If you didn’t know that today was Mean Girls day, two questions for you. 1) Why are you so dedicated to shoving your head up your ass and 2) what are you doing on this website??? Go watch Mean Girls 600 times and get back to me.
Anyway, even if you didn’t already know this, I can pretty much guarantee you’re going to be psyched about this news: Tina Fey, queen of amazing ideas, and the reason we’re all able to celebrate Mean Girls today, she’s decided to help you celebrate in a truly inspired fashion.
On a traveling Mean Girls food truck (hello? Did anyone even know this existed?), Tina Fey’s been rolling around Manhattan handing out cheese fries to people buying tickets for the upcoming Mean Girls musical. Brilliant marketing ploy for
what’s basically a dead art her musical? Check. Pettily fattening up her annoyingly skinny teenage fans? Probably not intentional, because Tina Fey genuinely seems better than that, but check. And most importantly, giving you the best possible mid-work drunchie (if you haven’t been drinking since 10am, you’re doing this holiday wrong) AND selfie opportunity you’ll see for weeks? Motherfucking check.
Final note: please don’t even bring up your “diet” right now. It’s been a shitty week and a shitty year, and I think we all need to take a leaf out of Tina’s book (I’m honestly not sure that’s a saying but it sounds mostly right and I’m trying to get this out ASAP so you don’t miss your cheese fry opportunity) and just embrace the edible joy that is cheese. Regina George knew it, and you’re straight-up lying if you say you don’t want to be at least a little more like her. NYC Betches, haul ass to this truck’s next location immediately.
If you don’t live in New York but still want to celebrate Mean Girls Day (why wouldn’t you?) then you’re in luck. With Shop Betches’ two oversize T-shirt dresses, I’m A Mouse Duh and Boo You Whore, you can celebrate Mean Girls Day from wherever you are. These super comfy T-shirt dresses are here just in time for every Mean Girls fan’s favorite holiday: Halloween. Buy them now because last year they sold out super fast.
For those of us who are always looking for new, more magical ways to connect with Mean Girls, aka the greatest film ever filmed, you’re in luck because the Mean Girls musical is coming to Broadway. Whether you’re a plastic, a sexually active band geek, or even an unfriendly black hottie, this is obviously incredible news. And before you freak out thinking some lame-ass mathlete is going to come in and ruin Mean Girls, shut up because it is being written by none other than famed
drug pusher Tina Fey, with help from lead producer Lorne Michaels (SNL guy) and music and lyrics by Nell Benjamin, the man behind another betchy-flick-turned-musical, Legally Blonde.
So yeah, basically this musical is going to be extremely grool, and you’re going to need to get tickets ASAP or this will be you come opening day:
Mean Girls the musical is headed to Broadway next spring, beginning previews March 12 and opening April 8 at the August Wilson Theater. Tickets go on sale on October 3rd, because obviously. The musical will also run at the National Theater in D.C. from October 31st-December 3rd, so put on your cutest white gold hoops and go see it before anybody else. Just tell them your dad invented Toaster Strudel and hit up an aisle seat like:
Mean Girls faces stiff competition this spring from other big name musicals this year. Regina, Gretchen, Karen, and Cady will be going up against SpongeBob Squarepants (fat whore), Frozen (uses super jumbo tampons), and Harry Potter (can go shave his back now), but we’re fairly confident they’ll figure out a way to share the crown.
Honestly, I’m just excited to see Damian sing the cafeteria map, and hear Karen’s solo ballad “But Why Are You White?” Oh, and it goes without saying, but on opening night we wear pink.