off her European vacation and Instagram spree with the above video of her dancing to Aaliyah’s “Rock The Boat.” It’s an amazing song choice, and Miley looks so great and carefree here. This is definitely a hot girl summer vibe, but little did we know that our perspective on this whole trip was about to change.

That video was from Friday, and on the same day, Kaitlynn Carter posted this photo of her and Miley on a boat, also with a caption about rocking the boat.

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rock the boat, don’t rock the boat baby ⚓️

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Boy, did 24 hours change the context of this photo. When I first saw that Kaitlynn was on vacation with Miley, my reaction was somewhere between “what the f*ck” and actually being impressed that Kaitlynn got this invite. On The Hills reboot, Kaitlynn is pretty insufferable, so it’s surprising that Miley would want to hang out with her enough to invite her to Italy, but hey, it’s not my life.

BUT THEN. On Saturday f*cking night, the news spread that Liam and Miley are done, and there were also photos of Miley and Kaitlynn making out. How am I doing? Not well, bitch! The breakup was already a lot to process, but the thought of Miley and Kaitlynn together is almost too much for me to handle. (Not at all influenced by the fact that I was definitely drunk when both pieces of news came in.) Maybe Kaitlynn is cool in real life and she just didn’t vibe with the crew on The Hills, but she still seems like such a random choice. Miley Cyrus is openly queer, so it’s not shocking that she’s making out with a woman, but this woman?

Then, the plot with Miley and Kaitlynn thickened, when Brody Jenner decided to insert himself in the narrative. He said “Watch out! Pics of Liam and I holding hands on the beach coming soon.” Obviously he’s joking, but I kind of love that he’s not shying away from getting involved here. He and Kaitlynn only split up a couple weeks ago, so there are a lot of moving pieces here.

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We'd like to see it. (?: Getty Images)

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Then, Miley jumped in with Brody, telling him to take a nap in his truck and cool off. At this point, I have fully no idea what’s going on here, but I’m glad to watch it all unfold.

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Miley Cyrus is boom boom clap, boom de clapping back at Brody Jenner after he responded to the news of his ex Kaitlynn kissing Miley. Link in bio for the full story. (?: Getty Images)

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We obviously don’t know what’s going on with Miley and Kaitlynn and Brody and everyone else right now, or whether Miley and Kaitlynn’s relationship is headed anywhere, but we do know that Miley has been busy on Instagram since the news of the split. She did a full photoshoot in whatever mansion she’s staying in, complete with this awkward Boomerang that I’m obsessed with:

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She had no idea what to do with her leg, and it’s the most relatable she’s ever been. Whether or not Miley is in a good place emotionally right now, she’s definitely feeling herself on this vacation, and I’m happy about that. But to be honest, this is the kind of thing that a Real Housewife would post, and I would wonder if she was having a nervous breakdown. Miley’s other posts seem pretty coherent, but if she posts more stuff like this, I might be worried.

Miley also found a cool chair to pose in, and posted two different photos that are basically exactly the same. To be fair, in the caption of this one, she did warn us that we would be getting spammed, and I do appreciate the heads up. I would literally never mute her though, because I love myself, and these photos are getting me through the day.

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Mute me if you don’t want SPAMMED

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After she was done with her castle photoshoot (same), Miley moved on to a mountain hike, of course in a crop top because god forbid that we forget she has the world’s most amazing body. In terms of the Instagram content, this is really my favorite portion of the trip so far. Not only is this location absolutely gorgeous, but the captions on these photos seem the most telling about what’s going on with her. This first one especially is pretty deep.

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Don’t fight evolution, because you will never win. Like the mountain I am standing on top of , which was once under water , connected with Africa , change is inevitable. The Dolomites were not created over night, it was over millions of years that this magnificent beauty was formed. My dad always told me “ Nature never hurries but it is always on time”…. it fills my heart with peace and hope KNOWING that is true. I was taught to respect the planet and its process and I am committed to doing the same with my own …. ?

A post shared by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

There’s a lot going on with this caption, and I’m not actually sure whether it’s about evolution, climate change, her breakup, or all of the above, but I’m into it. I’m not sure if the thing about the mountains being under water and connected to Africa is about Liam, but it could be. Who knows? She quotes her dad saying that “nature never hurries but it is always on time,” and this seems like it could be about knowing when to move on from a relationship. Miley and Liam’s relationship has been an on-and-off journey over an entire decade, so I’m sure the decision to end things wasn’t taken lightly.

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Life’s a climb… but the view is great.

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But this, this is really the pièce de résistance of the whole trip. It’s almost the exact same photo as the picture before, but you guys…THE CAPTION. Quick Miley Cyrus history lesson for anyone who’s lost: Miley’s song “The Climb,” which is from the Hannah Montana movie, was released in March 2009. Miley then started dating Liam while filming The Last Song just three months later, in June 2009. By those calculations, “The Climb” was probably one of the last songs that Miley did before she met Liam, and the message couldn’t be more perfect for where Miley’s at right now. And yes, I’m listening to “The Climb” and crying at work right now, what about it?

And what’s up with Liam Hemsworth right now? Unlike Miley, he’s not the type to be all over Instagram with his feelings, but he did give a comment when approached by The Daily Mail Australia, saying that “You don’t understand what it’s like.” This is technically true, considering that I’ve never been married, but I’m so curious to know more about the specifics of this breakup. Whose decision was it? Are things like, over over, or are they just on a break? Are Brody Jenner and Liam going to hook up next??

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Liam broke his silence and our hearts. ?More heartbreak lives in the link in our bio. (?: Getty)

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In the end, whether Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth get back together or not, I hope that they’re both doing well, and are happy with whatever happens. It seems like Miley’s been having a good trip to Italy, but we don’t really know what’s going on beneath the surface with her. And it seems like Liam might not be doing amazing, but we don’t really know about him either. Hopefully there will be more updates soon, but for now I’ll take all the Lake Como Instagrams I can get.

UPDATE: It’s now Tuesday morning, and just as my obsession with decoding Miley’s Instagram posts was starting to subside, Liam Hemsworth has officially entered the chat. Sadly, there are no photos of him making out with Brody Jenner on a yacht, but he did post a dramatic sunset pic with a caption addressing his and Miley’s split.

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Hi all Just a quick note to say that Miley and I have recently separated and I wish her nothing but health and happiness going forward. This is a private matter and I have not made, nor will I be making, any comments to any journalists or media outlets. Any reported quotes attributed to me are false. Peace and Love.

A post shared by Liam Hemsworth (@liamhemsworth) on

He wishes her “nothing but health and happiness going forward,” which actually makes me think that this might be over for good. There’s no mention of working through differences, or rebuilding their relationship—just health and happiness. This really is the end of an era. Then, Liam clarifies that this will be his only public comment on the situation, which calls into question the truth of the quote attributed to him by The Daily Mail Australia. 

I’m glad that Liam acknowledged what’s going on, but I also respect his decision to not comment publicly on what happened with him and Miley. Hopefully at some point his brother Chris will get a little too drunk and spill the beans to the paparazzi, but until then we’ll just have to read between the lines on social media. Miley has been quiet on Instagram since she posted all those hiking pictures, so either her vacation is over, or someone took her phone away. Miley or Kaitlynn, if you’re reading this please send updates!!!

Images: mileycyrus (5), Kaitlynn, enews, liamhemsworth / Instagram