It’s almost cuffing season, which also means everyone’s staying inside watching TV because we no longer have to pretend to give a shit about our summer bodies. This means that while you’ll be narrowing down your hoe-tation, you will also want to come off as chill as possible as post-summer blues make everyone lazy and not ready for a high-maintenance betch. You’ll need to arm yourself with shit to talk about with guys other than football, because not every guy is going to want to talk about sports—sometimes his team loses and he’s a sore loser, or it’s just annoying, and all of the time he’ll think you’re pretending to care about football to seem cool. Therefore, to appear chill AF, here are the shows you should be watching or at least be vaguely aware of because every male specimen is obsessed with them, for reasons we will
never quite understand get into in a second.
1. ‘Rick & Morty’
You’ve definitely heard bros gushing about this show like it’s the popular girl in school. The good news is this show is actually good so if you haven’t watched it yet, it’s an easy one to get into. It’s science fiction—but like, science fiction in the way that Drunk History is historical—and it’s also animated, so basically if you liked Futurama or Adventure Time or just like to get high, this show is an easy one to get hooked on. Guys talk about this show like betches talked about Pretty Little Liars, and you’ll get bonus points if you quote it. And why not? Half the quotes are random ad-libs anyway, so it’s easy to memorize a couple catchphrases just to have them under your belt for later. We don’t want to give the fuckboys credit, but Rick & Morty is a funny show, so if you watch it you’ll have something to laugh about even when you’re waiting for that fuckboy to text you back.
^See what the fuck I mean? Men are idiots.
Every guy either thinks Seinfeld or Cheers was like, the best show ever invented and those guys go on to watch Veep. Good thing for you, Veep stars Julia Louis Dreyfus, so you can relax knowing the guys who think they’re better than you because they watch this show are rooting for a woman. If you liked Arrested Development you’ll like this show, plus Julia is just queen bee when it comes to carrying a comedy. Also since you’re busy af, this show is only 30 minutes, which means you can watch this if you need to pop an Adderall trying to remember everyone’s names in Game of Thrones.
3. ‘Twin Peaks’
This show used to be on TV and now it’s back, directed by David Lynch again, which means the hot nerds are going crazy for it. The show has every celebrity you can imagine in it, plus it’s got a missing homecoming queen which is like some of our favorite things. Missing hot people and small town drama—it’s basically what Riverdale was trying to be. I mean, Riverdale is still pretty chill, but if you want to go to the source, watch Twin Peaks. Guys love showing off their knowledge of directors like it isn’t the most basic thing you could know about movies, so they’ll tell you facts about David Lynch all day. How cute, it’s like if we bragged about knowing all of Britney’s albums names… how could anyone not already know?! But you’ll let him sound smart in front of you and he’ll love how chill you are.
4. McGregor/Mayweather Fight
Should someone tell the men that watching strong men fight each other doesn’t actually make you stronger yourself? But for whatever reason, guys think staring at muscles will enhance their own, and who are we to break the spell? This fight is coming up on Saturday and it’s the perfect excuse to text him to make casual hang plans. Because even if he’s not that into the fight, you asking him what he’s doing for it will probably make him realize he should be more into it, which will cause him to invite you to watch it together so he can appear stronger in front of you. It’s a win-win for everyone, plus you’ll be able to meet his friends and acquaintances in case things don’t work out and you need a rebound. Chill all around.
5. ‘Bob’s Burgers’
Why do men love cartoons so much? Probably because they don’t want to face the fact that they’re adults and responsible for the future of this world. Regardless, Bob’s Burgers is a funny classic that bros love because it’s got dry humor along with absurd situations and the guy who voices Archer. Plus, it’s what made Kristen Schaal famous, and she’s the only quirky celebrity we can stand.
6. ‘Last Week Tonight’
This show is where men learn how to mansplain the shit out of things they don’t understand to women. If you watch this show you can learn about current events with punchlines built in, so when you’re discussing why prison system is so fucked in America on your 14th date, you can throw in an angle that isn’t just dry preaching. John Oliver keeps his show short enough to keep your attention span, but long enough to get into it in a real way. Guys probably won’t admit that they’ve done little to no research on most of the topics they’re acting like experts on, and you can do the same amount of no work by watching this show.