Being in a relationship is great. You always have a date to those events you dread going to, you don’t need to shave every other day, and the sex is (hopefully) consistent. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for you, but when you start shoving your tongues down each other’s throats during your morning commute on the subway, you make me want to throw up my breakfast. Here is a list of the most annoying things couples do so you and bae can stop grossing everyone out around you. (You might want to start with not calling them “bae”.)
1. Couple Names
Any name you call your significant other that is related to being a child or food honestly makes me gag at the thought. Pedophilia and sitophilia are two concepts that I cannot wrap my head around. If “Daddy” or “Baby Girl” are common names you and your boyfriend use, please stop. Associating your SO with a family member just gives me the creeps. These guys are definitely the ones who thought of their grandmother to get a boner, rather than to get rid of one. Ew. Similarly, “Muffin” or “Cupcake” legit just make me hungry, not attracted to you in any way. I have a name, use it.
2. Matching Outfits
Please. You aren’t like the Dahm twins who still dress the same or toddlers who get dressed in matching outfits by their mother. If you want to look like a couple rather than siblings, I suggest you forgo the matching outfits. Be your own person and pick out your own clothes. Stay away from this super annoying couple habit and coordinate your outfits by wearing complementary colors to look fab in your Instagrams rather than wearing the same thing. Unless looking like family is your thing, then I suggest you break up.
3. Sitting On The Same Side Of The Table
I think this could be the most annoying things couples do, period. Stop sitting on the same side of a table at the restaurant. A two-person table is meant for two people. A four-person table is meant for four people. So why would you take up a bigger table just so you could sit next to each other? This one boggles my mind. Don’t you want to look at each other rather than at strangers at the table next to you? This one also leads to another one of the most annoying things couples do in public…
4. Excessive PDA
You aren’t rabbits. You don’t need to f*ck 24/7, so keep your damn hands off each other. Unless you have some life-threatening illness and mere days left to live, you can risk not touching for the span of time it takes to get from one subway stop to the next. No, it isn’t because I am jealous that you are in a relationship that is more hot and steamy than mine. I just have more self control and public decency. If Jamie and Landon could refrain themselves from
basically f*cking in public engaging in excessive PDA in A Walk to Remember, so can you. If you can’t, stay home.
5. Feeding Each Other
Are you a baby? No. Are you capable of feeding yourself? You should be. So then do it yourself. The one time I fed my boyfriend a noodle from my plate at a restaurant, I physically shuddered and was disgusted with myself. Like, he’s a grown-ass adult, why would I ever do that? The thought of it still makes me embarrassed. If you want to Lady and the Tramp it in private, go for it, but please for the love of God, not in front of other people.
Images: Wesley Quinn / Unsplash; Gipgy (2)