Paddling the pink canoe, hitchhiking south, feelin’ yourself… whatever you call it, we’re here to tell you that masturbation is an essential part of your self-care routine—and way more fun than a bath bomb or a yoga class (unless it’s goat yoga, obvs). Like sex, there’s always room for improvement. Whether that’s adding a toy, switching up your technique, or just making more time for masturbating. Here are 7 solo sex tips to super-charge your solo play.
1. Use Lube
Squeeze a small dollop of water-based lube onto your index and middle fingers, and use them to lightly massage your inner labia and clitoris. If you tend to get wet easily, you might not need the slippery stuff for this. But when it comes to insertable sex toys, we’re telling you—wetter is always better.
2. Explore Your Body
It’s easy to head straight for the most obvious erogenous zones, but incorporating other parts of your body can add a whole new level of intensity to the experience. Stroke and squeeze your nipples, caress your thighs and stomach, run your fingers through your hair… basically whatever feels good at that moment. You might discover a sweet spot you never knew you had.
3. Take Your Time
Masturbation can feel a little functional sometimes (anyone else do it when they can’t sleep?). We get it. Some days all you want is a speedy release, especially if you’re busy and all you can think about is… getting busy. (Sorry, had to.) Long, drawn-out solo sessions can be amazing, though, especially if you’re into being teased. Try lightly stroking everywhere except for the places you want to touch most—until you can no longer stand it. Or try “edging”, which means masturbating and stopping each time you’re about to come. Do this again and again, building arousal and anticipation until you can’t wait any longer. When you finally give in, it’s gonna be totally worth it.
4. Change Your Technique
Your tried-and-tested technique might mean an orgasm is a dead certainty, but what about if you had a whole heap of self-pleasure tactics in the bag? Always rub your clit in a circular motion? Try tapping it instead. Do you usually lie on your back? Try grinding against a pillow on your front. Learning to appreciate varying levels of pressure and different speeds also means that when you’re with someone else you won’t be waiting for them to touch you in a certain way—you’ll just enjoy the ride.
5. Get A Sex Toy
Kudos if you already have a rabbit vibe burrowed in your bedroom drawer or a bullet vibe that’s barely ever out of charge. If you don’t, it’s time to add some motorized fun to me-time. Buying yourself a toy is an empowering act of self-love. Plus, there are hundreds of thousands of options to choose from. A word of warning, though—while reaching for your rumbliest vibe might be a speedy route to the Big O, it’s easy to become reliant on your favorite setting to get you off. Try banning toys from the bedroom every now and then to get back in touch with your body.
6. Play With Temperature
Speaking of toys, this one is a game changer. Stimulation through heat or cold gives the body a rush of sensations that are translated into arousal. Dip your temperature-responsive glass or metal dildo in ice water or warm it before you use it (always test it on your arm to avoid hurting yourself). Some lubes and balms offer the same sensations. Try a tingly, peppermint oil-infused orgasm balm like Lovehoney Bliss Orgasm Balm, or smooth Sensuva Ice Cube Flavored Cooling Nipple Balm over your nipples for an almost-instant cooling effect.
7. Do It Together
Mutual masturbation with a partner—where you pleasure yourselves but don’t touch each other—can be seriously hot. There’s something erotic about seeing someone you’re into lose control. It’s also a great way for you to see how each other’s bodies respond to different types of touch. For lots of people, showing someone what usually happens in private can feel incredibly intimate, and even a little scary at first. But, getting out of your comfort zone and sharing such an intimate act can boost your confidence and make you feel like a straight-up sex goddess.
When it comes to vibrators, I have somewhat limited experience. Specifically, I took one trip to Babeland my junior year of high school to pick out a vibrator I’d seen on an episode of Sex and the City. (A newer model, obviously. Vibrator shopping is not the time to go vintage.) And courtesy of a shitty high school boyfriend, I was almost immediately discouraged from ever using said vibrator. Apparently, bringing in outside help (even on my own), was “insulting.” Whenever I attempted to broach the topic again, my boyfriend literally gave me the silent treatment (real catch, I know).
So before we dive in, let me say that you should dump any partner who tries this bullshit on you. Swiftly. I’m not saying that they’re not allowed to have any opinions or input. But if someone ascribes to the idea that they “own” your orgasms—to the extent that they feel threatened by a couple of triple-A batteries—then they’re not worthy of your time. *Waits for 2/3 of readers to dump their shitty BFs via text* Anyway, let’s discuss how to incorporate vibrators into your sex life.
Figure Out What You Like
Even if you’ve found a vibrator/method you like (and especially if you haven’t), I strongly encourage you to keep experimenting. As with all other sex acts, you really want to avoid falling into a rut with your vibrator. And if you’re using it with a partner for the first time, you’ll definitely need to coach them on how you want the vibrator used. So you can either do that background research on your own, or you can make finding out part of the fun.
A few ways you can do this: try different speeds, areas, and levels of pressure on or near your clit. Try putting it inside yourself. Try it on different parts of your body (Refinery29 suggests trying it on your nipples, or as a back massager.) Use it with lube. Try holding it yourself, and try having your partner hold it. Also, try it both over and under clothes. I actually thought I hated vibrators for a while because I was basically just bludgeoning my nerve endings with it. If you’re easily over-stimulated, leave your underwear on next time you use a vibrator. It could be a total game changer.
Add It To Foreplay
Ah, foreplay. While far too often relegated to three minutes of making out plus some vague nipple pinching, foreplay really shouldn’t end until you’re 100% ready for the next phase. “Ready” in this case largely refers to being wet, but not exclusively. IDK about you, but I like a good amount of time to get in the right mindset. Otherwise we’re suddenly boning and I realize I’m still thinking about the Dewan-Tatum situation. IMO, using a vibrator can totally change the foreplay experience, and you have lots of options. If teasing is a turn-on for you or your partner, you can use the vibrator on yourself and set a rule. Your partner isn’t allowed to touch you until you say. Or, if you like your partner to dominate you, they can use it on your clit/start fingering you until you’re audibly and visibly ready to move on. Bonus: both these moves are made even hotter if the person not holding the vibrator is tied up.
Add It To Sex
Personally, I think doggy style is one of the best positions for you to use a vibrator. First of all, your partner should be paying attention to your clit anyway. Second, doggy feels deeper and tighter than most positions. So, combining the sensation with a vibrator is basically a sensory overload in the best way possible. Best case: you’re getting G-Spot and clit stimulation at the same time. Worst case: it’s overly intense, so you make some adjustments. (E.g. lower vibrator setting, less direct clit contact, trying a new angle).
If you want to keep the intensity of doggy but prefer to hold the vibrator yourself, you can modify doggy slightly by lying in a fetal-ish position on your side. Your partner kneels behind you, and you lift your top leg if you want them to go even deeper. If you want both partners to hold the vibrator (which can be really hot), you should try it while spooning. Controlling the vibrator together is even hotter when you have that full-body contact. That being said, you can use a vibrator in pretty much any position. (Maybe not ultra-close missionary.) You be the judge of your partner’s dexterity and ability to multi-task and plan accordingly.
If you’ve tried a million vibrators and it’s just not for you, that’s totally fine. But if you’ve held off so far because you’ve been scared into thinking you’re “replacing a man” or you think that all vibrators are basically hot-pink cement mixers, I beg you to get back in the game. The vibrator industry exists to help you get off. Treat finding your signature vibrator with the same energy you gave finding a signature scent, and get to work.
Images: Giphy (4)